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(The Awl)   Do you know what else Rep. Akin believes about the uterus?   (theawl.com) divider line 129
    More: Satire, baking soda, predations  
•       •       •

4110 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Aug 2012 at 10:35 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



129 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-20 07:51:59 PM  
... that after his comments, he isn't going to get close to one for a long time?
 
2012-08-20 07:55:53 PM  
You can improve the signal of your cellphone by pointing it at a uterus.
 
2012-08-20 08:02:16 PM  
AHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! AHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Actually those were pretty funny
 
2012-08-20 08:11:06 PM  
If you play a uterus backwards, you can hear a message praising Satan.
 
2012-08-20 08:18:17 PM  
In a pinch a uterus can be used as a martini shaker.
 
2012-08-20 08:31:24 PM  
That people that actually have them should do as they're told with them?
 
2012-08-20 08:37:31 PM  
Do not taunt the uterus.
 
2012-08-20 08:41:34 PM  
Huh. I learned something from that.
 
2012-08-20 08:43:48 PM  
Laid end to end, all the uteri in the world would stretch from Des Moines to "Here Be Dragons".
 
2012-08-20 08:50:06 PM  
The uterus's legendary home is Macchu Picchu. Unfortunately, so is the chinchilla's.
 
2012-08-20 08:52:01 PM  
i.imgur.com

I just want to thank the helpful editors at The Awl for providing us with a picture of what Rep. Akin believes a uterus looks like.
 
2012-08-20 08:53:08 PM  

Lionel Mandrake: If you play a uterus backwards, you can hear a message praising Satan.


Sperm are dead miss them miss them miss them
 
2012-08-20 09:09:51 PM  
www.mxdwn.com
 
2012-08-20 09:24:48 PM  

kronicfeld: Do not taunt

Happy Fun uterus.

Fixed.
 
2012-08-20 09:26:49 PM  
Little known fact:

On a full moon, if you tap a uterus on the head with a stick, it will turn into ten tiny uterus's and they will run off into the woods barking like marmots.
 
2012-08-20 09:33:50 PM  
A uterus will beat Mewtwo without nreaking a sweat.
 
2012-08-20 09:41:26 PM  
only a uterus can Shut. Down. Everything.
 
2012-08-20 09:49:43 PM  

fusillade762: kronicfeld: Do not taunt Happy Fun uterus.

Fixed.


Try reading the Happy Fun Ball disclaimer list substituting "uterus" for "ball"

/both funny and disturbing
 
2012-08-20 09:51:58 PM  
To remove gum from hair, apply frozen uterus to head until gum hardens, then gently break away gum from hair.
 
2012-08-20 09:56:28 PM  
A uterus's semen can form into a liquid human. Like that guy from Terminator 2.
 
2012-08-20 10:32:41 PM  
The best way to clean a uterus is with a mild detergent that has a neutral pH level. Sweeping and vacuuming can take care of most of the every day cleaning a uterus needs. If you are going to try a commercial cleaner, try it in a hidden spot to make sure it's not going to damage the uterus before applying it to the entire area.
 
2012-08-20 10:38:33 PM  
The first batches of Lemon Zinger tea were brewed inside a uterus.
 
2012-08-20 10:39:24 PM  
DO NOT apply uterus to open soars or lacerations. IMMEDIATELY DISCONTINUE use of uterus if you experience redness of the application site.
 
2012-08-20 10:40:47 PM  
Rubbing a uterus weekly with a sheet of Bounce will keep it smelling fresh.
 
2012-08-20 10:41:32 PM  

Fista-Phobia: DO NOT apply uterus to open soars or lacerations. IMMEDIATELY DISCONTINUE use of uterus if you experience redness of the application site.


/sores
//fail

www.american-buddha.com
 
2012-08-20 10:41:58 PM  
If you rub a uterus down with a duster you can use it to collect balloons for a short period of time.
 
2012-08-20 10:43:19 PM  
In the event of an emergency water landing, a uterus can be used as a floatation device.
 
2012-08-20 10:44:54 PM  
My Zippo is in there? I hope so, because I can't find it anywhere.
 
2012-08-20 10:47:31 PM  
Properly inflated, a uterus can be used as a fun party favor. It also makes a serviceable if somewhat awkward rain hat.
 
2012-08-20 10:47:57 PM  
This just in:

PublicPolicyPolling @ppppolls

After all that Akin STILL leads McCaskill, 44-43. Little difference from our last poll which was Akin 45-44
 
2012-08-20 10:48:55 PM  
even a broken uterus is correct twice a day.
 
2012-08-20 10:49:22 PM  
My mom will get a kick out of this...

So did I, come to that.

/I want to rule over the dead! I want to!
 
2012-08-20 10:49:47 PM  
A brand new uterus should be rubbed down with generous amounts of cooking oil. This is referred to as 'seasoning' it.
 
2012-08-20 10:49:56 PM  

Somacandra:
i.imgur.com

I just want to thank the helpful editors at The Awl for providing us with a picture of what Rep. Akin believes a uterus looks like.


We used to make fun of our high school biology teacher because her drawing of the female reproductive system looked like a reindeer with ornaments hanging from its antlers. I feel like I owe her an apology.
 
2012-08-20 10:53:02 PM  
When agitated, the uterus may spread its neck frills and spit venom from its specialized glands.
 
2012-08-20 10:53:23 PM  
When thrown correctly, a uterus will return to its thrower. This technique was pioneered by the Aborigines of Australia.
 
2012-08-20 10:54:53 PM  
pjmedia.com
 
2012-08-20 10:55:34 PM  
Historical fact:

While visiting a uterus in the backseat of a Ford Taurus in the late '90s, then Dallas Stars GM Bob Gainey saw in a crease a badly tattoed word, "Bull," which he took to be B.Hull.

He then signed star winger Brett Hull, who stood in a crease and won the team a Stanley Cup.

In honor of that epiphany, the Dallas Stars created the greatest hockey logo of all time.

cdn.bleacherreport.net
 
2012-08-20 10:55:49 PM  
Uterus has no cash value.
 
2012-08-20 11:01:02 PM  

barneyfifesbullet:


Ok that's the best thing I'he seen in a long time

+1 interwebs to you
 
2012-08-20 11:01:54 PM  
Leave it to Fark to be the one place on the internet that knew this was satire without having to have it explained to them. I think I'm afraid that you guys are helping to restore my faith in humanity.
 
2012-08-20 11:02:13 PM  
If you ever find yourself emailing docs to the uterus in the next room so you can print them, UterusGroup was designed for you. Now, you can easily connect two or more uteri running Windows 7 on your home network to automatically start sharing printers-and your media and document libraries-with other people in your home.
 
2012-08-20 11:02:41 PM  

YoungSwedishBlonde: Uterus has no cash value.


Not so. Uterus is used as currency in Argentina.
 
2012-08-20 11:04:26 PM  

kronicfeld: Do not taunt the uterus.


The dynamite uterus?
 
2012-08-20 11:06:23 PM  
Whoever wrote that reads way too many fantasy novels
 
2012-08-20 11:07:19 PM  
This thread delivers uteri.
 
2012-08-20 11:07:52 PM  
Outside of a uterus, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a uterus, it's too dark too read.
 
2012-08-20 11:10:49 PM  
Uterus - apply directly to the forehead.
Uterus - apply directly to the forehead.
Uterus - apply directly to the forehead.
 
2012-08-20 11:11:34 PM  
I like this article and this thread more than anything I've seen on Fark in a long time.
 
2012-08-20 11:11:50 PM  
Not too many people know this, but the uterus is also nature's suction cup. Watch this...

Did you see that? It sticks! Ah!
 
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