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(Washington Post)   Nearly half of Americans die with no financial assets. Say no to zombie welfare; say yes to sound financial planning for the undead   (washingtonpost.com) divider line 118
    More: Silly, Americans, Americans die, Social Security benefits, welfare  
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3593 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Aug 2012 at 8:39 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-06 05:58:01 AM
Yeah thanks Dad.
 
2012-08-06 06:41:17 AM
fark those vampiric, funeral industry vultures. They're leaches. They promote the belief that they're helping with closure for families, while making Grandpa bob look like Great Aunt Alice, and costing families thousands of dollars afterwords.

Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever. Don't be a selfish prick. You're not using it anymore, let it go to help someone else. Medical schools, surgery teaching schools.. they all need people who are honorable and care enough to donate to science. Donate your organs - give someone a second chance at life. They're just going to be bathed in formalin and fixed anyway otherwise.

/why yes, I have a very negative view of the "death industry" in America. Why do you ask?
 
2012-08-06 07:24:12 AM
Harvest my organs, cremate me and then have me scattered to the winds. Do it all as affordably as possible.
 
2012-08-06 07:42:32 AM
Umm, don't a lot of people go into Nursing Homes and have to spend down their income to poverty levels to qualify for Medicaid?
 
2012-08-06 07:50:28 AM

BronyMedic: Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever


That and golf.
 
2012-08-06 08:03:06 AM

BronyMedic: Don't be a selfish prick. You're not using it anymore, let it go to help someone else. Medical schools, surgery teaching schools..


"With the kind of shape I'm in you could donate my body to science fiction!"

...yeah, when I die, take anything that might be of use and throw what's left to the hyenas at the zoo. Or burn it for fuel, I don't give a shiat - I'm done with it.
 
2012-08-06 08:07:20 AM
I want to burned and then forgotten. If not forgotten, then discussed among a crowd of beer drinkers saying, "lol, remember that time dickfreckle almost went home with that tranny from Burgundy St? That sh*t was hilarious."

I have no organs worth harvesting, unless you want my eyes. They seem to work really well.
 
2012-08-06 08:08:11 AM
Meh, you can't take it with you.
 
2012-08-06 08:08:29 AM
And most of them are disenfranchised too!

/thisisanoutrage.jpg
 
2012-08-06 08:15:44 AM

dickfreckle: I want to burned and then forgotten. If not forgotten, then discussed among a crowd of beer drinkers saying, "lol, remember that time dickfreckle almost went home with that tranny from Burgundy St? That sh*t was hilarious."

I have no organs worth harvesting, unless you want my eyes. They seem to work really well.


How's the size of your bladder? I was cursed with one the size of a sugar cube and I'm looking to upgrade.
 
2012-08-06 08:18:10 AM

dickfreckle: I want to burned and then forgotten. If not forgotten, then discussed among a crowd of beer drinkers saying, "lol, remember that time dickfreckle almost went home with that tranny from Burgundy St? That sh*t was hilarious."

I have no organs worth harvesting, unless you want my eyes. They seem to work really well.


If you almost went home with a tranny, perhaps they aren't quite as good as you seem to think they are.
 
2012-08-06 08:41:09 AM
I want to be turned into an animatronic display. That way, I can freak the people at my funeral out by sitting up and trying to crawl out of the coffin.
 
2012-08-06 08:41:59 AM
Because poverty is HILARIOUS.
 
2012-08-06 08:42:34 AM
I guess maybe if it's clown poverty...
 
2012-08-06 08:42:36 AM
Isn't that the goal? Live life according to the Brewster's Millions plan.
 
2012-08-06 08:44:14 AM
It's actually my goal to die broke. I don't have any kids, and my two nephews are the only people listed on my life insurance policy.
 
2012-08-06 08:45:16 AM
miss diminutive

Mind if I harvest your butt cheeks? Mine have broken down over the years. Cubicle Dweller's Malaise. They have to look good in Dockers.
 
2012-08-06 08:47:26 AM
I was never fortunate enough to get any kind of inheritence from anybody.... (and my god would those beach houses be worth millions by now!) but I cant really blame them. You cant spend money when you're dead, so why hoard assets?
 
2012-08-06 08:48:18 AM
FTA:

In fact, the study suggests that there may be a notable connection between health and wealth, as less healthy seniors have significantly lower assets than healthier ones

Ya think, DiNozzo?

With our health care, Medicare included, it's a wonder anyone has anything left when they die. Doctors and hospitals just love charging absurd amounts to prolong a person's life for a month or two and the families are usually all for it.
 
2012-08-06 08:49:16 AM

BronyMedic: fark those vampiric, funeral industry vultures. They're leaches. They promote the belief that they're helping with closure for families, while making Grandpa bob look like Great Aunt Alice, and costing families thousands of dollars afterwords.

Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever. Don't be a selfish prick. You're not using it anymore, let it go to help someone else. Medical schools, surgery teaching schools.. they all need people who are honorable and care enough to donate to science. Donate your organs - give someone a second chance at life. They're just going to be bathed in formalin and fixed anyway otherwise.

/why yes, I have a very negative view of the "death industry" in America. Why do you ask?


Yeah, I never understood how a funeral is closure just because the actual body is there (eww). Wouldn't just sitting around celebrating and telling stories be closure enough? And yeah, burials are pure stupid.
 
2012-08-06 08:49:25 AM
And this is why we should all be fighting to eliminate the "death tax"!
 
2012-08-06 08:49:36 AM
Well, then, there should be no issue with paying taxes on this dearth of wealth.
 
2012-08-06 08:50:28 AM

Mugato: BronyMedic: Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever

That and golf.


This gives me an idea.
 
2012-08-06 08:50:34 AM
Gah! 11 freakin' seconds!
 
2012-08-06 08:51:25 AM
How many of them die with their estate in a mess like a relative of mine that shall go unnamed? Had no will, hadn't paid taxes in at least five years, had a rental property with some crazy deadbeats that needed kicking out and hadn't been renovated for a long time...

/amazed the estate didn't end up owing
//anyone want a newly renovated house in the middle of bumfark nowhere?
 
2012-08-06 08:52:05 AM

unyon: Mugato: BronyMedic: Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever

That and golf.

This gives me an idea.


Ya know, I've always wanted to see a mash-up of Caddyshack and Poltergeist.
 
2012-08-06 08:53:15 AM

basemetal: Meh, you can't take it with you.


Because these people have money right up until the second they die.
 
2012-08-06 08:53:25 AM
This is why I'm purchasing a head coffin for my whole family.
 
2012-08-06 08:53:28 AM
Half of all Americans die the way they live.
 
2012-08-06 08:54:32 AM
I blame the health industry, they bleed old people dry trying to keep them alive. 50 bucks for a tylenol. Etc...
 
2012-08-06 08:54:40 AM
 
2012-08-06 08:55:42 AM
If you leave behind any financial assets when you die you're doing it wrong. You absolutely need to save for retirement but when its time to go why leave any of that behind? Help out your family financially while you're here but make it clear that there will be nothing left by the time you go. When you do go set aside enough money for one last tremendous bash.
 
2012-08-06 08:56:27 AM
There's a new outfit that will plant a tree on you. We're looking into that.
 
2012-08-06 08:57:47 AM
I'm sure its not because the entirety of the birth to death financial condition of all Americans have been placed in a actuarial table used to decide how much more money can be drained out of the taxpayer, fee payer, consumer until they have absolutely nothing left. I'm sure it's not the universal predatory nature of business and the lack of any increase in wages.
 
2012-08-06 08:59:35 AM
The banks will find a way to collect from your corpse. They'll have their politicians pass laws to enforce it. Then, half the country will be screaming about how it's your patriotic duty to have your organs harvested and sold to the highest bidder, while the other side argues that they should only take half of your organs.
 
2012-08-06 09:01:17 AM
I plan to have all my assets buried with me. You think it's funny now, but on the off chance the Egyptians were right I'll be the one having the last laugh. Besides, it will give the archaeologists something to do.
 
2012-08-06 09:01:25 AM

unyon: Mugato: BronyMedic: Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever

That and golf.

This gives me an idea.


It's like pingolf!

PING-------
-----------PING
PING--------
--------PING
...
 
2012-08-06 09:02:14 AM

BronyMedic: Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever. Don't be a selfish prick. You're not using it anymore, let it go to help someone else. Medical schools, surgery teaching schools.. they all need people who are honorable and care enough to donate to science. Donate your organs - give someone a second chance at life. They're just going to be bathed in formalin and fixed anyway otherwise.


What about donating your organs and burying the leftovers? That's what I intend on doing.

/Cremation scares the crap out of me, dead or not.
//Also, I'm not understanding the use of the silly tag here.
 
2012-08-06 09:02:24 AM
Cremate me then take the ashes of my beloved dog (Duke) and throw us to the wind somewhere nice.
 
2012-08-06 09:03:35 AM

probesport: Isn't that the goal? Live life according to the Brewster's Millions plan.


Spend $30M in 30 days in order to get $300M?
 
2012-08-06 09:05:32 AM
Ummm ... why not? Debt ends with death, so why not meet death as indebted as you can possibly be? I don't plan on having kids, so what's the big deal?
 
2012-08-06 09:10:12 AM
It's sad how American perception never meets with reality.

Americans are at the bottom of the developed world totem pole as far as education, health, and soon standard of living.
 
2012-08-06 09:10:30 AM
Dying with no assets? I call that efficiency.
 
2012-08-06 09:11:04 AM
Well, Ive got nothing now, and the way it looks pretty much everything will likely end up with the various "step" siblings, (who dont really need it) but oh well.
 
2012-08-06 09:12:27 AM
Fluorescent Testicle: What about donating your organs and burying the leftovers? That's what I intend on doing.

Why bury the leftovers? Let a future generation of surgeons practice their trade on your body, and allow them to perfect procedures in a lab setting, rather than risking permanently disabling or killing a live patient.

I do cadaver labs usually once every two months. The amount of respect they have for the bodies, and demand from the students in attendance, is amazing.
 
2012-08-06 09:12:57 AM

BronyMedic: fark those vampiric, funeral industry vultures. They're leaches. They promote the belief that they're helping with closure for families, while making Grandpa bob look like Great Aunt Alice, and costing families thousands of dollars afterwords.

Burying the human body under the ground is the biggest waste of space and valuable resources ever. Don't be a selfish prick. You're not using it anymore, let it go to help someone else. Medical schools, surgery teaching schools.. they all need people who are honorable and care enough to donate to science. Donate your organs - give someone a second chance at life. They're just going to be bathed in formalin and fixed anyway otherwise.

/why yes, I have a very negative view of the "death industry" in America. Why do you ask?


Just because we're bereaved shouldn't make us saps.
 
2012-08-06 09:20:54 AM
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2012-08-06 09:21:00 AM

BronyMedic: Why bury the leftovers? Let a future generation of surgeons practice their trade on your body, and allow them to perfect procedures in a lab setting, rather than risking permanently disabling or killing a live patient.


Oh, they can do that as well, it's all the same to me. When I say "Leftovers," I don't care if there's nothing left but half a head and a few fingers. :P Actually, that does bring up a question: What do American medical schools do with the cadavers once they're done with them? According to family members, Australian ones either toss them in the trash or cremate them (hence my "Bury afterwards" caveat), but for all I know American ones might bury them regardless.
 
2012-08-06 09:21:15 AM
How about those that are planning to break even when they go?
 
2012-08-06 09:23:44 AM

PC LOAD LETTER: Umm, don't a lot of people go into Nursing Homes and have to spend down their income to poverty levels to qualify for Medicaid?


They engineered it this way. If family cant care for you this is what happens.
 
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