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(The Onion)   After three weeks of training camp, Our Savior has christened his favorite target   (theonion.com) divider line 49
    More: Obvious, Tim Tebow, Nick Mangold, Dustin Keller, screen pass, Antonio Cromartie, physical strength, Santonio Holmes, Tony Sparano  
•       •       •

2338 clicks; posted to Sports » on 17 Aug 2012 at 1:08 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-17 01:15:30 PM  
I thought about submitting this with a better headline.
 
2012-08-17 01:35:14 PM  
I feel bad for the Jets. As if their team wasn't farked up enough already, now they're gonna have to deal with this passive-aggressive locker-room wrecker. Tebow knows what he's doing. Freakin' prick...
 
2012-08-17 01:37:06 PM  
The ground?
 
2012-08-17 01:37:51 PM  

digistil: The ground?


Read article... didn't he finish camp with around a 20% completion?
 
2012-08-17 01:37:58 PM  

digistil: The ground?


RTFA. You will be pleased.
 
2012-08-17 01:44:25 PM  
Worms and moles scatter when they see him coming.
 
2012-08-17 01:53:14 PM  
I wonder if ESPN ropes it off and sets up altars..... "This is Holy Ground now. Amen."
 
2012-08-17 01:56:18 PM  

Di Atribe: I wonder if ESPN ropes it off and sets up altars..... "This is Holy Ground now. Amen."


Flowers now grow where his tears struck the ground after the 2009 SEC title game.
 
2012-08-17 01:58:27 PM  
I have a hankering for some beef jerky. Can anyone suggest a good brand?
 
2012-08-17 02:00:55 PM  
I know it's the Onion, but I'm not certain this is really satire.

/go Broncos
 
2012-08-17 02:03:44 PM  

Di Atribe: I wonder if ESPN ropes it off and sets up altars..... "This is Holy Ground now. Amen."


Looks like Cablevision will get NFL Net...so I finally say to ESPN "GO FARK YOURSELVES!"

/YAY!
 
2012-08-17 02:03:48 PM  

SacriliciousBeerSwiller: I feel bad for the Jets. As if their team wasn't farked up enough already, now they're gonna have to deal with this passive-aggressive locker-room wrecker. Tebow knows what he's doing. Freakin' prick...


How can you feel bad for the Jets? They already were a franchise that existed solely for other fanbases' amusement and as New York's AFC-based Patriot trolls.

Tebow can't help but do what he does. He doesn't consider his actions, or those of his followers, because his beliefs brook no questioning. It's Rex Ryan who knows what he's doing. He's telling Sanchez that if he can't break an 80.0 passer rating in the regular season, Tebow Christ is going to take his job.

And that shiat's hilarious. We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL. The Lions have done and gotten all respectable, and the Browns are just depressing. I say we all just sit back and laugh while the Jets spin around in their delusions of grandeur.
 
2012-08-17 02:05:43 PM  

Jubeebee: We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL.


There's always the Raiders, Redskins, and Bills.
 
2012-08-17 02:11:02 PM  
"As we get into camp, more and more often Tim has been throwing to the ground," center Nick Mangold said. "During plays, he just has this instinct for finding the ground every time. It's becoming apparent to everyone on the team that the ground is Tim's go-to target."

"He just loves throwing it right to the ground," Mangold added. "It doesn't matter if the defense comes out in man coverage or an overload blitz. Tebow seems to know exactly where the ground will be and hits the wide-open turf every time."

/brilliant
 
2012-08-17 02:28:28 PM  

Jubeebee: SacriliciousBeerSwiller: I feel bad for the Jets. As if their team wasn't farked up enough already, now they're gonna have to deal with this passive-aggressive locker-room wrecker. Tebow knows what he's doing. Freakin' prick...

How can you feel bad for the Jets? They already were a franchise that existed solely for other fanbases' amusement and as New York's AFC-based Patriot trolls.

Tebow can't help but do what he does. He doesn't consider his actions, or those of his followers, because his beliefs brook no questioning. It's Rex Ryan who knows what he's doing. He's telling Sanchez that if he can't break an 80.0 passer rating in the regular season, Tebow Christ is going to take his job.

And that shiat's hilarious. We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL. The Lions have done and gotten all respectable, and the Browns are just depressing. I say we all just sit back and laugh while the Jets spin around in their delusions of grandeur.


THIS!!!! If I were an owner, I'd listen to the fans, and do what they suggested. Every. Single. Time.

pion: Jubeebee: We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL.

There's always the Raiders, Redskins, and Bills.


I'm saddened that I can't root for the Redskins anymore. Grew up watching them, the team still looks like "my team". But rooting for the Skins means rooting for Dan Snyder, and that isn't going to happen.

/Go Ravens!
 
2012-08-17 02:32:21 PM  
The ground hasn't turned the ball over yet leaving Tebow plenty of opportunities for a 7 yard run on 3rd and 10
 
2012-08-17 02:33:50 PM  
I thought the Onion only did satire pieces.
 
2012-08-17 02:35:08 PM  

pion: Jubeebee: We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL.

There's always the Raiders, Redskins, and Bills.


I'll give you the Redskins, but the other two are coasting on reputation at this point. Zombie Al finally got put down, and Chan Gailey is making a pass at respectability in Buffalo.
 
2012-08-17 02:38:45 PM  

Rwa2play: Di Atribe: I wonder if ESPN ropes it off and sets up altars..... "This is Holy Ground now. Amen."

Looks like Cablevision will get NFL Net...so I finally say to ESPN "GO FARK YOURSELVES!"

/YAY!


Wait, really? I am moving September 15th and I was all set to switch to Fios. If this is true, I'll just keep Cablevision.
 
2012-08-17 02:42:10 PM  

born_yesterday: I'm saddened that I can't root for the Redskins anymore. Grew up watching them, the team still looks like "my team". But rooting for the Skins means rooting for Dan Snyder, and that isn't going to happen.


You're missing out. You could buy a commemorative Luck vs RG3 shirt for the Skins last preseason game. Only $35. 

Most teams make that sort of shiat for playoff games. For the Redskins though, preseason is where it's at.
 
2012-08-17 02:52:59 PM  

Jubeebee: born_yesterday: I'm saddened that I can't root for the Redskins anymore. Grew up watching them, the team still looks like "my team". But rooting for the Skins means rooting for Dan Snyder, and that isn't going to happen.

You're missing out. You could buy a commemorative Luck vs RG3 shirt for the Skins last preseason game. Only $35. 

Most teams make that sort of shiat for playoff games. For the Redskins though, preseason is where it's at.


well every team happens to have a highwater mark, for the skins it's usually is the 3rd or 4th preseason game, im not sure what will happen to them if they reduce the number of preseason games... mini camp comemerative t shirts?
 
2012-08-17 02:53:40 PM  
Look, Tim Tebow is a winner. In practice there are no winners so he can't show how much of a winner he is. I would like to see how many of you will be laughing once season starts and he's on the field leading his team to wins while Dirty Sanchez is on the bench with a notepad not winning anything.
 
2012-08-17 03:01:19 PM  

Jubeebee: pion: Jubeebee: We need a clownshoes franchise in the NFL.

There's always the Raiders, Redskins, and Bills.

I'll give you the Redskins, but the other two are coasting on reputation at this point. Zombie Al finally got put down, and Chan Gailey is making a pass at respectability in Buffalo.


Talk to me after this season and maybe I'll revise my views, but I still want to give them every chance to screw up. What about the Bungles? And any team Chad Ochocinco ends up playing for?
 
2012-08-17 03:19:15 PM  

lecavalier: Rwa2play: Di Atribe: I wonder if ESPN ropes it off and sets up altars..... "This is Holy Ground now. Amen."

Looks like Cablevision will get NFL Net...so I finally say to ESPN "GO FARK YOURSELVES!"

/YAY!

Wait, really? I am moving September 15th and I was all set to switch to Fios. If this is true, I'll just keep Cablevision.


Yeah, it starts today actually; but in addition: if you want RedZone, you have to pay extra. Didn't say whether NFL Network would be part of the same package where you get MSG and YES, or it's with the other part of the package that includes NHL Network.

Wait, scratch that: From the LA Times article, it will be part of the basic package.

And all I have to say to that is:

www.thefunniestwebsiteeverbuild.com
 
2012-08-17 03:20:39 PM  
Since he bulked up a bit, I'm thinking Tebow would make a better linebacker than QB.

Nah.... He'd probably suck at that also.

I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.
 
2012-08-17 03:23:53 PM  

ddam: Look, Tim Tebow is a winner. In practice there are no winners so he can't show how much of a winner he is. I would like to see how many of you will be laughing once season starts and he's on the field leading his team to wins while Dirty Sanchez is on the bench with a notepad not winning anything.


Skip Bayless has a Fark account!
 
2012-08-17 03:26:34 PM  
You all hate Christians and make baby Jesus cry. Stop oppressing Tebow.
 
2012-08-17 03:26:59 PM  

upndn: Since he bulked up a bit, I'm thinking Tebow would make a better linebacker than QB.

Nah.... He'd probably suck at that also.

I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.


He's got the abilities of a star fullback, without question. But he wants to be the leader, which is the QB position, and he simply doesn't have either the skill set or the ability to learn the skill set to be a good QB. His ego is what keeps him from actually being a damn good NFL player.
 
2012-08-17 03:28:35 PM  

born_yesterday:

I'm saddened that I can't root for the Redskins anymore. Grew up watching them, the team still looks like "my team". But rooting for the Skins means rooting for Dan Snyder, and that isn't going to happen.

/Go Ravens!


A bit old, but always relevant to the Redskins.
 
2012-08-17 03:32:01 PM  

upndn: I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.


All of this 100%. I'd love to see him play running back or tight end. I'd also love to see him take his shirt off, so there's always that.
 
2012-08-17 03:35:24 PM  

Di Atribe: upndn: I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.

All of this 100%. I'd love to see him play running back or tight end. I'd also love to see him take his shirt off, so there's always that.


Hasn't the internet already provided opportunities for the latter? Unless you mean in person, Magic Mike style.
 
2012-08-17 03:39:30 PM  

pion: Di Atribe: upndn: I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.

All of this 100%. I'd love to see him play running back or tight end. I'd also love to see him take his shirt off, so there's always that.

Hasn't the internet already provided opportunities for the latter? Unless you mean in person, Magic Mike style.


He just did a shirtless picture in a photo shoot while posing as Jesus. So, there's that.
 
rka
2012-08-17 03:39:50 PM  

Kome: But he wants to be the leader, which is the QB position,


Above and beyond that, he knows that he can't get his message out (ie...everything not about football) from the Fullback position. No one puts a microphone up to the Fullback after a game. The Fullback never gets a chance to praise Jebus in all His Glory multiple times a week.

The QB position is the bully pulpit Team Tebow needs. Team Tebow will accept nothing else.
 
2012-08-17 03:41:23 PM  

pion: Hasn't the internet already provided opportunities for the latter? Unless you mean in person, Magic Mike style.


Oh god Tebow yes 

Unf
 
2012-08-17 03:49:20 PM  
Tebow really is like Jesus. No intelligent person really believes in either one of them.
 
2012-08-17 03:55:45 PM  
I think McNabb has Tebow on balls directly into the ground.
 
2012-08-17 04:03:35 PM  
My question is how can Tebow appear to be so bad in training camp? He has the physical tools and you know the Jets have had a QB coach tutoring him non-stop since they acquired him. How is it possible that he is this bad?
 
2012-08-17 04:08:44 PM  

Eccentric Fixation: My question is how can Tebow appear to be so bad in training camp? He has the physical tools and you know the Jets have had a QB coach tutoring him non-stop since they acquired him. How is it possible that he is this bad?


He's an option QB in a league where option QBs is not an option.
 
2012-08-17 04:21:41 PM  

SlothB77: I think McNabb has Tebow on balls directly into the ground.


Well, over a career maybe Donovan "Wormburner" McNabb has everyone beat, but at his current pace Tebow might catch him.

I guess the problem is that Donovan did it artfully enough to still keep his job. Plus, McNabb threw most of his ankle passes on 3rd down and 10 but that's the down Tebow likes to courageously scramble for 4 yards.
 
2012-08-17 04:39:26 PM  

Treygreen13: SlothB77: I think McNabb has Tebow on balls directly into the ground.

Well, over a career maybe Donovan "Wormburner" McNabb has everyone beat, but at his current pace Tebow might catch him.

I guess the problem is that Donovan did it artfully enough to still keep his job. Plus, McNabb threw most of his ankle passes on 3rd down and 10 but that's the down Tebow likes to courageously scramble for 4 yards.


McNabb got rid of the 6 yard dumpoff passes pretty quick though, so he could actually move his offense sometimes. It was mostly Reid's insistence on throwing against dime defenses on 1st down that got McNabb into bounce pass territory.
 
2012-08-17 04:59:34 PM  

Jubeebee: Treygreen13: SlothB77: I think McNabb has Tebow on balls directly into the ground.

Well, over a career maybe Donovan "Wormburner" McNabb has everyone beat, but at his current pace Tebow might catch him.

I guess the problem is that Donovan did it artfully enough to still keep his job. Plus, McNabb threw most of his ankle passes on 3rd down and 10 but that's the down Tebow likes to courageously scramble for 4 yards.

McNabb got rid of the 6 yard dumpoff passes pretty quick though, so he could actually move his offense sometimes. It was mostly Reid's insistence on throwing against dime defenses on 1st down that got McNabb into bounce pass territory.


True, and the 6 yard dumpoff pass was what Reid considers a "run" anyway.
 
2012-08-17 05:17:46 PM  

Treygreen13: I guess the problem is that Donovan did it artfully enough to still keep his job. Plus, McNabb threw most of his ankle passes on 3rd down and 10 but that's the down Tebow likes to courageously scramble for 4 yards.


Pay me ya shiathead texan
 
2012-08-17 06:39:42 PM  
So, the onion is doing straight news these days? I thought they were a satire outfit?
 
2012-08-17 07:10:18 PM  
I heart this article.
 
2012-08-17 07:17:25 PM  

Di Atribe: upndn: I do enjoy watching him play. However, I'd never want to see him on my team.

All of this 100%. I'd love to see him play running back or tight end. I'd also love to see him take his shirt off, so there's always that.


H-back. And he can keep his shirt on. :P :D

/get a private dance, Di!
 
2012-08-17 08:11:55 PM  
Timmy should be a tight end (lol! according to some sources) and not a 2nd-3rd string QB.
 
2012-08-17 08:36:52 PM  
Onion FTW. I lol'd at this- BIG TIME.
 
2012-08-18 08:28:53 AM  

Eccentric Fixation: My question is how can Tebow appear to be so bad in training camp? He has the physical tools and you know the Jets have had a QB coach tutoring him non-stop since they acquired him. How is it possible that he is this bad?


He's Vince Young intelligent, if you catch my drift.
 
2012-08-18 01:10:44 PM  

gameshowhost: H-back. And he can keep his shirt on. :P :D

/get a private dance, Di!


I most certainly wish
 
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