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(Jezebel)   Meet the newest entrant into the "Asshole of the Year Contest", 19 year old Conrad Slimak. His offence, punching an 11 year old girl in the stomach in order to steal her beach ball   (jezebel.com) divider line 121
    More: Dumbass, Conrad Slimak, Lollapalooza, Chicago Bears  
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13850 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Aug 2012 at 2:42 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



121 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-08 12:12:27 AM
Would you rather have him hit her in the face? How about a camel clutch?
 
2012-08-08 12:16:11 AM
I hope his new pals in jail give him the treatment he deserves.
 
2012-08-08 12:18:50 AM
What's an 11 year old doing at Lollapalooza? And they still have Lollapalooza?

Anyway, this guy scores a perfect 10 on The Situation Douchebag Scale. Just look at him.

img.gawkerassets.com
 
2012-08-08 12:21:33 AM
Feel free to cockpunch this douchenozzle on sight
 
2012-08-08 01:04:48 AM

Mugato: What's an 11 year old doing at Lollapalooza? And they still have Lollapalooza?

Anyway, this guy scores a perfect 10 on The Situation Douchebag Scale. Just look at him.

[img.gawkerassets.com image 250x250]


He looks so....punchable.
 
2012-08-08 01:10:55 AM
He needs a curb stomp.
 
2012-08-08 01:55:40 AM
God...
img.gawkerassets.com
He even looks like a Conrad Slimak.
 
2012-08-08 02:12:56 AM

TsarTom: God...
[img.gawkerassets.com image 250x250]
He even looks like a Conrad Slimak.


Quite the punchable face too.
 
2012-08-08 02:36:22 AM
 
2012-08-08 02:47:41 AM
He just did what any of us would have done if we wanted a beach ball.

I'm sick of our nation coddling the 11-year-olds who taunt us with their beach ball havery, while the rest of us can only dream of having a beach ball.

Who among us wouldn't belly-punch a child?

Let he who is without sin NOT punch an 11-year-old and steal her ball.
 
2012-08-08 02:51:13 AM
This guy sounds like a real Slimak.
 
2012-08-08 02:52:37 AM
Interesting story but I can't get over the fact that Jezebel.com is hires some of the worst writers that have ever graced the interwebs.
 
2012-08-08 02:55:52 AM
Punching an 11 year old is only a misdemeanor?
 
2012-08-08 02:56:01 AM

Mimekiller: Interesting story but I can't get over the fact that Jezebel.com is hires some of the worst writers that have ever graced the interwebs.


Can't tell if ironic or foreign.
 
2012-08-08 02:56:13 AM
How can you tell if an 11 year old lost two beach balls?
 
2012-08-08 02:57:08 AM

sirgrim: How can you tell if an 11 year old lost two beach balls?


She doesn't need to get an abortion?
 
2012-08-08 02:58:51 AM
That 11 year old should have had a gun.
 
2012-08-08 03:02:22 AM

The_Sponge: I hope his new pals in jail give him the treatment he deserves.


His chances of getting any sort of a legal break like a plea bargain are just about zip. Once the other inmates find out his crime he will be every bodies punk.
 
2012-08-08 03:03:02 AM
Maybe she deserved to get punched in the face. Anyone ever stop to consider that?

On a serious note, I hope he spends some time in jail, and that while there his crime gets known. He will not be able to do anything without getting punched in the stomach!
 
2012-08-08 03:06:04 AM
Wait til his cellmate finds out what he did. Then he'll get punched in the butt. With a penis.
 
2012-08-08 03:06:15 AM

gas giant: That 11 year old should have had a gun.


If she had a firearm, this never would have happened. We need to arm all 11 year olds, ESPECIALLY when they go to large concert festivals.
 
2012-08-08 03:06:35 AM

DreamSnipers: His chances of getting any sort of a legal break like a plea bargain are just about zip. Once the other inmates find out his crime he will be every bodies punk.


Wow that was just dumb.
 
2012-08-08 03:19:11 AM

DreamSnipers: The_Sponge: I hope his new pals in jail give him the treatment he deserves.

His chances of getting any sort of a legal break like a plea bargain are just about zip. Once the other inmates find out his crime he will be every bodies punk.


lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.

Oh, I mean "No way does the DA make a deal with this perp! This scumbag is going straight to San Quentin FOR LIFE, where he will serve his time in the experimental Emerald City pod and his cellmates will be the noblest members of MS-13."
 
2012-08-08 03:19:48 AM
I hope somebody set up a webpage that'll forever record what that hyper-douche did.
Whenever a potential employer, association, school or girlfriend googles his name
then his feat will forever come back to (figuratively) punch him in the breadbasket.
 
2012-08-08 03:20:00 AM
Reposting one of the comments from Jezebel here but it's awesome. "I heard if you say "Conrad Slimak" three times in a totally dark bathroom, he'll come through the mirror and punch you in the gut. Provided, of course, you're under 12."

I don't want to be Internet Tough Guy here but if he can only beat up 11 year old girls I could probably take him.
 
2012-08-08 03:20:14 AM

you are a puppet: This guy sounds like a real Slimak.


i281.photobucket.com

Distant cousins.
 
2012-08-08 03:21:52 AM

you are a puppet: lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.


Hell with it happening in Chicago city limits, there's a good chance he got a cite and release. I know Cook County has a rep for being really rough, but the quickness that people jump to the prison rape fantasy on this site is extraordinarily creepy.
 
2012-08-08 03:22:14 AM
Can I disown my generation? I want to go hang with the Xers. They're not dicks.
 
2012-08-08 03:23:17 AM

PhiloeBedoe: There's video


I feel bad for laughing as hard as I did.

/ashamed
 
2012-08-08 03:23:56 AM
Chance of any jail time other than the initial holding for processing is about zero. You get probation for man II these days.

It is, however, going to be very expensive for Connie-baby. He is going to learn about every farking law library admin fee in the world. I know an asshole who is about 25 or so who busted the window out of his ex gf's car. He got to pay that ($200), plus about another $1000 worth of fines and shiat, and that doesn't even include his lawyer.
 
2012-08-08 03:28:08 AM
I'm sure his college has been made aware, but someone should dig up his info and give the school administration a call/email to make sure he gets expelled.
 
2012-08-08 03:29:38 AM

Mimekiller: Interesting story but I can't get over the fact that Jezebel.com is hires some of the worst writers that have ever graced the interwebs.


Jezebel is sucks?
 
2012-08-08 03:35:22 AM
I feel bad for laughing at this story.....not at the fact that the girl got punched......but just the thought of a college kid punching an 11 year old girl for a beach ball is just so utterly pathetic that I had to laugh.
 
2012-08-08 03:48:00 AM
It's a good thing for him that college students don't go on the internet, or the other students where he goes to school might find out about this and that would be terrible.
 
2012-08-08 03:56:19 AM

Twitch Boy: Can I disown my generation? I want to go hang with the Xers. They're not dicks.


Sure, come on. We'll take you.
 
2012-08-08 03:58:42 AM

alcoda: Twitch Boy: Can I disown my generation? I want to go hang with the Xers. They're not dicks.

Sure, come on. We'll take you.


But you have to bring the coffee cake.
 
2012-08-08 03:59:48 AM
Just a reminder: the word for this guy is backpfeifengesicht - a face badly in need of a fist.
 
2012-08-08 04:03:43 AM
He's gonna have to change his name.
 
2012-08-08 04:06:44 AM

Mithiwithi: Just a reminder: the word for this guy is backpfeifengesicht - a face badly in need of a fist.


And yet they have no word for 'fluffy'.
 
2012-08-08 04:09:24 AM

bel4sucks: ...but the quickness that people jump to the prison rape fantasy on this site is extraordinarily creepy.


Ain't that the truth.
 
2012-08-08 04:16:35 AM
In a demented sort of way, I'm bummed his pals didn't video it and post it on U-tub
 
2012-08-08 04:17:59 AM

bel4sucks: you are a puppet: lol. It's a misdemeanor. He *will* get a reduced sentence if it's his first offense. And even if he had to serve a few months out of that 1 year maximum possible sentence, it would be in a minimum security jail, not a prison. He would be housed with other misdemeanor offenders.

Hell with it happening in Chicago city limits, there's a good chance he got a cite and release. I know Cook County has a rep for being really rough, but the quickness that people jump to the prison rape fantasy on this site is extraordinarily creepy.


I tell everyone this every time it comes up. It just doesn't happen as often as people seem to dream it does (although it happens about 90% more often than it should) (The other 10% being consensual relationships that are de jure rape now).

It is scary and worrisome that this guy punches a girl in the stomach and everyone's response is YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!
 
2012-08-08 04:37:48 AM
backpfeifengesicht
 
2012-08-08 04:37:57 AM
At the very least he already got blasted off social networking sites.

//YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!
 
2012-08-08 04:38:30 AM

Mimekiller: Interesting story but I can't get over the fact that Jezebel.com is hires some of the worst writers that have ever graced the interwebs.


Is you sure?
 
2012-08-08 04:41:51 AM
I is drunk and ashamed.*kicks dirt, walks down street illuminated by single flickering street light*
 
2012-08-08 04:46:07 AM

Mimekiller: I is drunk and ashamed.*kicks dirt, walks down street illuminated by single flickering street light*


Hehe, you came back to take your licks. That is respectable.
 
2012-08-08 04:50:18 AM

ThatDarkFellow: At the very least he already got blasted off social networking sites.

//YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!


*happy sigh*

I always wanted to become a meme.
 
2012-08-08 04:55:22 AM

Gyrfalcon: ThatDarkFellow: At the very least he already got blasted off social networking sites.

//YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!

*happy sigh*

I always wanted to become a meme.


I was a meme until I took an arrow to the knee.
 
2012-08-08 04:56:12 AM

Sabyen91: Gyrfalcon: ThatDarkFellow: At the very least he already got blasted off social networking sites.

//YEA! BUTT-RAPE!! AWESOME!!!

*happy sigh*

I always wanted to become a meme.

I was a meme until I took an arrow to the knee.


Now you just stand around Windholm and look pathetic.
 
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