Poop your pants.

be the guy who microwaves his leftover fish at lunchtime. everyone loves guy who microwaves his leftover fish at lunchtime.

Pee on everyone, let them know who's the boss.

Pretend you were never potty trained and then raise your hand in orientation and say:
"Subby needs to go Boom-boom."

Fark the cleaning lady on your desk.

Leave a strand of dental floss haning out of your mouth and pretend you don't know it's there. Green works best.

Forward a chain letter to everyone in the company.

Show up naked.

Photo copy your junk and leave it on the copier.

Spoon over Marin: Leave a strand of dental floss haning out of your mouth and pretend you don't know it's there. Green works best.

Lol.

Get caught masturbating to Christian Science Monitor.

g0ats3x: burn popcorn cook fish in the microwave.

insist it's bring your python to work day and then ask everyone if they want to meet him.

You're gonna have to fight someone in the lunchroom. It's the only way to ensure you don't get pushed around. If people think you're crazy, they're less likely to fark with you. Also, joining a gang may eventually be necessary for the sake of protection.

Xanlexian: Get caught masturbating to Christian Science Monitor.

Or Highlights if the CSM is unavailable.

Judging from the first few posts, you should poop in the microwave.

Show up with two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers... and also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether and two dozen amyls.

Make some hot chocolate at your workstation and accidentally spill it on your bosses' boss.

Casually ask for copies of photos of your coworkers' kids.

Spend the first hour making a paper clip mobile for your cubicle.

Ask if you can use PTO Wednesday.

Browse TFD all day long.

Fart near the coffee machine

Show up two hours late so they know who's in charge.

Don't upsell the biggie size at the drive-thru.

refuse to call your co-workers by their given names and instead come up with descriptive nicknames.

sarahthustra: refuse to call your co-workers by their given names and instead come up with descriptive nicknames.

It's Sarah the Scarer!

Her name is Dolores?

Ceteris Paribus says: It's Sarah the Scarer!

Her name is Dolores?


quiet, pork chop.

I once worked with a guy who threw up on his first shift. He turned out to be a good worker, but he was stuck with the nickname "Vomit" from then on.

sarahthustra: Ceteris Paribus says: It's Sarah the Scarer!

Her name is Dolores?


quiet, pork chop.

That's T-Bone!

Drink several can of Yuengling tonight, not so much that you are hungover, but enough to power the ole gas can up. Eat Taco Bell at midnight tonight, then a McDonald's breakfast burrito tomorrow morning. 5 minute into the first day, excuse yourself to use the rest room and just totally destroy the bowl. You will forever be able to poop in peace at work from then on.

JerseyTim: I once worked with a guy who threw up on his first shift. He turned out to be a good worker, but he was stuck with the nickname "Vomit" from then on.

You called him vomit? I bet he got sick of that.

Ceteris Paribus says: That's T-Bone!

YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE YOUR OWN NAME

Ceteris Paribus says: You called him vomit? I bet he got sick of that.

They probably repeated it ad nauseam.

Now that I think about it, his full nickname was "The Vomit Kid," but that got shortened.

sarahthustra: refuse to call your co-workers by their given names and instead come up with descriptive nicknames.

Baldy, black woman, preggers...

aimtastic: Ceteris Paribus says: You called him vomit? I bet he got sick of that.

They probably repeated it ad nauseam.

I would have gone with Bafolamuel.

Call the bathroom "The masturbation station"

in college, there was a kid who got drunk and fell out of an elevator while he was trying to climb out the emergency hatch so we called him shaft.

good old shaft.

sarahthustra: insist it's bring your python to work day and then ask everyone if they want to meet him.

He's a therapy python! I'm gonna sue you jerks.

Current Resident: Pee on everyone, let them know who's the boss.

you thief.

Walk up to the biggest guy there and punch him in the nuts.

kxs401: sarahthustra: insist it's bring your python to work day and then ask everyone if they want to meet him.

He's a therapy python! I'm gonna sue you jerks.

tuffsnake: kxs401: sarahthustra: insist it's bring your python to work day and then ask everyone if they want to meet him.

He's a therapy python! I'm gonna sue you jerks.

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I know her, what's her login?