FARK.com: (7270555) The more you know: It takes eight months for frozen elephant sperm to clear French customs

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		The more you know: It takes eight months for frozen elephant sperm to clear French customs (news.yahoo.com)		31
		More: Interesting, Tonga, Pittsburgh Zoo, Asian Elephant, hypersonic flight, Wildlife Research

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1451 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Aug 2012 at 8:18 PM | Favorite | share:

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Porous Horace		2012-08-15 08:22:19 PM

You have to pull harder.

PsyLord		2012-08-15 08:22:52 PM

Protip: They would swim faster if they weren't frozen.

FunkOut		2012-08-15 08:22:55 PM

I saw a nature special on Oasis HD about elephant conservation in Thailand. They were collecting elephant sperm for genetic testing and this little Thai guy was standing on a chair, hand up the bull elephant's butt, literally punching the elephant in the prostate. Some other crew member was down below with a container.

What a terrible job.

vodka		2012-08-15 08:24:04 PM

electroejaculation? I wonder what that's like

Ed Finnerty		2012-08-15 08:26:54 PM

They must use teeth.

BlowPopGirl		2012-08-15 08:27:27 PM

vodka: electroejaculation? I wonder what that's like

sounds sexy

Mr_Ectomy		2012-08-15 08:27:31 PM

8 months? I needed it NOW!

The cake is ruined, jerks!

Ed Finnerty		2012-08-15 08:31:55 PM

BlowPopGirl: vodka: electroejaculation? I wonder what that's like

sounds sexy

It's not as sexy as you'd think. NSFW-ish link

martid4		2012-08-15 08:37:22 PM

She wouldn't open her mouth?

brap		2012-08-15 08:37:51 PM

Since mops are out of the question I imagine a trunk full of elephant sperm at the elephant porno theater would be an idicator of that you have the worst trained elephant job ever.

SwiftFox		2012-08-15 08:44:43 PM

From South Africa?

The French would have import regulations regarding livestock diseases, not surprising they were picky about it.

Maechyll		2012-08-15 08:45:10 PM

A: Elephants
Q: What's grey and comes in quarts?

Random Bastage		2012-08-15 08:49:40 PM

If your sperm wants to go to France, they are probably not the most powerful swimmers anyway.

I_Can't_Believe_it's_not_Boutros		2012-08-15 08:50:50 PM

I'm not even hungry anymore.

Ambivalence		2012-08-15 08:51:16 PM

Does customs provide the means to keep it frozen that entire time or does it thaw out?

knbwhite		2012-08-15 08:55:18 PM

I imagined this the same as confiscated drugs or cash. Confiscated 8 quarts, transferred 4 quarts, moved 2 quarts, returned the 1 quart, etc.

Crosshair		2012-08-15 09:03:07 PM

and it takes 6 months for the ATF to approve a Form 4; a single page, two sided tax document.

\Government is inefficient and doesn't do its job properly, more at 11.

TommyymmoT		2012-08-15 09:10:05 PM

Well it's too late now, my dinner party is already ruined.

Nothing To See Here		2012-08-15 09:12:39 PM

Come again ?

Ima_Lurker		2012-08-15 09:32:34 PM

what were they doing, taste testing?

give me doughnuts		2012-08-15 10:33:47 PM

And it never mixes with pig DNA.

Yaxe		2012-08-15 10:34:38 PM

Ed Finnerty: BlowPopGirl: vodka: electroejaculation? I wonder what that's like

sounds sexy

It's not as sexy as you'd think. NSFW-ish link

Kinda glad I have noscript on. From wikipedia:

Electroejaculation is usually carried out under a general anesthetic. An electric probe is inserted into the rectum adjacent to the prostate. The probe delivers an AC voltage, usually 12-24 volts sine wave at a frequency of 60 Hz, with a current limited to usually 500 mA, although some devices can generate currents of up to 1 A. The probe is activated for 1-2 seconds, referred to as a stimulus cycle. Ejaculation usually occurs after 2-3 stimulus cycles. Care must be taken when using currents greater than 500 mA, as tissue burns may result due to heating of the probe.[1] The stimulus voltage stimulates nearby nerves, resulting in contraction of the pelvic muscles and ejaculation. This procedure is used frequently with large mammals, particularly bulls and some domestic animals, as well as humans who have certain types of paralysis or erectile dysfunction.

They shove a battery up your ass and taze your prostate till you blow your load. Because of the electricity also causing muscles to spasm and move, this generally only used on large males, humans who are paralyzed below the waistline, and extremely rarely, stallions under general anesthesia.

Links		2012-08-15 11:24:49 PM

Babar ejacquesulated.

/Babearnaise

fark'emfeed'emfish		2012-08-15 11:39:58 PM

frogs are pro life, have we learned nothing for teh Goldblum?

Gyrfalcon		2012-08-15 11:44:47 PM

Yaxe: Ed Finnerty: BlowPopGirl: vodka: electroejaculation? I wonder what that's like

sounds sexy

It's not as sexy as you'd think. NSFW-ish link

Kinda glad I have noscript on. From wikipedia:

Electroejaculation is usually carried out under a general anesthetic. An electric probe is inserted into the rectum adjacent to the prostate. The probe delivers an AC voltage, usually 12-24 volts sine wave at a frequency of 60 Hz, with a current limited to usually 500 mA, although some devices can generate currents of up to 1 A. The probe is activated for 1-2 seconds, referred to as a stimulus cycle. Ejaculation usually occurs after 2-3 stimulus cycles. Care must be taken when using currents greater than 500 mA, as tissue burns may result due to heating of the probe.[1] The stimulus voltage stimulates nearby nerves, resulting in contraction of the pelvic muscles and ejaculation. This procedure is used frequently with large mammals, particularly bulls and some domestic animals, as well as humans who have certain types of paralysis or erectile dysfunction.

They shove a battery up your ass and taze your prostate till you blow your load. Because of the electricity also causing muscles to spasm and move, this generally only used on large males, humans who are paralyzed below the waistline, and extremely rarely, stallions under general anesthesia.

I would pay good money to see someone try to Tase a stallions balls while the horse was awake...

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-08-16 01:12:54 AM

They won't go through the x-ray machine, so each one needs to be searched individually

/must be searching for jizhadis

Gyrfalcon		2012-08-16 01:15:27 AM

MaudlinMutantMollusk: They won't go through the x-ray machine, so each one needs to be searched individually

/must be searching for jizhadis

Did you come up with that on your own? How drunk are you?

MaudlinMutantMollusk		2012-08-16 01:25:36 AM

Gyrfalcon: MaudlinMutantMollusk: They won't go through the x-ray machine, so each one needs to be searched individually

/must be searching for jizhadis

Did you come up with that on your own? How drunk are you?

Did I come up with that on my own? Would anyone else want to take ~~credit~~ the blame for it?

/a bit
//is that a problem?

stonelotus		2012-08-16 01:51:00 AM

Maechyll: A: Elephants
Q: What's grey and comes in quarts?

came for this.

not like that.

FibSeq		2012-08-16 10:01:39 AM

Jizhadi is now the porno title of the week!

I know it doesn't work this way but ever since reading Fluke and its awkward scene with whale sperm I keep imagining sperm size increases proportionally with the animal thus making whale sperm the size of lab mice or something. Its the freakiest unwanted visual I've ever come up with. Thanks for the reminder!

aimaim		2012-08-16 02:11:29 PM

Electroejaculation, though sounding pretty simple is not something you want undertake as a DIY project.

It's really painful, and you get these burns, and the only ejaculate was from the completely wrong orifice.

Anyway that's what someone told me.

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