Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(io9)   100 wonderful and terrible movies that never existed. Just don't try to figure out which is which   (io9.com) divider line 77
    More: PSA, human beings, Being John Malkovich, David Cronenberg, Jon Favreau, Jonathan Frakes, Paul W.S. Anderson, Richard Matheson, Forever War  
•       •       •

9625 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Aug 2012 at 4:14 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-08-11 01:33:13 PM  
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy was never made into a movie?

Wait... what? Or is this like the whole "They've never made a sequel to Highlander" thing?
 
2012-08-11 01:52:22 PM  
I feel like Cronenberg would be a really good match for a Philip K. Dick adaptation.
 
2012-08-11 02:01:40 PM  
Ever since I read Neuromancer as a kid I wanted to see a movie version. Except so many movies have ripped it off, it would seem like a ripoff itself if they did it now.

35. Close Encounters 2
The sequel to Spielberg's classic movie, variously called Watch the Skies and Night Skies, would have been about a farmer and his family, being terrorized by UFOs and cattle mutilations. Except that one nice alien befriends the farmer's autistic son. This project gave creature designer Rick Baker his start in the busines

I guess they forgot the tiny student film he worked on set in a galaxy far far away.
 
2012-08-11 04:20:37 PM  
95. Ronnie Rocket
We've written about this David Lynch project before - it was the film he wanted to make after Eraserhead, but he had problems getting financing for it. Every now and then, Lynch still talks about Ronnie Rocket as if he might make it someday. It's hard to summarize, but it's about a weird freak who gets surgically altered to become perfectly handsome, and is then electrocuted until he becomes a rockabilly singer. Sort of. It's also a detective story about electricity.

I WANT THIS!
 
2012-08-11 04:31:30 PM  
I would absolutely pay money to see the Star Trek: Field of Flanders movie.
 
2012-08-11 04:33:19 PM  
Still waiting.


WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????
 
2012-08-11 04:36:53 PM  
Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.
 
2012-08-11 04:43:01 PM  
An Alex Proyas Silver Surfer movie would be pretty amazing.
 
2012-08-11 04:44:17 PM  

craigdamage: Still waiting.


WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????


The article is right. The studio suits don't want to commit that much money to an R rated horror movie.
 
2012-08-11 05:04:09 PM  

Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.


I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?
 
2012-08-11 05:08:32 PM  

craigdamage: WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????


Dude, all Hollywood knows how to make is the popcorn flick. It's an industry, more than anything else. If you want a decent Cthulhu flick you'll have to look elsewhere.
 
2012-08-11 05:11:51 PM  
I know their list applies to only Sci-Fi/Fantasy films, but I would love to have been able to see the rumored 4+ hour version of the Blues Brothers where it shows how the band was originally formed and how Jake Blues wound up in prison. Apparently it exists only in early drafts of the script.

/probably would have meant two films because the actual movie is over two hours long
 
2012-08-11 05:13:39 PM  

craigdamage: Still waiting.


WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????


THIS, so much THIS. Maybe Del Toro will pick up the ball again and run with it. Prometheus is to At The Mountains Of Madness what Dune is to Lawrence of Arabia.
 
2012-08-11 05:35:35 PM  
I'd like an adaption of the RingWorld series by Niven.
 
2012-08-11 05:38:21 PM  
Wow, I never knew Tim Burton had a "Geek Love" movie in mind. I am sort of glad that it didn't happen. Great book.
 
2012-08-11 05:50:46 PM  

Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?


indarwinsshadow: I'd like an adaption of the RingWorld series by Niven.


Well told book stories have multiple threads and lots of character development and exposition. It's hard to bring that out visually in a two hour time frame.

Hence you wind up with Game of Thrones being on HBO. Although that's a story that just drags on for a pointless epoch of swords and soap opera.

Finally, there are few stories that you can stretch out to multiple seasons, which is what it takes to interest HBO or Showtime. If you could get the right artists a CGI version of Ringworld might work but the ignorant masses would call it a Halo riff. Since The Ringworld is effectively infinite you could explore it for seasons and carry the original story as an arc.
 
2012-08-11 06:09:05 PM  
Great list, but I'm a bit surprised Masters of the Universe 2 wasn't listed. They went so far as to build the sets and costumes, but financing fell apart and it actually ended up recast as Cyborg starring Van Damme.
 
2012-08-11 06:12:42 PM  
But when he looked at all the designs for the creatures Lucas wanted to introduce in the film, Lynch got a terrible headache and had to bow out.

Ewoks?


GentlemanJ: craigdamage: Still waiting.


WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????

THIS, so much THIS. Maybe Del Toro will pick up the ball again and run with it. Prometheus is to At The Mountains Of Madness what Dune is to Lawrence of Arabia.


I too would like to see Del Toro get a shot at this. But c'mon, not love for "From Beyond" or "Reanimator"?
 
2012-08-11 06:22:12 PM  
Nine Princes in Amber? No?

sigh
 
2012-08-11 06:27:21 PM  
Oh, and speaking of Lovecraft: any of the Charles Stross Laundry series would make cracking good movies, imo.

www.terracottageekarmy.com

Highly recommended for any Lovecraft fans. Think Lovecraft rolled up with Kafka and Ian Flemming.
 
2012-08-11 06:27:22 PM  
Also a Culture novel from Banks would do well as a one-season show, probably. Maybe "Use of Weapons" or "Excession"; there's no way you could squeeze one into a movie
 
2012-08-11 06:30:26 PM  

fusillade762: Oh, and speaking of Lovecraft: any of the Charles Stross Laundry series would make cracking good movies, imo.

[www.terracottageekarmy.com image 420x670]

Highly recommended for any Lovecraft fans. Think Lovecraft rolled up with Kafka and Ian Flemming.


Accelerando would be bewildering for non hard-sf geekoids. I loved it, but would have a hard time visualizing it as film. Singularity Sky or Iron Sunrise would make for epic movies though.
 
2012-08-11 06:35:20 PM  
I like how it's basically the same five directors that were set to do all 100 of these films.
 
2012-08-11 07:04:53 PM  
May get an Ender's Game finally.

Link
 
2012-08-11 07:06:51 PM  

Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?


I think it's because his visions for movies sprawl into these huge productions that would cost far more than anyone is willing to give him. Especially after he was indulged with "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" and he lost his backers tens of millions of dollars.
 
2012-08-11 07:08:35 PM  
Yep. Not sure I'm thrilled, but it looks like Ender's Game is a reality:

http://www.movienewz.com/enders-game/
 
2012-08-11 07:12:17 PM  
And here's Ender's room:

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-11 07:12:21 PM  

wildcardjack: Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?

indarwinsshadow: I'd like an adaption of the RingWorld series by Niven.

Well told book stories have multiple threads and lots of character development and exposition. It's hard to bring that out visually in a two hour time frame.

Hence you wind up with Game of Thrones being on HBO. Although that's a story that just drags on for a pointless epoch of swords and soap opera.

Finally, there are few stories that you can stretch out to multiple seasons, which is what it takes to interest HBO or Showtime. If you could get the right artists a CGI version of Ringworld might work but the ignorant masses would call it a Halo riff. Since The Ringworld is effectively infinite you could explore it for seasons and carry the original story as an arc.


I'm not sure I agree with you. The Harry Potter series was successfully adapted (single example), so I'm sure with a good editor and an excellent director it would be a fantastic world to delve into.
 
2012-08-11 07:18:36 PM  

jake_lex: Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?

I think it's because his visions for movies sprawl into these huge productions that would cost far more than anyone is willing to give him. Especially after he was indulged with "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" and he lost his backers tens of millions of dollars.


Yep, Hollywood pretty much hates him. And sadly because of that he was rejected as the director for the Harry Potter films, despite the author choosing him. Personally, I will watch anything that man directs - even a promotional video for NASCAR
 
2012-08-11 07:21:51 PM  

yohohogreengiant: Also a Culture novel from Banks would do well as a one-season show, probably. Maybe "Use of Weapons" or "Excession"; there's no way you could squeeze one into a movie


Agreed. That would be awesome.

And I'm still waiting for a Hyperion movie.
 
2012-08-11 07:23:51 PM  
I just want a Fahrenheit 451 movie!
 
2012-08-11 07:27:01 PM  

peteloaf: jake_lex: Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?

I think it's because his visions for movies sprawl into these huge productions that would cost far more than anyone is willing to give him. Especially after he was indulged with "The Adventures of Baron Munchausen" and he lost his backers tens of millions of dollars.

Yep, Hollywood pretty much hates him. And sadly because of that he was rejected as the director for the Harry Potter films, despite the author choosing him. Personally, I will watch anything that man directs - even a promotional video for NASCAR


Andy Botwin and Terry Gilliam!?! Yes please! Awesome find man, thanks. :)
 
2012-08-11 07:39:29 PM  
Cracked did a much smaller article on this a while back about insane sequels, and if you scroll down to #1, the Gladiator 2 script that Nick Cave wrote and both Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe approved sounds really freakin' awesome. I would pay good money to watch that movie.
 
2012-08-11 07:39:48 PM  
52. Star Trek: Planet of the Titans
The first attempt to get a Star Trek movie out of drydock would have starred Toshiro Mifune as a Klingon, who spars with Spock.


*sigh* That would have been epic.....
 
2012-08-11 07:46:05 PM  

srtpointman: I just want a Fahrenheit 451 movie!


When me and my sister were in middle school (17 years agoish) we cast the Fahrenheit movie. Our picks were David Duchovny as Montag, Gwyneth Paltrow as Clarisse, and Mel Gibson as Beatty. Then Gibson bought the rights and it looked like things were falling into place! He could probably still pull off Beatty but I don't know who could play the other two. Maybe Pattinson and Stewart? Or Hemsworth and Miley.
 
2012-08-11 07:48:20 PM  
It's funny that John Carpenter wanted to do a Spider-Man movie. As bad as that would have been, I bet it would have been much closer to the comics version than what we eventually got.
 
2012-08-11 08:01:59 PM  
100. Passengers
And finally, one more script from the Black List - this is the screenplay that put Prometheus co-writer Jon Spaihts on the map. A man who's on a long interstellar voyage wakes from cryosuspension way too early - and faced with the prospect of growing old alone on this ship, he wakes up a beautiful woman and pretends it was an accident. But soon, they face real danger because the ship faces destruction.

I'd really enjoy that movie
 
2012-08-11 08:12:55 PM  

Znuh: And here's Ender's room:


I don't remember Ender's room ever described, but that is already a bad sign if that's from the set.
 
2012-08-11 08:14:08 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Great list, but I'm a bit surprised Masters of the Universe 2 wasn't listed. They went so far as to build the sets and costumes, but financing fell apart and it actually ended up recast as Cyborg starring Van Damme.


Really? Don't think I have ever heard that before. Been meaning to actually go back and watch both since its been YEARS with either, but never knew there was any kind of connection. Now I'll be watching Cyborg with that info in mind.

/the more you know
 
2012-08-11 08:21:50 PM  
Following that Justice League trainwreck:

"Warner hired George Miller to direct the movie and planned to have a big ensemble cast, with Brandon Routh as Superman; Christian Bale as Batman; Jessica Biel as Wonder-Woman; Anton Yelchin as the Flash; Columbus Short as Green Lantern; Leonardo DiCaprio as Aquaman; Lawrence Fishburne as Martian Manhunter; Scarlett Johansson as Thalia; Mel Gibson as Maxwell Lord and Kevin Spacey as Lex Luthor."

hahahaohwow.jpg
 
2012-08-11 08:23:40 PM  
9. Childhood's End by Arthur C. Clarke
10. Rendezvous with Rama by Arthur C. Clarke


Yes, please.
 
2012-08-11 08:23:40 PM  

Gyrfalcon: It's funny that John Carpenter wanted to do a Spider-Man movie. As bad as that would have been, I bet it would have been much closer to the comics version than what we eventually got.


Why would it be bad? John Carpenter's awesome. It would have been better than the snoozefest cash grab that came out this summer anyway.
 
2012-08-11 08:30:55 PM  

brodiemann: Cracked did a much smaller article on this a while back about insane sequels, and if you scroll down to #1, the Gladiator 2 script that Nick Cave wrote and both Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe approved sounds really freakin' awesome. I would pay good money to watch that movie.


Hmmm... You might enjoy reading this; google(saul's death joe haldeman)
 
2012-08-11 08:45:39 PM  

wildcardjack: Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?

indarwinsshadow: I'd like an adaption of the RingWorld series by Niven.

Well told book stories have multiple threads and lots of character development and exposition. It's hard to bring that out visually in a two hour time frame.

Hence you wind up with Game of Thrones being on HBO. Although that's a story that just drags on for a pointless epoch of swords and soap opera.

Finally, there are few stories that you can stretch out to multiple seasons, which is what it takes to interest HBO or Showtime. If you could get the right artists a CGI version of Ringworld might work but the ignorant masses would call it a Halo riff. Since The Ringworld is effectively infinite you could explore it for seasons and carry the original story as an arc.


But the multi season infinite plot shows always suck, or begin to. Even Star Trek The Next Generation got stale.

With a story like Ringworld, each book is full of chaff. Cut the chaff, focus on the bones, tell it visually. 2 hours and book one is done.

A whole season of exploring the Discworld would be bad enough. The Ringworld? Puke in a dixie cup and choke it back down once it gets tepid. That's what you're proposing. A movie on the other hand, it will keep things hot and spicy.
 
2012-08-11 09:03:57 PM  
I would watch that Batman vs. Superman movie. Sounds a little like the later parts of The Dark Knight Returns.
/Still pissed about Mountains of Madness
 
2012-08-11 09:09:08 PM  

MoronLessOff: 95. Ronnie Rocket
We've written about this David Lynch project before - it was the film he wanted to make after Eraserhead, but he had problems getting financing for it. Every now and then, Lynch still talks about Ronnie Rocket as if he might make it someday. It's hard to summarize, but it's about a weird freak who gets surgically altered to become perfectly handsome, and is then electrocuted until he becomes a rockabilly singer. Sort of. It's also a detective story about electricity.

I WANT THIS!


The script(s) are AWESOME. There are two subtley different drafts out there, that both basically tell the same story, though in one version, the electric detective is real and in the other his adventures take place in Ronnie's head.

But either way, it's pure brilliant Lynch. Your soul feels better after having read it.
 
2012-08-11 09:12:09 PM  

kertus: saul's death joe haldeman


That was cool, thanks.
 
2012-08-11 09:13:15 PM  

craigdamage: Still waiting.


WHEN THE F*CK IS HOLLYWOOD GOING TO GIVE US A DECENT CTHULU/LOVECRAFT FILM??????


When someone rewrites that crap into decent fiction.
 
2012-08-11 09:59:05 PM  
Obviously they focused on sci-fi films, but I would have loved to have seen Kubrick's Napoleon biopic.

/though Barry Lyndon was a lovely replacement
//and Sergei Bondarchuk's Waterloo was pretty decent, even if it killed Kubrick's plans
 
2012-08-11 10:16:46 PM  

Flappyhead: Serpoltas: Came for Good Omens. It's amusing how many times Gilliam is listed.

I'm really curios about that. Does his sales pitch just suck?


No, Gilliam has a reputation for being way above budget and taking too long to make films.

Just to give you an example of how much some Hollywood studios hate him:

At one point, JK Rowling wanted to have Gilliam tapped as director of the first Harry Potter film. The studio absolutely refused even if it meant losing the deal. That's how much they didn't want him to be brought on board.

I also think he would have made an awesome Harry Potter film. He has the right kind of style for that kind of film (especially the earlier films).
 
Displayed 50 of 77 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report