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(Huffington Post)   The thing about burglars is that it's difficult to know what they're going to do next. Sometimes they steal your electronics, other times it's your art. And sometimes they break in to perform oral sex on you while you sleep   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 50
    More: Weird, John O'Connor, The Patriot-News, Pennsylvania, wet dreams, WHP-TV  
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17588 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2012 at 10:12 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-08-08 09:57:44 AM
12 votes:
You know the thing about a burglar, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he blows ya and those black eyes roll over white.
2012-08-08 11:12:29 AM
7 votes:

farm machine: Sperm banks exist for a reason. Be sure to make frequent deposits. Most don't have any penalties for early withdrawal. Its actually encouraged as it helps to avoid the potential to invest in derivatives. Keeping wads under your mattress is insecure as evidenced by this burglary.


I used to work at a sperm bank. But I got fired for drinking on the job.

It was rum. Not sperm. Did you think this was some sort of joke? I'm an alcoholic. I have a serious drinking problem. It's not funny.
2012-08-08 10:23:17 AM
6 votes:
Wait. A black man went down?
2012-08-08 10:21:45 AM
5 votes:

Rincewind53: That's called rape, not burglary.


Blowglary?
2012-08-08 10:27:57 AM
4 votes:
At first I thought it was the chick in the first picture and I was like
fc02.deviantart.net
Then I scrolled down and saw who it really was and was like
mediamrs.com
2012-08-08 10:47:30 AM
3 votes:

tonguedepressor: Am I the only one who clicked on the link and saw the chick at the beginning of the video clip and thought she was the perp.?


No, indeed, I did think, and secretly hope against all hope and dreams of a long and abiding love that transcendeth our frail beings and ascends to the mighty heights of creation, enduring and unimpeachable, where her soft lips would caress my turgid manhood, where my fingers would entwine her flowing tresses, and her hand would rest upon my powerfully muscled thigh as my love for her did attain a trembling, glowing climax and my copious issue filled her yearning mouth, even to trickle from the corners and down her chin whilst her gaze locked with mine, our hearts pounding together, our very spirits enjoined now and forever through time and all things unto the ending of the world.

Imagine my disappointment when I learned it was this surly bulldog of a man performing the Oral Ministrations.
2012-08-08 10:26:30 AM
3 votes:
johndalek

why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Women only give head for 2 reasons. Either you have money or she is fat and hungry.
2012-08-08 10:25:18 AM
3 votes:

johndalek: why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?


Because attractive women have legal ways of stealing money from you. Thankfully it typically does involve blowing you occasionally, at least before they divorce your rich ass and take half.
2012-08-08 10:18:17 AM
3 votes:
I could steal the TV or I could blow a guy... decisions, decisions.
2012-08-08 10:13:53 AM
3 votes:
That's pretty gay right there.
2012-08-08 02:52:03 PM
2 votes:
The gurgling burglar.
2012-08-08 11:31:24 AM
2 votes:

Pork1: fragMasterFlash: Old and busted: UFIA. New newness: UMOP.

+1


UMOP

Only if he spits
2012-08-08 10:47:23 AM
2 votes:
Time to call Gaybraham van Ballsing, cumpire hunter.
2012-08-08 10:40:59 AM
2 votes:
"Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.
2012-08-08 10:31:57 AM
2 votes:
See now...I had hopes. I am actually still young and stupid enough to hope that it might have been a woman breaking in and doing this to guys. I was already in mid fantasy and planning how I could put a ladder outside my bedroom window, and maybe a little tray of milk and cookies to lure in the hungry fellater. But no. TFA has to farking ruin it for me by slapping up a mug shot of random black dude.

NOT COOL.
2012-08-08 10:29:17 AM
2 votes:
2012-08-08 10:29:17 AM
2 votes:
www.britmovie.co.uk
He was licking me!!!
2012-08-08 10:23:23 AM
2 votes:

Diogenes: padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?

We can only wonder. But I like the phrasing they used in the article.

"He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police."


I like how they made that clear to the police.
"NO!!! I STOPPED HIM right after I finished IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
2012-08-08 10:18:24 AM
2 votes:

padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?


We can only wonder. But I like the phrasing they used in the article.

"He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police."
2012-08-08 10:17:10 AM
2 votes:
What's worse than a burglar? A burglar that thinks porno plots are real, especially gay porno plots.
2012-08-08 10:13:46 AM
2 votes:

Rincewind53: That's called rape, not burglary.


Oh please, he was just cleaning the family jewels. With his tongue.
2012-08-08 12:18:20 PM
1 votes:
Maybe He was playing Goldilocks going from Bear to Bear?
2012-08-08 11:49:10 AM
1 votes:

jmadisonbiii: At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

[i780.photobucket.com image 568x437]


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

[i.huffpost.com image 260x190]


You just experienced the movie "Crying Game" in less than 10 seconds.
2012-08-08 11:37:48 AM
1 votes:
starberryicecream.com
2012-08-08 11:09:49 AM
1 votes:

ChipNASA: You know...this whole story is a little hard to swallow.


Braggart.
2012-08-08 11:00:35 AM
1 votes:
At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

i780.photobucket.com


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

i.huffpost.com
2012-08-08 10:52:23 AM
1 votes:

rmify: cant believe I got sucked into reading this thread
the whole thing really blows
I am going back to sleep


Lock your window.
2012-08-08 10:47:40 AM
1 votes:
cant believe I got sucked into reading this thread
the whole thing really blows
I am going back to sleep
2012-08-08 10:47:22 AM
1 votes:
You know...this whole story is a little hard to swallow.
2012-08-08 10:45:06 AM
1 votes:
That's a real dedication to cock sucking. You don't see a lot of people going above and beyond for their craft anymore.
2012-08-08 10:44:42 AM
1 votes:
approves big time

content6.flixster.com
2012-08-08 10:40:35 AM
1 votes:
Hmmnn... Think I can pay him to teach my wife to do that?
2012-08-08 10:39:19 AM
1 votes:
That's it, I'm going to buy a shotgun after work.

Seriously, take my stuff or kill me but that crosses the line.

How the fark hard is it for a gay guy to find another gay guy? That has to be the easiest sex life there is.
2012-08-08 10:36:40 AM
1 votes:

HailRobonia: Uh...usually I inject a thing to paralyze you... (NSFW)


What is this? I don't even.
2012-08-08 10:36:23 AM
1 votes:

Theaetetus: Rincewind53: Random Anonymous Blackmail: johndalek

why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Women only give head for 2 reasons. Either you have money or she is fat and hungry.

Sucks to be you, apparently.

Apparently it doesn't suck, which is the problem.


I stand corrected.
2012-08-08 10:35:13 AM
1 votes:
"Yo, dog! Imma let you finish sleepin', but firs I gonna suck yo dick!"
2012-08-08 10:32:02 AM
1 votes:
There hasn't been a jail cell built, yet, that can hold The Bukkake Bandit.
2012-08-08 10:31:27 AM
1 votes:

Rincewind53: Random Anonymous Blackmail: johndalek

why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Women only give head for 2 reasons. Either you have money or she is fat and hungry.

Sucks to be you, apparently.


Apparently it doesn't suck, which is the problem.
2012-08-08 10:27:51 AM
1 votes:

padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?


oyster.ignimgs.com
2012-08-08 10:27:35 AM
1 votes:

Terrydatroll: This is a perfect example of how gay marriage could help society. He could marry another guy and adopt a child, keeping all of this sexual deviance within the happy home.


Yes. This man clearly needs young minds to mold. I expect nothing but the best out of that situation.
2012-08-08 10:26:04 AM
1 votes:
Sperm banks exist for a reason. Be sure to make frequent deposits. Most don't have any penalties for early withdrawal. Its actually encouraged as it helps to avoid the potential to invest in derivatives. Keeping wads under your mattress is insecure as evidenced by this burglary.
2012-08-08 10:25:37 AM
1 votes:

INeedAName: He will be very popular in prison!


Not so much:
Last year, he was charged in Worcester County, Maryland, for sexually assaulting his sleeping cell mate in prison, News One said.
2012-08-08 10:20:48 AM
1 votes:
Old and busted: UFIA. New newness: UMOP.
2012-08-08 10:19:16 AM
1 votes:
Link (NSFW, arachnophobes)
2012-08-08 10:19:13 AM
1 votes:
Is this a vice or a service?
2012-08-08 10:17:50 AM
1 votes:
He will be very popular in prison!
2012-08-08 10:17:20 AM
1 votes:
This is a perfect example of how gay marriage could help society. He could marry another guy and adopt a child, keeping all of this sexual deviance within the happy home.
2012-08-08 10:15:49 AM
1 votes:
I'm just sayin, it's not gay if some gay guy is sucking you off unwillingly and you are enjoying it.
2012-08-08 10:14:56 AM
1 votes:
The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?
2012-08-08 10:00:17 AM
1 votes:
Once again I feel compelled to point out that there are plenty of willing men whose dicks you can suck. No reason to get all rapey and feloney.
 
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