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(Fark)   I start a new job tomorrow. What is the best way to make myself known on day 1?   (fark.com) divider line 549
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9025 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 9:07 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-05 09:31:09 PM
Axe.

/that is all
 
2012-08-05 09:31:17 PM
Pro tip: Dont ever draw attention to yourself the first day. Make sure you understand your coworkers/environment before throwing yourself out there.
 
2012-08-05 09:31:20 PM
Call in sick.. It sets the stage.
 
2012-08-05 09:31:26 PM

Mr. Murder: kxs401: The answer is 20 bucks extra.

So, that's $40 total then?


Still $35 too much.
 
2012-08-05 09:31:44 PM
Id give everyone UFIA, then fling poop after burning leftover fish in the office microwave.

Also, ride an alpaca to work, while wearing an ice cream cone on your head.
 
2012-08-05 09:31:54 PM
Get the crazy eyes when talking to people, and laugh a little too loudly. Say things like, "Hey, you're FUNNY! I like you! If I ever snapped, I'd be sure to kill you last."
 
2012-08-05 09:31:57 PM
What you need to do is figure out who everyone hates then kick his ass.
 
2012-08-05 09:32:07 PM
The trick is: kick someone's ass the first day, or become somebody's biatch. Then everything will be alright.

No, wait a minute...
 
2012-08-05 09:32:16 PM

JRoo: Wear the shortest shorts you can find in a size too small.


With this shirt:

rlv.zcache.com

or this one

www.animalshirts.net
 
2012-08-05 09:32:43 PM
Get a poster-sized copy of that Morgan Freeman "titty sprinkles" picture and hang it in your office.
 
2012-08-05 09:32:45 PM
^ wait, thats prison, not work. ^
 
2012-08-05 09:33:14 PM
when they start explaining how things work around the office
start screaming "YOU ARE DOING IT ALL WRONG"

when they calmly explain why they do things that way, scream
"AU CONTRAIRE MON FRERE"

and then walk out.
 
2012-08-05 09:33:34 PM

Ceteris Paribus says: LlamaGirl: [images.spidersparlor.com image 500x376]

Why does that alpaca have an ice cream cone on its head?


Going into the alpaca business seemed kind of interesting until it became clear that you only sell the wool to pay for the vet bills. You can only make money if you can find enough people that want to go into the alpaca business to make money too.

Sounded a bit like a pyramid scheme with sprinkes of 'controlling production to keep the price up' like the diamond business.
 
2012-08-05 09:33:38 PM
Do your job well and stay quiet and don't be an attention whore?
 
2012-08-05 09:33:43 PM

Rincewind53: Show up naked.


Can't. Chics would swarm me.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:06 PM
You should lurk for at least a month.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:09 PM
Wear your best Brooks Brothers power-suit. And leave your zipper down. It pays to advertise.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:24 PM

aimtastic: You're gonna have to fight someone in the lunchroom. It's the only way to ensure you don't get pushed around. If people think you're crazy, they're less likely to fark with you. Also, joining a gang may eventually be necessary for the sake of protection.


I came to say this. Fight someone on Day 1 or become someone's biatch on Day 2.

Learn how to build a good shank and keep a constant supply of cigarettes handy. You can't punch or fark your way out of every situation.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:25 PM
All the funny, better responses aside. If you actually want to make yourself known on day 1, you're a histrionic prick.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:36 PM
For favourable impression: laugh heartily at all toilet humour, emphasize with all petty complaints, and prop up any damaged egos you encounter.

For unfavourable impression: be unfailingly polite, follow managerial structure as it has been laid out to you, and bring a book to read at lunch.
 
2012-08-05 09:35:21 PM
Ask for a copy of the org chart and a red felt tip pen. Start crossing out random department heads and paste a picture of yourself over the #2 position in the company.

Alternately: walk into HR immediately and demand a helper monkey per ADA.
 
2012-08-05 09:35:30 PM
Bring your concealed carry, and make a big deal about letting everyone know that you are "carrying".
 
2012-08-05 09:35:56 PM
Oh god I cannot stop laughing at the posts in this thread
 
2012-08-05 09:36:26 PM
Put on an orange wig and wear a Batman shirt
 
2012-08-05 09:36:31 PM
Staple your mouth shut and run around "screaming".
 
2012-08-05 09:36:58 PM
Wear khakis or other light colour and spill ketchup on your crotch.
 
2012-08-05 09:37:16 PM

middleoftheday: Judging from the first few posts, you should poop in the microwave.


Funniest comment so far!
 
2012-08-05 09:37:28 PM

sarahthustra: in college, there was a kid who got drunk and fell out of an elevator while he was trying to climb out the emergency hatch so we called him shaft.

good old shaft.


I always figured it was an automotive thing. Well, here's to ol' choke and stroke.
 
2012-08-05 09:37:56 PM
Talk politics "Loudly" from your desk.

Suggest a team building softball game between the men vs the women, shirts vs skins. Then leer at one of the better looking women in the office.
 
2012-08-05 09:38:15 PM
I would either show up in a Star Trek uniform, color depending on type of job. Ie Blue for Medical/Science, Red for Management, Yellow for Security, Engineer. Find an old flip phone and put the Tri Corder noise on so everytime someone asks you something or you are looking for something you can "scan". When it is break time ask if anyone wants to hit the Holodeck with you or got to 10-Forward. You could also go to the lunchroom and complain that the replicator isn't working even though in reality you do know it is just a microwave. Talk to your mouse like Scotty everytime someone walks by and look like you are not impressed with the so called "new" equipment...

I hope these ideas will help you in whatever field you are starting and good luck, we are all counting on you.
 
2012-08-05 09:38:19 PM

LlamaGirl: Staple your mouth shut and run around "screaming".


Alternatively, leave your fly purposely down all day. Wear tight pants also. Make sure they know which way you are hanging.
 
2012-08-05 09:38:54 PM
Wear a super short plaid miniskirt with fishnet stockings. This works no matter what your gender, age, or size.
 
2012-08-05 09:39:10 PM
introduce yourself with your fark handle
 
2012-08-05 09:39:28 PM
You say that like it's a bad thing.

KarmicDisaster: Bring your concealed carry, and make a big deal about letting everyone know that you are "carrying".


Work in comments about the international bankers, the UN, and end times.
 
2012-08-05 09:39:42 PM

Man On Pink Corner: Smell the Glove: Let's just let them think you're a ball buster. That will make your life easier later on the sales floor.

How'd that work out?


I dunno, probably no effect. Didn't hurt, and who knows if anyone gave a sh*t. Just funny.
 
2012-08-05 09:39:49 PM
Kick someone's ass the moment you walk in. That way you won't become anyone's biatch.
 
2012-08-05 09:39:52 PM
ooh, I know. Sit at your desk, zone out, and read every single comment in a FARK thread. I wonder if it's ever been done.
 
2012-08-05 09:40:08 PM

Mr. Murder: LlamaGirl: Staple your mouth shut and run around "screaming".

Alternatively, leave your fly purposely down all day. Wear tight pants also. Make sure they know which way you are hanging.


Eh, I bet subby is hung like a fun-size snickers.
 
2012-08-05 09:40:33 PM

LlamaGirl: Staple your mouth shut and run around "screaming".


Yup...
flaky.net
 
2012-08-05 09:40:49 PM
Hey am I the first one to say "beat someone up or become someone's biatch"? I love that joke.
 
2012-08-05 09:41:07 PM

Wookard: I would either show up in a Star Trek uniform, color depending on type of job. Ie Blue for Medical/Science, Red for Management, Yellow for Security, Engineer. Find an old flip phone and put the Tri Corder noise on so everytime someone asks you something or you are looking for something you can "scan". When it is break time ask if anyone wants to hit the Holodeck with you or got to 10-Forward. You could also go to the lunchroom and complain that the replicator isn't working even though in reality you do know it is just a microwave. Talk to your mouse like Scotty everytime someone walks by and look like you are not impressed with the so called "new" equipment...

I hope these ideas will help you in whatever field you are starting and good luck, we are all counting on you.


You left out punching lift butttons repeatedly while screaming "Beam me up Picard you chrome-dome bastard!"
 
2012-08-05 09:41:31 PM
well, I'll see the prison references have all already been taken.

slinking on out.
 
2012-08-05 09:42:35 PM
Light fires. Everywhere.
 
2012-08-05 09:42:48 PM
Grab a broom and sweep. My first three bosses loved that, department store, printing plant, floor wax factory. My fourth boss hated it. Delivering school books for the board of education City of New York.
 
2012-08-05 09:42:54 PM
a1.mzstatic.com

Start on the list from Like A Boss
 
2012-08-05 09:42:55 PM
Do you work near a cash register? If you do, photocopy the large bills and replace them with the fakes.
 
2012-08-05 09:42:58 PM

Current Resident: LlamaGirl: Staple your mouth shut and run around "screaming".

Yup...


Why would I need to sleep tonight?
 
2012-08-05 09:43:10 PM
Kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch.

Work's for prison time too.
 
2012-08-05 09:43:11 PM
Eat the bosses lunch out of the fridge.
 
2012-08-05 09:43:28 PM
Get in early and make coffee
 
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