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(Gawker)   Olympics conspiracy theories that could only be dreamed up by Dan Brown   (gawker.com) divider line 71
    More: Amusing, London Olympics, British Royal Family, illuminati, secrets, New Jerusalem, Olympic Stadium  
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15383 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2012 at 2:28 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-07 12:50:02 PM
I'm pretty sure the rest of the Illuminati would have let me know if we were having a Satanic occult ritual.
 
2012-08-07 12:59:20 PM
Dan Brown doesn't have an original thought in his body ...
 
2012-08-07 01:24:53 PM
shiat, where do you think Brown GOT his conspiracy theory ideas? The interwebs is a veritable gold mine.
 
2012-08-07 02:31:22 PM
conspiracy or not, that logo still looks like lisa simpson . . . . giving oral pleasure. Someone pointed it out to me while I was in London and now I can't unsee it.
 
2012-08-07 02:35:39 PM
www.celebitchy.com
 
2012-08-07 02:36:30 PM
Fark Dan Brown in the ear.
 
2012-08-07 02:37:00 PM
"Is Prince William the antichrist? Yes he is."
I can only imagine the other gems in that FAQ section.
 
2012-08-07 02:37:39 PM
conspiracy: to encourage people to take legal psychedelics after realizing how stupid the athletes look like with nothing in them.
 
2012-08-07 02:38:08 PM
... or Morrissey
 
2012-08-07 02:38:11 PM

theorellior: Fark Dan Brown in the ear.


Rule 34 rears its ugly head......
 
2012-08-07 02:44:22 PM
The Olympics font was designed at a Bohemian Grove retreat in order to boost sales of migraine medication.
 
2012-08-07 02:44:47 PM
Oh my god. You know what? The next one of you farkers that says "Oh, but humanity has evolved past the paranoia and violence, thus there is no need for guns anymore...", I'm pointing right back to this, the freepers, and every other left-wing and right-wing nutjob collection.

It comes down to this: it's not the average criminal that I fear, most of those guys are stupid and easily avoided through behavioral analysis, situational awareness, and generally not putting yourself in places that look hinky (ultra-trashed neighborhood with gang signs painted on everything at 2 AM? probably not where the Jonses are having their graduation party...and did I mention it was in downtown Detroit?); It's these lunatic wingnuts that just scare the shiat out of me because they walk into some crowded area all normal-like, hear/see something, and know that THIS is the day/time/place where SATAN will return to earth and the "Demons" in that place must be cleansed. Because the Illuminati told him so.

I for one want to be able to kill myself on my own terms quickly rather than have some nutjob cut my heart out and make me eat it before I die...
 
2012-08-07 02:45:14 PM

LewDux: [www.celebiatchy.com image 416x300]


Damn you fark. How dare I get that! Now if you excuse me I have to go back in therapy.
 
2012-08-07 02:45:20 PM
Seems legit
 
2012-08-07 02:45:48 PM

Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: The Olympics COMIC SANS font was designed at a Bohemian Grove retreat in order to boost sales of migraine medication.

/ftfy
 
2012-08-07 02:45:49 PM
visit a conspiracy site like abovetopsecretdotcom and take note of the many very popular kook subjects. go back 5 years from now you'll see the same exact topics of stupidity. ignorance is bliss but some people have 3rd degree burn blisters.
 
2012-08-07 02:48:34 PM
www.vitamin-ha.com
 
2012-08-07 02:49:24 PM
MARK MY WORDS: Prince William will be the GREAT MONARCH. HE IS NOT THE ANTICHRIST. He will appear in the Olympic Stadium within AUGUST 12th, 2012, surely on SUNDAY 12th, in a "miraculous way" (i.e., from a spaceship).

That's going to be the coolest thing ever. I can't wait!
 
2012-08-07 02:50:10 PM
Did anyone reference the stonecutters?

/why else would The Simpsons still be on after 25 years?
 
2012-08-07 02:50:13 PM
Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:

9/11 was a false flag operation because of the way it was conducted.

First, it has been documented that the planes are different from what we can usually expect. For Example, AA flight 77 never left a wing footprint inside the pentagon and the same can be said for AA flight 11 which crashed into the north tower. In fact, the Loose Change documentary on 9/11 (which you should watch BTW) documents that a missile struck the Pentagon.

Then we have the towers and building 7. If you were to believe the official narrative, these three buildings are the first to fall due to fire. The timeline is as follows:

8:48 AM: The north tower is struck by AA Flight 11.
9:02 AM: The south tower is struck by United Flight 175
9:59 AM: The south tower collapses.
10:30 AM: The north tower collapses and building 7 catches on fire
Late Afternoon: Building 7 collapses, but not before the BBC announces that Building 7 collapses while it is still standing.

In reality, explosive charges had to be planted in order to bring down the World Trade Center. Every other skyscraper that caught on fire, in history, left its steel skeleton. Search 9/11 truth for the details.
 
2012-08-07 02:50:19 PM

ChipNASA: Bashar and Asma's Infinite Playlist: The Olympics COMIC SANS font was designed at a Bohemian Grove retreat in order to boost sales of migraine medication.
/ftfy


Comic Sans isn't necessarily a bad font when used correctly, but it hardly ever is used correctly.
 
2012-08-07 02:50:30 PM

Uzzah: [www.vitamin-ha.com image 630x580]


The Candy Van for Adult Males.....
 
2012-08-07 02:50:40 PM
He left out the part with the reverse vampires...
 
2012-08-07 02:53:48 PM

Kit Fister: Oh my god. You know what? The next one of you farkers that says "Oh, but humanity has evolved past the paranoia and violence, thus there is no need for guns anymore...", I'm pointing right back to this, the freepers, and every other left-wing and right-wing nutjob collection.

It comes down to this: it's not the average criminal that I fear, most of those guys are stupid and easily avoided through behavioral analysis, situational awareness, and generally not putting yourself in places that look hinky (ultra-trashed neighborhood with gang signs painted on everything at 2 AM? probably not where the Jonses are having their graduation party...and did I mention it was in downtown Detroit?); It's these lunatic wingnuts that just scare the shiat out of me because they walk into some crowded area all normal-like, hear/see something, and know that THIS is the day/time/place where SATAN will return to earth and the "Demons" in that place must be cleansed. Because the Illuminati told him so.

I for one want to be able to kill myself on my own terms quickly rather than have some nutjob cut my heart out and make me eat it before I die...


Seriously. The only thing scarier than criminals and Republicans--who at least have SOME rationale for their actions, however selfish and short-term--are these weirdos who live this crap. Imagine living your life believing the $1 bill is actually a blueprint for world domination by the lizard people. Stuff like this is merely proof that schizophrenia is probably more prevalent in society than the diagnosed 2%. Luckily, these fools are much too scattered and disorganized to ever hold high office...and probably wouldn't do so because they'd have to consort with the Zionist oppressors.
 
2012-08-07 02:56:44 PM

Uzzah: [www.vitamin-ha.com image 630x580]


assets0.ordienetworks.com

www.evilmilk.com
 
2012-08-07 02:58:17 PM

Gyrfalcon: Kit Fister: Oh my god. You know what? The next one of you farkers that says "Oh, but humanity has evolved past the paranoia and violence, thus there is no need for guns anymore...", I'm pointing right back to this, the freepers, and every other left-wing and right-wing nutjob collection.

It comes down to this: it's not the average criminal that I fear, most of those guys are stupid and easily avoided through behavioral analysis, situational awareness, and generally not putting yourself in places that look hinky (ultra-trashed neighborhood with gang signs painted on everything at 2 AM? probably not where the Jonses are having their graduation party...and did I mention it was in downtown Detroit?); It's these lunatic wingnuts that just scare the shiat out of me because they walk into some crowded area all normal-like, hear/see something, and know that THIS is the day/time/place where SATAN will return to earth and the "Demons" in that place must be cleansed. Because the Illuminati told him so.

I for one want to be able to kill myself on my own terms quickly rather than have some nutjob cut my heart out and make me eat it before I die...

Seriously. The only thing scarier than criminals and Republicans--who at least have SOME rationale for their actions, however selfish and short-term--are these weirdos who live this crap. Imagine living your life believing the $1 bill is actually a blueprint for world domination by the lizard people. Stuff like this is merely proof that schizophrenia is probably more prevalent in society than the diagnosed 2%. Luckily, these fools are much too scattered and disorganized to ever hold high office...and probably wouldn't do so because they'd have to consort with the Zionist oppressors.


The only problem is occasionally they get their activation switch flipped before we can get to them and go do some crazy shiat like shooting up a movie theater/school, blowing something up, or otherwise carrying out heinous crimes against humanity.

Then again, it's not too surprising, considering that Hitler's whole thing started with him hearing an "Angel" prophesising that he'd be ruler of the world or whatever after saving him from the artillery shell that got lobbed into his fox hole.

Even more proof that you can't stop whackjobs all the time.
 
2012-08-07 02:59:46 PM
Also, am I the only one here who sees this Olympic picture...

fark.upi.com

And mentally captions it with "Who farted ya'll?"

/sorta thread-related.
 
2012-08-07 03:00:20 PM
This one was pretty good, "If you were paying attention last night, you would have recognised that the Olympic Stadium floodlights are, in fact, depictions of the All-Seeing Eye (as indeed are the Olympic mascots). And of course, if you count them...there are 13!! The ceremony itself in large parts was a narrative on the development of modern human history [...] all overseen by the 13 All-Seeing Eyes, representing the 13 ruling bloodliness of the Illuminati. In other words, they were telling us that they have been the controlling force behind the development of our history."
 
2012-08-07 03:01:24 PM

Kit Fister: Also, am I the only one here who sees this Olympic picture...

[fark.upi.com image 301x301]

And mentally captions it with "Who farted ya'll?"

/sorta thread-related.


I've been seeing her getting ready to give a Bee Jay
 
2012-08-07 03:02:48 PM
They left out the one where badminton players collude to throw matches. I guess it was too crazy.
 
2012-08-07 03:05:14 PM

Kit Fister: easily avoided through behavioral analysis, situational awareness, and generally not putting yourself in places that look hinky


Stop blaming the victim.
 
2012-08-07 03:08:00 PM
Oh god internet how I love you so much, your conspiracy theories are always good for a laugh.

Anymore though they revolve around a "one world government", which is just silly. Especially the part where they claim that the illuminati are going to kill off 80% of the world to turn us into slaves.

It doesn't make sense, you'd want MORE people to keep wages low, enslaving us economically. The Renaissance and the prosperity of the 1950's only happened because millions of people died due to war and plague, creating a labor shortage.

Is corruption widespread in our governments, banks, and businesses? YES! But it's not some stupid Illuminati that possesses magical powers, in fact, these theories are a distraction from the original issue.

Educate yourself, try and analyze issues without bias/propaganda, and protest.
 
2012-08-07 03:12:39 PM
It just occurred to me that the Vatican has no Olympic team. They do have a national soccer team, however.
 
2012-08-07 03:14:41 PM

whitey_d: Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:


Alex Jones is a nutter who makes money obfuscating issues, selling warez on 4 different duplicate 'news' sites containing phony information. He is not to be trusted because I -- personally -- saw one of his stories years -- about a decade -- ago, "Tim McVeigh received explosives training after he left the military" ... with video... of a guy who looked NOTHING like Tim McVeigh. (But anyone who didn't know what McVeigh looked like -- would have no reason to dismiss the story.)

9/11 was a false flag, and there's no way I could include all the info here so I'll just share this link:

http://thewebfairy.com/killtown/911smokingguns.html

Just remember this is the same gov that produced MK Ultra. The US gov has no qualms killing its own citizens if it helps them achieve their intended goal. Most people think "our own government would never do something like that," ... wrong. ("If you ever need a guinea pig, let me know; my grandfather was in the Tuskeegee experiments...")

Obama's a puppet. He has a wife and two daughters I'm sure he loves more than anything... ensuring he will... do what he's told.

Two-party system is a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dichotomy to fool citizens into thinking they have freedom... to choose between two -- and only two -- political parties.

/keep blaming brown people with box cutters
//and keep f*cking that chicken!
///shut up and read before you expose yourself as a blathering idiot
//Dubya deserves an oscar for his portrayal of 'texas idiot;' he knew exactly what he was doing and had the demeanor to pull it off
/you're all slaves to the Federal Reserve; Olympics are yet another scam to get idiots to buy useless memorabilia
.what's the federal deficit up to today? That's how much the US owes a private bank which prints money below face value, loans it to the US gov to use -- at interest
..haters gon' hate, derpers gon' derp
lh6.googleusercontent.com


/boy that 'christmas underwear bomber' acted just in time to prevent provisions of The 'Patriot' Act from expiring new year's eve at midnight... well-dressed man in Amsterdam who sweet-talked flight attendant into letting impressionable refugee onto international flight without passport disappeared without a trace...
//what a shame that most people won't -- or can't -- look beyond the obvious
 
2012-08-07 03:16:31 PM
I lol'd at the guy who used the Steve Jackson Illuminati card game as evidence of an Illuminati conspiracy.

I guess it's Steve Jackson for the win. They make a card game lampooning nutcases, and the nutcases go buy it because they think it's like a false-flag Tarot deck designed to warn them of impending conspiracies.
 
2012-08-07 03:22:19 PM

HawgWild: Dan Brown doesn't have an original thought in his body ...


Agreed. And he sucks as a writer, even a writer of pulp fiction. I arrived a work one morning to find a copy of The Da Vinci Code on my desk. Our CEO had read the book and thought it fantastic. For some reason, he felt compelled to buy everyone their own copy. I threw it into a book case and summarily forgot it. A few years later, I was perusing for a light read and took it down. I figured I was in for a bad read, when he had Frenchmen using American idioms and cliches. It went down hill from that. I finished the book, but then asked myself why I wasted my time.
 
2012-08-07 03:23:15 PM
What gets me about the internet conspiracy crowd is that they have no memory at all. Days leading up to any major event are fraught with warnings and predictions all of which lead to nothing actually happening and no one (sane) ever takes note of this. Sites like GLP are just a constant stream of end of the world omens and such but no one ever calls out the failures and mistakes, they just move on to the next event and rehash all the same old crap.

The Winter Olympics in Vancouver were supposed to be the site of a big false flag attack as well and we all know how that went. I'm sure the Olympics in Sochi will be the next wave of nonsense.
 
2012-08-07 03:24:34 PM
FTA MARK MY WORDS: Prince William will be the GREAT MONARCH. HE IS NOT THE ANTICHRIST. He will appear in the Olympic Stadium within AUGUST 12th, 2012, surely on SUNDAY 12th, in a "miraculous way" (i.e., from a spaceship).

Well how else is he going to top his grandma's entrance to the opening ceremonies?

Spaceship > parachute
 
2012-08-07 03:30:46 PM
weknowmemes.com
 
2012-08-07 03:33:03 PM

Xcott: I lol'd at the guy who used the Steve Jackson Illuminati card game as evidence of an Illuminati conspiracy.

I guess it's Steve Jackson for the win. They make a card game lampooning nutcases, and the nutcases go buy it because they think it's like a false-flag Tarot deck designed to warn them of impending conspiracies.


In their defense, I don't know anyone who played that game very much. It was pretty clunky but the cards were fun to look at.
 
2012-08-07 03:43:05 PM

urban.derelict: whitey_d: Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:


I just... really? Look I'll give you that the government isn't always looking out for everyone's best interests all the time and the two party system does suck, but 9/11 as an inside job is just ridiculous. For all of the truther arguments there's plenty of actual evidence to debunk it

6 Debunked 9/11 Conspiracy Claims From NIST's New WTC 7 Report

The biggest problem I have with conspiracies like this is you would need everyone to keep their mouth's shut before and after. And given human nature that's just not happening.
 
2012-08-07 03:47:09 PM
I'd rather my Olympic conspiracy theories were dreamed up by Robert Anton Wilson, they'd be better-written and at least they'd give me a laugh.
 
2012-08-07 03:48:45 PM

whitey_d: urban.derelict: whitey_d: Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:

I just... really? Look I'll give you that the government isn't always looking out for everyone's best interests all the time and the two party system does suck, but 9/11 as an inside job is just ridiculous. For all of the truther arguments there's plenty of actual evidence to debunk it

6 Debunked 9/11 Conspiracy Claims From NIST's New WTC 7 Report

The biggest problem I have with conspiracies like this is you would need everyone to keep their mouth's shut before and after. And given human nature that's just not happening.


That's true of most conspiracies--and why actual conspiracies get exposed so fast. The old Sicilian phrase "Two can keep a secret only if one of them is dead" applies no matter how many people are in the conspiracy.

One thing that always cracked me up about "X-Files" was the number of people the Smoking Man used in his cover-ups--whole platoons of soldiers in black fatigues to secure sites--and yet NOBODY could come up with any solid proof or evidence of the UFO conspiracy.
 
2012-08-07 03:52:12 PM

Kit Fister: Also, am I the only one here who sees this Olympic picture...

[fark.upi.com image 301x301]

And mentally captions it with "Who farted ya'll?"

/sorta thread-related.


I feel bad for the girl---because this pic looks like the two guys holding her in the air while doing her at the same time were cropped out
 
2012-08-07 03:57:10 PM

SquiggsIN: whitey_d: urban.derelict: whitey_d: Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:

I just... really? Look I'll give you that the government isn't always looking out for everyone's best interests all the time and the two party system does suck, but 9/11 as an inside job is just ridiculous. For all of the truther arguments there's plenty of actual evidence to debunk it

6 Debunked 9/11 Conspiracy Claims From NIST's New WTC 7 Report

The biggest problem I have with conspiracies like this is you would need everyone to keep their mouth's shut before and after. And given human nature that's just not happening.

The threat of you and your entire family disappearing is frequently enough to keep people silent. (This has worked for fascists governments for thousands of years....)


Sure, but with today's technology some anonymous incriminating emails could be "accidently" sent to the media. And I would think 3000+ lives lost would convince someone to drop a dime
 
2012-08-07 03:57:55 PM

fireclown: conspiracy or not, that logo still looks like lisa simpson . . . . giving oral pleasure. Someone pointed it out to me while I was in London and now I can't unsee it.


And now you've given us all that unsettling image. Thank you?
 
2012-08-07 04:02:37 PM

TrainingWheelsNeeded: This one was pretty good, "If you were paying attention last night, you would have recognised that the Olympic Stadium floodlights are, in fact, depictions of the All-Seeing Eye (as indeed are the Olympic mascots). And of course, if you count them...there are 13!! The ceremony itself in large parts was a narrative on the development of modern human history [...] all overseen by the 13 All-Seeing Eyes, representing the 13 ruling bloodliness of the Illuminati. In other words, they were telling us that they have been the controlling force behind the development of our history."


Bonus: there are 14 towers.
 
2012-08-07 04:07:57 PM

whitey_d: Wow for goofs I clicked on the prison planet link and the comments are just gold:


That whole site just seems loaded with enough laughs for weeks to come.
 
2012-08-07 04:16:05 PM

Jester6641: TrainingWheelsNeeded: This one was pretty good, "If you were paying attention last night, you would have recognised that the Olympic Stadium floodlights are, in fact, depictions of the All-Seeing Eye (as indeed are the Olympic mascots). And of course, if you count them...there are 13!! The ceremony itself in large parts was a narrative on the development of modern human history [...] all overseen by the 13 All-Seeing Eyes, representing the 13 ruling bloodliness of the Illuminati. In other words, they were telling us that they have been the controlling force behind the development of our history."

Bonus: there are 14 towers.


pinkie.ponychan.net
 
2012-08-07 04:32:38 PM

SquiggsIN: whitey_d: The biggest problem I have with conspiracies like this is you would need everyone to keep their mouth's shut before and after. And given human nature that's just not happening.

The threat of you and your entire family disappearing is frequently enough to keep people silent.


"Frequently" is not enough. If they "frequently" kept people silent, the conspiracy would have been exposed by infrequent leaks.

You'd need to keep everyone uniformly silent to keep the word from getting out, in a conspiracy that spans the government, military, and news media. And they don't just mean a few higher-ups in the military: the theory is that the military enacted a nationwide "stand-down" the day of the attacks---meaning that servicemen and women all over the country were given orders, with nobody coming forward to report having received these orders.

Furthermore, the conspiracy is supposedly obvious to bloggy laypeople because blah blah physics blah blah freefall speed blah blah cell phones on planes blah blah fuel fires---and therefore it must also be obvious to scientists and engineers and university faculty all over the world. The conspiracy is therefore able to silence all of these people too, to a man. You're now talking about threats made to millions of people, in pretty much every country, and it has always worked.

(This has worked for fascists governments for thousands of years....)

No, it has not. No fascist government has ever launched an operation like this, and then perfectly covered it up through intimidation.
 
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