FARK.com: (7252226) I start a new job tomorrow. What is the best way to make myself known on day 1?

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		I start a new job tomorrow. What is the best way to make myself known on day 1? (fark.com)		550
		More: Advice

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8997 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 9:07 PM | Favorite | share:

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Current Resident		2012-08-05 09:04:36 PM

LlamaGirl: Die

Last time I post that. I promise.

I'll be more creative from now on.

Current Resident		2012-08-05 09:05:53 PM

SilentStrider: well, I didn't need to sleep tonight.

Sleep tight (NSFLG)...

i.imgur.com

WI241TH		2012-08-05 09:06:36 PM

Send out a company wide e-mail with a copy of a dating website profile you filled out including some kind of sexy picture. Be sure to answer all the questions as if you are your 13 year old self.

Candygram4Mongo		2012-08-05 09:07:36 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Show this thread to your boss and tell him that this is how you're going to spend your time on the company's dime.

From this point forward, whenever you asked to do anything, look up at the ceiling and say "I would prefer not to..."

SilentStrider		2012-08-05 09:08:11 PM

Current Resident: SilentStrider: well, I didn't need to sleep tonight.

Sleep tight (NSFLG)...

[i.imgur.com image 250x141]

I hate you.

LlamaGirl		2012-08-05 09:08:15 PM

Well, this thread is full of clowns....

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:08:23 PM

Leave this book at your workspace for everyone to see.

Link

consider this		2012-08-05 09:09:23 PM

Show them that you can run the drive through and fry machine at the same time.

ultraholland		2012-08-05 09:09:45 PM

Show your tits.

Ceteris Paribus says		2012-08-05 09:09:48 PM

Here I am stuck in the middle with you

Current Resident		2012-08-05 09:10:38 PM

SilentStrider: I hate you.

My work here is done.

For tonight.

fusillade762		2012-08-05 09:10:56 PM

Handcuff yourself to your desk and start shouting "ATTICA, ATTICA, ATTICA..."

my herniated disc		2012-08-05 09:10:59 PM

bring canned sardines for lunch and microwave them. You will be unforgettable!

Purelilac		2012-08-05 09:11:53 PM

Mr. Murder: Leave this book at your workspace for everyone to see.

Link

Every time I click a TF link which leads to Amazon, it screws my recommendations up big-time. God only knows what someone would think if they saw it. *shudder*

EggFool		2012-08-05 09:12:10 PM

Where am I?

Heraclitus		2012-08-05 09:12:20 PM

Use a mnemonic device to remember each persons name that you meet on the first day.

IE:
Stinky Pete
Stony Jonie
Bob the Knob
etc...

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:12:56 PM

AND I SWEAR
BY THE STARS AND THE MOON IN THE SKY
I'LL BE THERE. I SWEAR.
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
TIL DEATH US PART
I'LL LOVE YOU WITH EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART
I SWEAR.

/sing loudly on your lunch break. Refuse to talk about it

Charlie Chingas		2012-08-05 09:13:00 PM

Rape the janitor

ko_kyi		2012-08-05 09:13:04 PM

You could do what someone did at my job, send an Everyone email about how Mars will appear as big as the Moon on one special night. He forwarded that stupid chain email to the whole company. What's worse, it was one day after the specified night.

dryknife		2012-08-05 09:13:27 PM

Demand a raise.

Kumana Wanalaia		2012-08-05 09:14:09 PM

Send an email to everyone in the organization saying "This is a test of the new notification service. To remove yourself from the list, click 'reply to all' and put the word 'remove' in the subject line.

hilarity will ensue.

Current Resident		2012-08-05 09:14:36 PM

LlamaGirl: Well, this thread is full of clowns....

HAI GUISE!

media.comicvine.com

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:14:37 PM

EggFool: Where am I?

You're on Earth, dear. It's a planet near a star that is located in the outer bands of the Milky Way galaxy.

MBK		2012-08-05 09:14:45 PM

Welp.

2 clown pics and this thread needs to be nuked.

Gulper Eel		2012-08-05 09:14:55 PM

Light a fart or two.

saintstryfe		2012-08-05 09:15:00 PM

Be early, be pleasant, don't try to butt into people's conversations to introduce yourself, and be helpful.

rubi_con_man		2012-08-05 09:15:14 PM

Pee on the secretary.

Heraclitus		2012-08-05 09:15:38 PM

Make sure to drink the last cup of coffee and dont refill the pot.

They will never forget!

LlamaGirl		2012-08-05 09:15:41 PM

Ahhhh Gacy my favorite serial killer.

JRoo		2012-08-05 09:15:45 PM

Eat an eighth of mushrooms during the first hour and see where it takes you.

Lawnchair		2012-08-05 09:15:47 PM

The trick is to kick someone's ass the first day, or become someone's biatch. Then everything will be all right.

Peter von Nostrand		2012-08-05 09:16:42 PM

Ask everyone "So who's the office slut.. male or female, I don't care. Captain Slocum McBigBalls has been lonely lately and needs some strange"

Jocundry		2012-08-05 09:16:48 PM

I'm starting a new job tomorrow and I feel like I should post here.

I'm going to be working with a bunch of nurses so I'll probably try to get free medical advice.

Cyno01		2012-08-05 09:17:16 PM

Kick someones ass.

^{/or become somebodys biatch}

Nutsac_Jim		2012-08-05 09:17:24 PM

g0ats3x: burn popcorn in the microwave.

or cook fish in the kitchen

Lenny_da_Hog		2012-08-05 09:17:35 PM

Just keep your mouth shut and do what I tell you to do.

If you're trying to be an attention whore or kiss-ass in place of impressing me with compliance, I don't want you in my company. Piss off.

bootman		2012-08-05 09:17:42 PM

Bring pastries, lots. Nice ones. Danishes, bear claws, crullers, eclairs, croissants, quiche. Not doughnuts.

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:18:28 PM

I'm determined to sponsor a liter as a result of this thread, but only if they can apply their own horrible advice to their self-created TFD welcome thread tomorrow.

epyonyx		2012-08-05 09:18:30 PM

Ask your boss what the policy is on giving your coworkers a UFIA.

Acharne		2012-08-05 09:19:00 PM

When someone corrects you, don't get defensive and make up a reason why you didn't do X. Just do X correctly next time.

Show up on time. Everytime.

Don't talk about how you show up on time, everytime.

Mr. Murder		2012-08-05 09:19:06 PM

Paranoia-': I'm determined to sponsor a liter as a result of this thread, but only if they can apply their own horrible advice to their self-created TFD welcome thread tomorrow.

Why don't you just send them a pzone instead, weirdo.

jayhawk88		2012-08-05 09:19:08 PM

Why would you want to make yourself known? If they know you, they can fire you. Lower your physical profile by slumping and staring at the floor at all times, never leave your office/cubicle unless it's a dire emergency, and even then try to time your trips to the bathroom or the vending machines when you know no one else will be around. Ideally people should still mistake you for the copy repair guy 15 years in.

Current Resident		2012-08-05 09:19:08 PM

LlamaGirl: Well, this thread is full of clowns....

Aaaand the alternate...
image1.findagrave.com

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier		2012-08-05 09:19:10 PM

Eat a customer

redoctober65		2012-08-05 09:19:37 PM

Yes, this and many more exciting threads like "What should I name my cat?", "How much should I tip the delivery person?" and "What should I name my other cat?" can be yours for mere pennies a day, subscribe to TotalFark today!

/they don't make water hot enough to get me clean

PunGent		2012-08-05 09:19:47 PM

fusillade762: Handcuff yourself to your desk and start shouting "ATTICA, ATTICA, ATTICA..."

Unless it's a bio lab...then you should shout 'gattaca'...

Paranoia-'		2012-08-05 09:19:47 PM

bootman: Bring pastries, lots. Nice ones. Danishes, bear claws, crullers, eclairs, croissants, quiche. Not doughnuts.

Bear claws, crullers, and eclairs are donuts.

cgremlin		2012-08-05 09:19:53 PM

Park in the company president's space, and have gum and candy available to offer to your co-workers.

Man On Pink Corner		2012-08-05 09:19:59 PM

Show everyone pictures of your gun collection

Erix		2012-08-05 09:20:06 PM

Put a handful of thumbtacks and paperclips in a coworker's coffee mug.

When you're caught, laugh gleefully about how you were always known as the office prankster at your last job.

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