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(Short List)   "I put some spaghetti up there, but that was a long time ago," - The words of one six-year-old moments before a doctor pulled a piece of LEGO out of his nose. It had been up there for three years   (shortlist.com) divider line 70
    More: Amusing, Lego, noses  
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7714 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2012 at 10:39 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-07 12:37:59 PM
My youngest had a penchant for sticking dried beans up his nose. They'd glue them onto paper in daycare, and I guess he figured one could go up his nose.

I noticed it that afternoon when one nostril was much wider (and redder) than the other. I simply took a bobby pin, washed it with alcohol, then coated it in baby oil, popped that bean right out of his nose before he could freak out. After two run ins with me and Dr. Bobbypin (my mom also used them to pop blackheads in my ears as a kid - not a good story, very painful) he didn't shove anything up there again.

It just goes to show that with enough lubrication and patience you can get anything into (and out of) an orifice.
 
2012-08-07 12:42:24 PM

Willis13: spazzhappy: For years and years I felt something in my right ear. I would tap it with pencils, scrape it with paperclips, etc.. but could never get it out. In middleschool, on one of those doctor school-visits, I asked about it and after a quick look he told me it was simply dried earwax and to try using a moistened q-tip. Didn't work.

Fast forward to first year of college. Everyone sitting around taking a test, with me once again playing with a mechanical pencil in my ear when I feel something shift. I had never been so excited in my life. I stopped everything and carefully navigated the end of the pencil around the object, slowly rolling it out step by step. After a few minutes, a sudden slipping feeling came and something fell onto the floor. Anxiously, I picked it up and examined it.

It was a big, hard ball of wax.

But then, while playing with it (which I of course was going to do after 10+ years of mystery) some wax flaked off and it was different underneath. I quickly stripped it of all the wax that had accumulated over the past decade.

It was a farking cherry pit.

I had a farking cherry pit in my ear for most of my childhood and didn't realize it. Doctors never noticed it. My parents never noticed it. Lord knows I don't remember putting it in there so I don't even know how it got in there.

my balance and hearing in that ear was a bit off for the next few days, but returned to normal. Some days I miss that little mystery in my life.

I got a strange satisfaction from that story. I was right there with you the whole time


Dude. I know, right? That was fantastic. I almost felt the.....yeah.....satisfaction is exactly the right word, when that cherry pit hit the floor. And then the quirky reveal of a cherry pit was delightful. Bravo, good man. Bravo.
 
2012-08-07 12:54:24 PM

th0th: It just goes to show that with enough lubrication and patience you can get anything into (and out of) an orifice.


I think I'm in love with you.

/Just kidding.
//Couldn't resist the line.
 
2012-08-07 01:00:39 PM
"Up your nose with a rubber Legos!"
 
2012-08-07 01:06:36 PM

The Bunyip: One of my childhood friends decided to cram a LEGO antenna in his urethra when he was about six. He probably hoped I would never tell that story on the internet, but there you go.


You sob now I have to explain the laughter to my coworker.

How did he you know I don't wanna know
 
2012-08-07 01:20:09 PM

SkunkWerks: I did this exact same thing when I was about three or so.

[farm5.staticflickr.com image 640x480]
It's the clear yellow one in the uppermost left hand corner, the number "143" is beneath it apparently.

At the time- which was about 1980- this was basically the smallest lego brick you could have. I had a set of DUPLO bricks which were mine to play with of course, but Ma had turned her attention for a couple seconds which gave me time to creep my way over to my brother's pile of "oldaboy" legos.

I picked up one of them and immediately began positioning it on the end of my finger, which for whatever reason, I deemed wise to stick up my nostril. By this time, my mother spies me from across the room with a tiny little lego on the end of my finger, poised right beneath my nose.

Now, mom knows that- if she lunges for me- I'm going to panic and jam that little bugger straight up my snuffler. So she start trying to casually move towards me in the hopes she can catch my hand. Unfortunately, by that time, I'd spotted her too, and- knowing she meant to thwart my nasal adventurism, I thrust that sucker right up there.

Last thing I rightly recall was a very large man with a white coat, a porn stache, and a set of very, very long tweezers over me in the ER.


Well I don't have any kids, but I've always suspected it was like having dogs. Now I know my suspicions have been confirmed.
*lets dog out. Dog and I both spy a cigarette butt on the ground*
Don't. You. Farking. Do. It. *Starts edging towards dog.*
*Dog sees that I am attempting to keep her from eating cigarette butt*
*Chomp* *Run* *Chew Chew Chew*
What the farking fark is wrong with you?
*Tackles dog to wrestle shredded cigarette butt from mouth*

On the plus side having dogs has prepaired me for dealing with children.
At mom's for dinner. Sees 6 year old niece reaching for eggs on counter.
"NO!" *points to floor* "Here" *points to chair* "Sit" (Niece performed these tasks admirably and without question)
*cue biatchy sister-in-law who says I should not command her children like they were dogs.*
 
2012-08-07 01:29:01 PM

MythDragon: Well I don't have any kids, but I've always suspected it was like having dogs. Now I know my suspicions have been confirmed.


Dogs (of any age) and three year old children share about the same kind of mental capacity. It's true.
 
2012-08-07 02:13:39 PM
 
2012-08-07 02:48:10 PM
Did they try a can of Dr. Brown's Creme Soda?
 
2012-08-07 04:24:20 PM

WalMartian: Did they try a can of Dr. Brown's Creme Soda?


like
 
2012-08-07 04:40:47 PM

The Bunyip: One of my childhood friends decided to cram a LEGO antenna in his urethra when he was about six. He probably hoped I would never tell that story on the internet, but there you go.


Did he get good reception?
 
2012-08-07 04:51:37 PM

The Bunyip: One of my childhood friends decided to cram a LEGO antenna in his urethra when he was about six. He probably hoped I would never tell that story on the internet, but there you go.


You asshole. Last time i tell you anything in confidence...

*looks at your profile*

Wait, Jersey... i, uh, erm... no, me neither, who would do that?
 
2012-08-07 05:00:02 PM

YixilTesiphon: spazzhappy: For years and years I felt something in my right ear. I would tap it with pencils, scrape it with paperclips, etc.. but could never get it out. In middleschool, on one of those doctor school-visits, I asked about it and after a quick look he told me it was simply dried earwax and to try using a moistened q-tip. Didn't work.

Fast forward to first year of college. Everyone sitting around taking a test, with me once again playing with a mechanical pencil in my ear when I feel something shift. I had never been so excited in my life. I stopped everything and carefully navigated the end of the pencil around the object, slowly rolling it out step by step. After a few minutes, a sudden slipping feeling came and something fell onto the floor. Anxiously, I picked it up and examined it.

It was a big, hard ball of wax.

But then, while playing with it (which I of course was going to do after 10+ years of mystery) some wax flaked off and it was different underneath. I quickly stripped it of all the wax that had accumulated over the past decade.

It was a farking cherry pit.

I had a farking cherry pit in my ear for most of my childhood and didn't realize it. Doctors never noticed it. My parents never noticed it. Lord knows I don't remember putting it in there so I don't even know how it got in there.

my balance and hearing in that ear was a bit off for the next few days, but returned to normal. Some days I miss that little mystery in my life.

How'd you do on the test?


Yeah man. Your story left us hanging.


Slightly related, a friend of mine once ran into a rosebush as a teenager. Afterward his eye hurt for a few hours, then it was okay. His mom was worried he might have damaged it though, so she took him to an eye doctor three or four days later. The doc looks at his eye, says "hold on a sec", pokes it, and pulls out a goddamn rose thorn half the width of a dime. My friend swears he never felt a thing.
 
2012-08-07 05:19:59 PM

HailRobonia: Did he get good reception?


Of course not. The idiot put it in backwards.

Cyno01:

Wait, Jersey... i, uh, erm... no, me neither, who would do that?


I had to check yours as well -- he doesn't live in Jersey any more. That would have been...awkward. The LEGO in pen15 thing, not living in Jersey.
 
2012-08-07 06:13:19 PM

YixilTesiphon: spazzhappy: For years and years I felt something in my right ear. I would tap it with pencils, scrape it with paperclips, etc.. but could never get it out. In middleschool, on one of those doctor school-visits, I asked about it and after a quick look he told me it was simply dried earwax and to try using a moistened q-tip. Didn't work.

Fast forward to first year of college. Everyone sitting around taking a test, with me once again playing with a mechanical pencil in my ear when I feel something shift. I had never been so excited in my life. I stopped everything and carefully navigated the end of the pencil around the object, slowly rolling it out step by step. After a few minutes, a sudden slipping feeling came and something fell onto the floor. Anxiously, I picked it up and examined it.

It was a big, hard ball of wax.

But then, while playing with it (which I of course was going to do after 10+ years of mystery) some wax flaked off and it was different underneath. I quickly stripped it of all the wax that had accumulated over the past decade.

It was a farking cherry pit.

I had a farking cherry pit in my ear for most of my childhood and didn't realize it. Doctors never noticed it. My parents never noticed it. Lord knows I don't remember putting it in there so I don't even know how it got in there.

my balance and hearing in that ear was a bit off for the next few days, but returned to normal. Some days I miss that little mystery in my life.

How'd you do on the test?


i36.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-07 07:31:07 PM

spazzhappy: For years and years I felt something in my right ear. I would tap it with pencils, scrape it with paperclips, etc.. but could never get it out. In middleschool, on one of those doctor school-visits, I asked about it and after a quick look he told me it was simply dried earwax and to try using a moistened q-tip. Didn't work.

Fast forward to first year of college. Everyone sitting around taking a test, with me once again playing with a mechanical pencil in my ear when I feel something shift. I had never been so excited in my life. I stopped everything and carefully navigated the end of the pencil around the object, slowly rolling it out step by step. After a few minutes, a sudden slipping feeling came and something fell onto the floor. Anxiously, I picked it up and examined it.

It was a big, hard ball of wax.

But then, while playing with it (which I of course was going to do after 10+ years of mystery) some wax flaked off and it was different underneath. I quickly stripped it of all the wax that had accumulated over the past decade.

It was a farking cherry pit.

I had a farking cherry pit in my ear for most of my childhood and didn't realize it. Doctors never noticed it. My parents never noticed it. Lord knows I don't remember putting it in there so I don't even know how it got in there.

my balance and hearing in that ear was a bit off for the next few days, but returned to normal. Some days I miss that little mystery in my life.


I remember you telling that story a few years ago. Wondered if you'd show up in this thread....

I had a wad of Mack's wax ear plugs in my ear as a kid. Doc had to flush it out with water.

/can you hear me now?
 
2012-08-07 09:43:11 PM
media.avclub.com

No President Eisenhower marshmallow yet? Fark, I am disappoint.
 
2012-08-07 09:51:44 PM
One of our oldest family stories:
My brother and I and our cousin were in the bathroom having a contest to see who could stick a bean up their penis. I wasn't old enough to have the dexterity to seriously compete. My brother won and he had to run out screaming "Mom! I got a bean stuck in my penis." Mom had to get off the phone and fix his penis.
 
2012-08-08 06:16:16 AM
The kid was probably influenced by an old Cheech and Chong album.
 
2012-08-08 06:18:56 AM
And here it is...
Link
 
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