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(Topless Robot)   The ten most-bizarre, "WTF" video game cover art: DOS edition   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 74
    More: Amusing, cover art, Genesis  
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8740 clicks; posted to Geek » on 16 Aug 2012 at 12:57 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-16 04:20:46 PM  

pute kisses like a man: [www.vgmastersclub.com image 400x550]

not really bizzare... but, I mean... come on!


Are you implying that tapping the often-neglected middle-age female gamer market was ill-advised?
 
2012-08-16 04:22:17 PM  

ThatDarkFellow: I'm going to go ahead and get this one out of the way.

[pics.mobygames.com image 640x897]


t1.gstatic.com
 
2012-08-16 04:49:44 PM  

killdawabbitt: roc6783: Total threadjack, but anyway:

Last week my 3 month old daughter was fussing in her stroller while we were waiting for her mom to finish trying on clothes. Nothing I was doing was keeping her entertained for more than 5 seconds, and I was getting desperate. I had an epiphany, remembering how much she likes music, and pulled out my phone. My ringtone is the original Zelda overworld music, but the actual file I have on my phone is a 30 sec. clip. As soon as the first note hit, she stopped crying and tilted her head to hear better. 10 seconds in she was giggling and smiling uncontrollably, while I teared up. I played it five or so more times and she started smiling and laughing each time. Best parent moment so far.

You need to pull out the Super Mario Theme next (Mario Twins style).


I was humming it once while changing the baby unit's diaper, and the mom unit gave me the evil eye, and a joking "Do not teach her that!" exasperated sigh.

//My wife is not anti-video game, she just doesn't play them. Handed her my 360 controller to answer the phone during a MW2 online match, and she spun in a circle until she died. Then she asked which button would make it shoot. Then, she spun in a circle shooting until she died. 0k/7d/25lulz.
 
2012-08-16 05:01:47 PM  

bemis23: [upload.wikimedia.org image 252x357]
The original 1987 version. Played this on an Apple IIGS back in the day.


OH god I remember that... the stupid cannon balls
 
2012-08-16 05:44:38 PM  

HeartBurnKid: ThatDarkFellow: I'm going to go ahead and get this one out of the way.

[pics.mobygames.com image 640x897]

[t1.gstatic.com image 183x276]


Oh god. I remember getting some Mega Man / Street Fighter II combo game for PC. The framerate on the Street Fighter games was so shiatty I immediately went back to playing OMF 2097. The Mega Man games on PC were so terrible...
 
2012-08-16 06:06:43 PM  

rocky_howard: Konami. BEST. COVERS. EVER.

Man konami loved to rip off covers... Castlevania 2 was just a rip-off of a Ravenloft cover...

My favorite of the era (and hardest to explain to my mother):

pics.mobygames.com
 
2012-08-16 06:31:07 PM  

rocky_howard: Konami. BEST. COVERS. EVER.

[www.examiner.com image 340x480]

Full version:

[2.bp.blogspot.com image 850x637]
[cdn1.spong.com image 341x480]

[www.retrocpu.com image 400x550]

[www.retrocpu.com image 400x550]

[1.bp.blogspot.com image 484x696]

[www.thegeekcouch.com image 637x860] 

REAL VERSION:

[a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net image 494x640]


I always liked the Michael Biehn-icized cover of the original Metal Gear.
 
2012-08-16 07:34:10 PM  
www.toplessrobot.com



I'd let you watch, I would invite you
but the queens we use would not excite you
 
2012-08-16 08:33:15 PM  
Sure they're aliens carrying weapons but neither these aliens nor these guns appeared in the actual game
upload.wikimedia.org
/Hot like my rage at the decision to rename it after release
 
2012-08-16 08:44:39 PM  

Arhu: Sure they're aliens carrying weapons but neither these aliens nor these guns appeared in the actual game
[upload.wikimedia.org image 256x294]
/Hot like my rage at the decision to rename it after release


X-Com just has a cooler ring to it.
 
2012-08-16 09:45:22 PM  
www.lordargent.com 

MINE!
 
2012-08-16 09:53:50 PM  

lordargent: [www.lordargent.com image 850x637] 

MINE!


He's got a lock on me! He's got a-
 
2012-08-16 10:08:46 PM  
EVERYBODY DOS NOW!
 
2012-08-16 10:12:26 PM  

lordargent: [www.lordargent.com image 850x637] 

MINE!




Myself piloting a Nova Black Hawk with nothing but lasers (mostly Med. and Large). This meant your ass. Use the 4-way thumb switch on a Thrustmaster joystick (giggity) attached to jump-jets and you couldn't land a pack of SRMs on me.
 
2012-08-17 12:20:19 AM  

UberDave: lordargent: [www.lordargent.com image 850x637] 

MINE!



Myself piloting a Nova Black Hawk with nothing but lasers (mostly Med. and Large). This meant your ass. Use the 4-way thumb switch on a Thrustmaster joystick (giggity) attached to jump-jets and you couldn't land a pack of SRMs on me.


I can't remember if that game had the tiny mechs (fireflys) or if they didn't show up until 3. The best use for them was to load up on heatsinks and a pair of flamers. Then you run right up next to somebody where they can't aim down far enough and cook their crotch til their legs blow off. :)

But yeah, on the big mechs I always prefered an array of 6 or so pulse lasers on group fire. Aim them correctly and you could cut parts off in 1 or 2 shots. It was brutal.

A new mech game with head tracking would be awesome. For that matter if somebody could hack in support for it in an old game it would still be awesome.
 
2012-08-17 12:48:45 AM  
UberDave: Myself piloting a Nova Black Hawk with nothing but lasers

Not my ass

// I piloted a Black Hawk with lasers :D

// Ice planets FTW.
 
2012-08-17 12:57:02 AM  

Fano: [25.media.tumblr.com image 402x546]

WAT


did they accidently do the cover art to Mr. Do!'s Castle?
 
2012-08-17 03:21:43 AM  

Bag of Hammers: [www.toplessrobot.com image 420x538]

This looks like Israel vs Palestine: The Game


In reality it's just a game where you manage a German soccer team. Played it for ages back then.
 
2012-08-17 09:18:50 AM  
No mention of this classic?

i406.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-17 10:34:54 AM  
www.emuparadise.me

Amazing...

best climactic ending sequence ever:

www.mobygames.com

www.mobygames.com

Put that code in, playa!

If you fark it all up, the United States is blown to smithereens by the Commies!
 
2012-08-17 11:17:09 AM  

UberDave: lordargent: [www.lordargent.com image 850x637] 

MINE!



Myself piloting a Nova Black Hawk with nothing but lasers (mostly Med. and Large). This meant your ass. Use the 4-way thumb switch on a Thrustmaster joystick (giggity) attached to jump-jets and you couldn't land a pack of SRMs on me.


Nova, strip off everything. Put all your weight in coolant, MLasers, and engine. Run real fast while face smashing the spacebar. Maybe add a ppc for a punch. Never overheat. Loved doing that.

Hacker_X: I can't remember if that game had the tiny mechs (fireflys) or if they didn't show up until 3. The best use for them was to load up on heatsinks and a pair of flamers. Then you run right up next to somebody where they can't aim down far enough and cook their crotch til their legs blow off. :)


Elementals were in the game as enemies only*

*there was a hack patch or cheat or something to play as them.

/but then, aren't Elementals just armor?
 
2012-08-17 12:28:44 PM  
HEY! I OWNED BEYOND THE BLACK HOLE ON MY TANDY 1000!

It's one-player Pong with ridiculously difficult puzzles built around the engine, you move paddles up and down and hit space or your joystick button to hit the icon "below" your ship. It's billed as being 3D, but it's monoscopic 3D. Close one eye and you get the same effect.

You have a single tank of fuel, if your run out, you lose. If you run out of time, you lose. If you attempt to solve the puzzles incorrectly on occasion, you'll lose. You can hit the correct targets and little bastards fly towards either your ship (there goes MORE fuel!) or your paddles (Thus, decreasing your whackin' size and emasculating you to the improbably placed chess pieces floating in space). There's two levels called, "Rabbits Do" and "Checkmate" (IIRC) that will eat an entire weekend.

Then there's the whole "refueling" minigame (it should be called "That keyboard is made out of steel and ain't surviving past ten tonight") where you have to hit pods to gain about 1/12,000 of a tank of fuel. Which is depleted by time, hitting icons, missing icons and, finally, the pure spite of The Software Toolworks programmers, who ultimately just hated humanity.

Threre are 32 levels. Nine of which you will not only never see, but can CRASH certain computers (there's a list in the box that has a shiatload of computers that will auto-crash trying to run it). It runs fine under DOSbox.

As for the graphics and sound... well, they're there for what it's worth. In addition to this; the game only runs in CGA (Naughty-bits-pink, FAAAAABULOUS sky-blue, black and white).

If I haven't said so already, I farking hate this game.
 
2012-08-17 12:59:07 PM  
Thanks Fark now I am going to have to reload Urqan Masters.... bunch of jerks. There goes my weekend.
 
2012-08-18 08:23:08 AM  
www.elisoftware.org

I think that one beats them all!
 
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