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(Uproxx)   "Oh wait, normally when I roast a pig, it has an apple in its mouth." - 1 of 20 best jokes from Roseanne's Comedy Central Roast   (uproxx.com) divider line 75
    More: Amusing, Roseanne Barr, Comedy Central, human beings, Sara Gilbert, Katey Sagal, Sam Kinison, Jeffrey Ross, Cheesecake Factory  
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8858 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 13 Aug 2012 at 3:13 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-13 11:33:44 AM
That roast seemed rather lacking in material, 90% of the jokes were just fat jokes. Don't they have writers? There's tonnes more stuff you could roast her for than her weight.
 
2012-08-13 11:37:12 AM
Wow, look at all that low-hanging fruit!
 
2012-08-13 11:44:00 AM
I saw that first Becky was sitting in the audience. Second Becky was probably busy working.
 
2012-08-13 11:52:25 AM
Over everything she's said and done over the last decade, they go with fat jokes? Disappointing
 
2012-08-13 11:52:53 AM
The John Ritter joke was truly tasteless.

/i approve
 
2012-08-13 11:56:13 AM
Tom Arnold had all the best zings. Everything else was "Oh, she's fat"
 
2012-08-13 11:58:17 AM

Codenamechaz: Over everything she's said and done over the last decade, they go with fat jokes? Disappointing


Lowest common denominator. Comedy Central Roasts are basically a real-life "Ow! My Balls" from Idiocracy. If you watch clips on YouTube of the old Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts, they were done right. Lots of biting commentary, all in good fun, but a lot better than "LULZ Y U SO FAT?! LOLOLOLOLOL"
 
2012-08-13 12:08:09 PM
Wayne Brady (to Jeff Ross): "Now the thing is Jeff ... these are all jokes, and I really like you. I really, really like you. But a lot of people hate you, especially Sarah Palin because you remind her of what Trig is going to look like when he's 40."
 
2012-08-13 12:08:20 PM
Wayne Brady to Jeff Ross:
"Now the thing is Jeff ... these are all jokes, and I really like you. I really, really like you. But a lot of people hate you, especially Sarah Palin because you remind her of what Trig is going to look like when he's 40."

That's funny right there.
 
2012-08-13 12:25:29 PM
I'd like to bang Katie Segall.
 
2012-08-13 12:31:56 PM

jimmyego: That roast seemed rather lacking in material, 90% of the jokes were just fat jokes. Don't they have writers? There's tonnes more stuff you could roast her for than her weight.


It's pretty much what Carrie Fisher said during her set: The Roast was mostly a collection of fat chick jokes, old lady jokes, menopause jokes, and drug-addict jokes. Of course, she looked kinda pissed about the whole thing, I just thought she was being honest.
 
2012-08-13 12:52:58 PM
The last time I saw a headline this bad, subby was getting a train run on him at the burn clinic.
 
2012-08-13 01:08:24 PM
The best joke was the one that wasn't aired....(CC being too afraid)

Jeff Ross turns to Seth Green :

"Seth, you haven't gotten this much attention since you shot all those people in Aurora,"
Then goes on to finish him with:
"You're actually not like James Holmes. He was doing things in a theater that people remember."

GOOD LORD that is brutally hilarious!!!
 
2012-08-13 01:30:51 PM
I thought Brady, Schumer and Ross were the only ones that got me to laugh. Jeselnik seemed surprisingly watered down. I sure hope they're not neutering him since he's about to have a show. He's one of my favorite new comics over the last few years and his live shows are brutal. Schumer looks like she'll go on to have a good career. Unless she already has one, Wiki doesn't have much info.
 
2012-08-13 01:34:35 PM

Dr.Knockboots: The best joke was the one that wasn't aired....(CC being too afraid)

Jeff Ross turns to Seth Green :

"Seth, you haven't gotten this much attention since you shot all those people in Aurora,"
Then goes on to finish him with:
"You're actually not like James Holmes. He was doing things in a theater that people remember."

GOOD LORD that is brutally hilarious!!!


Between that, and the joke about Roseanne's molester, and coming dressed as Joe Paterno... Jeff Ross is awesome.
 
2012-08-13 01:45:23 PM
Whoever went first, I thought she was funny... but yeah, it pretty much was hit-or-miss.
 
2012-08-13 03:18:05 PM
No. I asked for a list of the good jokes.
 
2012-08-13 03:19:48 PM
I hope that when Patrice O'Neal's and Greg Giraldo's lives flashed in front of their eyes, they were able to sleep during their roast appearances like I did when I watched them.
 
2012-08-13 03:20:29 PM
I miss when this was actually done by the Friar's Club.
 
2012-08-13 03:23:39 PM
"Rozilla, stomping through Hollywood for decades, breathing fire through her hairy snout, burning bridge after bridge, her glowing red eyes striking anyone unfortunate enough to look at her hideous face." - Gilbert Gottfried

That was one of my faves of the night.
 
2012-08-13 03:24:47 PM
"Rosie, this is true - she actually had 'Property of Tom Arnold' tattooed on her hip, which made me the fourth largest property owner in California." - Tom Arnold


When Tom was on Late Night - Letterman made a comment that Rosanne made fun of his 'size' whereas Tom responded - everything looks small next to the grand canyon.

/it was a setup - but damn funnier than anything I read on that page
 
2012-08-13 03:26:20 PM

Orgasmatron138: I miss when this was actually done by the Friar's Club.


And it was better when all the material didn't have to be submitted before hand for approval by the producers.

/the roast of Drew Carey was one of the best
 
2012-08-13 03:27:05 PM

KatjaMouse: "Rozilla, stomping through Hollywood for decades, breathing fire through her hairy snout, burning bridge after bridge, her glowing red eyes striking anyone unfortunate enough to look at her hideous face." - Gilbert Gottfried

That was one of my faves of the night.


Gilbert Gottfried had me crying with the "pelt on the microphone" jokes about Jane Lynch
 
2012-08-13 03:34:30 PM
I thought that Gilbert Godfried was the funniest of the night. And I usually hate Gilbert Godfried. Gained some new respect for his comedic abilities last night.

The rest of the roast was very average.
 
2012-08-13 03:36:04 PM
Telling fat jokes about Roseanne Barr is as original as saying that Lake Superior has a lot of water in it.
 
2012-08-13 03:48:28 PM
Some funny lines, bu overrall I think it was the worst roast they've had.

The best in order from best:

William Shatner
Bob Saget
Flava Flav
Pam Anderson (Except Andy Dick and I rate highly because I truly expected it to suck balls)
 
2012-08-13 03:54:21 PM
Going to a roast dressed as Joe Paterno is the true sign of a sellout hack. Are his writers 14 years old?
 
2012-08-13 03:57:14 PM

alwaysjaded: Jeselnik seemed surprisingly watered down. I sure hope they're not neutering him since he's about to have a show. He's one of my favorite new comics over the last few years and his live shows are brutal. Schumer looks like she'll go on to have a good career. Unless she already has one, Wiki doesn't have much info.


See, I thought that it wasn't so much that he was watered down, it's that he was going more for "shocking" than he was "funny." Totally agree with you about him being a favorite new comic.

/Greg Giraldo's absence is really being felt at these things.
 
2012-08-13 04:02:39 PM

The My Little Pony Killer: Wow, look at all that low-hanging fruit!


did she not wear a bra?
 
2012-08-13 04:05:13 PM

gingerjet: Orgasmatron138: I miss when this was actually done by the Friar's Club.

And it was better when all the material didn't have to be submitted before hand for approval by the producers.

/the roast of Drew Carey was one of the best


That was when it was still affiliated with the Friars club and they had people who actually knew the Honoree do the roasting. Seriously who are these farking people?
Dennis Leary's was also pretty good.
 
2012-08-13 04:18:24 PM
I only really laughed out loud at one.

"Roseanne, even though you're a feminist icon, so many men have gotten rich off of you: Tom Arnold, John Goodman, the guy who owns the Cheesecake Factory." - Anthony Jeselnik
 
2012-08-13 04:23:07 PM

SkylineRecords: Going to a roast dressed as Joe Paterno is the true sign of a sellout hack.


A sellout hack dressed as a sellout hack seems appropriate.
 
2012-08-13 04:23:26 PM

Uncle Pooky:

See, I thought that it wasn't so much that he was watered down, it's that he was going more for "shocking" than he was "funny." Totally agree with you about him being a favorite new comic.



That right there is why I started to hate Family Guy when it came back. I really hope Jeselnik isn't on the downswing cause he was one of the best that came out of 09. So did Jon LaJoie, T.J. Miller, Donald Glover, and Matt Braunger who made a baby owl bit funny.

gingerjet:

/the roast of Drew Carey was one of the best


Yep. I wouldn't have been surprised if Drew himself had written half of those jokes.
 
2012-08-13 04:35:43 PM
What was the "uppity-slave" line about Brady? TFA mentioned it but did not list it?
 
2012-08-13 04:47:49 PM

SkylineRecords: Going to a roast dressed as Joe Paterno is the true sign of a sellout hack. Are his writers 14 years old?


They kept all that crap, and cut the Aurora joke? Really?
 
2012-08-13 05:06:59 PM

EdVenture: What was the "uppity-slave" line about Brady? TFA mentioned it but did not list it?


Can't recall the actual line but the jist was "And I loved your work, especially when you played the uppity slave all those years on Whose Line is it Anyway?"

Brady also opened up his roast with "Is Wayne Brady going to have to choke a butch?" (directed at Jane Lynch)
 
2012-08-13 05:38:54 PM
I liked the Larry The Cable Guy roast, personally. Probably in my top 3.

"Some people say Larry's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right." - Greg Giraldo

"How come nobody talks about your other personaes that didn't work out so well. You know, like Dan the Comedian." - Jeffrey Ross
 
2012-08-13 05:46:31 PM
None of these roasts live up to Martin's. When Tom Arnold has the best jokes in the room you know you are in trouble. But at least I didn't have to sit through Lisa Lampanelli's fat ass likes black dik jokes.
 
2012-08-13 05:49:44 PM
Nobody, I mean NOBODY can tell a joke like Gilbert Godfrey. He is always the funniest on these things.
 
2012-08-13 05:49:54 PM
Anyone catch the pic of Katey Sagal in the comments section? Holy crap is that woman hot.
 
2012-08-13 05:50:38 PM

jimmyego: That roast seemed rather lacking in material, 90% of the jokes were just fat jokes. Don't they have writers? There's tonnes more stuff you could roast her for than her weight.


THIS

I look forward to the roasts every year. Yeah, they're all racial and gay jokes but that's what they always were, even in the Friar days. But they were done with style and ultimately, love. But this one really sucked. Maybe because all the good roasters are either recently dead or didn't show up. There's only so many jokes about chaining Carrie Fisher to Roseanne you can make before it becomes a little hacky.
 
2012-08-13 05:52:42 PM

bulok: Anyone catch the pic of Katey Sagal in the comments section? Holy crap is that woman hot.


This... I don't think I've ever seen someone age from pretty ugly (Married with Children) to farking hot.

Of course, maybe she was trying to be somewhat of a hag on MWC. Don't know what she looked like in the 80's outside of that show.
 
2012-08-13 05:58:16 PM

downstairs: I liked the Larry The Cable Guy roast, personally. Probably in my top 3.


Maureen McCormick (Marsha Brady) was great.

(sweet, innocent 70's sitcom icon)

"Toby Keith, when you wake up tomorrow there's still going to be liberals in the world, mexicans and blacks, Muslims and Jews and high school graduates...and everyone else who hates your music."

"Jeff, I relate to you so profoundly. I, too, starred on a family sitcom where the father was secretly gay. We all know that your mustache is an outdated cry for help and that your tight jeans are a beacon to every truck-stop queen looking to have his balls drained during a cross-country haul."
 
2012-08-13 05:59:08 PM

Mugato: jimmyego: That roast seemed rather lacking in material, 90% of the jokes were just fat jokes. Don't they have writers? There's tonnes more stuff you could roast her for than her weight.

THIS

I look forward to the roasts every year. Yeah, they're all racial and gay jokes but that's what they always were, even in the Friar days. But they were done with style and ultimately, love. But this one really sucked. Maybe because all the good roasters are either recently dead or didn't show up. There's only so many jokes about chaining Carrie Fisher to Roseanne you can make before it becomes a little hacky.


I know a lot of people find her grating, but when Lampanelli was there, combined with Ross and Giraldo and all 3 just ripping on each other, those were the best roasts Comedy Central produced. Since Lampanelli moved on and Giraldo died, Ross simply doesn't have any motivation to up his game.

/Jeselnik could get there. Schumer tries too hard.
 
2012-08-13 06:01:31 PM
Some other good lines not in the article:
Schumer about Carrie Fisher: "She's cut more lines than a crippled kid at Disneyland."
Gilbert Gottfried's whole nonsensical (but painfully funny) tirade about the mat of pubic hair spewed out from Jane Lynch's mouth onto the microphone.
Seth Green's bit about Ellen Barkin's sexy crooked face winking at him back stage; that he didn't know if she was hitting on him or having a stroke.
Jeff Ross about Carrie Fisher: "R2D2 has gotten more work since Star Wars".
Tom Arnold's litany of experiences with Rosanne.

Has Katy Sagal had work done? She looks quite different and much better than she did even a few years ago on Eight Simple Rules. She's not Leela hot, but definitely spank-worthy. Between the new look and the glasses, I initially mistook her for a facelifted Mary McDonnell.
 
2012-08-13 06:05:56 PM

downstairs: I liked the Larry The Cable Guy roast, personally. Probably in my top 3.

"Some people say Larry's only successful because he's pandering to the lowest common denominator, blatantly and not ironically exploiting people's racist and homophobic tendencies. Don't listen to these people, Larry. They're just bitter and jealous and right." - Greg Giraldo

"How come nobody talks about your other personaes that didn't work out so well. You know, like Dan the Comedian." - Jeffrey Ross


"Dan the Comedian". That's funny right there.

/Or whatever his stupid schtick line is.
 
2012-08-13 06:08:28 PM

HopScotchNSoda: Gilbert Gottfried's whole nonsensical (but painfully funny) tirade about the mat of pubic hair spewed out from Jane Lynch's mouth onto the microphone.


That was probably the highlight because he won't let up. He doesn't give a fark and keeps plowing on. That's funnier than any cheap old joke about menopause or Seth Green being short.

Katy Sagal looked nice. I haven't seen her in anything since Married With Children so I just assumed she was like 70 or something but she's sort of hot. She aged a lot better than her brother Steven.
 
2012-08-13 06:12:29 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Tom Arnold had all the best zings. Everything else was "Oh, she's fat"


Yah but he banged her, thats why he got all the best jokes. He earned them
 
2012-08-13 06:13:49 PM
Little known fact about Katy Sagal: She is mentioned in writing in the Nicholas Cage movie, Valley Girl. This was back when she was mostly a singer, not an actress. When they first enter the nightclub in Hollywood, she's on the club's [real world] list of upcoming acts for that week - it's on the wall right next to the door.
 
2012-08-13 06:16:48 PM

Onkel Buck: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Tom Arnold had all the best zings. Everything else was "Oh, she's fat"

Yah but he banged her, thats why he got all the best jokes. He earned them



His delivery was also perfect. He wasn't telling jokes; he was a guy laughing about the horrific shiat he went through. He came across like his character in True Lies
 
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