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(Huffington Post)   According to the National Enquirer, Macauley Culkin should definitely not be left home alone   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 32
    More: Sad, Macaulay Culkin, Culkin, National Enquirer, Enquirer, human beings, Gavin Rossdale, Scott Disick, Suri Cruise  
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7682 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 08 Aug 2012 at 7:21 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-08 07:38:03 AM  
*quickly injects needle*

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHhhhh...... yyeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhh.....

*passes out*
 
2012-08-08 07:39:35 AM  
He is likely running around his house setting traps out of paranoia and occasionally screaming in horror "AAAHHH...there are spiders crawling in my skin."
 
2012-08-08 08:07:09 AM  
That settles it, the only replacement for having sex with Mila Kunis is heroin.
 
2012-08-08 08:21:03 AM  
He was nailing Kunis? Holy crap, not sure if he got lucky or she has no standards. I hope she has no standards, because if so, my chances just went up to 1 in a million.
 
2012-08-08 08:31:03 AM  
I consider myself lucky to have never gotten hooked on addictive hallucinogenics.
 
2012-08-08 08:46:55 AM  
Those guys in Train Spotting were on heroin and they did OK some I'm not sure if this really a big deal.
 
2012-08-08 08:59:56 AM  

Scooty_Puff_Sr: He was nailing Kunis? Holy crap, not sure if he got lucky or she has no standards. I hope she has no standards, because if so, my chances just went up to 1 in a million.


Key word being "million".
 
2012-08-08 09:01:23 AM  

Cheron: Those guys in Train Spotting were on heroin and they did OK some I'm not sure if this really a big deal.


Reality is one hell of a drug.
 
2012-08-08 09:14:01 AM  

Scooty_Puff_Sr: He was nailing Kunis? Holy crap, not sure if he got lucky or she has no standards.


Dude, she's dating Ashton Kutcher now. I'd say standards are not a consideration.
 
2012-08-08 09:24:11 AM  
I had a pretty hot girlfriend for a short time a long time ago, and it took me years to get over losing her. The devastation from losing someone like Mila must be Earth shattering. Being an ex child star must also be rough.
 
2012-08-08 09:41:18 AM  

spacelord321: Scooty_Puff_Sr: He was nailing Kunis? Holy crap, not sure if he got lucky or she has no standards. I hope she has no standards, because if so, my chances just went up to 1 in a million.

Key word being "million".


And here I thought it was "up"...
 
2012-08-08 09:46:08 AM  
I've heard Whitney Houston was a total b*tch.
 
2012-08-08 10:21:13 AM  
I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.


(In other news, the hotness of a girlfriend does not determine the quality of the sex, the strength of the relationship, or the pain of the breakup. Breaking up with *anybody* after 8 years hurts like fark. I realize that this contrary to everything that some of you may have been told by the media.)
 
2012-08-08 10:30:53 AM  

czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.


You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.
 
2012-08-08 10:35:24 AM  

InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.


On the other hand, it's the National Enquirer "reporting". Even if normal journalism has fallen by the wayside, one must still question the legitimacy of the reporting from a rag that tells you the blue dot inside will bring you luck.
 
2012-08-08 11:13:51 AM  

IlGreven: InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.

On the other hand, it's the National Enquirer "reporting". Even if normal journalism has fallen by the wayside, one must still question the legitimacy of the reporting from a rag that tells you the blue dot inside will bring you luck.


True, but if they reported that the sky was blue, I'd believe them, after consulting one of my windows.
 
2012-08-08 12:19:36 PM  

miniflea: IlGreven: InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.

On the other hand, it's the National Enquirer "reporting". Even if normal journalism has fallen by the wayside, one must still question the legitimacy of the reporting from a rag that tells you the blue dot inside will bring you luck.

True, but if they reported that the sky was blue, I'd believe them, after consulting one of my windows.


But you'd have to consult the window first. That's my point.
 
2012-08-08 12:27:07 PM  

miniflea: IlGreven: InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.

On the other hand, it's the National Enquirer "reporting". Even if normal journalism has fallen by the wayside, one must still question the legitimacy of the reporting from a rag that tells you the blue dot inside will bring you luck.

True, but if they reported that the sky was blue, I'd believe them, after consulting one of my windows.


News stories like this one don't help his case. It just goes to show how bad pictures can make stories like these believable.

*Takes a bunch of pictures of celeb while coughing*,
*Write a story with the horrible shots to make it look like he is about to puke*,
*It looks like he is going to get sick, it must be them drugs he is on these days!!!*,
*Oh he really just ended up needing to spit and that settled his stomach*
 
2012-08-08 12:31:30 PM  
^ oh and then they will still finish off the article by saying you were sick...

"Back to normal: Macaulay was seen puffing on a cigarette as he walked to a friend's car after being sick"
 
2012-08-08 01:32:02 PM  

IlGreven: InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.

On the other hand, it's the National Enquirer "reporting". Even if normal journalism has fallen by the wayside, one must still question the legitimacy of the reporting from a rag that tells you the blue dot inside will bring you luck.


When it comes to stories like these, the National Enquirer is usually accurate. They're not the Weekly World News.

Weren't they the ones who broke the story about John Edwards's affair?

Culkin being addicted to heroin is hardly a far-fetched story. It's very possible that Kunis broke up with him because of his drug use, and it spiraled from there.
 
2012-08-08 01:55:59 PM  
^^^^ Wow - WTF ever happened to jokes about Elvis & aliens?

I don't remember the last year they used the "blue dot" either. But, hey, whatever makes you feel elitist ...
 
2012-08-08 03:12:30 PM  

InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.


Did I say he wasn't a good candidate for drug abuse? No. I pointed out that there's a perfectly good explanation that doesn't involve drugs.

I'd like to see National Enquirer produce some evidence of drug use, testimony from people who have witnessed it, evidence of financial trouble as a result of it... heck, something more than "boy, he's looking bad these days" before I start concocting fantasy narratives to explain it. It's not "boy with Culkin's odd childhood does drugs" vs. "disease" that challenges the smell test. The choice Occam's Razor presents here is "boy with Culkin's odd childhood and current level of celebrity does drugs without generating any corroborating evidence" vs. "disease". See the difference?

By the way, MMD is uncommon but hardly "rare". Myotonic dystrophy is the most common adult-onset muscular dystrophy with an estimated prevalence of 1/8000 in the population.
 
2012-08-08 04:02:06 PM  

czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.


I'd buy that. Has it been documented in his family?
 
2012-08-08 04:53:07 PM  

czetie: I'd like to see National Enquirer produce some evidence of drug use, testimony from people who have witnessed it, evidence of financial trouble as a result of it... heck, something more than "boy, he's looking bad these days" before I start concocting fantasy narratives to explain it. It's not "boy with Culkin's odd childhood does drugs" vs. "disease" that challenges the smell test. The choice Occam's Razor presents here is "boy with Culkin's odd childhood and current level of celebrity does drugs without generating any corroborating evidence" vs. "disease". See the difference?


You mean something along the lines of being arrested for pills without a prescription?

i.cdn.turner.com
 
Skr
2012-08-08 05:03:43 PM  
www.eonline.com
Alexander Skarsgård is looking pretty rough.
 
2012-08-08 05:54:39 PM  
After all the shiat he's been through in his life, I say let the guy get high and leave him the hell alone.
 
2012-08-08 09:50:15 PM  

Esroc: After all the shiat he's been through in his life, I say let the guy get high and leave him the hell alone.


good point. how quickly we forget the hell his parents put him through. that must be pretty farked up, becoming the breadwinner of the family when you're still a kid.
 
2012-08-08 11:23:25 PM  
Let him die
 
2012-08-08 11:24:41 PM  

czetie: InmanRoshi: czetie: I'm still guessing myotonic muscular dystrophy. He's the right age for the onset of symptoms, and the gaunt face is a classic marker.

You're right, washed up former Hollywood Child Star (who spent an inordinate amount of time sleeping over at Michael Jackson's house) later becoming a drug addict as a young adult doesn't really pass the Occam's Razor smell test. It's probably some rare disease.

Did I say he wasn't a good candidate for drug abuse? No. I pointed out that there's a perfectly good explanation that doesn't involve drugs.

I'd like to see National Enquirer produce some evidence of drug use, testimony from people who have witnessed it, evidence of financial trouble as a result of it... heck, something more than "boy, he's looking bad these days" before I start concocting fantasy narratives to explain it. It's not "boy with Culkin's odd childhood does drugs" vs. "disease" that challenges the smell test. The choice Occam's Razor presents here is "boy with Culkin's odd childhood and current level of celebrity does drugs without generating any corroborating evidence" vs. "disease". See the difference?

By the way, MMD is uncommon but hardly "rare". Myotonic dystrophy is the most common adult-onset muscular dystrophy with an estimated prevalence of 1/8000 in the population.


I'm curious. Do you know how far they go to verify these stories?

Let's just say that the "real news" guys wouldn't cut it at The Enquirer these days.
 
2012-08-09 12:41:36 AM  
The Enquirer has gotten a lot right over the years. They've been sued enough to know what they can and can't print. They also must've had something good on Bush to be attacked with Anthrax.
 
2012-08-09 02:48:06 AM  

PYROY: I consider myself lucky to have never gotten hooked on addictive hallucinogenics.


"addictive hallucinogenics"?

not sure if serious
 
2012-08-09 02:49:57 AM  

Skr: Alexander Skarsgård is looking pretty rough.


pretty sure that's willem defoe
 
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