FARK.com: (7252226) I start a new job tomorrow. What is the best way to make myself known on day 1?

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		I start a new job tomorrow. What is the best way to make myself known on day 1? (fark.com)		550
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8997 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 9:07 PM | Favorite | share:

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W.C.fields forever		2012-08-05 09:43:30 PM

Walk into work and yell out 'NO TALKING' and go to your seat.

consider this		2012-08-05 09:44:20 PM

Sit at your desk watching tranny porn at full volume.

KimNorth		2012-08-05 09:44:24 PM

Forward this Fark link to everyone in the building.

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:44:31 PM

Cerebral Knievel: well, I'll see the prison references have all already been taken.

slinking on out.

Shank you for being the solitary one to avoid that. Sometimes this place is just a prisoner to the same jokes over and over.

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:44:34 PM

Surool: Kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch.

Work's for prison time too.

Dammit Rool. You're the 20th person to say that.

Damn liters!

cjo		2012-08-05 09:45:06 PM

Poop in the refrigerator AND eat a whole wheel of cheese. They won't be mad because they'l be so impressed.

fragMasterFlash		2012-08-05 09:45:32 PM

Peter von Nostrand: With this shirt:

or this one

Nah. This one gets the point a cross much more succinctly

i277.photobucket.com

robertus		2012-08-05 09:45:51 PM

dumbobruni: introduce yourself with your fark handle

You know, there's a new guy starting at my office tomorrow, and I wouldn't be surprised if he were a Farker.

/Boss told him he could dress casual for the interview, since he didn't own a suit. He showed up in sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
//If that's you, Subby, the answer is "do the Dr. Evil 'zip it' routine on the boss." She's a talker, that one.

whatshisname		2012-08-05 09:45:53 PM

Go around and lick every monitor in the office.

sirrerun		2012-08-05 09:45:58 PM

sweet-daddy-2		2012-08-05 09:46:31 PM

Quit.

Spoon over Marin		2012-08-05 09:46:32 PM

Sensei Can You See: Hey am I the first one to say "beat someone up or become someone's biatch"? I love that joke.

You missed the boobies on that, but if you hurry you could be the first on burning popcorn.

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:46:50 PM

fragMasterFlash: Peter von Nostrand: With this shirt:

or this one

Nah. This one gets the point a cross much more succinctly

Did he use it to wear it...?

CavalierEternal		2012-08-05 09:47:07 PM

Scrawl "I AM THE SERPENT" on the men's room wall in pig's blood.

OscarTamerz		2012-08-05 09:47:48 PM

Lay some cable in the coffee maker and then carry it around to all the senior personnel and go, "Yeah, we had a composting toilet like this at my old job where we were certified LEED platinum with all LED bulbs and photovoltaic roof panels too but I can't seem to get this one to work."

Rodeodoc		2012-08-05 09:47:59 PM

Make sure everyone knows you're a Jehovah's Witness. If you can't find some of their pamphlets to hand out, print something out and photocopy it. Leave one on every desk. When you're introduced, say "Pleased to meet you. I'm Subby. Can we talk about my faith in Jehovah?"

Or, on the other side of the coin, adopt the 50 Shades of Gray persona. Refer to your cube as the Red Room of Pain. Ask to be called Christian Gray. Tell all the females not to bite their lip. Ask them if they feel the need to be spanked.

Have a nice, short stay.

Etchy333		2012-08-05 09:48:32 PM

Yell: "I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me."

Nick Nostril		2012-08-05 09:48:44 PM

Bring pot brownies.

Sum Dum Gai		2012-08-05 09:49:37 PM

Trust me - as someone in management, people generally make either a good or a strong impression on day one, but never yet has anyone done both.

Delay		2012-08-05 09:49:57 PM

Don't wear pants.

epyonyx		2012-08-05 09:50:07 PM

Go up to the hottest co-worker and ask if they'd like some surprise buttsex.

litespeed74		2012-08-05 09:50:17 PM

Put a lifesize cardboard cutout of your boss in your office.

KimNorth		2012-08-05 09:50:18 PM

Bring brownies for all the guys and hand out slim fast bars to all the woman....

xl5150		2012-08-05 09:50:27 PM

I'm sorry, subby. I feel for you. When I was 17 my dad made me get a job over the summer to show me how much it sucks to be dependent on a job for your money. I had to work three days a week the whole summer, which pretty much ruined my whole summer, and I was making just over $11 an hour (this was in the mid-90s, so it was pretty much minimum wage). It was the worst summer I ever had. I hope things look up for you soon.

Metal		2012-08-05 09:50:30 PM

Ask if I want fries with that.

wambu		2012-08-05 09:51:38 PM

Put a picture of this guy on your desk.

i.imgur.com

/with a lipstick kiss on it

findthefish		2012-08-05 09:51:48 PM

Shake everyone's hand extra hard for 5 seconds too long while giving them the stink eye and baring your teeth.

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:52:31 PM

Well, this is awkward...

WHERE IS MY PAYPAL PASSWORD?

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:52:32 PM

Mr. Murder: Surool: Kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch.

Work's for prison time too.

Dammit Rool. You're the 20th person to say that.

Damn liters!

YOURE A LITER!

You caught liters disease. I warned you. I warned you...

/RIP

baorao		2012-08-05 09:52:32 PM

take a 2 hour lunch.

Nightshade50		2012-08-05 09:52:41 PM

Go to your boss and ask for a raise.

KimNorth		2012-08-05 09:52:44 PM

Make brownies using chocolate X-Lax and put them in the break room.

Captain_Ballbeard		2012-08-05 09:52:51 PM

When they introduce you to your "group", look directly at your boss and ask, "Who in the buttfarking Jesus is in charge of these titsies?"

snuff3r		2012-08-05 09:52:59 PM

Send a random "monday funny" email and CC everyone in the company address book. The IT manager will love you.

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:54:07 PM

Paranoia-': YOURE A LITER!

You caught liters disease. I warned you. I warned you...

/RIP

LULZ, it was perfect timing. I'm going to delay renewing just for the lulz.

Sensei Can You See		2012-08-05 09:54:17 PM

Etchy333: Yell: "I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me."

After dousing your boss with hot grease, of course.

Jocundry		2012-08-05 09:54:39 PM

xl5150: I'm sorry, subby. I feel for you. When I was 17 my dad made me get a job over the summer to show me how much it sucks to be dependent on a job for your money. I had to work three days a week the whole summer, which pretty much ruined my whole summer, and I was making just over $11 an hour (this was in the mid-90s, so it was pretty much minimum wage). It was the worst summer I ever had. I hope things look up for you soon.

I'm going to assume you are trolling and/or being silly but I'm still going to point out that minimum wage in the 90s was about half $11.

KimNorth		2012-08-05 09:54:58 PM

xl5150: I'm sorry, subby. I feel for you. When I was 17 my dad made me get a job over the summer to show me how much it sucks to be dependent on a job for your money. I had to work three days a week the whole summer, which pretty much ruined my whole summer, and I was making just over $11 an hour (this was in the mid-90s, so it was pretty much minimum wage). It was the worst summer I ever had. I hope things look up for you soon.

Really $11.00 an hour in the 90's as a 17 year old??? I live in California and that is twice the minimum wage. Cry me a farken river!

Spoon over Marin		2012-08-05 09:55:35 PM

Mr. Murder: Well, this is awkward...

WHERE IS MY PAYPAL PASSWORD?

It's like being naked in class, isn't it?

Alonjar		2012-08-05 09:56:16 PM

chewielouie		2012-08-05 09:56:45 PM

Bring lunch back to the employee lounge.

waznmentobe.com

lecas		2012-08-05 09:56:52 PM

assuming the new work place has a cafeteria.

1. wait for the middle of the lunch hour
2. climb up on the table closest to the center of the room
3. scream at the top of your lungs "This place is crawling with narcs"
4. calmly sit down and finish your lunch

// if anyone asks about the scream . respond with a blank stare
// careful step 5 is possibly collect unemployment
// it worked for artie

anniesmom		2012-08-05 09:57:08 PM

Mr. Murder: Well, this is awkward...

WHERE IS MY PAYPAL PASSWORD?

Don't worry~ the shakes go away after a few weeks.
But it still stings when I pee.

loonatic112358		2012-08-05 09:57:45 PM

whip your things out and masterbate at your assigned area to ensure your dominance over your new coworkers

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:57:53 PM

Mr. Murder: Paranoia-': YOURE A LITER!

You caught liters disease. I warned you. I warned you...

/RIP

LULZ, it was perfect timing. I'm going to delay renewing just for the lulz.

Actually you are going to delay renewing because i was going to sponsor you but accidentally hit back and now it wont let me finish. I have to wait thirty minutes...

redoctober65		2012-08-05 09:58:05 PM

Walk in all Full Metal Jacket-esque singing:

This is my rifle.
*grab your crotch* This is my gun.
This is for fighting.
*grab your crotch* This is for fun.

/bonus points for grabbing your bosses crotch

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:58:07 PM

Spoon over Marin: It's like being naked in class, isn't it?

It's a very odd feeling. I didn't even remember how to locate the main page.

AstroBoy62		2012-08-05 09:58:12 PM

shiat in the boss's coffee mug. Always works for me.

r1niceboy		2012-08-05 09:58:20 PM

saintstryfe: Be early, be pleasant, don't try to butt into people's conversations to introduce yourself, and be helpful.

...and mutter to yourself constantly.