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(Wisconsin State Journal)   The key to successful public self-gratification is to find an unlocked car to sleep in afterward   (host.madison.com) divider line 28
    More: Dumbass, Madison Police  
•       •       •

3393 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2012 at 3:42 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



28 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-10 01:42:50 PM  
Pointing and laughing could have solved this problem....
 
2012-08-10 03:44:56 PM  

tukatz: Pointing and laughing could have solved this problem....


Squirt em with a garden hose......works for dogs
 
2012-08-10 03:45:41 PM  
FTA "When the witness encountered Hendrickson in an alleyway he continued his activities without a pause," said Officer Howard Payne.

Now that's dedication to the cause.
 
2012-08-10 03:47:43 PM  
Hmmm...I usually just fall asleep right there after finishing my Big Mac.
 
2012-08-10 03:47:52 PM  
Reminds me of my younger days.

Good times. Good times.
 
2012-08-10 03:50:41 PM  
FTA:
"When the witness encountered Hendrickson in an alleyway he continued his activities without a pause," said Officer Howard Payne.

I read as:

the witness encouraged Hendrickson into an alleyway to continue his activities without a pause.

I'm getting sleepy.
 
2012-08-10 03:52:28 PM  
Eh. State Street. I've seen way worse there.

/mmm, state street brats
 
2012-08-10 03:52:30 PM  
Det. Gamble: Hey, are you Dirty Mike and the Boys?
 
2012-08-10 03:58:21 PM  
I am not fond of alleyway masturbaters.
I was out walking down the street, and I had gotten to an alley in front of a picket fence where there is a 3 foot easement. I had walked past through 20 minutes earlier near the wacker and ecountered nothing eventful. As I was following up I felt a sharp burning pain suddenly in my eyes. I immediately rushed foward to escape from whatever was causing me pain. Looking back, I could see a vaguely demonic individual and some writhing shape. It was such a tiny little thing to cause such an abundance of fear. Clearly it was an abominations of nature. No creature of that size should be allowed to bestow such agony. Now maybe, had I been wearing more protection shades, I could have avoided such torment. But this wasn't the time for such philosophical ponderings. It was time for action. People have said that 'violence is never the answer' And I agree. Violence is the question. And the answer is "yes".

I traveled to my local apothecary and aquired a can of Raid brand wang-cleanser. Knowing I could not mount a successful attack whilst the vile creatures patrolled the alleyway, I temporarily retreated into the relative safety of my home where I watched Adventure Time, until the dusk. While the creature celebrated it's seeming victory, I crept up on it's cursed hideaway with the skill and cunning of a cat-ninja. Two horrid orbs of evil at the base. Watching me. Waiting. However their bestial intellect could not comprehend the doom I held in my right hand. I lept into a flurry of action, unleashing a holy jihad of righteous chemical warfare upon the hellspawn. I sprayed death into it's midst as if I was the living embodiment of Pestilence.

The beast attempted escape, but had barely taken towards the abdominal cavity before it discovered the fuselage was failing . They labored to find some kind of coverage only to find that their protective baggage would no longer obey their commands. They stung and burned, twitching, it's primitive brain unable to understand why they could no longer perform their duties, knowing only pain and suffering. I stood watch as ,one by one, they shrank and withered, to suffer in agony before being summoned back to the hell from whence they came. I took no pleasure in the carnage, my only satisfaction being that I had carried out my blessed mission successfully and without fear. Once I was satisfied that the exterminatus was assured, I retired back to my walk after properly alerting the local constables who then took charge of the vile offender.

The next day I reconned the area to assess the total damage. Looking into the alleyway of the creature, I could see no remaining carcas (presumably ex-potos children) of those who had, upon seeing their was no safety to be found in their lair, tried to escape. Their last moment had been spent crawlling from the entrance, only to die just within sight of beautiful college co-eds. I left the bodies in place, as a warning to any other species who thought to inflict pain upon a being who could smite them without pity or remorse.
 
2012-08-10 03:59:50 PM  
Where else is a homeless guy going to exercise his prostate?

At least he had the decency not to choke the chicken inside your car.
 
2012-08-10 04:01:16 PM  

ChipNASA: I am not fond of alleyway masturbaters.
I was out walking down the street, and I had gotten to an alley in front of a picket fence where there is a 3 foot easement. I had walked past through 20 minutes earlier near the wacker and ecountered nothing eventful. As I was following up I felt a sharp burning pain suddenly in my eyes. I immediately rushed foward to escape from whatever was causing me pain. Looking back, I could see a vaguely demonic individual and some writhing shape. It was such a tiny little thing to cause such an abundance of fear. Clearly it was an abominations of nature.....



/with apologies to MythDragon

//Have a great weekend.
 
2012-08-10 04:06:57 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

♫ Any back alley street
Is where Dave beats his meat
Underneath a gas lamp
'Til his hand gets a cramp ♫
 
2012-08-10 04:08:05 PM  
So the witness was trying to get college hotties away from the alley? What a cock blocker!
 
2012-08-10 04:17:46 PM  
blogdailyherald.com
 
2012-08-10 04:18:50 PM  
So, true story.

An organization I belong to has regular conventions.

We've now had to tell people that if they're going to make "special friends", that inappropriate locations are "the bed of someone else's truck" (that is, neither involved party owned the truck), the hotel stairway (when caught, the man ran - chivalry is dead), and the glass elevator.


The -one- time the hotel complained about sex in a hot tub, it turned out to not be our crew, but an airline pilot and a stewardess.
 
2012-08-10 04:28:09 PM  
You those boys that been whacking off in my tool shed?
 
2012-08-10 04:31:42 PM  
I did the same thing this morning thinking about Sara Peterson adjusting her shorts.

I have no idea why.
 
2012-08-10 04:32:19 PM  

mithras_angel: So, true story.

An organization I belong to has regular conventions.

We've now had to tell people that if they're going to make "special friends", that inappropriate locations are "the bed of someone else's truck" (that is, neither involved party owned the truck), the hotel stairway (when caught, the man ran - chivalry is dead), and the glass elevator.


The -one- time the hotel complained about sex in a hot tub, it turned out to not be our crew, but an airline pilot and a stewardess.


Win.
 
2012-08-10 04:38:38 PM  
cdn.chud.com
 
2012-08-10 04:45:24 PM  
Not amused.
 
2012-08-10 05:06:38 PM  

Quiefenburger: [cdn.chud.com image 500x312]


You know what they call that? they call it a Soup Kitchen.
 
2012-08-10 05:11:53 PM  
Recap: Homeless chap faps in alleyway gap. skips crap to take a nap, nabbed by local sap. Entrapped? Oh snap

/golf clap?
//oh snap
///sphincter
 
2012-08-10 05:15:51 PM  
I got seperated from my friends while I was drunk many moons ago. I woke up in a strange car. I dont think I was jerkin my gerkin in the car though
 
2012-08-10 05:25:40 PM  
Thanks for the tip subby!
 
2012-08-10 05:59:38 PM  
He's got this car jacking thing all screwed up.
 
2012-08-10 07:20:09 PM  

farm machine: FTA "When the witness encountered Hendrickson in an alleyway he continued his activities without a pause," said Officer Howard Payne.

Now that's dedication to the cause.


Well, what's the point of stopping? You've already been caught, might as well finish.
 
2012-08-10 09:37:16 PM  
I know this guy/his name is Mick/he don't care if he ain't got no chick
 
2012-08-11 01:09:31 AM  
Anyone else first read that as "pubic self-gratification"?

I guess it's the same either way lol
 
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