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(Chicago Trib)   You're riding on a train and have to pee. Do you A) take your backpack with you, B) kindly ask another passenger to watch it for you, or C) claim to have a 10-megaton bomb in the bag so that nobody takes it?   (chicagotribune.com) divider line 45
    More: Dumbass, Metra, bomb threat, Rock Island, baseball hat, trains, Metra train  
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3846 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2012 at 1:16 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-11 11:40:25 PM  
I can sympathize. I was on an Amtrak going from DC to NY and some idiot kid tried to steal my laptop while I was sleeping. The cord was wrapped around my leg and I woke up when he yanked it, then he ran forward two cars and slid it under his seat and tried to pretend nothing happened. I got the porter and got the laptop back, and his mom wailed on him so hard I dropped it instead of having the police take him off at the next stop. Black women can be really mean to their kids - even I wouldn't have hit that kid that hard, and I didn't know him.
 
2012-08-12 12:20:15 AM  
10 megatons? Come on, guy. Anyone riding Amtrak would be lucky to have a 1 megaton bomb.
 
2012-08-12 01:21:33 AM  
Jesus christ, nobody can take a joke these days
 
2012-08-12 01:22:22 AM  

Ed Finnerty: 10 megatons? Come on, guy. Anyone riding Amtrak would be lucky to have a 1 megaton bomb.


Yeah, what kinds of dummies would believe this?

...besides humorless cops, deranged DHS workers, and the kind of people who ride Amtrak, I mean.
 
2012-08-12 01:25:04 AM  

man metaphysical: Jesus christ, nobody can take a joke these days


Not in the age of Law Enforcement worship.
 
2012-08-12 01:25:21 AM  
i.qkme.me
 
2012-08-12 01:26:17 AM  
I like how he claims it was in his bag, which they searched, but then they go an search the whole train.

Law enforcement out of control, and completely lacking in common sense.
 
2012-08-12 01:29:09 AM  

Captain_Ballbeard: I like how he claims it was in his bag, which they searched, but then they go an search the whole train.

Law enforcement out of control, and completely lacking in common sense.


The funny thing is they led with the drug sniffing dogs.
 
2012-08-12 01:33:19 AM  

wildcardjack: The funny thing is they led with the drug sniffing dogs.


Any excuse, and if somebody had one joint and 500 dollars cash they would swear it was drug money and take it.
 
2012-08-12 01:34:02 AM  
Speaking of going to the bathroom on a train, you know what's tons of fun? Trying to use a squat toilet on a moving train without falling over.
 
2012-08-12 01:34:20 AM  
4) Piss on the backpack, thereby claiming it and keeping it safe while simultaneously relieving myself.

Suck my balls Submitter. Suck them thoroughly.
 
2012-08-12 01:35:51 AM  
No fake; uhm...I'm gonna go 'C'. No fake.
 
2012-08-12 01:36:57 AM  
10 MT in a backpack? Must be one hell of a backpack.

nuclearweaponarchive.org

"Suitcase nukes" typically have a sub-kiloton yield.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-08-12 01:40:44 AM  
I would pull out the 10-magaton bomb from under my seat and then urinate on it. Even while being beat by minorities.

\drtfa
 
2012-08-12 01:40:57 AM  

JesseL: 10 MT in a backpack? Must be one hell of a backpack.

[nuclearweaponarchive.org image 640x456]

"Suitcase nukes" typically have a sub-kiloton yield.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 227x269]


And I note that even a "suitcase" nuke would not fit into a standard backpack...
 
2012-08-12 01:41:52 AM  

rynthetyn: Speaking of going to the bathroom on a train, you know what's tons of fun? Trying to use a squat toilet on a moving train without falling over.


That sounds like one of those situations that would be absolutely horrible at the time yet would get more and more hilarious each time you told the story.

But more importantly, is there a place left in the world where someone can make a joke about having a bomb and not get arrested?
 
2012-08-12 01:42:35 AM  

JesseL: 10 MT in a backpack? Must be one hell of a backpack.

[nuclearweaponarchive.org image 640x456]

"Suitcase nukes" typically have a sub-kiloton yield.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 227x269]


Of course there's no way a 10-megaton bomb could be that small. Is there a threshold for threats being too absurd to be taken seriously? What if he said pushing a button on his cellphone would destroy the planet? What if someone said they had a lightsaber or could shoot Force lightning from their hands? It's all impossible but people might be ignorant enough to believe the 10-megaton bomb one.
 
2012-08-12 01:43:46 AM  
Bomb on a train you say?

3.bp.blogspot.com[/img
 
2012-08-12 01:43:48 AM  
I'd just rub it with my own feces -- works every time.
 
2012-08-12 01:48:28 AM  
Genius (aside from a smaller yield being more plausible).

Hell, he's 73. At this point, he doesn't give a fark. Not to mention that a TSA shakedown is probably the most action he's gonna get.


/taking notes for my golden years
 
2012-08-12 01:48:31 AM  

miss diminutive: rynthetyn: Speaking of going to the bathroom on a train, you know what's tons of fun? Trying to use a squat toilet on a moving train without falling over.

That sounds like one of those situations that would be absolutely horrible at the time yet would get more and more hilarious each time you told the story.

But more importantly, is there a place left in the world where someone can make a joke about having a bomb and not get arrested?


I've actually gotten quite adept at the squat toilet on a train thing, you kind of have to if you're going to be traveling anywhere in Asia. It's pretty terrifying the first time though because even if you're used to non-moving squat toilets bumpy train tracks add a whole new dimension to the experience.

/I'd rather not try to find out if there's a place you can get away with making bomb jokes
 
2012-08-12 01:51:53 AM  
It's my bosses laundry.

/Thats what I was thinking
 
2012-08-12 02:08:40 AM  

miss diminutive: rynthetyn: Speaking of going to the bathroom on a train, you know what's tons of fun? Trying to use a squat toilet on a moving train without falling over.

That sounds like one of those situations that would be absolutely horrible at the time yet would get more and more hilarious each time you told the story.

But more importantly, is there a place left in the world where someone can make a joke about having a bomb and not get arrested?


i'm convinced everyone has lost their friggin minds. i live in a lily-white area with minimal crime but our local Shop-Rite (food market) now has a gun-toting uniformed security guard lurking about the place. meanwhile the local LEOs are so bored they sometimes fall asleep in their cruisers on the side of the road waiting for speeders. which motivated the Head Cop to have all the cruisers windows tinted full black.
 
2012-08-12 02:16:13 AM  
He's been in prison before, so maybe he missed the three hots and a cot at taxpayer expense--or maybe he just didn't want to leave his buddies behind...
 
2012-08-12 02:17:20 AM  

KrispyKritter: miss diminutive: rynthetyn: Speaking of going to the bathroom on a train, you know what's tons of fun? Trying to use a squat toilet on a moving train without falling over.

That sounds like one of those situations that would be absolutely horrible at the time yet would get more and more hilarious each time you told the story.

But more importantly, is there a place left in the world where someone can make a joke about having a bomb and not get arrested?

i'm convinced everyone has lost their friggin minds. i live in a lily-white area with minimal crime but our local Shop-Rite (food market) now has a gun-toting uniformed security guard lurking about the place. meanwhile the local LEOs are so bored they sometimes fall asleep in their cruisers on the side of the road waiting for speeders. which motivated the Head Cop to have all the cruisers windows tinted full black.


It's ridiculous, people are so scared about everything. The worst thing is the reverse culture shock when you come back to the US after being out of the country is having to deal with all of our security theater. I spent two months wandering around what's left of the Communist world and JFK airport was the first time in all of that that I felt like I was in a police state.
 
2012-08-12 02:21:45 AM  
I'm thinking all the old geezers should hop on planes, trains, ferries, all sorts of public transport and do the same. Proclaim a day of protest to the stupidity that is reigning in this country. Come on old people....do it for our country!
 
2012-08-12 02:47:59 AM  
The prosecutor is a farking idiot, inconceivable wording in said threat makes it not a threat. I could win this in court.
 
2012-08-12 03:25:28 AM  

Linkster: The prosecutor is a farking idiot, inconceivable wording in said threat makes it not a threat. I could win this in court.


RUAL?
 
2012-08-12 04:22:09 AM  
Article is a lie.

Military veterans do not have criminal records. They are heroes whose homecomings make us get dust in our eyes.
 
2012-08-12 05:01:25 AM  

Captain_Ballbeard: I like how he claims it was in his bag, which they searched, but then they go an search the whole train.

Law enforcement out of control, and completely lacking in common sense.


Yeah but if the guy really did have a 10 megaton bomb in his bag, can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to be the police officers who ignored that threat????



/Putting sarcasm tag here in case people think I'm being serious again.
 
2012-08-12 05:28:27 AM  

Ed Finnerty: 10 megatons? Come on, guy. Anyone riding Amtrak would be lucky to have a 1 megaton bomb.


What makes you think this has anything to do with Amtrak?
 
2012-08-12 07:34:55 AM  
and he would have got away with it, if he only brought a REAL 10 mega ton bomb on the planes and didn't tell the people anything other than "don't touch my bag."
 
2012-08-12 08:16:43 AM  

LordOfThePings: Ed Finnerty: 10 megatons? Come on, guy. Anyone riding Amtrak would be lucky to have a 1 megaton bomb.

What makes you think this has anything to do with Amtrak?


Whoops. Replace "Amtrak" with "Metra".

There.
 
2012-08-12 08:49:40 AM  
So are they saying this guy had POOR IMPULSE CONTROL? But how can they prosecute him? he's a Sovereign

/first snowcrash reference -- really?
 
2012-08-12 08:58:31 AM  
What a 1 Megaton bomb looks like
joeyongames.files.wordpress.com

/I blow it up any day just to not have to listen to Moria.
 
2012-08-12 09:49:15 AM  

miss diminutive: But more importantly, is there a place left in the world where someone can make a joke about having a bomb and not get arrested?


Actually, there are a few places:

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-08-12 11:09:24 AM  
pfft...1 kt, tops
 
2012-08-12 11:20:16 AM  
"The clock is ticking."
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

/probably not obscure
 
2012-08-12 12:32:58 PM  
He probably actually said "That bathroom's gonna smell like a 10 megaton bomb hit it after I'm done with it."

/poop joke
 
2012-08-12 01:09:30 PM  

Ed Finnerty: LordOfThePings: Ed Finnerty: 10 megatons? Come on, guy. Anyone riding Amtrak would be lucky to have a 1 megaton bomb.

What makes you think this has anything to do with Amtrak?

Whoops. Replace "Amtrak" with "Metra".

There.


Yeah....the Metra Union Pacific North and North Central Service lines disagree with your assertion that only poor people ride commuter rail.

/The Rock Island line is a different story
 
2012-08-12 03:14:54 PM  

Lsherm: I can sympathize. I was on an Amtrak going from DC to NY and some idiot kid tried to steal my laptop while I was sleeping. The cord was wrapped around my leg and I woke up when he yanked it, then he ran forward two cars and slid it under his seat and tried to pretend nothing happened. I got the porter and got the laptop back, and his mom wailed on him so hard I dropped it instead of having the police take him off at the next stop. Black women can be really mean to their kids - even I wouldn't have hit that kid that hard, and I didn't know him.


I was with you until the inadvertent racism; not all black women and not only black women are mean to their kids.
 
2012-08-12 03:28:18 PM  

venerant: Lsherm: I can sympathize. I was on an Amtrak going from DC to NY and some idiot kid tried to steal my laptop while I was sleeping. The cord was wrapped around my leg and I woke up when he yanked it, then he ran forward two cars and slid it under his seat and tried to pretend nothing happened. I got the porter and got the laptop back, and his mom wailed on him so hard I dropped it instead of having the police take him off at the next stop. Black women can be really mean to their kids - even I wouldn't have hit that kid that hard, and I didn't know him.

I was with you until the inadvertent racism; not all black women and not only black women are mean to their kids.


Well of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate that even though I clearly did. Probably just should have left race out of it - my apologies.

She did hit him really, really HARD. It would have been alarming no matter what race the mother was.
 
2012-08-12 04:53:49 PM  

Lsherm: venerant: Lsherm: I can sympathize. I was on an Amtrak going from DC to NY and some idiot kid tried to steal my laptop while I was sleeping. The cord was wrapped around my leg and I woke up when he yanked it, then he ran forward two cars and slid it under his seat and tried to pretend nothing happened. I got the porter and got the laptop back, and his mom wailed on him so hard I dropped it instead of having the police take him off at the next stop. Black women can be really mean to their kids - even I wouldn't have hit that kid that hard, and I didn't know him.

I was with you until the inadvertent racism; not all black women and not only black women are mean to their kids.

Well of course. Sorry, I didn't mean to insinuate that even though I clearly did. Probably just should have left race out of it - my apologies.

She did hit him really, really HARD. It would have been alarming no matter what race the mother was.



I would be proud of a mother who beat the crap out of her niglet after it tried to steal my laptop.

/not insinuating, of course, that all black kids should be called niglets
//but the slur would be fitting for one that tried to rip me off
 
2012-08-13 02:57:58 AM  
You don't have to be Tom Clancy to know that a 10 megaton bomb won't fit in a frakkin' backpack. You'd me lucky to squeeze a half kiloton tacnuke into something that small. People are DUMB.
 
2012-08-13 08:43:40 AM  
Came for Deitrich/Barney Miller, leaving disappointed
 
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