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(CNN)   In the wake of the Chick-Fil-A brouhaha, CNN asks the important question; "Which foods are gay?"   (ireport.cnn.com ) divider line
    More: Silly, CNN, wakes, uproar, iReports, gay culture, Bread8 Productions  
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6151 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Aug 2012 at 10:38 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



177 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2012-08-11 12:21:58 PM  
I will demystify this for you. The key word is "camp". If something is unconsciously heterosexual, it is not camp, and if it it is camp, which is to say, self-consciously heterosexual or ironic, it is gay.

Not-gay:
Soul food
Chinese food
Most Italian food, except fettucine and other fiddley pasta with silly or stupid creamy sauces
Fast food
White Trash cookery (such as deep-fried anything, tempura excepted)
Most Chain restaurants, especially "family" restaurants
Doughnuts
Vegetable soup, canned, dehydrated or bottled
Jewish cooking, also Mennonite, Amish, White Trash, etc.
Anything made from a Kraft Foods or other corporate recipe, except molded gelatin
Pies, except for tarts, some open-faced pies, and key lime pie
French Canadian peasant cuisine, especially sugar tarts, beans, split pea soup and poutine
Cheesecake, normal or industrial

Gay:
Fruits
Nuts
Obscene banana-based dishes
Fusion anything, except Tex-Mex and some So-Cal
Fettucine (but not macaroni or spaghetti, which are super-straight)
Soups made with unpopular vegetables, such as squash
Soups in cardboard boxes
Tarts, open faced pies except for lemon merangue
Key lime pie
Frogs legs and snails, unless part of Bayou cuisine
Obscene pastries, except vaginas
Cheesecake, weird and fancy
Beefcake

Other:
Food which will get you laid is neither straight nor gay: red meat and very expensive seafood, for example. Deep-fried seafood is almost exclusively straight, but calamari can be completely gay, as can sushi and other novelty type food. Octopus is not gay if part of traditional Mediterranean or Japanese cooking, but otherwise is gayish.

Oysters are straight. Mussels are gay.
American lobsters are straight, langoustines are gay or gayish.
Any seafood which requires digging around in a hole with a pick is gay: snails, winkles, etc. Straight men do not use lobster picks. They just suck out the tiny bits like a savage.
 
2012-08-11 12:27:54 PM  
Andy Bell flavored popsicals are gay
while Snoop Dogg (lion) artichokes are not.
next question

who is the better rapper
50 cent
or Dr. Pussy (DRE)
 
2012-08-11 12:32:10 PM  

CognaciousThunk: Bob Evans is purely a northeast/midwest thing (based here in Ohio), as Cracker Barrel is purely Old South. Mason/Dixon line still exists when it comes to these two chains.


Around here, both are within 15 miles of one another with Bob Evans in Bridgeport WV and Cracker Barrel near Fairmont WV. Both are also around an hour or less south of the Mason Dixon line.
We also have both kinds of music, Country AND Western.
 
2012-08-11 12:33:20 PM  
img.foodnetwork.com

UNgay. And oh so tasty.
 
2012-08-11 12:36:19 PM  
LESBIAN FOOD = WAHOO FISH TACOS

I don't know why!
 
2012-08-11 12:36:29 PM  

WTF Indeed: brun


Yeah, because no straight man ever sleeps in on a Sunday and wants a hearty breakfast at lunch time. That's all brunch is, a big breakfast served at lunch time.
 
2012-08-11 12:38:16 PM  
None of them.
 
2012-08-11 12:38:41 PM  

Kurmudgeon: CognaciousThunk: Bob Evans is purely a northeast/midwest thing (based here in Ohio), as Cracker Barrel is purely Old South. Mason/Dixon line still exists when it comes to these two chains.

Around here, both are within 15 miles of one another with Bob Evans in Bridgeport WV and Cracker Barrel near Fairmont WV. Both are also around an hour or less south of the Mason Dixon line.
We also have both kinds of music, Country AND Western.


yeah, there's some overlap, and plenty of BE in western FL, where half of Ohio lives anyway.

Another gay food nom: anything made into a foam that isn't supposed to be a foam.
 
2012-08-11 12:39:21 PM  
I like how you can vote on whether the story is right for CNN.
 
2012-08-11 12:45:02 PM  
Nuts. The bigger, the gayer. Who else would want to put big, round, salty nuts in their mouths?
 
2012-08-11 12:51:07 PM  
i420.photobucket.com

I totally ate this bagel several months ago.
 
2012-08-11 12:52:08 PM  
.
 
2012-08-11 12:56:07 PM  

FunkOut: [i420.photobucket.com image 640x480]

I totally ate this bagel several months ago.


You did smear some chocolate frosting around the hole beforehand, right?
 
2012-08-11 01:06:56 PM  
Roast duck with mango salsa? Or am I confusing "gay" with "caveman" again?
 
2012-08-11 01:08:40 PM  

brantgoose: I will demystify this for you. The key word is "camp". If something is unconsciously heterosexual, it is not camp, and if it it is camp, which is to say, self-consciously heterosexual or ironic, it is gay.

Not-gay:
Soul food
Chinese food
Most Italian food, except fettucine and other fiddley pasta with silly or stupid creamy sauces
Fast food
White Trash cookery (such as deep-fried anything, tempura excepted)
Most Chain restaurants, especially "family" restaurants
Doughnuts
Vegetable soup, canned, dehydrated or bottled
Jewish cooking, also Mennonite, Amish, White Trash, etc.
Anything made from a Kraft Foods or other corporate recipe, except molded gelatin
Pies, except for tarts, some open-faced pies, and key lime pie
French Canadian peasant cuisine, especially sugar tarts, beans, split pea soup and poutine
Cheesecake, normal or industrial

Gay:
Fruits
Nuts
Obscene banana-based dishes
Fusion anything, except Tex-Mex and some So-Cal
Fettucine (but not macaroni or spaghetti, which are super-straight)
Soups made with unpopular vegetables, such as squash
Soups in cardboard boxes
Tarts, open faced pies except for lemon merangue
Key lime pie
Frogs legs and snails, unless part of Bayou cuisine
Obscene pastries, except vaginas
Cheesecake, weird and fancy
Beefcake

Other:
Food which will get you laid is neither straight nor gay: red meat and very expensive seafood, for example. Deep-fried seafood is almost exclusively straight, but calamari can be completely gay, as can sushi and other novelty type food. Octopus is not gay if part of traditional Mediterranean or Japanese cooking, but otherwise is gayish.

Oysters are straight. Mussels are gay.
American lobsters are straight, langoustines are gay or gayish.
Any seafood which requires digging around in a hole with a pick is gay: snails, winkles, etc. Straight men do not use lobster picks. They just suck out the tiny bits like a savage.


You...you think about this topic this much?
 
2012-08-11 01:12:12 PM  
Cupcakes, why hasn't this been said yet? Or did I miss it.
 
2012-08-11 01:18:37 PM  

MoronLessOff: [upload.wikimedia.org image 800x594]


Looks more like prolapsed rectums.
 
2012-08-11 01:22:14 PM  
CNN polls ask the kind of questions you would expect if you were stuck in a dead-end relationship with an idiot.

"Honey? What are you thinking?"
"Oh, I don't know, dear. I guess I was wondering which foods are gay."
 
2012-08-11 01:22:40 PM  

LadyMech: Sprinkles


those are some gay foods. However, what are lesbian foods? Points will be deducted if you mention fish.


www.heavenlytiramisu.com
 
2012-08-11 01:29:33 PM  

FunkOut: [i420.photobucket.com image 640x480]

I totally ate this bagel several months ago.


plain, or with something else like dripping honey on it?
 
2012-08-11 01:37:17 PM  
Any extra-large sized bag of anything in Finland is totally Lesbian:

3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-11 01:39:21 PM  
any food that JUMPS OUT at you and starts singing:

"wouldn't u like to seeee me babyee is all that you seem to knowwww"

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-08-11 01:46:25 PM  

FunkOut: [i420.photobucket.com image 640x480]

I totally ate this bagel several months ago.


"WELL DID IT CUM OR WHAT??"

oyster.ignimgs.com
 
2012-08-11 01:54:13 PM  

captcaveman: Has anyone ever noticed that the CNN logo upside down looks like a PENIS!

[mikeanton.files.wordpress.com image 630x320]


Incredible..

img813.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-11 01:58:28 PM  
2.bp.blogspot.com
Still the best brunch in San Diego.
 
2012-08-11 02:43:03 PM  

Mugato: Zizzowop: Any salad with a 'vinaigrette' dressing.

Oh shiat, I use vinaigrette dressing. Does it taste like cum or something?


You tell us.
 
2012-08-11 02:46:31 PM  

Strix occidentalis: LadyMech: Sprinkles
Anything on a stick
Tiny Size Chiclets
Terra chips

those are some gay foods. However, what are lesbian foods? Points will be deducted if you mention fish.

Peaches and strawberries, if you were to ask TVTropes. There also seem to be a lot of vegetarians in the lesbian community (myself included).


Which explains why at least 50% of the lesbians invited to the potluck bring tabouli salad. Apparently, cold salads made with grain are all the rage in the Pac NW.
 
2012-08-11 02:49:34 PM  

WordyGrrl: Which explains why at least 50% of the lesbians invited to the potluck bring tabouli salad. Apparently, cold salads made with grain are all the rage in the Pac NW.


maybe that has to do with you being in the pacific northwest

does it show up frequently at non lesbian potlucks?
 
2012-08-11 02:53:22 PM  
www.trygve.com1.bp.blogspot.com

What is the nature of the relationship between Snap, Crackle, and Pop here?
 
2012-08-11 02:57:22 PM  

talulahgosh: the video is supposed to be satire, but austin hipsters made it so it'll end up being condescending and highbrow.


Ugh, here we go again with the "Austin hipster" thing. Enough already! I'm not saying there aren't hipsters here, but I am pretty damn sure there is at least 1 hipster/hipster group in every city in this country.

What I saw as I watched this video was the BEAUTIFUL side of my city. It isn't perfect, but damnit, it's AUSTIN. We have a little bit of every stereotype/politic/religous type here, and I couldn't ask for more. I feel grateful to live in a place with HORRIBLE traffic and parking yet is so outdoor-friendly/pet friendly/LGBT friendly/and just damn accepting of everyone. Not to mention, lots of little festivals and food trucks for every tastes!
 
2012-08-11 03:02:43 PM  

Oznog: [www.trygve.com image 240x339][1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

What is the nature of the relationship between Snap, Crackle, and Pop here?


Crackle is the bachelor. Pop is the best man that hired the dancer. Snap is the "sexy chef" giving our bachelor and eye full.
 
2012-08-11 03:05:34 PM  

MoronLessOff: Oznog: [www.trygve.com image 240x339][1.bp.blogspot.com image 400x300]

What is the nature of the relationship between Snap, Crackle, and Pop here?

Crackle is the bachelor. Pop is the best man that hired the dancer. Snap is the "sexy chef" giving our bachelor and eye full.


FTFM
 
2012-08-11 03:30:42 PM  

loonatic112358: sort of like when i spot both a rent to own furniture shop, and a check cashing/payday loan place in a shopping center i know the stores nearby will be crappy


In my world those two things mean the thrift store in the strip is going to have primo books because no one in the area reads.
 
2012-08-11 03:45:37 PM  

wildcardjack: loonatic112358: sort of like when i spot both a rent to own furniture shop, and a check cashing/payday loan place in a shopping center i know the stores nearby will be crappy

In my world those two things mean the thrift store in the strip is going to have primo books because no one in the area reads.


Went to stepson's graduation from Marine Basic in SC a few years ago. Beaufort must have at least a dozen of those payday loan shark stores.
 
2012-08-11 03:51:29 PM  
King Missile weighs in on this topic. (video, new window)
 
2012-08-11 03:52:38 PM  

loonatic112358: straight would be applebees, waffle house, denny's, ihop, chinese buffet, old country buffet

gay everything else?


Sorry, chinese buffets are gay too, with their hibachis and sushi.

I have it on good authority that the SuperBowl is gay too.
 
2012-08-11 03:54:56 PM  

doug1963aaa: Sorry, chinese buffets are gay too, with their hibachis and sushi.I have it on good authority that the SuperBowl is gay too.


i'll admit i avoid buffets but i don't recall them having hibachis, did see one with a mongolian style grill in it, too bad the food sucked. alas i was out of town and low on choices

well what with all the ass slappin and tight pants, of course, but that's off topic
 
2012-08-11 04:01:29 PM  

loonatic112358: and yea i forgot about cracker barrel, old people central for old people who like Appalachian kitsch


Cracker Barrel is soul food for white people.
 
2012-08-11 04:02:14 PM  
farm1.static.flickr.com

Straight men do not drink pink milk.
 
2012-08-11 04:02:34 PM  
Quiche

Quiche Lorraine

Everyday I take her out. Yea!
She runs around, she shouts out and barks, Yea!
Cause she's a good doggie
She's a sweet, sweet, sweet puppy! Arf Arf
 
2012-08-11 04:03:59 PM  

doug1963aaa: loonatic112358: and yea i forgot about cracker barrel, old people central for old people who like Appalachian kitsch

Cracker Barrel is soul food for white people.


then why doesn't it taste good?
 
2012-08-11 04:28:02 PM  
img528.imageshack.us
img337.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-11 04:30:20 PM  

WTF Indeed: Everything served at brunch. No straight man goes to brunch willingly.


did you just call bacon gay? DID YOU JUST CALL BACON GAY!?
 
2012-08-11 04:32:29 PM  

loonatic112358: doug1963aaa: loonatic112358: and yea i forgot about cracker barrel, old people central for old people who like Appalachian kitsch

Cracker Barrel is soul food for white people.

then why doesn't it taste good?


White people don't have souls.
 
2012-08-11 04:34:39 PM  
I once drove down to a town to meet a bunch of guys I knew on the internet. I met the guy hosting and thought he acted a bit gay, but I try not to pre-judge. The he served orange flavoured salmon and I KNEW he was gay.
He later came out on line.
 
2012-08-11 04:46:24 PM  

CognaciousThunk: When a burger chain names itself "Five Guys", dontcha think that suggests "no chicks allowed"? Just sayin.


I can't believe people are paying the premium prices to eat those burgers, mediocre at best.
 
2012-08-11 04:56:19 PM  
were inspired to create this tongue-in-cheek video in light of the Chick-fil-A controversy that sparked after the company's CEO expressed his thoughts on same-sex marriage.

FFS, its not about the CEOs comments, nobody gives a shiat what he thinks, its about the company donating millions of dollars to not even just anti gay marriage groups, but anti gay groups.
 
2012-08-11 04:58:55 PM  
As Jon Stewart says, how can food get any gayer than hot cock between two buns?
 
2012-08-11 05:02:02 PM  

Cyno01: FFS, its not about the CEOs comments, nobody gives a shiat what he thinks, its about the company donating millions of dollars to not even just anti gay marriage groups, but anti gay groups.


Actually I'm pretty sure that's exactly what it is, I haven't heard of gay people boycotting Chick-fil-A in 2008, 2009, 2010, or 2011
 
2012-08-11 05:09:04 PM  

Cyno01: were inspired to create this tongue-in-cheek video in light of the Chick-fil-A controversy that sparked after the company's CEO expressed his thoughts on same-sex marriage.

FFS, its not about the CEOs comments, nobody gives a shiat what he thinks, its about the company donating millions of dollars to not even just anti gay marriage groups, but anti gay groups.


It's about the tasty chicken sammiches.
 
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