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(Kinston Free Press)   Toddler charged with bra theft   (kinston.com) divider line 57
    More: Silly, Chris Farley  
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9601 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2012 at 10:29 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-21 08:37:46 AM
Kids grow up so fast these days.
 
2012-08-21 08:41:20 AM
I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.
 
2012-08-21 09:16:39 AM
Officer: Did you steal this bra, young lady?

TD No. 2: COW!

Officer: Do you have a criminal record?

TD No. 2: ELMO!

Officer: Do you have an attorney?

TD No. 2: COW!


Kid's good.
 
2012-08-21 09:24:21 AM

SoxSweepAgain: I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.


It's like Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck had a retarded baby.
 
2012-08-21 10:22:51 AM

SoxSweepAgain: I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.


THIS.

I was just like.....

img.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-21 10:32:33 AM
This is the second sampling of Dawson's product I've seen. I don't wish to see another.
 
2012-08-21 10:33:49 AM
You can always tell the serious collected from the amateur by how far they are willing to go to get that special item.
 
2012-08-21 10:37:39 AM
That was stupid.
 
2012-08-21 10:39:00 AM
It's like the author is taking lessons from the crew who setup cut aways for the Family Guy
 
2012-08-21 10:39:33 AM
This is what Gonzo journalism has become?
 
2012-08-21 10:40:47 AM

MAYORBOB: This is the second sampling of Dawson's product I've seen. I don't wish to see another.


I'm not sure if I can survive a third one.
 
2012-08-21 10:43:40 AM
Just too much. Pick your spots for the 'funny'. It's all about the pacing.
 
2012-08-21 10:43:43 AM
Dunno- I thought it was kinda cute. But then I had a little streaker of my own, so it brought back fond memories of chasing a hysterically laughing naked toddler through the neighborhood while the folks across the street made side bets on who would tire first.
 
2012-08-21 10:45:58 AM
Was this the Dolly Parton girl from Toddlers and Tiaras? The one with the fake boobs/butt?

/drtfa
 
2012-08-21 10:46:25 AM
Sounds like this child is on the fast track to boarding school.
 
2012-08-21 10:48:43 AM

SoxSweepAgain: I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.


Cool story, bra.
 
2012-08-21 10:51:45 AM
You guys are mean. This was hilarious.
 
2012-08-21 10:53:59 AM
Officer: Did you steal this bra, young lady?

TD No. 2: COW!

Officer: Do you have a criminal record?

TD No. 2: ELMO!

Officer: Do you have an attorney?

TD No. 2: COW!


The answer is always "I want a lawyer"
 
2012-08-21 10:54:58 AM
That's why it's called "Kingston Free Press." No one is paying for this crap.
 
2012-08-21 10:56:09 AM

SoxSweepAgain: I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.


My dad was a newspaper writer and editor. This piece has a style very similar to what his was. I enjoyed it.

/RIP Pops.
 
2012-08-21 11:06:05 AM
FTA:
Before the officer could ask a fourth question, TD No. 2 had swiped his gun and thinking it was a water pistol from the tub fired a few rounds into the men's shoe department. She took out a few pairs of Air Jordans and turned a pair of penny loafers into wing tips, but no injuries occurred.

WTH
 
2012-08-21 11:06:17 AM
Funny stuff.
 
2012-08-21 11:08:31 AM

Babwa Wawa: SoxSweepAgain: I hated the writing style so much I stopped reading.

It's like Dave Barry and Erma Bombeck had a retarded baby.


Nailed it.
 
2012-08-21 11:08:51 AM
After a little grocery shopping and checking in with my parole officer for me

People can check in with your parole officer for you? Also, WTF did I just read. WTF is any of this shiat?
 
2012-08-21 11:12:35 AM
What!?! No picture of the kid wearing the bra?


/wait...what?!?
 
2012-08-21 11:18:32 AM
Ahhhh -- My poor head!!

They ought to make convicted terrorists have to read this guy's writing.
 
2012-08-21 11:22:33 AM
As a mother of a 2 year old nudist/marathon runner/feminist princess in training, I laughed so hard I hard tears in my eyes as a read... partially because I picture my own daughter somehow lighting the bra on fire as she ran, twirling it over her head like a helicopter and yelling "FREEDOM!"

I'm guessing you have to be a parent of a young hellraiser to appreciate the humor in this.
 
2012-08-21 11:22:40 AM
Are they going to turn it into something we can watch on Fark TV?
 
2012-08-21 11:41:03 AM

rightylefty: Ahhhh -- My poor head!!

They ought to make convicted terrorists have to read this guy's writing.


img1.fark.net
 
2012-08-21 11:49:35 AM
www.fascinationawards.com

Too late.
 
2012-08-21 11:53:16 AM
Pfft, some of y'all have no sense of humor. It was a cute piece.
 
2012-08-21 11:53:28 AM

probesport: rightylefty: Ahhhh -- My poor head!!

They ought to make convicted terrorists have to read this guy's writing.

[img1.fark.net image 54x11]


I believe the Geneva Convention treaties wouldn't allow that
 
2012-08-21 11:53:30 AM
trying too hard to be funny, failing..
 
2012-08-21 11:58:15 AM
Pics or it didn't happen

/I keed of course


I, for one, like the writing style (coulda been shorter I guess) - it was reminiscent of Bloom County: The Great Bloom County Snake Massacre
 
2012-08-21 12:05:37 PM

tillerman35: Dunno- I thought it was kinda cute. But then I had a little streaker of my own, so it brought back fond memories of chasing a hysterically laughing naked toddler through the neighborhood while the folks across the street made side bets on who would tire first.


No kidz, enjoyed the read.
 
2012-08-21 12:10:12 PM
Proves the point that Fark is not what it used to be! Who thought this link was worth it?
 
2012-08-21 12:16:41 PM
Add me to the list of people who thought this "article" was a worthless blob of shiat.
 
2012-08-21 12:20:20 PM
Oh, that Jon Dawson...

i406.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-21 12:21:19 PM

ferretman: What!?! No picture of the kid wearing the bra?


/wait...what?!?


Why don't you have a seat over there?
 
2012-08-21 12:29:22 PM

Krieghund: ferretman: What!?! No picture of the kid wearing the bra?


/wait...what?!?

Why don't you have a seat over there?


No, we want one of the wife with the backless shirt on backwards. (That's about as far though as I could go before bailing.)
 
2012-08-21 12:29:57 PM
I, for one, really enjoyed that read.
Funny stuff and I liked his style.

I think some people, *ahem*, should get over themselves.

/2 kids, 1 grand kid

/lawn, etc.,
 
2012-08-21 12:34:06 PM

MattyBlast: Add me to the list of people who thought this "article" was a worthless blob of shiat.


It's not an "article", it's a "column."
And he writes in a community of 21,000, so not terrible for the AA level.
 
2012-08-21 12:48:30 PM
Ugh. It was amusing in parts, though forced. At the end he was telling so many bad jokes that I couldn't tell what actually happened. If he were reading it out loud, there would be a rimshot after every sentence.
 
2012-08-21 12:50:13 PM
To shouldbeblonde: "...a 2 year old nudist/marathon runner/feminist princess in training..."

I have 3 children and many grands. I could easily visualize this. Laughed myself silly! Those who are not parents haven't got a clue.
 
2012-08-21 12:52:30 PM

olliepat: To shouldbeblonde: "...a 2 year old nudist/marathon runner/feminist princess in training..."

I have 3 children and many grands. I could easily visualize this. Laughed myself silly! Those who are not parents haven't got a clue.


Parent of two, and while they are a bit older now, I didn't find the humor nor catch the reference.
 
2012-08-21 12:55:52 PM
Well he does write in Kinston, NC, which is out past Goldsboro, which is out past Greenville, which the folks in Raleigh call "down east" and they say that in an unfavorable way

So...must not be much going on for the Dave Barry / Lewis Grizard wannabe
 
2012-08-21 01:00:21 PM
wanted for questioning
whatgifs.com
 
2012-08-21 01:00:33 PM
As a parent of a young little girl I could totally see this happening to my wife. I nearly pissed myself reading this.
Anyone that could not stand this just can not relate...
 
2012-08-21 01:15:55 PM
To olliepat:

Parent of two, and while they are a bit older now, I didn't find the humor nor catch the reference.

My daughter is just the type to strip down, take off and yell "Boys Stink!" as we all watch in stunned silence. Maybe your kids were more well behaved than she is, which isn't uncommon, as my own son is much more reserved and self aware. Little Miss just has a lot of my personality in her, which I think is part of why this made me laugh...
 
2012-08-21 01:16:47 PM
I got to the part where the criminal child was his own, and realized he's using his blog to tell a cutesy story about his family. BOOORING.
 
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