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(USA Today)   Powerball jackpot rises to $305 million. What would YOU do with the cash?   (usatoday.com) divider line 340
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4755 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2012 at 7:04 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-12 04:02:11 PM  
610 chicks at the same time.
 
2012-08-12 04:05:18 PM  
Buy a congressman.
 
2012-08-12 04:05:51 PM  
Take it all out in $1 coins.
 
2012-08-12 04:11:22 PM  
Pay off my Blockbuster late fees.
 
2012-08-12 04:12:58 PM  
Two submitter's moms at the same time, duh!
 
2012-08-12 04:23:52 PM  
Charitable trust. Honestly.
 
2012-08-12 04:31:21 PM  
Are we doing this again?
 
2012-08-12 04:46:23 PM  
Endow the shiat out of an animal rescue.
 
2012-08-12 04:52:38 PM  
Finally pay off your mom, subby!
 
2012-08-12 04:57:13 PM  
I sure as shiat wouldn't buy any of you people TotalFark.
 
2012-08-12 05:08:24 PM  
I have a couple of ideas:

1. buy a chinese junk, hire a crew and sail down the east coast and around the Caribbean for a while.
2. put $100k into a bank account, and hire a local law firm to go down to traffic court and represent each and everyone there to the best of their ability...until they account runs dry.
3. try and buy WoTC and convert Torg to d20. hey - it cant be anymore fail than 4th edition.
4. go to the SCA ruling council and put $2 million on the table. the society can take the cash...but only if they name me a knight AND grant me the right to make 6 other people of my choice fellow knights. lets put those principals to the test, shall we?
5. donate $2 million to the local Democratic party. donate $4 million to the local libertarians...then sit back and watch the local GOP flail around and complain about how unfair it all is...
6. buy my sister a house on the Chesapeake bay. I'll need a home berth for my ship anyway.
7. buy 50 iPad threes. hand them out to everyone I know.
8. build the ULTIMATE PC game machine. make console players cry in left4dead 2 matches.
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.
 
2012-08-12 05:12:39 PM  

Vodka Zombie: Buy a congressman.


With only $305 million? You'll be lucky to get a Governor at that price.
 
2012-08-12 05:18:11 PM  
I would invest half of it in low risk mutual funds and then take the other half over to my friend Asadulah who works in securities...
 
2012-08-12 05:21:00 PM  
I think I would buy...

i263.photobucket.com

... a new suit.
 
2012-08-12 05:23:24 PM  
Pay off most of my student loans.
 
2012-08-12 05:24:13 PM  

Gwendolyn: Pay off most of my student loans.


i'm not sure $305 million will cover it.
 
2012-08-12 05:32:01 PM  
I'd buy a whole bunch of land on Hawaii, start growing sugar cane and then open my own premium rum distillery, bringing much needed employment and capital to the Big Island. I'd use the unprocessed cane for fuel for the stills. I'd also get involved with the recycling folks, and start melting down glass and plastic to make the bottles, to relieve the pressure on the island's landfills.

Then I'd hire a few really competent people to run the place so that I could lounge in a hammock reading, or sitting in the volcanic hot springs all day, because I could.
 
2012-08-12 05:33:08 PM  
Buy houses for myself, my son, my sister and my niece. Set aside money for future property taxes and bank the rest.

I'd probably take a cruise to Alaska as well.
 
2012-08-12 05:34:48 PM  

Bathia_Mapes: Buy houses for myself, my son, my sister and my niece. Set aside money for future property taxes and bank the rest.

I'd probably take a cruise to Alaska as well.


Forgot to mention that I'd also be making donations to Greenhill Humane Society, Food for Lane County (local food bank) and Friends of the Eugene Library.
 
2012-08-12 05:37:13 PM  
Launch a 304 million dollar campaign to legalize marijuana. Hold the other million for if it works.
 
2012-08-12 05:43:44 PM  
Want an actual answer? Run for the Senate.

Yes I'm serious. I'd run for President but I'm not old enough.
 
2012-08-12 05:50:01 PM  
1. Completely renovate house. Rent very nice apartment while renovations go on, cause I do not want to be in the middle of that nonsense. Hire lots of people to keep both house and apartment nice.
2. Two beach houses. One for me, one that my friends can use.
3. Some animal welfare agencies would get a lot of money.
4. Some friends who have had some rough times are going to get some real help.
5. Drinks on the house!
6. Stop worrying about whether or not I'll be able to retire.
 
2012-08-12 05:59:04 PM  

Cyno01: 610 chicks at the same time.


Done in one
 
2012-08-12 06:07:18 PM  
I wouldn't do anything because I wouldn't win because I would never buy Powerball because it's a tax on stupid.

/just sayin'
 
2012-08-12 06:25:08 PM  
Buy a Totalfark subscription for every single Farking one of you.
 
2012-08-12 06:30:33 PM  

notmtwain: Buy a Totalfark subscription for every single Farking one of you.


I'm still not going to sleep with you!
 
2012-08-12 06:36:50 PM  

notmtwain: Buy a Totalfark subscription for every single Farking one of you.


Drew might even be able to buy a color TV!
 
2012-08-12 06:48:30 PM  
Hunt Ted Nugent.
 
2012-08-12 06:53:47 PM  
Lobby for tax increases on the lower and middle classes
 
2012-08-12 06:54:02 PM  
Buy a small salmon river in the north west. Raise llamas and beefalo on the hill sides.
 
2012-08-12 07:02:53 PM  
I would buy a farm and raise yaks and rabbits and chickens and pay someone else to take care of and process them because I"ll be traveling a LOT with my husband.
 
2012-08-12 07:05:27 PM  
My first dream - fund military coup d'etats against Subsaharan African despots.
 
2012-08-12 07:08:52 PM  
step one: win lottery
step two: buy fark.com
step three:??????
step four: Profit
 
2012-08-12 07:09:53 PM  
Ban all the fark accounts I don't like.
 
2012-08-12 07:10:04 PM  
Buy 152,500,000 Powerball tickets
 
2012-08-12 07:10:48 PM  
I'd get a larger shark tank for my volcano lair, and maybe a space station with a giant laser.
 
2012-08-12 07:11:02 PM  
Pay Drew's tab at the Chase.
 
2012-08-12 07:11:51 PM  
I would buy myself a town, and write my own laws.

Worked for Hondo Crouch.
 
2012-08-12 07:12:12 PM  
Travel. Learn. Never work ever again.
 
2012-08-12 07:12:43 PM  

Vodka Zombie: Buy a congressman.


thought that just took 10$ and a cheap bottle of wine....

At least that what all the big businesses say...

BalugaJoe: Pay Drew's tab at the Chase.


fark man, that's national debt lightening change...
 
2012-08-12 07:13:02 PM  
1/3 would be for parties for me and my friends
1/3 would be for houses and fast cars and stuff
the last 1/3 I'd just blow frivolously
 
2012-08-12 07:13:04 PM  
Ha. Every time the lottery goes above $X we get this thread. I can sum up the responses this will see:

1) I'd spend it in ridiculously nerdy ways.
2) I wouldn't change and put most of it in the bank for my progeny.
3) POWERBALL IS DUM FOR DUMMIES HAR
4) Buy fark or everyone fark or 50000000 fark accounts or some such retardedness
 
2012-08-12 07:13:12 PM  
After I take it all out in cash and roll naked in it for a full day?
Put half in a trust to take care of my and my husbands siblings for the rest of their lives. Give a chunk to charities that are important to us. Buy a house and a little piece of land and never see or speak to another living soul who is not related to me.
 
2012-08-12 07:13:19 PM  

Ambivalence: I would buy a farm and raise yaks and rabbits and chickens and pay someone else to take care of and process them because I"ll be traveling a LOT with my husband.


You wouldn't process your husband first?
 
2012-08-12 07:13:23 PM  
Buy warehouse space downtown. Convert it to an Olympic style swimming venue. Invite inner city children to come and learn how to swim.
 
2012-08-12 07:13:38 PM  
Put it in the bank for a rainy day. Or I guess at that amount, a rainy century.
 
2012-08-12 07:13:52 PM  
Pay Mitt Romney's taxes this year for him.

/and still have 304,999,999 left over
 
2012-08-12 07:14:21 PM  
Buy my father a red Corvette. He made me promise him that when I was little.

Go back to college. Get a PhD in computer science. Sit around and play video games all day. Whenever anyone asks why I don't do something more productive, I'd say, "Hey, that's DOCTOR do something productive!"
 
2012-08-12 07:14:40 PM  
I would quit my job in such a way that would require several city permits, a lot of clean-up and probably one hell of a lawyer.
 
2012-08-12 07:15:19 PM  

Cyno01: 610 chicks at the same time.


That's 305 mill, not 122 thou. Most gals in the biz will do doubles for about 200 each. Especially since you're unlike to "do" more than a half-dozen or so, even with viagra and speed keeping you going. The rest will just cuddle each other, make moaning noises, check the clock regularly, then take the cash and say "so long, sucker, please call again."
 
2012-08-12 07:16:03 PM  
Travel my ass off, buy houses for people who need them in my family, put my godson through college, tell my absentee relatives who try to get money off of me to find pictures of us in the same room/yard together (good farking luck), do some extreme family tree work, and just generally enjoy life.
 
2012-08-12 07:16:13 PM  

LordSunder: Buy warehouse space downtown. Convert it to an Olympic style swimming venue. Invite inner city children to come and learn how to swim.


Iowan73: I would quit my job in such a way that would require several city permits, a lot of clean-up and probably one hell of a lawyer.


These two are tied for my favorites so far.
 
2012-08-12 07:16:27 PM  
Become a miser.
 
2012-08-12 07:16:31 PM  
1.) Quit my job
2.) Renew my passport
3.) Book a trans-Atlantic cruise to Italy

Beyond those 3 things, i have no idea. I don't need (or want) a lot of space to live in. ( as long as I can live in a peaceful & quiet enviroment, I'm good)
 
2012-08-12 07:16:41 PM  
The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.
 
2012-08-12 07:17:09 PM  
Buy all of the weed.
 
2012-08-12 07:17:09 PM  
not pay taxes on my winnings
 
2012-08-12 07:17:31 PM  
Buy my way out this horrendous relationship I'm in, and try to get the best visitation rights as possible for my daughter.
 
2012-08-12 07:17:39 PM  
I'd be equipped with a good pair of walking shoes. Starting at Union Station, I'd head east on Van Buren across the river, perhaps viewing one of the intricate lift bridges in action.

My heart would race as I approached the world-famous Loop, named for the "loop" formed by the elevated train or "L" as it circles the downtown area. It would be Tuesday, so my admission is free at the Art Institute. My uncle's membership card gets me into the member's cafeteria, where I would dawdle over a delicious fruit cocktail.

Then I'd stroll down Michigan Avenue...it doesn't cost a dime to gaze in wonder at the elite shops of the Magnificent Mile. "Oh, no thanks, ma'am; just window shoppin'!" The new Comiskey Park beckons warmly from Halstead and 35th. The outfield bleachers are a great value and the always exciting White Sox promise to be a force in the American League West for years to come!

Finally, (thank goodness for my student I.D.!) I'd finish up at the Art Institute, the Shedd Aquarium, Lincoln Park, and Evanston.
 
2012-08-12 07:17:42 PM  
Tell the wife to get lost and drown in coke and hookers.
 
2012-08-12 07:18:04 PM  
I would do your mom, 305million times
 
2012-08-12 07:18:09 PM  
Funny, was about to go to the gas station to see if the powerball was still high.

I would probably donate a couple million each to the Red Cross, American Cancer Society, National Wildlife Fund, and Doctors Without Borders. Put the rest in a Swiss bank and Cayman Islands account, and live the rest of my life in luxury. Fark, I'd still get a degree from college, 3 years away from a Bachelors, and I'm already learning how much college can teach me.

//I like and hate Nietzsche at the same time.
 
2012-08-12 07:18:12 PM  
Your Moms, all of them.
 
2012-08-12 07:18:14 PM  

cynicalbastard: Cyno01: 610 chicks at the same time.

That's 305 mill, not 122 thou. Most gals in the biz will do doubles for about 200 each. Especially since you're unlike to "do" more than a half-dozen or so, even with viagra and speed keeping you going. The rest will just cuddle each other, make moaning noises, check the clock regularly, then take the cash and say "so long, sucker, please call again."


You sound rather experienced in this matter.
 
2012-08-12 07:19:02 PM  
No, with 305 million I'd be thinking Russian supermodel territory, with a no-holes-barred contract, no pregnancy allowed, renewable yearly with half the money held back in escrow until contract completion.
 
2012-08-12 07:19:46 PM  

baka-san: Hunt Ted Nugent.


baka-san wins the internet. you're no fool.
 
2012-08-12 07:19:46 PM  

Captain_Ballbeard: Pay Mitt Romney's taxes this year for him.

/and still have 304,999,999 left over


DAMN YOU! Glad I did the ctrl+F first. Although what I was going to say was brag that I had 10% of the money that made this year.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:14 PM  
buy up sheer gobs of other lotteries about to happen -- complete random picks -- MULTIPLE DAYS ... if your random numbers dont hit one day -- they have a much better chance of happening the next.

You collect on 3/5, 4/5 too.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:19 PM  

Cyno01: 610 chicks at the same time.


Chicks are that expensive? You can do 610 VS model with that.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:39 PM  
Get it out of the country.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:44 PM  
Pay off bills and get a new camera outfit (Canon 1ds Mk 4, several Canon L series lenses, several flash units, etc...).

The remaining money would go in a trust for my son and probably help family members out.

I'd probably also tuck some of it into some retirement funds.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:45 PM  

AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.


Just $100M? It's not even worth picking up the check for that kind of chump change.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:50 PM  
Help pay the way for a moon-landing hoaxer to take a trip to the moon (specifically, the Apollo 11 site); they can take a camera and everything.

Heck, I'll even make it round trip.
 
2012-08-12 07:20:59 PM  

inflatedKarma: baka-san: Hunt Ted Nugent.

baka-san wins the internet. you're no fool.


Karma always wins in the end.
 
2012-08-12 07:21:55 PM  
Well, since this is the USA, you wouldn't be getting 300+ million. After taxes & if you went for a lump
sum, you would only be receiving around 150 million, so I'd sit around and complain how the government screwed me out of the other 150 million just to watch the "99%ers" complain about how much money I had and how it wasn't fair.
 
2012-08-12 07:22:22 PM  

farkityfarker: AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.

Just $100M? It's not even worth picking up the check for that kind of chump change.


I know, right? Fark this noise. I'll wait until the jackpot gets to something real.
 
2012-08-12 07:22:40 PM  
I would keep $5 Million, that is enough for one person to live comfortably for the rest of their life and if it's not enough then you are too stupid to have money.

Rest goes to Children Charities, Hospitals and around the community to help the most possible people.
 
2012-08-12 07:22:59 PM  
I'd just try and fit in with my new peers. Maybe go hunt 'The Most Dangerous Game' with Biff, Thad and Mittens.
 
2012-08-12 07:24:12 PM  

RexTalionis: My first dream - fund military coup d'etats against Subsaharan African despots.


Hand to Jesus, I came here to say this. Hire a big farking army with medical professionals, construction workers, trauma counsellors and fix the DRC.

Also, pay off my mortgage, then fix up my house with solar panels, a well, and a huge sustainably grown garden.
 
2012-08-12 07:24:58 PM  
I'm too smart to fall into your trap...Win 305 million dollars under the tax oppression of the Obama regime? No way. The current tax rate disincetivizes me from winning the lottery. I refuse to win the powerball until the Ryan plan goes into effect.
 
2012-08-12 07:26:18 PM  
This is too easy:

1st: Take care of the family, all of them.
2nd: Set aside 5-10 mil for my daughter (payable in installments so she'll never have to 'need' anything.
3rd: donations to Cancer (RIP mom!), Diabeetus and heart disease research groups.
4th: Dog/animal welfare organizations...the sky is the limit.
5th: My own goddamn island.

Finally, with the huge pile of cash left the wife and I would piss EVERY FARKING CENT AWAY so we have nothing left when we die.


I have to get through that hurdle of buying tickets first. Not sure if I feel up to it though.
 
2012-08-12 07:26:27 PM  
Randomly choose 24 OWS protesters and provide them with an annual salary of $250,001 per year.

Sit back and and enjoy the amusement.

A bunch to fund arts programs.

Buy the Barnes and Noble on Union Square in NYC and turn first floor into a place for children to learn and play. Fees based on a sliding scale.

Turn the second floor into 3 theaters. 2 @399 seats, the other 100.

Turn the 4th floor into my office.

Live in the remaining floors. Very part time.
 
2012-08-12 07:26:56 PM  
Meh. I have more money than I'll ever spend and I don't have even a tenth of this jackpot. I don't think there's really anything I'd do with that money that I'm not already doing.
 
2012-08-12 07:27:16 PM  
Pay off my debts (student loans, house, credit card). Use the rest to hire Ted Nugent as my man servant.
 
2012-08-12 07:27:30 PM  
I would spend $100 million on an education campaign about why playing the lottery is a losing proposition.
 
2012-08-12 07:27:30 PM  
One chance in 175,223,510. I'd run for Congress for laughs.
 
2012-08-12 07:27:49 PM  

baka-san: Hunt Ted Nugent.


Surely the most dangerous game.
 
2012-08-12 07:28:22 PM  
y'know...i'd also have to go back to school. I think a degree in anthropology would be nice to have.
 
2012-08-12 07:28:25 PM  
Buy a whole bag of Cashews.
 
2012-08-12 07:29:31 PM  
i486.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-12 07:29:34 PM  

Weaver95: I have a couple of ideas:
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.


i'm in. i'll even bbq for you. it's the one thing i'm good at.
 
2012-08-12 07:29:45 PM  
Hide

/and then fund charities from the hide
 
2012-08-12 07:29:48 PM  

urban.derelict: If your random numbers dont hit one day -- they have a much better chance of happening the next.


I don't think you understand how random numbers work.
 
2012-08-12 07:30:40 PM  
Actually, I'm going to spend the $2 I didn't waste on the lottery to buy a McDouble and a McChicken for lunch.
 
2012-08-12 07:30:54 PM  

theodopolis13: Weaver95: I have a couple of ideas:
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.

i'm in. i'll even bbq for you. it's the one thing i'm good at.


You're not good at dusting? Frankly, I find it hard to imagine that anyone with functioning hands would not be good at dusting.
 
2012-08-12 07:30:56 PM  

LordSunder: Buy warehouse space downtown. Convert it to an Olympic style swimming venue. Invite inner city children to come and learn how to swim.


Cool plan -- only black people and water don't get along that well.
 
2012-08-12 07:31:21 PM  
Go Galt.
 
2012-08-12 07:31:22 PM  
I would do nothing for the rest of my life.
 
2012-08-12 07:31:33 PM  
Would I be in line for a tax cut?
 
2012-08-12 07:31:48 PM  
Open 3 IRA accounts?
 
2012-08-12 07:31:55 PM  
i50.tinypic.com

"i'd get a great big turnip in the country."
 
2012-08-12 07:32:10 PM  
1) Get all of the homeless people to gather in Times Square, throw a million dollars in a giant blender, and press the button to turn it on, which doesn't activate the blender at all, but a giant sign above me that says "LOL"

2) Hire every illegal immigrant in the country at a fair wage -- to create a series of artificial islands in the Caribbean in the shape of Trollface.

3) Build another Alaskan Pipeline. Except this time to Greenland, then melt Alaska and use the pipeline to push all the water to Greenland, refreezing it and creating Super Greenland.

4) Take over Super Greenland.

5) Engineer a series of well-placed detonations to push the isle of Super Greenland to the Caribbean.

6) Problem?
 
2012-08-12 07:32:50 PM  
Netjets and tell the TSA to go fark themselves...

Link
 
2012-08-12 07:32:51 PM  
Get Ronald MCDonald house to front the win(In exchange for keep me anonymous they can claim 10 mil)

Distribute the rest among family, bank a lot of it.
 
2012-08-12 07:33:01 PM  

Enigmamf: theodopolis13: Weaver95: I have a couple of ideas:
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.

i'm in. i'll even bbq for you. it's the one thing i'm good at.

You're not good at dusting? Frankly, I find it hard to imagine that anyone with functioning hands would not be good at dusting.


STFU and go feed the moat monsters. i'm going to go and organize the kitchen wenches - we're having steaks and barrels of mead and ale for dinner tonight.
 
2012-08-12 07:33:20 PM  
1.) Start a no questions asked, no-kill cat shelter/sanctuary.

2.) Fix up my father's house.

3.) Pay off my mom's mortgage and buy her a house in Arizona

4.) All the barely legal pussy I could handle.
 
2012-08-12 07:33:27 PM  
I won the MegaMillions yesterday

Only $7, but hey....can't win if you don't play
 
2012-08-12 07:33:50 PM  
1. buy the necessary congresscritters to make marijuana legal.
2. Offer financial capital to small businesses to start grow operations to employ millions and tax accordingly to provide healthcare to everyone except Republicians and tea baggers.
3. Retire.
 
2012-08-12 07:34:20 PM  
No more Slashdot or Gawker/Gawker affiliate headlines.
 
2012-08-12 07:34:38 PM  
Take enough accounting classes to be able to be my own accountant and money manager.
 
2012-08-12 07:35:10 PM  

YouPeopleAreCrazy: I won the MegaMillions yesterday

Only $7, but hey....can't win if you don't play


you won MegaMillions? Congratz!
 
2012-08-12 07:35:25 PM  
I'd go to an Asian massage parlor and plop down 305 million in cash and ask how many happy endings this will buy. After my 10 or so rub and tugs I'd probably have to win the lotto again to live that high on the happy ending horse.
 
2012-08-12 07:35:38 PM  
Maybe find a nice girl and start a family.
 
2012-08-12 07:37:22 PM  
Buy my work building, kick out my company, and turn it into a mansion. A zombie proof mansion.
 
2012-08-12 07:37:42 PM  
Take care of charity organizations: Dorothy Day, Sunday Breakfast Club, St. Francis Inn, a woman's shelter that must remain nameless, then Habitat, then the Box Society, then a few friends who could use a hand up with timely checks to keep 'em going, I'd make sure to sit back 'n watch out for those who need the help the most. I've been there more than a few times and know all too well what even 20 bucks can make a difference during the week. My family does not need any monetary help, but I sure would like to make sure those who do, will have what they need!
 
2012-08-12 07:38:04 PM  
static.neatoshop.com
 
2012-08-12 07:38:45 PM  
Sodom and Gomorrah, the interactive experience

Just need one state/county/small island nation with enough vision (and love of money)
 
2012-08-12 07:38:58 PM  
Honestly, the first thing I'd do is go see a tax lawyer, and here would be my first words to him or her: "Jack Whittaker. Make sure I don't end up like Jack Whittaker."
 
2012-08-12 07:40:12 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
Don't buy anything!
 
2012-08-12 07:40:59 PM  

Weaver95: I have a couple of ideas:

1. buy a chinese junk, hire a crew and sail down the east coast and around the Caribbean for a while.
2. put $100k into a bank account, and hire a local law firm to go down to traffic court and represent each and everyone there to the best of their ability...until they account runs dry.
3. try and buy WoTC and convert Torg to d20. hey - it cant be anymore fail than 4th edition.
4. go to the SCA ruling council and put $2 million on the table. the society can take the cash...but only if they name me a knight AND grant me the right to make 6 other people of my choice fellow knights. lets put those principals to the test, shall we?
5. donate $2 million to the local Democratic party. donate $4 million to the local libertarians...then sit back and watch the local GOP flail around and complain about how unfair it all is...
6. buy my sister a house on the Chesapeake bay. I'll need a home berth for my ship anyway.
7. buy 50 iPad threes. hand them out to everyone I know.
8. build the ULTIMATE PC game machine. make console players cry in left4dead 2 matches.
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.


I'm in.
 
2012-08-12 07:42:01 PM  
I'd take the cash payout and invest it conservatively. From the investment proceeds I'd live on a portion, give a bit to family, and use a bunch of it to assist homeless and distressed families in our area. I'd continue to work but for charitable causes instead of profit. And I'd ride more roller coasters.
 
2012-08-12 07:42:41 PM  

jake_lex: Honestly, the first thing I'd do is go see a tax lawyer, and here would be my first words to him or her: "Jack Whittaker. Make sure I don't end up like Jack Whittaker."


For starters, don't bring tens of thousands of dollars in cash to strip clubs and then get blackout drunk.

Seriously, you'd have to seriously try at it to be as much a fark-up as that guy.
 
2012-08-12 07:43:18 PM  

salvador.hardin: Open 3 IRA accounts?


You wouldn't be allowed. Your income would be WAY too high.
 
2012-08-12 07:43:18 PM  
Pay some Mexicans $150 per hit to kill off the rest of America.

A man can dream.
 
2012-08-12 07:44:03 PM  
Start a venture-capital firm, then run for president.
 
2012-08-12 07:44:08 PM  

jake_lex: Honestly, the first thing I'd do is go see a tax lawyer, and here would be my first words to him or her: "Jack Whittaker. Make sure I don't end up like Jack Whittaker."


Don't leave hundreds of thousands in cash in the trunk of your car?
 
2012-08-12 07:44:41 PM  
Among all the usual blah blah blah, quit work, world tour, etc, I would

Give one helluva party which would include a private cruise with Cheap Trick as house band.
 
2012-08-12 07:45:13 PM  
Buy enough air conditioners to keep my apartment under 95 degrees. Fark this heat.
 
2012-08-12 07:45:49 PM  
I would spend 200 million on commericials talking shiat to all the people who ever talked shiat to me. Take that you! Then the other million I'd waste on buying games on steam that were NOT on sale. Then I'd go back to work the next day as usual.
 
2012-08-12 07:46:01 PM  

ArcadianRefugee: Weaver95: I have a couple of ideas:

1. buy a chinese junk, hire a crew and sail down the east coast and around the Caribbean for a while.
2. put $100k into a bank account, and hire a local law firm to go down to traffic court and represent each and everyone there to the best of their ability...until they account runs dry.
3. try and buy WoTC and convert Torg to d20. hey - it cant be anymore fail than 4th edition.
4. go to the SCA ruling council and put $2 million on the table. the society can take the cash...but only if they name me a knight AND grant me the right to make 6 other people of my choice fellow knights. lets put those principals to the test, shall we?
5. donate $2 million to the local Democratic party. donate $4 million to the local libertarians...then sit back and watch the local GOP flail around and complain about how unfair it all is...
6. buy my sister a house on the Chesapeake bay. I'll need a home berth for my ship anyway.
7. buy 50 iPad threes. hand them out to everyone I know.
8. build the ULTIMATE PC game machine. make console players cry in left4dead 2 matches.
9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.

I'm in.


Me too
 
2012-08-12 07:47:01 PM  
Buy one of THESE and never go home.
 
2012-08-12 07:47:17 PM  
Buy $305 million in lottery tickets.

...I just had a sad when I remembered some people will actually do that.
 
2012-08-12 07:47:19 PM  
Buy TotalFark for 5,083,333 months.

Buy a power hitter for a couple of years.

Go deep sea fishing.
 
2012-08-12 07:47:25 PM  
I'd spare no expense in moving my girlfriends entire family as far away from us as possible. As far as they can go geographically before they reach the point that they would be "coming back the other way".

Then, once they are physically and geographically nowhere near us, I'd give her the dream wedding she deserves followed by an incredibly nice house and a life of pure luxury.

And we'd sit in joyous peace every day knowing that we are finally, officially, forever, way far away from everyone single one of those overbearing, psychotic, sociopathic, paranoid nutjobs.
 
2012-08-12 07:48:13 PM  
pay off all of my bills
pay off my sister-in-law's bills--she adopted 2 children from a "mother" who was more interested in drugs than her kids
pay off my mother's medical bills--degenerative spinal disease is a biatch
give a farkin' fortune to the no-kill animal shelters in town; give enough to the other shelters so that they can be no-kill for years and years and years
fund our small town public library so that it is open more than a few days a week
create scholarships for students who attend the community college for which I teach
set my kids up with college funds
repaint my 1995 chevy cavalier and put in a new sound system and engine--hey, why buy new?
remodel my kitchen and both bathrooms (no granite counter tops or sunken Roman tubs--those are for rich assholes or pimps)
buy my in-laws any house they want, but ONLY if they move close to me (same street would be awesome!)
donate $10,000 to the ASPCA in Churchill's name (Churchill was my friend's 17-year-old dog that she just had to put to sleep. She found him at the pound. He was an adorable mutt) every year until I die.
 
2012-08-12 07:48:36 PM  

Karma Chameleon: Buy all of the weed.


Awesome, let's hang out.
 
2012-08-12 07:49:28 PM  
By the way, this thread is a shining example of why it's not a good idea (economically) to let people who aren't financially intelligent have large sums of money. People like me keep the economy going by making wise choices and investments, which has a better overall effect on the economy than a bunch of yahoos with a windfall who piss away their money on paying off debts that they've already unwisely accumulated, charities, and fancy cars.
 
2012-08-12 07:50:03 PM  
Buy patents, sue
 
2012-08-12 07:51:09 PM  
Find a cure for cancer and hangovers.
 
2012-08-12 07:51:44 PM  
www.nypost.com
 
2012-08-12 07:52:26 PM  

skatedrifter: I wouldn't do anything because I wouldn't win because I would never buy Powerball because it's a tax on stupid.

/just sayin'


Yeah, but it's fun to light a couple of dollar bills on fire every six months or so.
 
2012-08-12 07:53:30 PM  
Booze.
 
2012-08-12 07:53:31 PM  

Gene Masseth Jr.: I'd spare no expense in moving my girlfriends entire family as far away from us as possible. As far as they can go geographically before they reach the point that they would be "coming back the other way".

Then, once they are physically and geographically nowhere near us, I'd give her the dream wedding she deserves followed by an incredibly nice house and a life of pure luxury.


Um, why don't *you* move? Varying places such as Rio, Monaco, Crete, Bora Bora, etc, etc, etc.
Let the mouthbreathers revel in their local trailerparkness.
 
2012-08-12 07:53:44 PM  
I'd train my replacement and quit my job (it's a small company). Then, I'd start some new businesses to help get America working again. I'd also put some money into various charities, and do some of the home maintenance that I've deferred for years.
 
2012-08-12 07:54:25 PM  
I would put it all into Facebook stock so I could become the richest person on the planet.
 
2012-08-12 07:54:57 PM  
I'd invest in a damn good lawyer and accountant, collect the winnings, change my name and move...

You can't tell me that after winning the powerball that the nutcases and leeches wouldn't be on your tail from all over...

Yes, I'd help out a few people, but only the ones I've already decided on, not the ones who would show up after I've won, wanting my "help"...
 
2012-08-12 07:55:35 PM  

AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.


The UK has just had someone win a lottery jackpot of £150million. That's $235million US.
Lump sum.
Tax free.

To end up with a lump sum of $235m after tax you'd have to win a US jackpot of about $750million.

/They also get to stay anonymous if they wish. They won't even reveal where in the country they live or where they bought the ticket.
//It wasn't me.
 
2012-08-12 07:56:35 PM  
Give it to the federal government to pay off 10 minutes worth of the deficit.
 
2012-08-12 07:57:39 PM  
I would hire the Wendy's girl to bring me a baconator.

I would then buy into my bosses company, he is a genuinely decent person. We would then start expanding our ambulance service while actually giving top flight service, and treat the good employee's well. I would also start a charity to provide payment for EMS services for sick and injured kids. Making a lot more money while doing some decent things. Also would make some major donations to local no kill shelters and cancer research.
 
2012-08-12 07:59:01 PM  

Flint Ironstag: AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.

The UK has just had someone win a lottery jackpot of £150million. That's $235million US.
Lump sum.
Tax free.

To end up with a lump sum of $235m after tax you'd have to win a US jackpot of about $750million.

/They also get to stay anonymous if they wish. They won't even reveal where in the country they live or where they bought the ticket.
//It wasn't me.


It sucks that so few states allow anonymous winning. The number of people that come out of the woodwork after a win must be something else. If you do it right, you could easily handle that much money without letting everybody in on it, but what's the point when your name is in the paper and on tv.
 
2012-08-12 07:59:09 PM  
I'd build a metric farkton of these:

media.gazettextra.com

...and then I'd make portions of them available to smaller investors who can't swing an entire installation at once, co-op style. And then my part of the profits would go back into more of them plus a ridiculous lifestyle.
 
2012-08-12 07:59:11 PM  

xl5150: By the way, this thread is a shining example of why it's not a good idea (economically) to let people who aren't financially intelligent have large sums of money. People like me keep the economy going by making wise choices and investments, which has a better overall effect on the economy than a bunch of yahoos with a windfall who piss away their money on paying off debts that they've already unwisely accumulated, charities, and fancy cars.


I hope you get raped by a homeless person with AIDS. Have a great day, sir!
 
2012-08-12 07:59:19 PM  
A little nest egg for 9 of my 10 siblings (but not the one who tried to sue my mom), a nest egg for my Mom and her husband of course. A trust fund and home for my son, but not enough money coming out of the trust that he would end up dead of drugs by 30.

Pay off the neighbour's mortgages. Give some money to my wife's buddy back home who is having a terrible time financially. He can either fix or sell his house and buy a car that belongs to this century. And there will be money for his disabled niece, so that if something happens to him, she will be decently cared for.

We would buy out the hoarder who has the falling down decrepit garage in the alley behind our block. It's horrible, scary and dangerous, not to mention filled with big raccoons and possums. The 3 year old "fix-it" orders seem to be doing no good, so let's just pay him off to hoard elsewhere.

Finally. cat rescues. dog rescues. I want happy pets, not feral animals. I also think investing something in this down at the heels city - make a mark and make it just a bit better, would be a really nice thing to try.

For me, I don't really want much - fix the walls up, finish the attic and put in another bathroom and get some new plumbing in where it's still galvanized. Maybe a nicer computer and a zippety quick internet connection too would be nice.
 
2012-08-12 07:59:45 PM  
Buy a corporation, then buy an election, baby!

or

Two chicks at the same time, man.

/oblig
 
2012-08-12 08:00:49 PM  

chuggernaught: Buy a corporation, then buy an election, baby!

or

Two chicks at the same time, man.

/oblig


how about two corporations at the same time?
 
2012-08-12 08:01:32 PM  

Flint Ironstag: AeAe: The one time annuity is $203 million. After taxes (50% where I am), that's "only" $100 million..
So.. it's not as much as you think.

The UK has just had someone win a lottery jackpot of £150million. That's $235million US.
Lump sum.
Tax free.

To end up with a lump sum of $235m after tax you'd have to win a US jackpot of about $750million.

/They also get to stay anonymous if they wish. They won't even reveal where in the country they live or where they bought the ticket.
//It wasn't me.


If I win, I would accept the money as myself.. then, soon after, I will change my name to the most common name in the United States (James Smith), then disappear.
 
2012-08-12 08:01:47 PM  
Also, I'd bring back Firefly
 
2012-08-12 08:02:07 PM  
Heh, just in case... (in case someone wins on here and decides to fullfill someone else's wish!)

Set both my parents and wife's up with about 4-5 mil. Other relatives up with several hundred thou (variable based on likeability).
Set up our own savings account with about 20 mil - enough to live comfortably off the interest alone.
Build the house of our dreams (renting atm)
One new car each.
Donate lots to the local SPCA.
Travel, travel, travel. So many places in the world we'd love to see, but, alas, work...
 
2012-08-12 08:02:53 PM  
First things first: I'd have a temple constructed to Macuilxochitl, the Aztec God of gambling, tabacco smoking, voluptuousness, and excess. (That ol' time religion, it's good enough for me.)

After that, I suppose it really doesn't matter. I guess investing in some company willing to do experiments with palladium nanosprings for inertial dampening.
 
2012-08-12 08:04:05 PM  

xl5150: By the way, this thread is a shining example of why it's not a good idea (economically) to let people who aren't financially intelligent have large sums of money. People like me keep the economy going by making wise choices and investments, which has a better overall effect on the economy than a bunch of yahoos with a windfall who piss away their money on paying off debts that they've already unwisely accumulated, charities, and fancy cars.


Are you being serious or is this subtle satire?

Actually spending the money has a much healthier effect on the economy than stowing it away in financial investments. It may not be wise for you as an individual to piss away money, but you'll have a hell of a lot more fun pissing it away than responsibly stockpiling it.
 
2012-08-12 08:05:53 PM  
I'd hire someone that looks enough like me that someone whos just seen a facebook pic of me and doesn't actually know me would think he was me to listen to all the scammers and distant relatives I haven't seen in 20 years and tell them to go pound sand
 
2012-08-12 08:06:16 PM  

KangTheMad: Also, I'd bring back Firefly


Man, that ship has sailed. I'd make an effort to get a Dr. Horrible sequel made. That has a decent shot at happening.

I'd also pick some ridiculous Kickstarter project to fund just for the hell of it.
 
2012-08-12 08:06:18 PM  
I'd create jobs!
 
2012-08-12 08:06:57 PM  

Oldiron_79: I'd hire someone that looks enough like me that someone whos just seen a facebook pic of me and doesn't actually know me would think he was me to listen to all the scammers and distant relatives I haven't seen in 20 years and tell them to go pound sand


Really? Telling them all to go pound sound would be something I'd downright enjoy doing.
 
2012-08-12 08:08:19 PM  
amfv: First things first: I'd have a temple constructed to Macuilxochitl, the Aztec God of gambling, tabacco smoking, voluptuousness, and excess. (That ol' time religion, it's good enough for me.)

After that, I suppose it really doesn't matter. I guess investing in some company willing to do experiments with palladium nanosprings for inertial dampening.


Sounds a lot like Dionysus (AKA the Hedonism bot)
 
2012-08-12 08:09:49 PM  
NeoCortex42: Oldiron_79: I'd hire someone that looks enough like me that someone whos just seen a facebook pic of me and doesn't actually know me would think he was me to listen to all the scammers and distant relatives I haven't seen in 20 years and tell them to go pound sand

Really? Telling them all to go pound sound would be something I'd downright enjoy doing.


I'm sure the first one or 2 would be fun, after a while it would just get annoying having to listen to them
 
2012-08-12 08:09:54 PM  
I'd finally be able to get laid.
 
2012-08-12 08:10:20 PM  
PAY MY RENT, get an expedited passport, get 'some' financial advice and then travel the world, starting in Ireland and working my way (very slowly) East!
 
2012-08-12 08:11:29 PM  
Disappear...find Kanye West and punch him in the face, pay off the legal fees and whatnot and then disappear again.
 
2012-08-12 08:12:12 PM  

Weaver95: 9. build a castle for myself. anyone who wishes to do so may move in with me free of rent...but they have to donate time to helping maintain the grounds and house. I hate dusting. there will be a pool and a jacuzzi tho.


Hmmm... could I be musical director?
 
2012-08-12 08:12:26 PM  
Vote Republican?
 
2012-08-12 08:13:20 PM  
Hide as much of it as I could from the government and then straight to Vegas! I'd be dead in six weeks, they would find my bloated corpse covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.
 
2012-08-12 08:13:21 PM  
1) take the 35% after tax and one time payment
2) leave the US

/it is not $305 million folks and you are lucky to get 1/3 because you have to be smart.
 
2012-08-12 08:14:51 PM  
Onkel Buck: Hide as much of it as I could from the government and then straight to Vegas! I'd be dead in six weeks, they would find my bloated corpse covered in cocaine and stripper glitter.

I like the cut of this guy's jib
 
2012-08-12 08:14:59 PM  
1) Hire a lawyer and financial consultant before telling anyone about winning.
2) Dump 70% into some sort of account and only ever spend the interest accumulated over the year.
3) Put away enough in trusts to pay for college (20 years inflation adjusted) for a select group of friends' kids and any kids I may have in the future
4) Help out my family in various ways
5) Travel to all those places I've ever said "I'd like to go there one day"
6) Apartment in Manhattan, House near Yosemite, Apartment in San Fran, House near Denver (all normally sized for me and my family, except maybe the one near Yosemite)
7) Continue earning degrees in all the things that interest me
8) Invest some wisely
9) Invest a little less (and maybe a little more reckless) as an angel investor in some fun startups

/ kinda boring I guess
// try my damnedest to keep the leeches away
 
2012-08-12 08:16:51 PM  

Mentat: Vodka Zombie: Buy a congressman.

With only $305 million? You'll be lucky to get a Governor at that price.


Pshaw. I don't think you realize what cheap whores they actually are; give them a few grand and they'll pass laws that give you millions, probably straight from the government coffers. If you were willing to spend all of that money on this project I'm pretty sure you could buy all of Congress, not just one congressman.

My own answer to the original question: hookers and blow.

/seriously
//for a week or two, anyway
 
2012-08-12 08:19:22 PM  
Get a divorce
 
2012-08-12 08:20:19 PM  
Invest in a spelchequer program.
 
2012-08-12 08:21:47 PM  
Invest wisely and live off dividends and interest. Then I'd buy airtime for commercials thanking poor and middle-class Republican voters for sacrificing their best interests in order to help make me richer. And I'd make fun of them for it and let them know that I look down on them, because I would be their superior by virtue of being rich. I would publish a book called "Screw You, I Got Mine" pointing out how much I am benefiting from policies that screw them over. I would be absolutely unrepentant about not wanting to pay taxes I can easily afford and happy that the people who would actually benefit are happy to pay instead.

And if people accused me of being a "liberal plant," I'd say "Of course I am. But I'm also rich, and you're too stupid to do anything but pull the lever for Republicans. And thank you for being too stupid, my liberal bank account appreciates it." Because it's a win-win. Either they realize that they are voting against their best interests, or I make more money.

I'd be a real-life version of Stephen Colbert.

/never going to happen, but I can dream
 
2012-08-12 08:22:01 PM  
set a quarter aside for investments
buy 3 living spaces (2 bed in manhatten overlooking central park. 2 bed condo on the west coast of fla with ocean view, build a house in mid hudson valley with lots of room)
Buy living space for a few people
set up an endowment for a few charity's like daycare for working parents, a friend who work for a non profit that brings animals in to the classroom, fund a few medical students who agree to work in rural areas, set up store front library in small rural and neglected areas of the country)
 
2012-08-12 08:22:16 PM  

amfv: a temple constructed to Macuilxochitl, the Aztec God of gambling, tabacco smoking, voluptuousness, and excess. (That ol' time religion, it's good enough for me.)


You sound.... fan-ish.
 
2012-08-12 08:24:10 PM  
1. Build a real castle, complete with moat, catapult, etc...
2. Awesome car collection, with emphasis on Corvairs.
3. A gourmet restaurant with reserved table/ room for me and friends, with freebie cards i can hand out to people for meals.
4. Since I already own one of the original cars from Death race 2000, (bull car), I'd build the other 4 and recreate the movie, as well as drive them around town. Since I'll have already donated a new police car to the local force by this time, they won't care!
5. Start a new adult film company that pays twice what the competition pays. Yes, I'd be the star of all films!!
6. Build one of the best night clubs in the country, and feature kick ass bands like REM and ZZ top at random times unannounced. And once a night at said nightclub, someone gets free bartab, and someone gets banned for life for no reason. Just because I can.
 
2012-08-12 08:25:20 PM  
Bribe a MOD to get one of my links Green Lit.
 
2012-08-12 08:27:15 PM  
Go to college, a nice college, get the best degree possible then when I've pissed all the money away on hookers and blow I'll have something nice to fall back on.
 
2012-08-12 08:27:21 PM  
I'd splurge and go to Applebees.
 
2012-08-12 08:27:35 PM  
eat it

obscureinternet.com
 
2012-08-12 08:27:37 PM  
I would go club baby seals on live tv until the Dumbocrat and Repubican politicians are all put in jail and vocal chords are severed.
 
2012-08-12 08:27:43 PM  
I would buy FOX TV, then I would fire Tim McCarver.
 
2012-08-12 08:28:06 PM  
I will do what I've always wanted to do: hang out and screw hot chicks.
 
2012-08-12 08:28:30 PM  

Quantum Apostrophe: Travel. Learn. Never work ever again.


Pretty much this. Probably wouldn't sleep in the same bed more than 3-5 nights in a row most of the time. You could travel so light that you're carrying nothing but a passport, phone, credit cards and cash - just buy new clothes when the ones you're wearing get dirty, and give your 'old' clothes to passers-by. I'd start off with a week in Grenoble, France, the next in various Swiss cantons, and drive on over to Italy in a rented sports luxury car... then northward through Austria, Germany, Denmark, Sweden, Norway.... then catch a ferry West to Great Britain...
 
2012-08-12 08:29:17 PM  

Baby Face Fister: Go to college, a nice college, get the best degree possible then when I've pissed all the money away on hookers and blow I'll have something nice to fall back on.


The backup plan is probably something most people would ignore. For me, I'd teach a course or two a semester as an adjunct at a local college just for the hell of it and to have a work history in case the shiat really hit the fan with banks/investments somewhere down the line.
 
2012-08-12 08:29:30 PM  
Tell damn near nobody, spend no more than 20% of net, make no 'I'm rich' purchases and quit working.

Oh, and make it rain on my wife. Then do her in the pooper.
 
2012-08-12 08:29:53 PM  

NewportBarGuy: notmtwain: Buy a Totalfark subscription for every single Farking one of you.

I'm still not going to sleep with you!


Dunno', that's at least worth a Dutch Rudder.
 
2012-08-12 08:30:35 PM  

Nothing To See Here: I would buy FOX TV, then I would fire Tim McCarver out of a cannon.


FTFM

Also, take a bat to Chris Berman's back back back.
 
2012-08-12 08:31:18 PM  
I would buy fark and finally Green Light Myself.
 
2012-08-12 08:31:27 PM  

portnoyd: Tell damn near nobody, spend no more than 20% of net, make no 'I'm rich' purchases and quit working.


Only works if you happen to live in a state where they don't insist on plastering your name all over the place after winning.
 
2012-08-12 08:31:28 PM  

diaphoresis: I would go club baby seals on live tv until the Dumbocrat and Repubican politicians are all put in jail and vocal chords are severed.


Might I make suggestion that you spend some of that money on better comedy writers.
 
2012-08-12 08:32:07 PM  
Pay off the house and all bills. Get a new driveway put in, new kitchen cabinets, redo the upstairs bathroom and have somebody else finish landscaping my back yard. And get the new car.........I'm sick of a 13 year old car. Oh, and then a big chunk of land somewhere so we can build a log home so we have a place to go hide when the zombie apocalypse comes. :)
 
2012-08-12 08:32:25 PM  
I would do what most lottery winners tend to do: blow it all on useless toys, hookers & drugs until I'm neck deep in dept, then go on daytime TV and cry about how winning all that money ruined my life.
 
2012-08-12 08:32:53 PM  
trade it for a 1000000 bitcoins
 
2012-08-12 08:35:10 PM  

T.M.S.: jake_lex: Honestly, the first thing I'd do is go see a tax lawyer, and here would be my first words to him or her: "Jack Whittaker. Make sure I don't end up like Jack Whittaker."

Don't leave hundreds of thousands in cash in the trunk of your car?


From the wikipedia article on Whittaker: On August 5, 2003, thieves broke into his car while it was parked at the Pink Pony, a strip club in Cross Lanes, West Virginia. The thieves went away with $545,000 in cash.[3] Two employees at the club, namely, the general manager and dancer manager, who were romantically linked, were later arrested and charged with a plot to put drugs in Whittaker's drinks and then rob him.[4] On January 25, 2004, thieves once again broke into his car, this time making off with an estimated $200,000 in cash that was later recovered.

Motherfarker left more than half a million in his car, got robbed, then left $200,000 in his car and got robbed again. How farking stupid do you have to be?
 
2012-08-12 08:35:21 PM  

farkityfarker: Actually, I'm going to spend the $2 I didn't waste on the lottery to buy a McDouble and a McChicken for lunch.


You sound frugal.
 
2012-08-12 08:35:35 PM  
images3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
A7
2012-08-12 08:36:58 PM  
Move to Paraguay.
 
2012-08-12 08:40:29 PM  

Onkel Buck: diaphoresis: I would go club baby seals on live tv until the Dumbocrat and Repubican politicians are all put in jail and vocal chords are severed.

Might I make suggestion that you spend some of that money on better comedy writers.


Not comedy. I'd srsly do it if I thought it would work.

I might save back 2 million to go overseas and live on oceanfront property.
 
2012-08-12 08:40:34 PM  
Well I wouldn't do this Link
 
2012-08-12 08:40:48 PM  
I'm going to get 100 people to "go in" and buy tickets. I won't actually buy the tickets and pocket the profits.
 
2012-08-12 08:43:25 PM  
I would pay some bills
 
2012-08-12 08:43:53 PM  
Link
"I'm gonna get me a bottle of tequila and find me one of them Keno girls that can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch and just kinda kick back."
 
2012-08-12 08:45:47 PM  
Finally have that meal I've been saving up for.
 
2012-08-12 08:46:08 PM  
Turn it into billions of dollars and put phase one of my world conquest plans into action.

...but I'll never win the lottery because the only people that win the lottery seem to be people that want to buy houses and cars, and have absolutely no plans to do anything with it other than spend it all as fast as possible with no return.
 
2012-08-12 08:48:37 PM  

Cuchulane: farkityfarker: Actually, I'm going to spend the $2 I didn't waste on the lottery to buy a McDouble and a McChicken for lunch.

You sound frugal.


i bet you have all the McDonald's commercials memorized too.
 
2012-08-12 08:49:25 PM  

Michael10101: I'm going to get 100 people to "go in" and buy tickets. I won't actually buy the tickets and pocket the profits.


I don't think "profits" is the right word you're looking for here. "money that I stole" is more accurate.
 
2012-08-12 08:50:59 PM  
Pay my student loans off, pay off my parents' bills, give my brother money for college, and disappear. Live quietly thereafter.
 
2012-08-12 08:51:32 PM  

Jon iz teh kewl: Cuchulane: farkityfarker: Actually, I'm going to spend the $2 I didn't waste on the lottery to buy a McDouble and a McChicken for lunch.

You sound frugal.

i bet you have all the McDonald's commercials memorized too.


All those Dollar Menunaires are smart.
 
2012-08-12 08:54:56 PM  
Tell. No. One.
 
2012-08-12 08:54:59 PM  
I would buy a Mount Blanc pen, a case of WHOLE cashews (no cheap pieces for me anymore!), and fill my car with gas. Then do some good shiat with teh money!
 
2012-08-12 08:57:46 PM  

Vodka Zombie: Buy a congressman.


I'd buy two Congressmen and make them battle it out.
 
2012-08-12 08:58:09 PM  

balzafyre: I would buy a Mount Blanc pen, a case of WHOLE cashews (no cheap pieces for me anymore!), and fill my car with gas. Then do some good shiat with teh money!


What's with this cashews thing? Someone else mentioned that.
 
2012-08-12 08:59:59 PM  
The answer never changes...

I'd find a perfectly reasonable house somewhat near a typical university. Within that house would be a single wall that I would fill with as many degrees as I could get in a lifetime.
 
2012-08-12 09:00:22 PM  
Give 10% to Jeebus Via Westboro Baptist church.
 
2012-08-12 09:03:19 PM  
I would be dead in two months . Due to all the new girlfriends ( Gotta have eye candy with ya while handing out giant checks to charity . ) Of course I would give to charity, help family , and take a vacation , and any other cleches associated withthe lottery .
 
2012-08-12 09:03:42 PM  
You all will never know cause as soon as I bank it none of you would ever see my fat ass again )
 
2012-08-12 09:05:20 PM  

shotglasss: Jon iz teh kewl: Cuchulane: farkityfarker: Actually, I'm going to spend the $2 I didn't waste on the lottery to buy a McDouble and a McChicken for lunch.

You sound frugal.

i bet you have all the McDonald's commercials memorized too.

All those Dollar Menunaires are smart.


243 million double cheesburgers from mcdonalds.

nah scratch that

305 million mcdoubles
 
2012-08-12 09:06:25 PM  
Party like Keith Richards and Charlie Sheen for a year, then blow the rest of the money . . .
 
2012-08-12 09:07:27 PM  
Pay off a few bills. What about the rest of it? They'll just have to wait.
 
2012-08-12 09:07:47 PM  
Go to the nearest casino and put it all on a single roulette number. If it hits, I'll have to really think about it.
 
2012-08-12 09:07:58 PM  
i1188.photobucket.com">
 
Skr
2012-08-12 09:08:15 PM  
My first action would be to hire an exterminator to take care of the termites in my head that are consuming my wooden thoughts.
 
2012-08-12 09:08:28 PM  

AeAe: one time annuity


*facepalm*
 
2012-08-12 09:13:29 PM  
First, when the media got hold of the story, I would make sure that they mention that I am putting a three month moratorium on any charitable donations while I get my finances arranged properly. Any group that contacts me during that time period (other than automatic mailings that get sent to everybody regardless of financial status) will get no money from me. EVER. After that, I'd start with local groups before dealing with the bigger issues.

Second, and as soon as the money was in an account, I'd set up trust funds for my entire family. Before any charities get any.

Third, I'd send my mother to visit my sister in California and her sister in Maryland while I oversee a complete restoration of our 200-plus-year-old house, which needs it. (Knob and tube wiring. Seriously.)

Fourth, I would apply to the grad schools I really want to attend, including those I thought were way out of my reach.

Fifth, I would buy myself a few houses in places I would like to live: Cape Breton, Cornwall, Scotland, Mt. Desert Island, Vermont... Not big houses (well, unless a castle came up for grabs, because CASTLE); I prefer roughly three bedrooms, nothing more recent than 1920 and nothing too horribly modernized. Up to code is one thing, vinyl siding and beige walls need to DIAF. I want old houses that look old.

Sixth, I would set up my library properly. I'd seek out all the missing books from series or find the last few books by particular authors. I'd buy all the books that I've waited to get until I could get them second-hand because it was the only way I could afford them.

Somewhere in there, I'd buy myself a car or two. A Mini Cooper for fun and a sturdier car (maybe a VW Jetta wagon) for hauling what stuff I need to haul. Caretakers/cleaning staff for the houses (and for Mom, who ain't getting any younger). Do some traveling- anywhere I can reach without flying, even if it means taking a cruise ship as transportation. This isn't solely because of TSA crap; I have just never had any desire to fly. At all. It's cool that we can, but I don't want to.

Yeah, I've put way too much thought into this. It's been a random "What if?" conversation during periods of extreme boredom for a couple different groups of friends.
 
2012-08-12 09:14:07 PM  
T-Boy: Go to the nearest casino and put it all on a single roulette number. If it hits, I'll have to really think about it.

Do you actually think they would let you collect? You'd end up in a hole in the desert.
 
2012-08-12 09:17:11 PM  

Jacque: 1) Hire a lawyer and financial consultant before telling anyone about winning.
2) Dump 70% into some sort of account and only ever spend the interest accumulated over the year.
3) Put away enough in trusts to pay for college (20 years inflation adjusted) for a select group of friends' kids and any kids I may have in the future
4) Help out my family in various ways
5) Travel to all those places I've ever said "I'd like to go there one day"
6) Apartment in Manhattan, House near Yosemite, Apartment in San Fran, House near Denver (all normally sized for me and my family, except maybe the one near Yosemite)
7) Continue earning degrees in all the things that interest me
8) Invest some wisely
9) Invest a little less (and maybe a little more reckless) as an angel investor in some fun startups

/ kinda boring I guess
// try my damnedest to keep the leeches away


WOW! I just 'favorited' your ass.
 
2012-08-12 09:18:56 PM  
Stop worrying about not having worked in 2.5 years and that I only have about $50 left, and I'd have this lump in my thigh checked out.
 
2012-08-12 09:21:26 PM  
Pay off student loans
Pay off medical debt (how does insurance cover so little?)
Punch the mean lady that I work with, then quit
Put some money into an account for my son to use when he is an adult
Pay off our house, or sell it... not sure
Buy an awesome Mid Century house in Oregon, Washington, or Colorado - with a huge yard for gardening
Buy more Mid Century Modern furniture and art
Buy houses for my sisters and my brother-in-law
Pay off any debt that our relatives have
Pay tuition for any relatives that want to go to college
Open a non-profit dental office
 
2012-08-12 09:25:42 PM  
For starters:
otafuku.info

No I won't change

/the shiat I OWN will change, but I won't change....
 
2012-08-12 09:26:19 PM  
Buy everything on GrablesDaughter's Amazon want list and then fly her out and give her an indecent proposal. Die in a mound of coca like Pacino.
 
2012-08-12 09:28:35 PM  
Reality:
Pay back my dad for putting me through grad school (which I have finally officially graduated from as of last week).
Buy Dad & Mom a winter home in Hawaii, on the island of their choosing, so they never have to spend winter in Michigan again.
Buy myself a house big enough so my partner can move in when the time is right, but small enough so that maintenance won't be a pain.
Donate to animal rescues and charities.
Create a scholarship fund for my newest alma mater; possibly get a building named after me in the process.

Fantasy:
Buy a smallish, rocky island; name it something menacing and build a skull fortress. Decorate the fortress to look as if I am getting ready for some 1960s cartoon level villainy.
Hire staff who are contractually obligated to assemble in front of me whenever I yell "MINIONS!"
Be a smash hit author; insist on being a recluse so that all people know about me is that I write stories from a skull fortress.
Enjoy being known as the crazy author lady.

/If I'm going to dream about that much money, my fantasies are going to be ridiculous
//I regret nothing
 
2012-08-12 09:30:02 PM  
oh, and tesla coils. my castle will have LOTS of tesla coils. with big lightening rods.
 
2012-08-12 09:30:56 PM  
It's not really that much money.
 
2012-08-12 09:34:52 PM  
Hire some goons to beat up people who asked me what I was going to with the money.
 
2012-08-12 09:36:07 PM  
10 mil for myself, 10 mil for each of my kids and my mother, the rest I'd donate to various causes within my city.
 
2012-08-12 09:36:50 PM  
Make an offer to buy Fark, because I want to do nothing all day.
 
2012-08-12 09:37:25 PM  
Take the cash value ($153 million or thereabouts after tax). Take 10% of that and blow through it as fast as physically possible. Houses, cars, probably a boat, a really absolutely ridiculous server closet, setting up family, etc. The other 90% goes to some investment accounts, savings, what have you, as safe as possible (shoot for 5% interest a year, I figure, which is probably doable while still remaining pretty safe). For the first 30 years, half of each year's interest is to live on, the other half goes back into the accounts. After 30 years all the interest becomes play money. I haven't figured out what I intend to do with the principal yet, I figure I've probably got awhile to think about it.

My one personal rule for all of the money would be that for every dollar I spend on cars or boats, I also have to give a dollar to charity or charity-like organization, probably no-kill shelters or libraries. Everything else is mine, gotta have a roof over my head and food in my mouth, whatever. But any car bigger/better than a Chevy is purely unnecessary and extravagant, and therefore I will pay my own personal tax for the privilege of having it.
 
2012-08-12 09:41:41 PM  
Start a corporation/research group to build these:

http://www.space.com/10658-laser-rocket-propulsion-technology.html

www.instablogsimages.com

Surface to orbit with less than a $1000 of electricity, and doesn't require the exotic materials you would need for space elevator.

If you have that much liquid assets, why not build a Civilization game wonder?
 
2012-08-12 09:45:55 PM  
TheHighlandHowler : Charitable trust. Honestly.

Aye, me too. To someone like myself, a windfall of such magnitude would be a great responsibility to ensure that greatest amount of good would be done with it. To turn right around and give $150 million of it to the lying thieving cocksuckers of the government would definitely NOT be "being a good steward" with what the good Lord has tested you with. You can take care of your relatives easily enough through any number of the multitude of 501c's, you can pay yourself a salary and take care of all your living and health care needs as the manager of the trust----and if you need some cash money for something just get a dishonest charity group to kick some back to you.
 
2012-08-12 09:46:00 PM  
Give my wife a grand life.............With out me.....somewhere else.
 
2012-08-12 09:49:35 PM  
I would buy up all the radio stations i could and play nothing but Shaggs and Tales From Topographic oceans 24/7.
 
2012-08-12 09:52:58 PM  
I would send money to the Nigerian Prince who has emailed me.
He is struggling to get a fortune released that is rightfully his and he wants to share it with my Family.
He's one he'll of guy.
 
2012-08-12 09:57:16 PM  
I'd pay off all my debt. I'd pay off all of my girlfriends debt and give her money to send to her very poor family. Plan a very over due vacation. Give a huge donation to the local animal shelter where I adopted my dog. Have my mothers coffin moved from NY to CA so she can be close to me. I didn't have enough money to fly her out to CA after her death.
 
2012-08-12 09:57:39 PM  
I'd make Fifty Shades of Gray the biggest bestseller of ALL TIME!
 
2012-08-12 10:00:17 PM  
Hubster will be out big game hunting all over the world, while I start our biz consisting of fast food franchises. Already have a list of restaurants and possible locations. Key people planned out in my mind, all intelligent and trusted friends (won't hire family. They can be my charity efforts.) Once the biz gets off the ground, I'll buy a big house on the water and a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo (nostalgia) and go to college full-time. And visit hubster whenever, wherever.
 
2012-08-12 10:00:41 PM  
So many things to do and think about, I'd likely get that stroke I've been working on. Just my luck.

If I managed to live, I'd like to disappear into the Caribbean. On a boat, not a ship, a boat. A nice aft cabin Ocean or one of those sex boats, one of those 10meter express things- or both boats. And buy a bar. And give the booze away.

I'd learn to be fun again.
 
2012-08-12 10:01:16 PM  
Yeah yeah but what will you do for a Klondike Bar?
 
2012-08-12 10:04:34 PM  
$305 Million?

I'd turn it into billions by starting a new bank or something. I would then use said billions to help fund space research at JAXA, since they still seem to care.
 
2012-08-12 10:05:53 PM  
michaelnorthrop.net

A library for kids that can't read that good. It would be several times bigger, of course.
 
2012-08-12 10:05:54 PM  
Don't know what I'd do with all of it. But one thing I'd do is to put my parents into an assisted-living community better than the one they're moving into. The place is financially risky. So I'd be gambling on losing $200,000 or having it get tied up for a long time. It wouldn't matter. My parents would be happier.

A big chunk of money would also go into trust funds for a nephew and niece who both have special needs.

Then there would be a trust fund to ensure that my wife and I are taken care of when we're old and feeble and senile.

Beyond that, I don't know. Give most if it away, probably. Buy a pontoon and a modest lake cottage. Build a small studio and recruit some people to play and record blues with me.

Give most of it away. I hope.
 
2012-08-12 10:11:03 PM  
1) Help family and friends.
2) Put enough into CDs that I could live comfortably off of the interest for the rest of my life.
3) Get a Batmobile and a life sized Lost in Space Robot
4) Look up this girl who screwed me over, offer her as much money as it takes to get her to sleep with me, then don't sleep with her, don't pay her, and say 'Now we both know you're a whore'. (Yes, I got that from Lex Luthor) lol
 
2012-08-12 10:15:10 PM  

incendi: Take it all out in $1 coins.


Did you know you can purchase $1 coins directly from the fed and have them shipped to your home free? Did you know you can pay with a credit card? Did you know you can take said coins to your bank, turn them in to your account, then take the account to pay off your credit card bill? Earn some miles and points while you're at it.
 
2012-08-12 10:18:32 PM  
media.egotvonline.com
I'd buy some bigger pots!
 
2012-08-12 10:25:48 PM  
build a doomsday machine and get my revenge on the world for my very small penis

/what?
 
2012-08-12 10:26:53 PM  
Dahnkster: [media.egotvonline.com image 450x317]
I'd buy some bigger pots!


A modest proposal?
 
2012-08-12 10:27:54 PM  
i23.photobucket.com

First, I'd pay the Russians to fly me into space-- to the ISS if they'll still do that, and do a spacewalk.

Then I'd spend around $1 mil to hire people to dig up evidence needed send a certain person to prison where he belongs (VERY long story.)


Finally, after setting up a $10 mil investment fund for me to live comfortably on, I would split the rest among the ACLU, EFF and Amnesty International.
 
2012-08-12 10:31:22 PM  
1. Buy a nightclub. The classy kind with martinis and live music. I'd be the guy in the expensive suit who walks around schmoozing. Since I don't know how to run a nightclub, I'd have someone do the grunt work.
2. Hire a hitman to kill Robert Mugabe.
3. Twins (it's obligatory).
4. Create a charity since I don't need that much money.
5. Create a family trust so everyone goes to college if they want. Except they must major in science or engineering. No lawyers and no farking gender studies!
6. Make sure my ex-wife finds out how farking rich I am.
 
2012-08-12 10:33:08 PM  
I would get bricks of 10k and walk down the street, pelting them as hard as I could, while I had a group of minstrels singing my own theme song
 
2012-08-12 10:35:07 PM  

DoctorCal: AeAe: one time annuity

*facepalm*


I was perusing the comments and that caught me....not at first mind you...but it caught me and my brain, in it's solder vapor induced state (from doing plumbing today) I laughed so hard I woke my daughter.

Good catch! :)
 
2012-08-12 10:36:32 PM  
Actually, I DID win a jackpot of that size. The only problem is, I'm the finance minister of a small African country that was just overthrown in a military coup, and I need YOUR help to get it out of the country before it gets confiscated by the new regime...
 
2012-08-12 10:38:04 PM  

xl5150: By the way, this thread is a shining example of why it's not a good idea (economically) to let people who aren't financially intelligent have large sums of money. People like me keep the economy going by making wise choices and investments, which has a better overall effect on the economy than a bunch of yahoos with a windfall who piss away their money on paying off debts that they've already unwisely accumulated, charities, and fancy cars.


I know you're very proud of that $1K of Google stock you own, and that you think you're going to be very rich some day, but you're still making a fool of yourself.
 
2012-08-12 10:39:30 PM  
Net payout to me would be $144,343,000

I would invest the hell out of it in various closed end funds and other stocks that pay dividends and generate ~$962,286.66 CASH a month to live on.
 
2012-08-12 10:39:31 PM  
Competent legal and financial consultants to 1) hide my farking identity as the winner and 2) invest prudently and conservatively while preserving the corpus of my winnings post-tax is steps 1a and 1b. Living off of whatever earnings are generated from the principal is a cardinal rule. My house is paid off, my kids' college funding is already secured and most of my relatives are well off enough that anything I gave them would be play money, which would be my only stipulation for taking any cash from me. Can't buy a roof or replace the HVAC, but you can buy a hot tub or a vacation in Tahiti or eat in five star restaurants for a month.

As for me, my needs would actually be much simpler. I used to think I would buy loads of exotic cars, houses in numerous vacation spots, fly here, there and everywhere and generally live like a spoiled brat. But not now.

I would still buy a few super nice cars, but just a few. I would buy one or two really nice properties, but just one or two - not dozens. I would travel extensively, but it would be on a bike. A bicycle, not a motorcycle. I would have the minimum equipment to camp if needed, but credit card touring would be standard operating procedure. I would immerse myself in whatever culture was present where I was traveling. I would finally learn multiple languages and be fluent in numerous customs as well. If I felt like driving somewhere, I'd just rent something and do it, then get back on the bike. Flashy and expensive clothes, loads of material possessions and generally owning a bunch of stuff is exactly what I DON'T want. I want to relax, have fun and enjoy the world. Worrying about my expensive crap in an expensive house three thousand miles away isn't conducive to relaxing.

Charitable contributions are integral and essential to my spending policy, but with rare exceptions they have to conform to the "live off of the earnings" rule. I can't take it with me, so dispersal of that principal corpus will begin at some point before I die. It won't happen right away.

Sharing those travel experiences and having others learn about cultures, languages and customs would be about the best contribution to humanity I could make. The more we all know about each other, the less reason we have to fall back on ignorance and centuries of intolerance and hatred. Getting people to think outside the tiny little confines of organized, corrupt and inherently flawed religion would be considered a success in my book.

It's not how much you have - it's what you do with what you have.
 
2012-08-12 10:44:15 PM  
Its my dream to start a nonprofit organization to provide education and medical care to people in Cambodia. 305 mil would certainly go a long way toward reaching that goal.
 
2012-08-12 10:44:26 PM  
Not sure people grasp how much money this is. Take payout, pay taxes and put 100 mill in the bank earning 5% and you're taking home, after taxes, like 3.5 mill per year, ~300k per month, 70k per week, 10k per day.

/just an example, don't get all pedantic about tax and interest rates
//it's a metric farkload of money is what I'm saying
 
2012-08-12 10:47:56 PM  

GRCooper: Not sure people grasp how much money this is. Take payout, pay taxes and put 100 mill in the bank earning 5% and you're taking home, after taxes, like 3.5 mill per year, ~300k per month, 70k per week, 10k per day.

/just an example, don't get all pedantic about tax and interest rates
//it's a metric farkload of money is what I'm saying


5% from the bank? Is this what rich people actually get? Interest on my savings sucks.
 
2012-08-12 10:50:06 PM  
Buy an island and tell the world to go fark off.
 
2012-08-12 10:55:09 PM  
Buy a 1960's vintage D-18 or a J45 and pay to have it re fretted (and whatever else is required.) Pick up a reissue tube Bassman for the Subsonic.
Buy a nice little club with a liquor license, hire a good BBQ chef and run open mic nights 3 times a week.

I'd buy you a fur coat... but not a real fur coat, that's cruel.
 
2012-08-12 10:56:08 PM  

Dahnkster: [media.egotvonline.com image 450x317]
I'd buy some bigger pots!


stop doing that. it's never funny. and u think it is. cause your gay and human life ain't worth shiat
 
2012-08-12 11:00:04 PM  

NeoCortex42: GRCooper: Not sure people grasp how much money this is. Take payout, pay taxes and put 100 mill in the bank earning 5% and you're taking home, after taxes, like 3.5 mill per year, ~300k per month, 70k per week, 10k per day.

/just an example, don't get all pedantic about tax and interest rates
//it's a metric farkload of money is what I'm saying

5% from the bank? Is this what rich people actually get? Interest on my savings sucks.


Not from a bank, but FAX (a closed end fund) pays 5.32%. Lots of CEFs pay much more.
 
2012-08-12 11:01:08 PM  
First I would buy a house and set up a trust fund for my friends' two developmentally disabled daughters, because its been over a year and Habitat for Humanity still hasn't been able to finish their farking house. Then I would set up a fund for my other friend who is trapped in a wheelchair and on O2 due to peripheral neuropathy and farked up lungs and suffering under loads of medical debt as a result. I would then distribute income to other friends to get them out of any outstanding debts they might have and set them up for the rest of their lives. Finally I would invest the remaining funds to allow me to have a modest income, set up a hut in the desert away from everyone, get a fast Internet line put in, and then look around for charitable causes I could put money towards to improve the human condition.

Plus I'd buy hookers. Lots and lots of hookers.
 
2012-08-12 11:01:39 PM  
Set my boys up with trusts that would pay out only for education until the age of 25, half at 25, the remainder at 35. Use it to teach them about savings and power of investing.

Present my wife with full blown divorce/settlement papers. Sign now and get your half; otherwise, I will drag my feet.

Buy uber-condo over looking nearby small town square and begin building house with large garage. Continue my Z car collection with one of each model to rebuild from the ground up.

Casino tours of each and every state where it is allowed.

shiat on my boss' desk
 
2012-08-12 11:01:42 PM  
Invest in my bank account, buy a nice house, and then develop a plan on how to maintain my wealth while assisting others. On the bright side, it would definitely make my future Masters and Ph.D (in two separate subject matters, ha ha!) a lot easier to fund.
 
2012-08-12 11:03:02 PM  

NeoCortex42: GRCooper: Not sure people grasp how much money this is. Take payout, pay taxes and put 100 mill in the bank earning 5% and you're taking home, after taxes, like 3.5 mill per year, ~300k per month, 70k per week, 10k per day.

/just an example, don't get all pedantic about tax and interest rates
//it's a metric farkload of money is what I'm saying

5% from the bank? Is this what rich people actually get? Interest on my savings sucks.


It's, like, 1% ... so that example completely falls apart. After taxes that's only about $500k. Not bad, but certainly not obscene.
 
2012-08-12 11:06:31 PM  

djh0101010: I'd build a metric farkton of these:

[media.gazettextra.com image 700x395]

...and then I'd make portions of them available to smaller investors who can't swing an entire installation at once, co-op style. And then my part of the profits would go back into more of them plus a ridiculous lifestyle.


Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
 
2012-08-12 11:07:23 PM  
Spend a TON on Kickstarter projects that tickle my fancy. And travel.
 
2012-08-12 11:14:16 PM  

MrBigglesworth: NeoCortex42: GRCooper: Not sure people grasp how much money this is. Take payout, pay taxes and put 100 mill in the bank earning 5% and you're taking home, after taxes, like 3.5 mill per year, ~300k per month, 70k per week, 10k per day.

/just an example, don't get all pedantic about tax and interest rates
//it's a metric farkload of money is what I'm saying

5% from the bank? Is this what rich people actually get? Interest on my savings sucks.

Not from a bank, but FAX (a closed end fund) pays 5.32%. Lots of CEFs pay much more.


I don't know much about investing. How secure are those for investments on a scale of savings account-->Facebook stock?

With that much money, my priority would be protecting the principle.
 
2012-08-12 11:15:50 PM  
can we please not greenlight corporate social networking spam
 
2012-08-12 11:15:57 PM  
I'd go to Vegas and bet it all on black.
 
2012-08-12 11:17:40 PM  
Free TF for everyone.
 
2012-08-12 11:23:34 PM  
I'd fark every last whore at the bunny ranch
 
2012-08-12 11:26:42 PM  
Oh jeez, he said "bank" instead of just "invest at" 5% so his example falls apart.!!!!!

What am I gonna do with my money? Hire someone to crotch kick you assmunchers.
 
2012-08-12 11:31:18 PM  

xl5150: salvador.hardin: Open 3 IRA accounts?

You wouldn't be allowed. Your income would be WAY too high.


Well duh. I'd do it retroactively.
 
2012-08-12 11:38:10 PM  

GRCooper: Oh jeez, he said "bank" instead of just "invest at" 5% so his example falls apart.!!!!!

What am I gonna do with my money? Hire someone to crotch kick you assmunchers.


We're not all invest bankers asshole.
 
2012-08-12 11:50:54 PM  
Set aside money for investment income ($10-odd million)
Set up a investment fund for my future kids' college education ($5 million)
Build a castle out in rural Maryland, maybe around Crownsville ($2-5 million)

Set up a philanthropic organization to give big shots in the arm to my favorite charities and other nonprofit organizations ($180 million)

...and assume the rest goes to taxes. There; I'm done. Kind of boring, but we're frankly talking way more money than I could possibly know how to even spend.
 
2012-08-13 12:00:06 AM  
I would buy an old abandoned factory and the land around it, then refurb the areas I was to live and party in. I would then buy people, and make them my servants and have them housed in my "little city". Every weekend we'd have car and bike races that ran around and through the old factory, people would be betting on the races and I'd get a cut no matter what. If anyone messed with us I'd buy them off, I'd probably own my own police force. If someone needed to go missing, no one would say a word.
 
2012-08-13 12:00:53 AM  
Pay to outlaw threads about what people would spend the powerball jackpot on.
 
2012-08-13 12:07:32 AM  
I'd spend it all on scratch-its.
 
2012-08-13 12:12:58 AM  
Investment banker? If you think my example was "high finance", you shouldn't be trusted with a checking account, much less $100+ million ...

/ if you do win, I have some lovely derivatives I can sell you
 
2012-08-13 12:13:22 AM  
I would want to keep my own identity rather than change my name after the win. I would hire a lawyer, change my name to Jane Smith, get a changed look/hair color, whatever. Then just bide my time until some incredibly ugly news story blows up. Run in, pick up the cash and bank it. Change my identity BACK to "me". Hopefully live long and prosper.
 
2012-08-13 12:20:25 AM  
Donate it all to the Romney Campaign on the condition that once in Office he makes Colonel Allen West Czar of arresting and putting in prison every single member of the Obama Administration and the entire hierarchy of the DNC.

With unlimited powers.
 
2012-08-13 12:21:24 AM  
I would buy a house with 100 acres and buy heavy equipment to dig holes. Like an adult sand box
 
2012-08-13 12:24:22 AM  

NewportBarGuy: Pay off my Blockbuster late fees.


DISH Network owns them now so Farkem, keep your money.
 
2012-08-13 12:25:47 AM  
What other really rich people do...move it to offshore accounts that earn interest and live off the interest (figure about 1% annually). That leaves me about $1.5 million a year after taxes...I could live on that.

On a more serious note, I'd quit my job and start my business early. I wouldn't stop working...I'd die of boredom.
 
2012-08-13 12:37:42 AM  
Come home.
 
2012-08-13 12:55:17 AM  
Simply disappear :)
 
2012-08-13 01:00:31 AM  
I already have a plan to sponsor ALL farkers to TF for a month...

ANARCHY IS THE RULE!!! lol.

I figure the hardware upgrades would chew up a couple million for giggles.
 
2012-08-13 01:06:20 AM  
Buy my hometown by way of becoming as important to the local economy as ATK was and take control of the local government with a benevolent fist up the ass of corruption.

The funny thing is that could be done with less than $10M.

/ There is no government, only corporations.
// With a good heart powering it, that can be a very good thing indeed.
 
2012-08-13 01:29:12 AM  
Pay my taxes like a real American (Romney and Ryan can suck a tailpipe) and then take at least a year long cruise so I could find homes to buy in Central America (because I like it there) and Europe (so I could be there to watch the Tour de France live every year. And Amsterdam).
 
2012-08-13 02:29:49 AM  
Golf, golf stuff, golf trips, golf lessons, PGA events.
 
2012-08-13 02:52:19 AM  
www.indiaatv.com
Saw one on Trade-A-Plane a few years ago for 1.75 million. The rest I'll wind up spending on maintenance parts and avgas.
 
2012-08-13 02:57:03 AM  
Spend 90% of the money on women, booze and drugs. The rest I waste foolishly.
 
2012-08-13 03:10:32 AM  
Further to my previous post, I'd also buy season club level tickets for the Houston Texans, season club-level tickets for Arsenal, home plate season tickets for the Astros.
 
2012-08-13 04:05:08 AM  
I'd build my empire and then build a secret lair.


The large death ray would only be a few years away then.
 
2012-08-13 04:57:01 AM  
One of these threads again? Gotta remember to go buy a ticket tomorrow. Tax on dumb people be damned, the fantasy alone is worth the one dollar.

1. pay off debts, as everyone else has said.
2. pay off family debt, be it mortgages or student loans. All family debt, including cousins who are still in college, because that stuff isn't cheap. I'm in college again, I know.
3. pay to have a certain cousin put into a rehab center for the forseeable future. Get his name on the kidney transplant list, too.
4. set up a trust fund for my other cousin's son, with enough in there to pay for tutors in whatever he wants to master that week(Asperger's syndrome, medically diagnosed)
5. set up another cousin with a trust for when he gets his butt kidnapped by some fringe group with all of his wanderlust wanderings(one time only, after that, he's on his own).
6. buy an old missile silo and renovate it into my own laboratory, complete with evil super genius props.
7. finish triple engineering major(glutton for punishment), and secret myself away from the world until the inventions are finished with stage one testing.
8. escape work every year to enter all the world series of poker events in vegas.
 
2012-08-13 05:31:56 AM  
Break down and get a total fark account.
 
2012-08-13 07:27:59 AM  
$305 million diamond engagement ring
 
2012-08-13 07:30:42 AM  

Trance354: One of these threads again? Gotta remember to go buy a ticket tomorrow. Tax on dumb people be damned, the fantasy alone is worth the one dollar.

1. pay off debts, as everyone else has said.
2. pay off family debt, be it mortgages or student loans. All family debt, including cousins who are still in college, because that stuff isn't cheap. I'm in college again, I know.
3. pay to have a certain cousin put into a rehab center for the forseeable future. Get his name on the kidney transplant list, too.
4. set up a trust fund for my other cousin's son, with enough in there to pay for tutors in whatever he wants to master that week(Asperger's syndrome, medically diagnosed)
5. set up another cousin with a trust for when he gets his butt kidnapped by some fringe group with all of his wanderlust wanderings(one time only, after that, he's on his own).
6. buy an old missile silo and renovate it into my own laboratory, complete with evil super genius props.
7. finish triple engineering major(glutton for punishment), and secret myself away from the world until the inventions are finished with stage one testing.
8. escape work every year to enter all the world series of poker events in vegas.


Care to double down? A ticket costs $2 now.
 
2012-08-13 07:35:09 AM  

MAYORBOB: Trance354: One of these threads again? Gotta remember to go buy a ticket tomorrow. Tax on dumb people be damned, the fantasy alone is worth the one dollar.

1. pay off debts, as everyone else has said.
2. pay off family debt, be it mortgages or student loans. All family debt, including cousins who are still in college, because that stuff isn't cheap. I'm in college again, I know.
3. pay to have a certain cousin put into a rehab center for the forseeable future. Get his name on the kidney transplant list, too.
4. set up a trust fund for my other cousin's son, with enough in there to pay for tutors in whatever he wants to master that week(Asperger's syndrome, medically diagnosed)
5. set up another cousin with a trust for when he gets his butt kidnapped by some fringe group with all of his wanderlust wanderings(one time only, after that, he's on his own).
6. buy an old missile silo and renovate it into my own laboratory, complete with evil super genius props.
7. finish triple engineering major(glutton for punishment), and secret myself away from the world until the inventions are finished with stage one testing.
8. escape work every year to enter all the world series of poker events in vegas.

Care to double down? A ticket costs $2 now.


www.thatsnerdalicious.com
 
2012-08-13 08:02:13 AM  

YouPeopleAreCrazy: Gene Masseth Jr.: I'd spare no expense in moving my girlfriends entire family as far away from us as possible. As far as they can go geographically before they reach the point that they would be "coming back the other way".

Then, once they are physically and geographically nowhere near us, I'd give her the dream wedding she deserves followed by an incredibly nice house and a life of pure luxury.

Um, why don't *you* move? Varying places such as Rio, Monaco, Crete, Bora Bora, etc, etc, etc.
Let the mouthbreathers revel in their local trailerparkness.


Or that. Either way, I'd put enough miles between us it'd be the same.
 
2012-08-13 08:42:51 AM  
I would buy an email list and send out a letter letting people know that I'm a big multimillionaire and that I will select 5 people to have $2,000,000. All they need to do is send me their name, address, and phone number so I can get started with the money transfer.
 
2012-08-13 09:04:43 AM  
I have no farking idea. Honestly. That much money, I'd feel obliged to take care of my friends and family for the rest of their lives. When do you decide that one friend or family member doesn't "deserve" the money?

Sure, I can say that I'd retire, live in luxury, etc., but I could do that off of 10% (after taxes on the winnings) because I don't live big. I feel like I'm in luxury right now because I'm on a postdoc's salary from being a graduate student.

I want my family to want for nothing. But then what about my friends? Why do I get to do whatever I want when they're slaving away at shiat jobs?

I had a fleeting thought to go buy $40 worth of tickets just for funsies, but I know that that would be $40 down the drain.
 
2012-08-13 09:43:42 AM  

HiFiGuy: I would buy an email list and send out a letter letting people know that I'm a big multimillionaire and that I will select 5 people to have $2,000,000. All they need to do is send me their name, address, and phone number so I can get started with the money transfer.


I cant decide if thats chaotic evil or just chaotic neutral... "No really, i sent this guy an email and he sent me $2mil." "No grandma, you got scammed. Again. Time for the home." "Youre outa the will"
 
2012-08-13 10:23:36 AM  
Seems to be a general misconception that because your checking account pays 1%, rich people put all their money in a savings account that pays likewise.

Let's use Mitt as an example (not to turn this political, but cuz his numbers are easily googleable), he's worth roughly $200m and earned $20m in '10, mostly from investments and dividends.

That's 10 percent (assuming that all of his worth is in investments, which it isn't, so he's making more than 10%, but we'll use that).

He paid around 15% taxes on that, or about $3m, leaving $17m a year.

So when the previous poster said that he'd be making $1m *per month* on his lottery winnings, he wasn't crazy.

So forget IRAs and such - the money you can invest in those per year is less than you'd make between waking up and having breakfast.

Number 1 on everyones "what would I do" list needs to be "talk to a financial advisor and lawyer". They know the rules of the game you just became a player of. Forget the rest of your list, it's probably going to change.

/any responses along the lines of "mitt is only worth $190m so you're wrong" constitute a legally binding agreement to blow me
 
2012-08-13 10:55:38 AM  

GRCooper:
/any responses ... constitute a legally binding agreement to blow me


I am so stealing that.
 
2012-08-13 11:00:46 AM  
Boring plan:

1. MOVE! (Transfer mail to a POB, change phone numbers, set up camera security system)

2. New cars

3. Pay off mortgages for a select few people.

4. Leave the majority of the money to earn interest.... eventually start a few small businesses.

5. Relax
 
2012-08-13 11:01:04 AM  
Step 1: Buy Fark and 4chan
Step 2: Write script to randomly cross post between the two
Step 3: Reply to complaints using a spambot
Step 4: Profit
 
2012-08-13 11:37:04 AM  

Red Shirt Blues: [www.indiaatv.com image 640x421]
Saw one on Trade-A-Plane a few years ago for 1.75 million. The rest I'll wind up spending on maintenance parts and avgas.


You and I think a like, but I would probably buy an F-4 Phantom II, learn to fly it, and then take my father for the ride of his life. He was a bomb loader in Vietnam and loaded hundreds of those jets, but never got to ride in one. The look on his face would be priceless (especially when I kicked into supersonic).
 
2012-08-13 11:55:32 AM  

djh0101010: I'd build a metric farkton of these:

[media.gazettextra.com image 700x395]

...and then I'd make portions of them available to smaller investors who can't swing an entire installation at once, co-op style. And then my part of the profits would go back into more of them plus a ridiculous lifestyle.


Where exactly do said profits come from? Those panels wear out before they pay for themselves with the power they provide. You're going to need to win powerball and a government subsidy :)
 
2012-08-13 12:06:35 PM  
kayak through Asia.
 
2012-08-13 12:20:42 PM  
put together a black ops team to hunt down all of the people that have tortured and/or killed animals and inflict the same torture on them

dogfights: remove the dogs, lock the doors, and mustard gas

puppy and kitty mills: mysterious gas leak at home of owners


/ ditto child abusers/killers-at least ones not in prison
// me thinks prison is worse on them in most cases
/// yes, I'm dark when innocent beings are deliberately hurt
 
2012-08-13 12:50:30 PM  
Hookers an blow more Hookers.
 
2012-08-13 03:09:18 PM  

Cyno01: HiFiGuy: I would buy an email list and send out a letter letting people know that I'm a big multimillionaire and that I will select 5 people to have $2,000,000. All they need to do is send me their name, address, and phone number so I can get started with the money transfer.

I cant decide if thats chaotic evil or just chaotic neutral... "No really, i sent this guy an email and he sent me $2mil." "No grandma, you got scammed. Again. Time for the home." "Youre outa the will"


Yes, and then I will develop a new Email Tracking system where I'll pay $10 to the first 10,000 respondents whose email is contained in a special forwarded message.

/Hmm, I probably should get some help with that second idea.
//I hear Microsoft and AOL could use the work...
 
2012-08-13 03:13:50 PM  
"I spent half of my money on gambling, liquor, and wild women. The other half I wasted" - WC Fields
 
2012-08-13 04:46:33 PM  
www.78ta.com
/hot
 
2012-08-13 05:02:42 PM  

captainsnag: [www.78ta.com image 386x290]
/hot


With the leftover money, I'm sure you could convince Biden to come over and help you wash it.
 
2012-08-13 05:29:35 PM  

NeoCortex42: captainsnag: [www.78ta.com image 386x290]
/hot

With the leftover money, I'm sure you could convince Biden to come over and help you wash it.


Haha. Nope. Eyebleach, please. Plus, I'd be a definite Republican then, so I'd have Jenna Jameson over to wash it.
 
2012-08-13 09:54:08 PM  
d) all of the above.


Ok. Took my time reading all the posts. Thanks for all your insights.

First if all, won't play the lottery as gambling is a no-no.
Second of all, if I did have such a windfall here is some of the the stuff the I'd do that (I think) wasn't mentioned:
- first of all, I would receive the check wearing a trollface mask
- Set up a lab that develops my ideas into workable patents. I have a bunch.
- set up a team that will develop commercial apps for me. I have a few ideas
- the people who say go back to school have it wrong. Hire the best professors and have one-on-one tutoring
- helicopter + training and license
- personal trainers for my home gym
- not much of a car person, always thought it would be nice to have a luxury suv, a luxury sedan and a sports car. In the end will probably just get a high end luxury sports car like an Austin Martin coupe or something
- small but luxurious apartments in New York, Paris, London, Cape Town,Mecca, Dubai, Shanghai, and maybe Moscow. Whenever I'd visit any of these I'd hire a language tutor that would also double as my tour guide so that I could learn in real-life settings and practice and get corrected in realtime
- start some kind of clothing line
- set up a design center that designs for anything. I think Pananfarina (sp?) do something like that
- invest in a goldmine. Gold, it's what's for breakfast
- set up several businesses. Once successful I'd set up a school for entrepreneurship
- set up a renewable energy company
- invest in specific practical nanotechnology lines
- last but not least, start a thread titled "Remember that lottery thread? Well it seems that one Farker has achieved his dreams"

Truth be told, I'm surprised none of you said "fighting in the UFC after dating Phoebe"
 
2012-08-13 10:14:09 PM  

cynicalbastard: Cyno01: 610 chicks at the same time.

That's 305 mill, not 122 thou. Most gals in the biz will do doubles for about 200 each. Especially since you're unlike to "do" more than a half-dozen or so, even with viagra and speed keeping you going. The rest will just cuddle each other, make moaning noises, check the clock regularly, then take the cash and say "so long, sucker, please call again."


So, like marriage, but cheaper and more fun?

/kidding
 
2012-08-13 10:17:31 PM  

NeoCortex42: captainsnag: [www.78ta.com image 386x290]
/hot

With the leftover money, I'm sure you could convince Biden to come over and help you wash it.


I'm registered D, and I'm not sure I'd trust Biden to wash a car...
 
2012-08-14 10:54:59 AM  
I would never watch porn again, as I'd be farking the same women I'm currently watching.
 
2012-08-14 04:17:36 PM  
Looks like the estimate has been updated to $320 Million now, with the cash option being the largest ever for Powerball. So better adjust your plans accordingly. That's a lot more hookers and blow to make space for.
 
2012-08-15 12:16:07 AM  
www.stonessoundstudio.com.au

...at the same time. Ahh-yeah!
 
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