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(Huffington Post)   The thing about burglars is that it's difficult to know what they're going to do next. Sometimes they steal your electronics, other times it's your art. And sometimes they break in to perform oral sex on you while you sleep   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 147
    More: Weird, John O'Connor, The Patriot-News, Pennsylvania, wet dreams, WHP-TV  
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17589 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2012 at 10:12 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-08 10:36:23 AM

Theaetetus: Rincewind53: Random Anonymous Blackmail: johndalek

why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Women only give head for 2 reasons. Either you have money or she is fat and hungry.

Sucks to be you, apparently.

Apparently it doesn't suck, which is the problem.


I stand corrected.
 
2012-08-08 10:36:40 AM

HailRobonia: Uh...usually I inject a thing to paralyze you... (NSFW)


What is this? I don't even.
 
2012-08-08 10:37:23 AM

fragMasterFlash: Old and busted: UFIA. New newness: UMOP.


+1
 
2012-08-08 10:39:19 AM
That's it, I'm going to buy a shotgun after work.

Seriously, take my stuff or kill me but that crosses the line.

How the fark hard is it for a gay guy to find another gay guy? That has to be the easiest sex life there is.
 
2012-08-08 10:40:35 AM
Hmmnn... Think I can pay him to teach my wife to do that?
 
2012-08-08 10:40:59 AM
"Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.
 
2012-08-08 10:43:14 AM

Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.


"deviate"? That looks wrong.
 
2012-08-08 10:44:33 AM

hitlersbrain: That's it, I'm going to buy a shotgun after work.

Seriously, take my stuff or kill me but that crosses the line.

How the fark hard is it for a gay guy to find another gay guy? That has to be the easiest sex life there is.


this story is about making fun of someone because you thought they were gay and livin it up at the club?
or not gay when they should be gay.
in any case kill this farker
 
2012-08-08 10:44:42 AM
approves big time

content6.flixster.com
 
2012-08-08 10:44:46 AM

bdub77: johndalek: why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Because attractive women have legal ways of stealing money from you. Thankfully it typically does involve blowing you occasionally, at least before they divorce your rich ass and take half.


i.imgur.com
HALF!!!
 
2012-08-08 10:45:06 AM
That's a real dedication to cock sucking. You don't see a lot of people going above and beyond for their craft anymore.
 
2012-08-08 10:45:31 AM

HotWingConspiracy: That's a real dedication to cock sucking. You don't see a lot of people going above and beyond for their craft anymore.


It's a labor of love.
 
2012-08-08 10:46:31 AM
So were his pupils dilated or not?

TOM CRUISE?!?!?!?!?
 
2012-08-08 10:46:41 AM

Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.


If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.
 
2012-08-08 10:47:02 AM

Diogenes: Once again I feel compelled to point out that there are plenty of willing men whose dicks you can suck. No reason to get all rapey and feloney.


I'm pretty sure that there are a bazillion websites floating around out there where you could set up this exact situation and NOT go to prison for rape.
 
2012-08-08 10:47:05 AM
Is he an angel? Link
 
2012-08-08 10:47:22 AM
You know...this whole story is a little hard to swallow.
 
2012-08-08 10:47:23 AM
Time to call Gaybraham van Ballsing, cumpire hunter.
 
2012-08-08 10:47:30 AM

tonguedepressor: Am I the only one who clicked on the link and saw the chick at the beginning of the video clip and thought she was the perp.?


No, indeed, I did think, and secretly hope against all hope and dreams of a long and abiding love that transcendeth our frail beings and ascends to the mighty heights of creation, enduring and unimpeachable, where her soft lips would caress my turgid manhood, where my fingers would entwine her flowing tresses, and her hand would rest upon my powerfully muscled thigh as my love for her did attain a trembling, glowing climax and my copious issue filled her yearning mouth, even to trickle from the corners and down her chin whilst her gaze locked with mine, our hearts pounding together, our very spirits enjoined now and forever through time and all things unto the ending of the world.

Imagine my disappointment when I learned it was this surly bulldog of a man performing the Oral Ministrations.
 
2012-08-08 10:47:40 AM
cant believe I got sucked into reading this thread
the whole thing really blows
I am going back to sleep
 
2012-08-08 10:49:05 AM

Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.


This means he'll have to register as a prevert.
 
2012-08-08 10:50:21 AM

padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?


He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police.
 
2012-08-08 10:51:14 AM

mongbiohazard: Hmmnn... Think I can pay him to teach my wife to do that?


Link
NSFW
 
2012-08-08 10:52:10 AM

padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?


Geez man! There's just some things you just don't talk about in public!!!

/SnoochiBoochies!!
 
2012-08-08 10:52:12 AM

abhorrent1: Can't he just go work a glory hole instead?


its not the same
 
2012-08-08 10:52:23 AM

rmify: cant believe I got sucked into reading this thread
the whole thing really blows
I am going back to sleep


Lock your window.
 
2012-08-08 10:52:34 AM

Cisco-Kid: Terrydatroll: This is a perfect example of how gay marriage could help society. He could marry another guy and adopt a child, keeping all of this sexual deviance within the happy home.

Not all gay men are rapists or child molesters. Just like not all straight men are rapists or child molesters.
Most adults want consensual relationships with other adults.
This is not a gay problem. This is a crazy-person problem. It isn't the same thing.

/Repeat as necessary until it sinks in.


You sound ghey
 
2012-08-08 10:57:12 AM

mudpants: Cisco-Kid: Terrydatroll: This is a perfect example of how gay marriage could help society. He could marry another guy and adopt a child, keeping all of this sexual deviance within the happy home.

Not all gay men are rapists or child molesters. Just like not all straight men are rapists or child molesters.
Most adults want consensual relationships with other adults.
This is not a gay problem. This is a crazy-person problem. It isn't the same thing.

/Repeat as necessary until it sinks in.

You sound ghey


Not that there's anything wrong with that. There is, however, something wrong with you.
 
2012-08-08 10:58:36 AM
www.circumstitions.com
"Hey, don't look at me. I only did Lucy Snorebush ONCE."
 
2012-08-08 11:00:35 AM
At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

i780.photobucket.com


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

i.huffpost.com
 
2012-08-08 11:01:09 AM

Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.


The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.
 
2012-08-08 11:01:55 AM
This is what being in the closet will reduce you to.
 
2012-08-08 11:02:16 AM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: tonguedepressor: Am I the only one who clicked on the link and saw the chick at the beginning of the video clip and thought she was the perp.?

No, indeed, I did think, and secretly hope against all hope and dreams of a long and abiding love that transcendeth our frail beings and ascends to the mighty heights of creation, enduring and unimpeachable, where her soft lips would caress my turgid manhood, where my fingers would entwine her flowing tresses, and her hand would rest upon my powerfully muscled thigh as my love for her did attain a trembling, glowing climax and my copious issue filled her yearning mouth, even to trickle from the corners and down her chin whilst her gaze locked with mine, our hearts pounding together, our very spirits enjoined now and forever through time and all things unto the ending of the world.

Imagine my disappointment when I learned it was this surly bulldog of a man performing the Oral Ministrations.


You know your log-in doesn't do you justice.
 
2012-08-08 11:04:47 AM

JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.


Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.
 
2012-08-08 11:05:52 AM
If any Farkettes wish to practice their blowglary, I have EIP... Which also comes in handy for BIE.

/What?
 
2012-08-08 11:06:32 AM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: johndalek

why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?

Women only give head for 2 reasons. Either you have money or she is fat and hungry.


Not always, and if you have never had a girlfriend that enjoys it and is good at it, well, that sucks.
 
2012-08-08 11:07:08 AM

johndalek: why is it never an attractive blonde, brunette or readhead female that does this?


You just don't hear about it because they never get reported to the police.
 
2012-08-08 11:07:40 AM

jmadisonbiii: At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

[i780.photobucket.com image 568x437]


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

[i.huffpost.com image 260x190]


I did the exact same thing.
 
2012-08-08 11:07:49 AM
FORGETTICUS!
 
2012-08-08 11:08:08 AM
Did I stop him? Well, officer, at first I thought it was my dog, he does that sometimes. But when he started rubbing my hang downs I knew something was up. And to answer your question, of course I gave him the tap, that's only being polite.
 
2012-08-08 11:08:19 AM
Instead of this modus operandi, dude should have headed to the public bathrooms for some hobo dick cheese. One of the worst cases of teh ghey that I can ever recall reading about...*shudder*...scary shiat...wut if he had decided to bite instead of suck...*chomp*.......AAAHHHHHHHHIIEEEE
 
2012-08-08 11:09:21 AM

trivial use of my dark powers: Is he an angel? Link


I was surprised this wasn't linked sooner. Nicely done.
 
2012-08-08 11:09:49 AM

ChipNASA: You know...this whole story is a little hard to swallow.


Braggart.
 
2012-08-08 11:09:56 AM

Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.


I thought a deviant was someone who practices deviancy. That is, behavior that deviates from the accepted norm.
 
2012-08-08 11:10:10 AM

MagSeven: Lock your window.


horrornews.net

Why do you hate Sandusky?
 
2012-08-08 11:10:23 AM
Once in high school on a debate trip one of my friends woke up to another guy who had crawled up on his bed and had his face right in his crotch. He immediately punched him. The subject was never broached again and the weiner approaching guy stayed in the closet throughout high school.

///Found out at 20th reunion he remained closeted (or else he just wanted the penis that one and only time; who knows) and married a girl and had two kids. They were ages 3 and six weeks old when a girl talking on her cell phone ran a red light and hit his Jeep. According to witnesses the impact did not kill him, it was the gasoline fire that caused his writhing screaming demise.

Cell phone girl faced no charges. Kids are impoverished.

///Least cool story ever bro. Had nightmares.

Only bad thing the guy ever did was try to suck one sleeping guys penis. And he got punched in the face for it so he was square on that deal.
 
2012-08-08 11:11:23 AM

jmadisonbiii: At first I was like AWWW, YEAH

[i780.photobucket.com image 568x437]


Then I was all AWW HELL NAW

[i.huffpost.com image 260x190]


Exactly this!
 
2012-08-08 11:12:29 AM

farm machine: Sperm banks exist for a reason. Be sure to make frequent deposits. Most don't have any penalties for early withdrawal. Its actually encouraged as it helps to avoid the potential to invest in derivatives. Keeping wads under your mattress is insecure as evidenced by this burglary.


I used to work at a sperm bank. But I got fired for drinking on the job.

It was rum. Not sperm. Did you think this was some sort of joke? I'm an alcoholic. I have a serious drinking problem. It's not funny.
 
2012-08-08 11:16:31 AM

MagSeven: Diogenes: padraig: The thing that this article left out was : did any of the victim let him finish ?

We can only wonder. But I like the phrasing they used in the article.

"He too allegedly stopped the suspect immediately, according to police."

I like how they made that clear to the police.
"NO!!! I STOPPED HIM right after I finished IMMEDIATELY!!!!!


I get the humor of this. Really, I do. But I'm wondering how many people really actually think someone's reaction to awakening groggily to a barely acquainted man sucking on your penis would be "ok, this feels nice". As opposed to "WTFingFingF!"
 
2012-08-08 11:18:22 AM

Full Blown Jimbo: JackieRabbit: Full Blown Jimbo: Diogenes: Full Blown Jimbo: "Porter was charged with three counts of involuntary deviate sexual intercourse"

That's gonna look good on the old resume.

"deviate"? That looks wrong.

If there's anything more deviate than breaking into a guy's apartment and sucking on his wang, I don't wanna know about it.

The word you are looking for and that the reporter couldn't find is deviant. Both words have essentially the same meaning, though deviant is more commonly used to describe behaviors. In the homophobic sense, it has long been used to describe homosexuals.

Beg to differ. From dictionary.com:

deviate-

adjective
5.
characterized by deviation or departure from an accepted norm or standard, as of behavior.


You can beg, but you didn't do enough of your homework. Also from the dictionary:

deviant |ˈdēvēənt|

adjective

departing from usual or accepted standards, esp. in social or sexual behavior: deviant behavior | a deviant ideology.

• derogatory homosexual.

I win the argument.
 
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