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(ABC)   He was a good man; a kind man, and he had many headlines greenlit for approval at Fark.com   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 74
    More: Spiffy, Walter Isaacson, Mary Jane  
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17209 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Aug 2012 at 8:16 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



74 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-19 05:00:00 PM
Barbara Bryan of Davidson, N.C., who teaches a course on self-writing obituaries...

Wait, that's a thing now?

Seems a bit morbid not to mention egocentric.
 
2012-08-19 05:59:00 PM
Mentat was a god among men. Though the women of earth will forever be denied his essence, it is his hope that they will continue propagating the human race in his absence.
 
2012-08-19 06:07:07 PM
I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.
 
2012-08-19 06:12:44 PM

unyon: I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.


2.bp.blogspot.com

I don't think there will ever be a better time to post this.
 
2012-08-19 06:18:18 PM
dudemanbro liked boobies and beer, but spent much time in the politics tab, resulting in a profound contempt for Republicans.
 
2012-08-19 06:47:02 PM
everybodyisartdirector.typepad.com

I mean, what are they gonna say when he's gone? 'Cause he dies when it dies, when it dies, he dies! What are they gonna say about him? He was a kind man? He was a wise man? He had plans? He had wisdom? Bullshiat, man! And am I gonna be the one that's gonna set them straight? Look at me! Look at me! Wrong!
 
2012-08-19 07:13:38 PM
Crap. Missed the Singularity by That Much
(pic of fingers making the pinch gesture)
 
2012-08-19 07:26:11 PM

fusillade762: unyon: I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 750x600]

I don't think there will ever be a better time to post this.


I was fully aware that I was teeing that pic up for someone. Thanks for being the oop to my alley.
 
2012-08-19 07:37:40 PM

unyon: fusillade762: unyon: I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 750x600]

I don't think there will ever be a better time to post this.

I was fully aware that I was teeing that pic up for someone. Thanks for being the oop to my alley.


*high-five*
 
2012-08-19 08:20:23 PM
I have no idea why the headline reminded me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdC6hM9Pn7s
 
2012-08-19 08:21:38 PM
Way south: He didn't touch anyone as much as he touched himself.

/and it's a cash Bar. Pay up you chucklefarks.
 
2012-08-19 08:22:20 PM
Made great chum.
 
2012-08-19 08:23:37 PM
He summoned all of his joy when he laughed
He suffered all his joy when he cried
Sometimes when he got into talkin'
Man, he could prattle on and on
He was a good man, and now he's gone.

Link
 
2012-08-19 08:25:29 PM
He used to peek in and watch his hot sister take a showers
 
2012-08-19 08:27:54 PM
I can safely say, that to know him, was to love him. And to love him, was to know him...
Those who knew him, loved him, while those who did not know him, loved him from afar.
 
2012-08-19 08:28:02 PM
He was a good man; a kind man, and he had many headlines greenlit for approval at Fark.com

Discrepancy detected. These can't truthfully refer to any regular Fark commenters.
 
2012-08-19 08:29:08 PM
i.imgur.com 
 
2012-08-19 08:31:38 PM

fusillade762: unyon: I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 750x600]

I don't think there will ever be a better time to post this.


You're purpose for being on Earth has finally been fulfilled.
 
2012-08-19 08:31:40 PM
In the mountains, they sing a song about him.
 
2012-08-19 08:33:31 PM
I told you I was sick.
 
2012-08-19 08:34:45 PM
Few of you knew him
fewer of you cared
in time he will be forgotten
and so will you
 
2012-08-19 08:36:18 PM
Whoso thou be that passeth by;
Where these corps entombed lie:
Understand what I shall say,
As at this time speak I may.
Such as thou art, sometime was I,
Such as I am, such shalt thou be.


Have a nice day
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-19 08:36:54 PM
Filled a box wonderfully.
 
2012-08-19 08:37:34 PM
Me?.. i'd rather be in Philadelphia.

/We did this a few weeks ago

//was beaten to it.
 
2012-08-19 08:37:40 PM

farkingismybusiness: Made great chum.


You rang? No? Oh, my bad- carry on.
 
2012-08-19 08:41:15 PM
I have wanted to do this ever since one of my aunts died. My mother had always warned us to stay away from her, without ever going into detail, just vague warnings. So, it wasn't until my aunt's death that we got a very clear picture of my mother. My aunt was a stunningly gorgeous woman, who loved life and lived it up. She drank, smoked, and partied with the best and worst of society from the 1960's to the mid 2000's, and there were lots of photos to prove it. In contrast, my mother was pretty, at best, and very shallow, judgmental, and extremely jealous. My aunt's funeral and wake really made me reassess everything my mother ever said.

So, now I want to get my side of the story out, without my sister or in-laws comments. I will be sure to include numerous references to Fark, such as conundrums, lipstick, looting, and huffing.
 
2012-08-19 08:43:29 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com


raincoaster.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-19 08:48:59 PM
Zamboni was a kind and gentle contributor. He loved smooth ice and had, what could only be described as, a mighty penis. Thankfully, he died comfortably in his sleep, not screaming in terror like his passengers(old joke).
 
2012-08-19 08:53:02 PM
Autoplay political ad at the link made Intruder have an aneurysm.
 
2012-08-19 08:57:24 PM
FARK AUTOPLAY!!! My ears aspoded and I'm clinically almost deaf.
 
2012-08-19 09:00:40 PM
...And he sacrificed himself to save the Earth from the immense Xorxlov space armada, over the wailing and lamentations of his beautiful wife, Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that's the ticket!
 
2012-08-19 09:03:26 PM
More from the self absorbed crowd.
 
2012-08-19 09:03:27 PM
A start video ad that won't pause? Nope, didn't get to read TFA...

But, did see the words Baby-Boomers before I hit escape, so... my fathers:

I HATE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!!!!
and was subsequently consumed by so much hate I in effect killed myself
 
2012-08-19 09:03:41 PM
I think Ambrose Bierce defined a mausoleum as the final folly of the rich. Self-penned obits are perhaps a rung or two down.

Mine would say 'Hated in life. Loved for eternity.'
 
2012-08-19 09:06:13 PM
 
2012-08-19 09:07:10 PM
an old friend wrote his own obit. it was beautiful, profound and...puzzling

/suicide
 
2012-08-19 09:08:00 PM
I've thought about doing this before, not so much because I'm worried about what my family would write, but it's a good exercise to take a step back and take a look at what you're doing with your life. And here I am on Fark :-)
 
2012-08-19 09:08:57 PM
"In 1968, he put the shamma lamma in the shamma lamma ding dong."
 
2012-08-19 09:10:20 PM
Why yes I am on a mobile site and not I don't want to download your ap. thank you. No, really I don't want to download your ap quit it. I just scrolled down to the next paragraph of the story. Oh, fark it I don't care enough to deal with your floating ad.
 
2012-08-19 09:20:06 PM
"you will never know why I kept all that stuff"
 
2012-08-19 09:20:39 PM
"Killed by death"...
 
2012-08-19 09:23:17 PM

poonesfarm: [everybodyisartdirector.typepad.com image 500x348]

I mean, what are they gonna say when he's gone? 'Cause he dies when it dies, when it dies, he dies! What are they gonna say about him? He was a kind man? He was a wise man? He had plans? He had wisdom? Bullshiat, man! And am I gonna be the one that's gonna set them straight? Look at me! Look at me! Wrong!


I have nothing to add.
 
2012-08-19 09:26:01 PM
As I posted in another thread, my request upon death is to be made into a coffee table by being encased in acrylic in a "help, let me out of here!" type pose.

I want to amend this, to also include having a great Farker write the trolliest post ever so I can go out with a bang when someone posts, "you insensitive clod, he's already dead!" Then it can become a trollfest of how did I post when I was dead?

If I can get the phrase "undulating anus" into a local TV news report about my death, I'll feel that I won by dying.
 
2012-08-19 09:33:10 PM
"I'll be dammed, you're well known in Hell"
 
2012-08-19 09:50:50 PM
img854.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-19 09:55:56 PM
www.arrse.co.uk

I always thought about leaving behind a soundtrack for everyone that attended the funeral. However by the time I die it will just be a link, not a physical medium.
Plus I don't want DRM lawyers pursuing me in the afterlife. It's obvious these people have no souls.
 
2012-08-19 09:57:37 PM

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: [i.imgur.com image 500x300]


I know a guy like that.
 
2012-08-19 09:59:19 PM
Hey I just left you,
and this is crazy.
Here's my headstone.
So visit maybe.
 
2012-08-19 10:03:41 PM
He crossed the mountains
And traveled the woods
Just to see the elephant
And hear the hoot owl.
 
2012-08-19 10:08:48 PM

davidphogan: As I posted in another thread, my request upon death is to be made into a coffee table by being encased in acrylic in a "help, let me out of here!" type pose.


walyou.com

I'd like a coffin like this, but a table would be better still. I'd also want, at rare and random times, for the eyes to open, look frantically side to side, then close.

If I can get the phrase "undulating anus" into a local TV news report about my death, I'll feel that I won by dying.

That would be remarkable.
 
2012-08-19 10:12:41 PM
Skinny was born in a bathtub and grew so incredibly thin that even the end of an eye dropper sucked him in. Skinny never knew any questions. Skinny never looked at lights but Skinny sold something every single night.
 
2012-08-19 10:17:50 PM

fusillade762: unyon: I'm going to do this, and include a lot of made up shiat to embarrass family members at the funeral. You know- for the lulz.

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 750x600]

I don't think there will ever be a better time to post this.


That's such a lousy shop.
They couldn't even just copy the first L, they had to screw up the T.
 
2012-08-19 10:37:13 PM
ASL

He died before he could kill the rest of you.
 
2012-08-19 10:37:18 PM
Piss line please form left.
 
2012-08-19 10:49:10 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: ASL

He died before he could kill the rest of you.


Booooo!
 
2012-08-19 10:53:20 PM
He was neither humorous nor an African-American.
 
2012-08-19 10:55:40 PM
They should have played the Brady Bunch song at the wedding.
 
2012-08-19 11:11:32 PM
Look upon my works, ye mighty, and despair!
 
2012-08-19 11:25:57 PM
well i'm never gonna die
so choke on my dick
losers
 
2012-08-20 12:26:43 AM
www.popscreen.com

Welcome, to the Rimmer Experience- a place of wonder, excitement, and... wonder.
You are about to witness some heroic events, which you may well find impossible to attribute to any living person; but then, Arnold J. Rimmer was a deeply remarkable man...

Being the driving force behind the Red Dwarf mission, the fearless Rimmer had to dice with death on a daily basis.

Sometimes it needed a strong mind and cool nerves to hold the crew together...
 
2012-08-20 01:08:00 AM
I told you I was Ill - Spike Milligan
 
2012-08-20 01:15:21 AM
99 problems, but life ain't one
 
2012-08-20 01:41:25 AM
YOU'RE NEXT.
 
2012-08-20 01:48:08 AM
My only regret is the multitude of kittens that I sent to an untimely end.
 
2012-08-20 02:33:52 AM
Your instinct to burn all that weird stuff you found in my house is correct.
 
2012-08-20 03:01:41 AM
Headstone comments are not obituaries. The Obit is published in the local paper or, as in the past, posted on a community bulletin board or spoken at the gravesite.

Newspapers, the most common form of posting, LOVE obituaries. My paper STARTS at $300, be it a line or an inch. A couple of folks took out half page obituaries and I figure that cost them around $5000. Obits supplied by the funeral home are worked into the cost and brief.

So, check on prices where your obit will be published and start saving now if you're going to write an extensive one.

It seems somewhat arrogant to write your own, but then again, you know you better than anyone else.

Mine, by the time I leave this mortal coil, just might be the basics (name, age, birth date, sex, date of death -- to be filled in by heirs) and at the end a 'F**K Everyone! In lieu of flowers, please shove your money up your arse.
 
Skr
2012-08-20 03:52:15 AM
Please Insert 25¢ to Continue


with a coin slot that feeds down into my coffin.
 
2012-08-20 04:28:25 AM
"If you exit without saving first, you might lose all progress!"

*exit*
 
2012-08-20 05:58:32 AM
fark the auto-start video ad with the disabled pause button. fark it in the ass, ABC.


/am I the only person bothered by this?
//get off my lawn etc
 
2012-08-20 06:17:30 AM
Alcohol was believed to be a factor in the incident.
 
2012-08-20 09:47:43 AM
He was a brave man, a good ranger. He came to us from White Harbor, and never failed in his duty. He kept his vows as best he could, rode far, fought fiercely. We shall never see his like again. And now his watch is ended."
 
2012-08-20 11:03:57 AM
Heh, this has been on my profile for a couple of years:

i359.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-20 12:37:56 PM
I'm more famous in death
And had the last laugh
Than I was in life
Because of this epitaph
 
2012-08-20 11:35:21 PM
RIP Jixa
Batshiat insane,
but at least she kept it to herself. 
 
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