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(Huffington Post)   The thing about burglars is that it's difficult to know what they're going to do next. Sometimes they steal your electronics, other times it's your art. And sometimes they break in to perform oral sex on you while you sleep   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 147
    More: Weird, John O'Connor, The Patriot-News, Pennsylvania, wet dreams, WHP-TV  
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17591 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2012 at 10:12 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-08 11:19:10 AM  
I'm not even sure how this guys isn't dead already or seriously hurt.. I can't say how one man awaking to another performing an 'unwelcome' sex act on him does not result in some serious injury between reporting the crime and the guy trying to get out of dodge.
 
2012-08-08 11:20:20 AM  

notatrollorami: Once in high school on a debate trip one of my friends woke up to another guy who had crawled up on his bed and had his face right in his crotch. He immediately punched him. The subject was never broached again and the weiner approaching guy stayed in the closet throughout high school.

///Found out at 20th reunion he remained closeted (or else he just wanted the penis that one and only time; who knows) and married a girl and had two kids. They were ages 3 and six weeks old when a girl talking on her cell phone ran a red light and hit his Jeep. According to witnesses the impact did not kill him, it was the gasoline fire that caused his writhing screaming demise.

Cell phone girl faced no charges. Kids are impoverished.

///Least cool story ever bro. Had nightmares.

Only bad thing the guy ever did was try to suck one sleeping guys penis. And he got punched in the face for it so he was square on that deal.


ocobiega.org
 
2012-08-08 11:21:05 AM  

MagSeven: [www.britmovie.co.uk image 250x234]
He was licking me!!!


Bad man outside!!
 
2012-08-08 11:23:11 AM  

MagSeven: Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.

I thought a deviant was someone who practices deviancy. That is, behavior that deviates from the accepted norm.


Deviant is both a noun and an adjective. Deviate is both a verb and an adjective. If anyone knows how to describe a freak, its me.
 
Biv
2012-08-08 11:23:54 AM  

TrainingWheelsNeeded: dittybopper: You know the thing about a burglar, he's got...lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eye. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be livin'. Until he blows ya and those black eyes roll over white.

can this please stop being a thing?


NEVER!!!! Jaws quotes are mother's milk.

Sometimes he go down, sometimes he don' go down.
 
2012-08-08 11:24:20 AM  

feuerwehrmann: johndalek: why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

FTFM


I wondered about this. But I figured you started with "attractive blonde" and then decided "why be exclusionary?"
 
2012-08-08 11:24:45 AM  

notatrollorami: MagSeven: Diogenes: padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?

We can only wonder. But I like the phrasing they used in the article.

"He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police."

I like how they made that clear to the police.
"NO!!! I STOPPED HIM right after I finished IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

I get the humor of this. Really, I do. But I'm wondering how many people really actually think someone's reaction to awakening groggily to a barely acquainted man sucking on your penis would be "ok, this feels nice". As opposed to "WTFingFingF!"


I imagine most of us would be rightfully horrified, but I'm sure there a few dudes out there that would just say "fark it" and enjoy the ride.
 
2012-08-08 11:26:01 AM  

Rincewind53: That's called rape, not burglary.


technically subby is also correct. burglary is usually breaking into a dwelling to commit a felony. the worst kind of correct.
 
2012-08-08 11:26:27 AM  

JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.

You can beg, but you didn't do enough of your homework. Also from the dictionary:

deviant |ˈdēvēənt|

adjective

departing from usual or accepted standards, esp. in social or sexual behavior: deviant behavior | a deviant ideology.

• derogatory homosexual.

I win the argument.


You're not wrong, but deviate is most commonly used as a verb.
 
2012-08-08 11:27:38 AM  

JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.

You can beg, but you didn't do enough of your homework. Also from the dictionary:

deviant |ˈdēvēənt|

adjective

departing from usual or accepted standards, esp. in social or sexual behavior: deviant behavior | a deviant ideology.

• derogatory homosexual.

I win the argument.


Conceded. English is fun, we have so many words for weirdos.
 
2012-08-08 11:28:30 AM  

notatrollorami: MagSeven: Diogenes: padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?

We can only wonder. But I like the phrasing they used in the article.

"He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police."

I like how they made that clear to the police.
"NO!!! I STOPPED HIM right after I finished IMMEDIATELY!!!!!

I get the humor of this. Really, I do. But I'm wondering how many people really actually think someone's reaction to awakening groggily to a barely acquainted man sucking on your penis would be "ok, this feels nice". As opposed to "WTFingFingF!"


It could have been worst, It could have been an underage boy and he could have said "I'm sorry Mr notatrollorami you never woke up before.
 
2012-08-08 11:30:05 AM  

JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.


No, it's "deviate" --

Involuntary deviate sexual intercourse - 18 Pa. Cons. Stat. § 3123

It refers to manual, oral or anal sex. It has nothing to go with the gender of the perpetrator or victim.
 
2012-08-08 11:31:24 AM  

Pork1: fragMasterFlash: Old and busted: UFIA. New newness: UMOP.

+1


UMOP

Only if he spits
 
2012-08-08 11:36:53 AM  

EZ Writer: You're not wrong, but deviate is most commonly used as a verb.


Uncommon usage doesn't make it incorrect. Apparently they used it in the statute.

meanmutton: No, it's "deviate" --


Thank you.
 
2012-08-08 11:37:48 AM  
starberryicecream.com
 
2012-08-08 11:39:06 AM  

Full Blown Jimbo: EZ Writer: You're not wrong, but deviate is most commonly used as a verb.

Uncommon usage doesn't make it incorrect. Apparently they used it in the statute.

meanmutton: No, it's "deviate" --

Thank you.


I'm glad to have read this discussion, because I also thought deviate was just bad spelling.

Now I know that it's correct... But it still looks wrong. :)
 
2012-08-08 11:39:40 AM  
Link
It was divine intervention.
 
2012-08-08 11:43:14 AM  

Full Blown Jimbo: EZ Writer: You're not wrong, but deviate is most commonly used as a verb.

Uncommon usage doesn't make it incorrect. Apparently they used it in the statute.

meanmutton: No, it's "deviate" --

Thank you.


Which is why I said "You're not wrong." However, uncommon usage can make it "look" wrong, like someone said. That's what makes the English language such a joy... Especially as a second language.
 
2012-08-08 11:43:27 AM  

MagSeven: I thought a deviant was someone who practices deviancy. That is, behavior that deviates from the accepted norm.


Denotation vs. Connotation
 
2012-08-08 11:45:05 AM  

EZ Writer: Which is why I said "You're not wrong." However, uncommon usage can make it "look" wrong, like someone said. That's what makes the English language such a joy... Especially as a second language.


Tell me about it, I grew up in Louisiana. English is hard.
 
2012-08-08 11:45:20 AM  

jmadisonbiii: At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

[i780.photobucket.com image 568x437]


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

[i.huffpost.com image 260x190]


This.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-08 11:46:46 AM  

Mmmmkaay: I'm not even sure how this guys isn't dead already or seriously hurt.. I can't say how one man awaking to another performing an 'unwelcome' sex act on him does not result in some serious injury between reporting the crime and the guy trying to get out of dodge.


the perp had the upper hand because the guys had been out partying. they probably had a night of drinking and what-not. that's more like passing out when you get home, a deeper slumber than just falling asleep sober. it's actually a testimony to how good the alleged perp could suck bone.
 
2012-08-08 11:47:52 AM  

Diogenes: MagSeven: I thought a deviant was someone who practices deviancy. That is, behavior that deviates from the accepted norm.

Denotation vs. Connotation


Would you stop making me look things up?
 
2012-08-08 11:49:10 AM  

jmadisonbiii: At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

[i780.photobucket.com image 568x437]


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

[i.huffpost.com image 260x190]


You just experienced the movie "Crying Game" in less than 10 seconds.
 
2012-08-08 11:57:30 AM  

MythDragon: At first I thought it was the chick in the first picture and I was like
[fc02.deviantart.net image 312x393]
Then I scrolled down and saw who it really was and was like
[mediamrs.com image 450x276]


That's only funny because of the rumors about Kat Williams.............
 
2012-08-08 11:58:58 AM  

KrispyKritter: Mmmmkaay: I'm not even sure how this guys isn't dead already or seriously hurt.. I can't say how one man awaking to another performing an 'unwelcome' sex act on him does not result in some serious injury between reporting the crime and the guy trying to get out of dodge.

the perp had the upper hand because the guys had been out partying. they probably had a night of drinking and what-not. that's more like passing out when you get home, a deeper slumber than just falling asleep sober. it's actually a testimony to how good the alleged perp could suck bone.


Or maybe, just like with chicks, consensual turned into rape after the fact.
 
2012-08-08 12:01:12 PM  
I know this is going to offend some people but.
Icky
 
2012-08-08 12:02:12 PM  

MythDragon: farm machine: Sperm banks exist for a reason. Be sure to make frequent deposits. Most don't have any penalties for early withdrawal. Its actually encouraged as it helps to avoid the potential to invest in derivatives. Keeping wads under your mattress is insecure as evidenced by this burglary.

I used to work at a sperm bank. But I got fired for drinking on the job.

It was rum. Not sperm. Did you think this was some sort of joke? I'm an alcoholic. I have a serious drinking problem. It's not funny.


It's a little funny.
 
2012-08-08 12:03:43 PM  

Diogenes: MagSeven: I thought a deviant was someone who practices deviancy. That is, behavior that deviates from the accepted norm.

Denotation vs. Connotation


I swear I used to be familiar with that term.
/less beer/more google.
 
2012-08-08 12:13:34 PM  

Pumpernickel bread: I get the feeling that he is going to like prison


FTA:The suspect has been arrested for similar crimes before. Last year, he was charged in Worcester County, Maryland, for sexually assaulting his sleeping cell mate in prison, News One said.

He's aware and already trying to get back. Recidivism FTW.
 
2012-08-08 12:18:20 PM  
Maybe He was playing Goldilocks going from Bear to Bear?
 
2012-08-08 12:25:35 PM  
He just wants their precious bodily fluids.
 
2012-08-08 12:35:05 PM  
 
2012-08-08 12:35:29 PM  
If he does lay into you it's best to just let him finish...
ts3.mm.bing.net
 
2012-08-08 12:44:59 PM  
This is weird because it isn't like there's a shortage of gay or bi men that would like having their dick sucked by a guy. Couldn't he have found a glory hole somewhere or something? Craigslist? WTF!?!
 
2012-08-08 12:50:41 PM  

EZ Writer: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.

You can beg, but you didn't do enough of your homework. Also from the dictionary:

deviant |ˈdēvēənt|

adjective

departing from usual or accepted standards, esp. in social or sexual behavior: deviant behavior | a deviant ideology.

• derogatory homosexual.

I win the argument.

You're not wrong, but deviate is most commonly used as a verb.


True. The word is a verb and here's a lttle more from the dictionary:


noun& adjective |ˈdēvēˌit|

old-fashioned term for deviant.
 
2012-08-08 01:33:59 PM  
d1.yimg.com

I want a burgler too!
 
2012-08-08 01:52:03 PM  
I didn't see the problem either with the first pic...
then I scrolled down.

But you have to remember too...
It was dark, eyes closed and a warm mouth...

What would you do? What would you do?
 
2012-08-08 02:03:23 PM  

Cisco-Kid: Terrydatroll: This is a perfect example of how gay marriage could help society. He could marry another guy and adopt a child, keeping all of this sexual deviance within the happy home.

Not all gay men are rapists or child molesters. Just like not all straight men are rapists or child molesters.
Most adults want consensual relationships with other adults.
This is not a gay problem. This is a crazy-person problem. It isn't the same thing.

/Repeat as necessary until it sinks in.


Very much this. In fact, I'd put molester/rapist outside of sexual orientation. This is not a gay guy sucking dick, this is a seriously disturbed individual molesting people in their sleep.
 
2012-08-08 02:05:00 PM  

JWideman: this is a seriously disturbed individual molesting people in their sleep.


so not quite as bad as a gay person?!?!?
 
2012-08-08 02:35:01 PM  
Damnit, I can't find it on Youtube, but The Kids in Hall foretold this. i can't be the only one who remembers The Blowjob Fairy skit.

\Oh Susie!
 
2012-08-08 02:45:23 PM  

rmify: cant believe I got sucked into reading this thread
the whole thing really blows
I am going back to sleep


No "Came here for..."?
 
2012-08-08 02:48:09 PM  
I got excited when I saw the reporter on the front of the article. Thought that was the "perp". Boy was I disappointed when I read the article.
b.vimeocdn.com
 
2012-08-08 02:52:03 PM  
The gurgling burglar.
 
2012-08-08 03:32:16 PM  
I think this story just ruined surprise blow jobs for a lot of people. Instead of the traditional "oh yeah" throughout the performance, now we'll be forced to follow the "oh yeah" with paranoid suspicion, and a major adrenaline rush, flick of a light switch, then a 99.999999% probability of settling back to "oh yeah"
 
2012-08-08 06:03:55 PM  

JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.

You can beg, but you didn't do enough of your homework. Also from the dictionary:

deviant |ˈdēvēənt|

adjective

departing from usual or accepted standards, esp. in social or sexual behavior: deviant behavior | a deviant ideology.

• derogatory homosexual.

I win the argument.


No. As pointed out by others, deviate is correct, an adjective modifying "sexual intercourse." Deviant might also be correct. If you are saying that only deviant is correct, you are mistaken.
 
2012-08-08 06:20:47 PM  

LockeOak: Link (NSFW, arachnophobes)


Ok. That was friggin hilarious. Seriously LOL'd.
 
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