That 11 year old should have had a gun.

you are a puppet: This guy sounds like a real Slimak.



Distant cousins.

Reposting one of the comments from Jezebel here but it's awesome. "I heard if you say "Conrad Slimak" three times in a totally dark bathroom, he'll come through the mirror and punch you in the gut. Provided, of course, you're under 12."

I don't want to be Internet Tough Guy here but if he can only beat up 11 year old girls I could probably take him.

Mithiwithi: Just a reminder: the word for this guy is backpfeifengesicht - a face badly in need of a fist.

And yet they have no word for 'fluffy'.

It's a good thing for him that college students don't go on the internet, or the other students where he goes to school might find out about this and that would be terrible.

Wait til his cellmate finds out what he did. Then he'll get punched in the butt. With a penis.

Mimekiller: Interesting story but I can't get over the fact that Jezebel.com is hires some of the worst writers that have ever graced the interwebs.

Can't tell if ironic or foreign.

caddisfly: btw, the above sweater is only $795!!!

The reasons to beat this kid keep pouring in!

The Cobra Kai



Welcomes their newest member...



/eagerly waiting on the sequel where the 11 year old girl rips his nuts off as her finishing move.

Hey Conrad! You got a minute?

So, let me get this straight: The little twat and their mom had multiple beach balls, and they wouldn't give my man Conrad one? What a couple of biatches.

I sure hope that one of the planks in Obama's platform this fall is going to be the redistribution of beach balls. The gap between the Have's and Have-Not's in the country continues to widen.

\seriously, though, I hope he gets one of those "creative" judges, and he is sentenced to be punched in the testicles by the little girl, until they swell to the size of beach balls
\\if the little girl isn't up for it, I'll stand in for her

To be fair, he thought she was about to sing the national anthem...

ongbok: bel4sucks: you are a puppet: lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.

Hell with it happening in Chicago city limits, there's a good chance he got a cite and release. I know Cook County has a rep for being really rough, but the quickness that people jump to the prison rape fantasy on this site is extraordinarily creepy.

Guy is a rich kid from the gold coast who is going to the Citadel this fall.

All you did today was weaken a country. This world has walls. Who's going guard them? You?

We'll be overrun by little girls with balls...

Twitch Boy: Can I disown my generation? I want to go hang with the Xers. They're not dicks.

Welcome aboard. Today's in-flight movie is "Better Off Dead", and afterwards we'll be showing 5 straight hours of old MTV broadcasts from 1982-1985.

Gyrfalcon: ThatDarkFellow: At the very least he already got blasted off social networking sites.

//YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!

*happy sigh*

I always wanted to become a meme.

I was a meme until I took an arrow to the knee.

Mimekiller: I is drunk and ashamed.*kicks dirt, walks down street illuminated by single flickering street light*

Hehe, you came back to take your licks. That is respectable.

Twitch Boy: Can I disown my generation? I want to go hang with the Xers. They're not dicks.

Sure, come on. We'll take you.

you are a puppet: lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.

Hell with it happening in Chicago city limits, there's a good chance he got a cite and release. I know Cook County has a rep for being really rough, but the quickness that people jump to the prison rape fantasy on this site is extraordinarily creepy.

DreamSnipers: The_Sponge: I hope his new pals in jail give him the treatment he deserves.

His chances of getting any sort of a legal break like a plea bargain are just about zip. Once the other inmates find out his crime he will be every bodies punk.

lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.

Oh, I mean "No way does the DA make a deal with this perp! This scumbag is going straight to San Quentin FOR LIFE, where he will serve his time in the experimental Emerald City pod and his cellmates will be the noblest members of MS-13."

DreamSnipers: His chances of getting any sort of a legal break like a plea bargain are just about zip. Once the other inmates find out his crime he will be every bodies punk.

Wow that was just dumb.

sirgrim: How can you tell if an 11 year old lost two beach balls?

She doesn't need to get an abortion?

This guy sounds like a real Slimak.

Would you rather have him hit her in the face? How about a camel clutch?