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(Cracked)   Ever wonder what movies would be like if they had a children's version or if they come up with weird ideas? Here are Eight Children's Movies Studios Don't Have the Balls to Make   (cracked.com) divider line 36
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10111 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Aug 2012 at 11:45 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-08 11:52:25 AM
That article was bad and you should feel bad.

I was hoping for a link to a list of children's stories that Hollywood really didn't have the balls to make, like The Golden Compass.

(Yeah, there was a movie called "The Golden Compass" but when you take a book about how religion is used to control people and remove the "religion is used to control people" part, you don't really have a lot left.)
 
2012-08-08 11:56:10 AM
Wow... Cracked articles can be amusing, but this was definitely not one of them.

The amusing ones are usually decently researched bits on some interesting premise.

This was a bunch of "(Insert some movie for adults here> for kids" entries that some jackass pulled out of his ass to meet a deadline, apparently.
 
2012-08-08 11:56:43 AM
It's included in the 6 Popular Upbeat Songs You Didn't Realize Are Depressing

It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane

This is among the Six Disturbing Unanswered Questions from Children's Movies

Check out the 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People

Here are 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All

It is among The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games

Here are 4 Video Game Complaints We're Just Going to Have to Get Over

These are The 4 Most Baffling Trends in Old-Timey Album Covers

Here are the 5 Ways College Accidentally Prepares You for the Real World

The 6 Most Half-Assed Superhero Origins of All Time

6 Songs People Apparently Think Are By the Wrong Artist

It is among the 6 Mind-Blowing Early Music Careers of Famous Musicians

Here are 7 Amazing Video Games We'll Never Get To Play

Here are 8 Children's Movies Studios Don't Have the Balls to Make

Wow subby congrats on getting 14 Cracked links submitted with the same headline capitalization this year alone, and 2 on the same day. Pat Yourself On The Back
 
2012-08-08 12:01:13 PM
Even by Crack's lame standards that was a terrible terrible article. Humor impaired doesn't even begin to describe it.
 
2012-08-08 12:01:41 PM
It has to be Let Your Child Operate A Website Day.

This is just pathetic. Off to reddit I guess.
 
2012-08-08 12:04:18 PM
A Serbian Film already has kids in it, so it doesn't have to be remade!
 
2012-08-08 12:05:27 PM
Disney will never give up one of its properties, so I'm going somewhere it'll be easier to buy the rights -- temporary carnivals and deteriorating children's parks and zoos in my local area.

d2oz5j6ef5tbf6.cloudfront.net
Derp.
 
2012-08-08 12:14:43 PM
From tomorrow's Cracked: 7 cruel deaths from the Game of Thrones for Submitting Articles like this
 
2012-08-08 12:17:46 PM
That was bad. Real bad.
 
2012-08-08 12:29:29 PM
That sucked even by Cracked's standards.
 
2012-08-08 12:41:02 PM
That article was almost as bad as the headline.
 
2012-08-08 12:45:04 PM
I'm a fan of Cracked, generally. But that was painfully bad.
 
2012-08-08 01:01:50 PM
i117.photobucket.com

"Ummm, Cracked? You eventually plan to have humor on your humor website, right? Hello? Yes?
 
2012-08-08 01:06:21 PM
so is it a subby sucks thing, a mods suck thing or is this a hidden sponsered site?

\\inquiring minds
 
2012-08-08 01:07:15 PM
I can not comment on how bad this article was because saw Hostel and left the page immediately.
 
2012-08-08 01:07:19 PM
I see that the lack of humor in that 'article' has been covered. I think it gave me cancer...

I usually like the Cracked lists (TIL kind of stuff), but that just sucked, hard.
 
2012-08-08 01:08:15 PM
That was the dumbest green-lit article I've ever seen. Anyone involved deserves cancer.
 
2012-08-08 01:12:46 PM
I'm guessing that Drew's check from Cracked cleared?
 
2012-08-08 01:25:12 PM
I'm disappointed in myself that I actually went to the second page hoping it would get better.
 
2012-08-08 01:25:59 PM

Scooty_Puff_Sr: I see that the lack of humor in that 'article' has been covered. I think it gave me cancer...

I usually like the Cracked lists (TIL kind of stuff), but that just sucked, hard.


Me too. I was annoyed when I saw it on Cracked, didn't ever imagine it would get greened on fark.
 
2012-08-08 01:26:39 PM

LesserEvil: This was a bunch of "(Insert some movie for adults here> for kids" entries that some jackass pulled out of her ass to meet a deadline, apparently.


It's Christina H, which makes me sad because she is usually spot on. I was disappointed reading this, expecting some real stories like an Edward Gorey book, some foreign children's film or making better versions of crappy films. Making the Muppet Babies version of adult films isn't clever.
 
2012-08-08 01:59:21 PM
assCracked isn't even trying anymore.
 
2012-08-08 02:02:06 PM
I think cracked has just run out of things to say.... they might as well let will ferrell (sp?) start writing for them.. same same..
 
2012-08-08 02:04:49 PM

DanZero: It's included in the 6 Popular Upbeat Songs You Didn't Realize Are Depressing

It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane

This is among the Six Disturbing Unanswered Questions from Children's Movies

Check out the 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People

Here are 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All

It is among The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games

Here are 4 Video Game Complaints We're Just Going to Have to Get Over

These are The 4 Most Baffling Trends in Old-Timey Album Covers

Here are the 5 Ways College Accidentally Prepares You for the Real World

The 6 Most Half-Assed Superhero Origins of All Time

6 Songs People Apparently Think Are By the Wrong Artist

It is among the 6 Mind-Blowing Early Music Careers of Famous Musicians

Here are 7 Amazing Video Games We'll Never Get To Play

Here are 8 Children's Movies Studios Don't Have the Balls to Make

Wow subby congrats on getting 14 Cracked links submitted with the same headline capitalization this year alone, and 2 on the same day. Pat Yourself On The Back


Subby would be happy just to have links submitted. How do we see who submits what out of curiousity?
 
2012-08-08 02:35:49 PM

Ed Willy: LesserEvil: This was a bunch of "(Insert some movie for adults here> for kids" entries that some jackass pulled out of her ass to meet a deadline, apparently.

It's Christina H, which makes me sad because she is usually spot on. I was disappointed reading this, expecting some real stories like an Edward Gorey book, some foreign children's film or making better versions of crappy films. Making the Muppet Babies version of adult films isn't clever.


Well, let's do our own. Since you mentioned Gorey - the animated Gashleycrumb Tinies.
 
2012-08-08 02:50:15 PM
That was shiat even by Cracked standards. I only clicked the second page to see if it could actually get worse.
 
2012-08-08 02:50:30 PM
I like the idea of Eraserhead The Anime
 
2012-08-08 04:06:16 PM

Lord_Dubu: That was the dumbest green-lit article I've ever seen.


Agreed, and I've never complained about a green before.
 
2012-08-08 04:38:11 PM

DanZero: It's included in the 6 Popular Upbeat Songs You Didn't Realize Are Depressing

It is among the six "Luxury" Spa Treatments For The Extremely Rich & Insane

This is among the Six Disturbing Unanswered Questions from Children's Movies

Check out the 14 Photographs That Shatter Your Image of Famous People

Here are 6 Types of Apologies That Aren't Apologies at All

It is among The 5 Worst Marketing Failures in the History of Video Games

Here are 4 Video Game Complaints We're Just Going to Have to Get Over

These are The 4 Most Baffling Trends in Old-Timey Album Covers

Here are the 5 Ways College Accidentally Prepares You for the Real World

The 6 Most Half-Assed Superhero Origins of All Time

6 Songs People Apparently Think Are By the Wrong Artist

It is among the 6 Mind-Blowing Early Music Careers of Famous Musicians

Here are 7 Amazing Video Games We'll Never Get To Play

Here are 8 Children's Movies Studios Don't Have the Balls to Make

Wow subby congrats on getting 14 Cracked links submitted with the same headline capitalization this year alone, and 2 on the same day. Pat Yourself On The Back


It's almost as though there's a business relationship between Cracked and Fark. Oh, wait...
 
2012-08-08 04:39:18 PM
Hmm, this looks like an interesting article, I wonder whuh... wh....

*zzzzzzzzzz*

*snrk* wha? Oh, I was reading this arti.... uh...

*zzzzzzzzzz*

*snrk* wh... ugh, keyboard face again? Damn Cracked, you su... s....

*zzzzzz*
 
2012-08-08 05:11:33 PM
HEY SUBBY, YOUR BLOGFORMER WEBSITE OF A MAD MAGAZINE RIP-OFF SUCKS
 
2012-08-08 10:52:12 PM

Dumb-Ass-Monkey: I like the idea of Eraserhead The Anime


I did too... after reading the comments here, I feel dumb.
 
2012-08-09 01:13:50 AM

Vash's Apprentice: Disney will never give up one of its properties, so I'm going somewhere it'll be easier to buy the rights -- temporary carnivals and deteriorating children's parks and zoos in my local area.

[d2oz5j6ef5tbf6.cloudfront.net image 350x534]
Derp.


Originally a short in The Haunt of Fear (Tales from the Crypt sister magazine) called "The Black Ferris". Weird.....Wikipedia doesn't mention that.
 
2012-08-09 03:34:30 AM
I don't mind the Cracked articles (some can be humorous/interesting), but to say this one was weak is a real understatement.
 
2012-08-09 01:50:33 PM
I read Cracked on a regular basis. No hyperbole, this was the worst one ever. Christina H is the least entertaining writer on their staff.
 
2012-08-09 07:54:16 PM

Lord Dimwit: That article was bad and you should feel bad.

I was hoping for a link to a list of children's stories that Hollywood really didn't have the balls to make, like The Golden Compass.

(Yeah, there was a movie called "The Golden Compass" but when you take a book about how religion is used to control people and remove the "religion is used to control people" part, you don't really have a lot left.)


Seriously. I read the first two books, and the author has a deep hatred for Christianity. I'm surprised they made the film considering the source material
 
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