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(Uproxx)   "Oh wait, normally when I roast a pig, it has an apple in its mouth." - 1 of 20 best jokes from Roseanne's Comedy Central Roast   (uproxx.com) divider line 75
    More: Amusing, Roseanne Barr, Comedy Central, human beings, Sara Gilbert, Katey Sagal, Sam Kinison, Jeffrey Ross, Cheesecake Factory  
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8859 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Aug 2012 at 3:13 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-13 06:22:57 PM  

Mugato: Katy Sagal looked nice. I haven't seen her in anything since Married With Children so I just assumed she was like 70 or something but she's sort of hot. She aged a lot better than her brother Steven.


She's on Sons Of Anarchy, and she does look great, with an awesome veneer of I-will-kick-your-farking-ass-and-you'll-like-it.
 
2012-08-13 06:35:11 PM  

troymccluresf: She's on Sons Of Anarchy, and she does look great, with an awesome veneer of I-will-kick-your-farking-ass-and-you'll-like-it.


I get that vibe from Joanie "Chyna" Laurer, Anne Hathaway, and Sophie Winkleman, the Lady Frederick Windsor.
 
2012-08-13 06:40:52 PM  
Remember when roasts were a rare, time-honored tradition, meant to celebrate the lifetime achievements of great comedians?

Y'know, before Comedy Central stole the idea in 2002 from the Friar's Club, after televising the Friar's Club roasts for four years, and then turned that tradition into a declining, decade-long sideshow?
 
2012-08-13 06:41:50 PM  

FormlessOne: Remember when roasts were a rare, time-honored tradition, meant to celebrate the lifetime achievements of great comedians?

Y'know, before Comedy Central stole the idea in 2002 from the Friar's Friars' Club, after televising the Friar's Friars' Club roasts for four years, and then turned that tradition into a declining, decade-long sideshow?


FTFM. Bad habit.
 
2012-08-13 06:49:48 PM  
Seth MacFarlane is absolutely the best roastmaster ever. He did an amazing job on the David Hasselhoff one.

And am I the only one who enjoyed Mike Tyson's effort on the Charlie Sheen roast? It was so bizarre and odd that it was worth watching again just for the WTF factor.

The best line ever was by George Takei to William Shatner. Shatner made a dramatic appearance at the beginning by riding a horse to the stage. At the end of the night, Takei turned to Shatner and said, "I can finally say what I've waited 40 years to say. fark you and the horse you rode in on!"
 
2012-08-13 07:26:24 PM  

HopScotchNSoda: Onkel Buck: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Tom Arnold had all the best zings. Everything else was "Oh, she's fat"

Yah but he banged her, thats why he got all the best jokes. He earned them


His delivery was also perfect. He wasn't telling jokes; he was a guy laughing about the horrific shiat he went through. He came across like his character in True Lies


You should dig up his episode of Fitzdog Radio. He has a crazy background, and is truly likeable as well as just a bit on the entertaining side of things.
 
2012-08-13 07:26:50 PM  
Yeah, there just wasn't any bite. Even Jeffrey Ross, who is the Official Roast Master just payed it all broad and lame. Maybe because be has a new show coming up.
 
2012-08-13 07:37:26 PM  

gingerjet: Orgasmatron138: I miss when this was actually done by the Friar's Club.

And it was better when all the material didn't have to be submitted before hand for approval by the producers.

/the roast of Drew Carey was one of the best


There is no better moment for me than Gary Busey roasting himself (it was Larry the Cable Guy's roast).
 
2012-08-13 07:45:16 PM  
Dear Comedy Central,

I was really disappointed in that Roast of Rosanne. I get she was a trailblazer for most women comics, but maybe BRING comics to the stage next time.
1) The Dais was messed up. Why are you separating the talent? Style over substance. You have them together so you can film them more and see their reactions. Maybe that was the point, since most of the "stars" weren't comedians and you didn't want to show that part.
2) Because you were IN a comedy, doesn't make you funny.
I love Katey Sagel, but that was clearly read. You could even see where she got thrown off.
Let comedians do their job. Shumer, Jezilnek and Gottfried killed along with Ross.
Carrie Fisher was painful to watch. "Oh, you all have such fresh jokes about PMS and being fat.". You're right, Princess. But here's a shock. We all know you did cocaine back then too. You frickin' WROTE comedy, but last night wwas about as funny as a PTA meeting.
3) Ellen Barkin.....I mean....ELLEN BARKIN? Really? I realize Greg Giraldo and Patrice O'Neal passed away, but you can't throw a rock in L.A. without hitting a comedian who's funnier. Jim Norton, Judy Norton, Sarah Silverman, Rich Vos, Nick DePaulo, Bill Burr.
She may have been a friend to Rosanne and that's how she got on there, but good gosh, even drunk she wasn't funny. It's like she was asleep.
Well, at least half of her, anyway.
I fear Comedy Central has lost it's way like SyFy channel showing wrestling.

Funniest quote:
Amy: Carrie Fisher has cut more lines than a crippled kid at Disneyland.
 
2012-08-13 07:46:48 PM  

vrax: SkylineRecords: Going to a roast dressed as Joe Paterno is the true sign of a sellout hack.

A sellout hack dressed as a sellout hack seems appropriate.


Both of you are dumb.
Go sit in a corner.
 
2012-08-13 08:35:22 PM  

Dr.Knockboots: The best joke was the one that wasn't aired....(CC being too afraid)

Jeff Ross turns to Seth Green :

"Seth, you haven't gotten this much attention since you shot all those people in Aurora,"
Then goes on to finish him with:
"You're actually not like James Holmes. He was doing things in a theater that people remember."

GOOD LORD that is brutally hilarious!!!


Now that's funny.

Can't they get together a bunch of people to riff on each other without some star of yester-year being roasted?
 
2012-08-13 08:38:01 PM  
I'd have to say my favorite of the night was from the first girl: "Carrie, you've cut more lines than a crippled kid at Disneyland"
 
2012-08-13 09:32:33 PM  
Every roast joke: " is so that "

/yawn
//Started losing interesting at Larry the Cable Guy.
///Never even watched the Hoff's
////Cut ties at Charlie Sheen.
//Greg should have gotten a posthumous roast.
//Let's roast slashies.
 
2012-08-13 09:35:35 PM  

LoneWolf343: Every roast joke: "[Guest] is so [insulting adjective] that [random offensive analogy]"


HTML-pwned myself.

/I fail so hard that even Palin knows it.
 
2012-08-13 09:41:16 PM  

Zombie DJ: vrax: SkylineRecords: Going to a roast dressed as Joe Paterno is the true sign of a sellout hack.

A sellout hack dressed as a sellout hack seems appropriate.

Both of you are dumb.
Go sit in a corner.


Well...uhh...your face is dumb!
 
2012-08-13 11:23:32 PM  

HopScotchNSoda:
Has Katy Sagal had work done? She looks quite different and much better than she did even a few years ago on Eight Simple Rules. She's not Leela hot, but definitely spank-worthy. Between the new look and the glasses, I initially mistook her for a facelifted Mary McDonnell.



Now I *gotta* click the link.

She was "meh" on MWC, but I was watching one of the special features on one of the Futurama DVD movies, and she was in the recording studio in generic sweatpants/T-shirt kind of crap, hair not done, no makeup, etc - you know, like you'd dress if your job was talking into a microphone instead of being photogenic - and I thought, wow, she doesn't need any cleaning up to be fine. Natural beauty is best beauty.
 
2012-08-13 11:26:08 PM  

Onkel Buck: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Tom Arnold had all the best zings. Everything else was "Oh, she's fat"

Yah but he banged her, thats why he got all the best jokes. He earned them


Not just that, but the best jokes have truth to them.

I nearly spit my coffee when I heard some of this lines this morning on the radio. Best was along the lines of "I wish the both of you a long and happy marriage. Because, you do NOT want her as an ex-wife!"
 
2012-08-14 12:02:39 AM  

downstairs: I don't think I've ever seen someone age from pretty ugly (Married with Children)


What the actual fark are you talking about? This is one of the most insane things I've ever read on Fark and I mostly hang out in the politics tab.
 
2012-08-14 12:06:27 AM  

whither_apophis: The My Little Pony Killer: Wow, look at all that low-hanging fruit!

did she not wear a bra?


This. Right here. More humorous than anything I read in TFA.
 
2012-08-14 05:54:10 AM  
You're oversized, beat up, and you reek of marijuana. You're kind of like Willie Nelson's tour bus. Except people still want to ride that." - Wayne Brady
 
2012-08-14 09:09:11 AM  
I liked the Hefner roast; it just seemed like there were a lot more roasters. It also ended up being the funniest thing Sarah Silverman ever did:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fMWvJRNGqE
 
2012-08-14 09:48:44 AM  

Iceberg659: downstairs: I don't think I've ever seen someone age from pretty ugly (Married with Children)

What the actual fark are you talking about? This is one of the most insane things I've ever read on Fark and I mostly hang out in the politics tab.


I get where he's coming from, but that was the point with her Peg character. That's why she had the hideous bouffant wig, whiny voice, and tacky clothes, to make her look less attractive. But the episode where she played Death and had her normal dark hair and used her regular voice and demeanor showed she was still very hot back then.
 
2012-08-14 01:15:36 PM  

AiryAnne: Some funny lines, bu overrall I think it was the worst roast they've had.

The best in order from best:

William Shatner
Bob Saget
Flava Flav
Pam Anderson (Except Andy Dick and I rate highly because I truly expected it to suck balls)


I kinda have the same 4 but in a different order......
Flav
Pam
Shatner
Faget (tied with Larry the Cable Guy)
 
2012-08-14 01:19:02 PM  
I thought Both Rosanne and Tom Arnold showed an unexpected amount of grace and poise both on and back stage. Good for them!

The panel of roasters misses the classic comics though, with only Jeff Ross hanging in there. I never got tired of listening to Lampinelli talk about her fat box.
 
2012-08-14 10:09:38 PM  
Amy Schumer about Ellen Barkin "I ain's saying she's a gold digger but she ain't messing with no broke Wayne Bradys." And pretty much everything that came out of Gilbert Gottfried's mouth.
 
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