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(USA Today)   Powerball jackpot rises to $305 million. What would YOU do with the cash?   (usatoday.com) divider line 40
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4746 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2012 at 7:04 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-08-12 04:02:11 PM  
19 votes:
610 chicks at the same time.
2012-08-12 06:48:30 PM  
10 votes:
Hunt Ted Nugent.
2012-08-12 07:13:52 PM  
5 votes:
Pay Mitt Romney's taxes this year for him.

/and still have 304,999,999 left over
2012-08-12 04:11:22 PM  
5 votes:
Pay off my Blockbuster late fees.
2012-08-12 07:10:04 PM  
4 votes:
Buy 152,500,000 Powerball tickets
2012-08-12 06:53:47 PM  
4 votes:
Lobby for tax increases on the lower and middle classes
2012-08-12 05:37:13 PM  
4 votes:
Launch a 304 million dollar campaign to legalize marijuana. Hold the other million for if it works.
2012-08-12 08:29:30 PM  
2 votes:
Tell damn near nobody, spend no more than 20% of net, make no 'I'm rich' purchases and quit working.

Oh, and make it rain on my wife. Then do her in the pooper.
2012-08-12 07:17:39 PM  
2 votes:
I'd be equipped with a good pair of walking shoes. Starting at Union Station, I'd head east on Van Buren across the river, perhaps viewing one of the intricate lift bridges in action.

My heart would race as I approached the world-famous Loop, named for the "loop" formed by the elevated train or "L" as it circles the downtown area. It would be Tuesday, so my admission is free at the Art Institute. My uncle's membership card gets me into the member's cafeteria, where I would dawdle over a delicious fruit cocktail.

Then I'd stroll down Michigan Avenue...it doesn't cost a dime to gaze in wonder at the elite shops of the Magnificent Mile. "Oh, no thanks, ma'am; just window shoppin'!" The new Comiskey Park beckons warmly from Halstead and 35th. The outfield bleachers are a great value and the always exciting White Sox promise to be a force in the American League West for years to come!

Finally, (thank goodness for my student I.D.!) I'd finish up at the Art Institute, the Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park, and Evanston.
2012-08-12 07:14:40 PM  
2 votes:
I would quit my job in such a way that would require several city permits, a lot of clean-up and probably one hell of a lawyer.
2012-08-12 07:11:02 PM  
2 votes:
Pay Drew's tab at the Chase.
2012-08-12 05:23:24 PM  
2 votes:
Pay off most of my student loans.
2012-08-12 04:57:13 PM  
2 votes:
I sure as shiat wouldn't buy any of you people TotalFark.
2012-08-12 04:12:58 PM  
2 votes:
Two submitter's moms at the same time, duh!
2012-08-12 04:05:18 PM  
2 votes:
Buy a congressman.
2012-08-13 12:00:53 AM  
1 votes:
Pay to outlaw threads about what people would spend the powerball jackpot on.
2012-08-12 10:36:32 PM  
1 votes:
Actually, I DID win a jackpot of that size. The only problem is, I'm the finance minister of a small African country that was just overthrown in a military coup, and I need YOUR help to get it out of the country before it gets confiscated by the new regime...
2012-08-12 09:46:00 PM  
1 votes:
Give my wife a grand life.............With out me.....somewhere else.
2012-08-12 09:26:19 PM  
1 votes:
Buy everything on GrablesDaughter's Amazon want list and then fly her out and give her an indecent proposal. Die in a mound of coca like Pacino.
2012-08-12 09:07:58 PM  
1 votes:
i1188.photobucket.com">
2012-08-12 08:35:35 PM  
1 votes:
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
2012-08-12 08:30:35 PM  
1 votes:

Nothing To See Here: I would buy FOX TV, then I would fire Tim McCarver out of a cannon.


FTFM

Also, take a bat to Chris Berman's back back back.
2012-08-12 08:25:20 PM  
1 votes:
Bribe a MOD to get one of my links Green Lit.
2012-08-12 08:21:47 PM  
1 votes:
Invest wisely and live off dividends and interest. Then I'd buy airtime for commercials thanking poor and middle-class Republican voters for sacrificing their best interests in order to help make me richer. And I'd make fun of them for it and let them know that I look down on them, because I would be their superior by virtue of being rich. I would publish a book called "Screw You, I Got Mine" pointing out how much I am benefiting from policies that screw them over. I would be absolutely unrepentant about not wanting to pay taxes I can easily afford and happy that the people who would actually benefit are happy to pay instead.

And if people accused me of being a "liberal plant," I'd say "Of course I am. But I'm also rich, and you're too stupid to do anything but pull the lever for Republicans. And thank you for being too stupid, my liberal bank account appreciates it." Because it's a win-win. Either they realize that they are voting against their best interests, or I make more money.

I'd be a real-life version of Stephen Colbert.

/never going to happen, but I can dream
2012-08-12 08:13:20 PM  
1 votes:
Hide as much of it as I could from the government and then straight to Vegas! I'd be dead in six weeks, they would find my bloated corpse covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.
2012-08-12 08:12:26 PM  
1 votes:
Vote Republican?
2012-08-12 07:47:19 PM  
1 votes:
Buy TotalFark for 5,083,333 months.

Buy a power hitter for a couple of years.

Go deep sea fishing.
2012-08-12 07:47:17 PM  
1 votes:
Buy $305 million in lottery tickets.

...I just had a sad when I remembered some people will actually do that.
2012-08-12 07:40:12 PM  
1 votes:
24.media.tumblr.com
Don't buy anything!
2012-08-12 07:38:04 PM  
1 votes:
static.neatoshop.com
2012-08-12 07:31:55 PM  
1 votes:
i50.tinypic.com

"i'd get a great big turnip in the country."
2012-08-12 07:29:31 PM  
1 votes:
i486.photobucket.com
2012-08-12 07:24:58 PM  
1 votes:
I'm too smart to fall into your trap...Win 305 million dollars under the tax oppression of the Obama regime? No way. The current tax rate disincetivizes me from winning the lottery. I refuse to win the powerball until the Ryan plan goes into effect.
2012-08-12 07:20:45 PM  
1 votes:

AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.


Just $100M? It's not even worth picking up the check for that kind of chump change.
2012-08-12 07:20:14 PM  
1 votes:
buy up sheer gobs of other lotteries about to happen -- complete random picks -- MULTIPLE DAYS ... if your random numbers dont hit one day -- they have a much better chance of happening the next.

You collect on 3/5, 4/5 too.
2012-08-12 07:16:13 PM  
1 votes:

LordSunder: Buy warehouse space downtown. Convert it to an Olympic style swimming venue. Invite inner city children to come and learn how to swim.


Iowan73: I would quit my job in such a way that would require several city permits, a lot of clean-up and probably one hell of a lawyer.


These two are tied for my favorites so far.
2012-08-12 07:14:21 PM  
1 votes:
Buy my father a red Corvette. He made me promise him that when I was little.

Go back to college. Get a PhD in computer science. Sit around and play video games all day. Whenever anyone asks why I don't do something more productive, I'd say, "Hey, that's DOCTOR do something productive!"
2012-08-12 07:10:48 PM  
1 votes:
I'd get a larger shark tank for my volcano lair, and maybe a space station with a giant laser.
2012-08-12 05:18:11 PM  
1 votes:
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
2012-08-12 05:08:24 PM  
1 votes:
I have a couple of ideas:

1. buy a chinese junk, hire a crew and sail down the east coast and around the Caribbean for a while.
2. put $100k into a bank account, and hire a local law firm to go down to traffic court and represent each and everyone there to the best of their ability...until they account runs dry.
3. try and buy WoTC and convert Torg to d20. hey - it cant be anymore fail than 4th edition.
4. go to the SCA ruling council and put $2 million on the table. the society can take the cash...but only if they name me a knight AND grant me the right to make 6 other people of my choice fellow knights. lets put those principals to the test, shall we?
5. donate $2 million to the local Democratic party. donate $4 million to the local libertarians...then sit back and watch the local GOP flail around and complain about how unfair it all is...
6. buy my sister a house on the Chesapeake bay. I'll need a home berth for my ship anyway.
7. buy 50 iPad threes. hand them out to everyone I know.
8. build the ULTIMATE PC game machine. make console players cry in left4dead 2 matches.
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.
 
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