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(Gizmodo)   How to defeat your internet enemies, and crush them into the dust   (gizmodo.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, rudeness, subject lines  
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19337 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 10:10 AM (3 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-08-05 10:28:51 AM  
4 votes:
How to defeat your internet enemies

Step 1: Realize you're just sitting in a chair staring at a box
Step 2: Go outside and play
2012-08-05 10:21:17 AM  
2 votes:
Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"
2012-08-05 10:10:26 AM  
2 votes:
I just Farky them red and give them insulting nicknames like "Dildo". TAKE THAT INTERNET ENEMIES!
2012-08-05 09:30:35 AM  
2 votes:
miss diminutive: Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

Well, to be fair, it was a very well groomed mustache. It made you look dignified and royal. Like the queen of England.

miss diminutive: /seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?


A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

Ignoring the fact that was against the FArQ. Or that my bosses read FARK.
2012-08-05 03:33:11 PM  
1 vote:

THE GREAT NAME: skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

So you don't have the willpower to simply not respond? You need a machine to censor the comments before you even see them? You do realise everybody else can see the comments don't you? To them it looks like:

skinink: Some comment
somebody else: Initial rebuttal


It looks like you lost. Of course, you could post a comemment stating you've put them on ignore, but you cannot then reply to whatever they say *next*. And, if you think logically, there is one optimal response for them to use in that "unreplyable" slot. Can you figure it out?


I've put you on "Ignore".
2012-08-05 01:29:23 PM  
1 vote:
Oh, you troll you. I hope you were at least pleased with the services. She gets pretty good reviews for catering to clients who like being dominated, humiliated and being burned by cigarettes.
2012-08-05 12:34:25 PM  
1 vote:
1. Turn off the computer.

2. Get up off the chair.

3. Find a vacuum cleaner and clean up all the Cheeto crumbs.

4. Go outside and get some fresh air.

5. Over the long term, get a life.
2012-08-05 12:33:59 PM  
1 vote:

BronyMedic: offmymeds: pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

I take it then that you've never visited FARK's 'Politics' page.

He said rude, not mentally retarded.


People can be both.

Ever read one of our global warming threads? One of the best examples is the probable paid shill who'll call you names while claiming that the journal Nature can't be believed because it's a "magazine".
2012-08-05 11:47:25 AM  
1 vote:
Out-troll the troll Tactic
1. No Profanity. Dont sink to their level.
2. Talk to them like a child. Every jerk wants to appear like theyre the alpha of the net, talking down to them like theyre children is a great way to get under their skin
4. (optional) State that you will not read any of their comments but will be happy to continue to insult they every time you see their name appear on the thread.
5. Piss them off. Do whatever you can to raise their ire. The more pissed a troll becomes, the more petty they become, which makes #2 all the easier and effective. Grammar Nazi is a great way to do this but shouldn't be the only method used. Throw in some memes demonstrating how inferior they're are.
6. Save the hard hits. Space them out. If you throw all you got in one post, they're going to keep coming back and you've run out of ammo.
7. When they are at their highest point of Internet rage, turn the derp up to 11. Declare that not only have you outwitted and outclassed them, but you also won the Internet. The idea is to turn them from anger to WTF mode. At that point they should seriously be considering if they were being played from the very start or have gotten into a spam war with someone sitting in a mental ward. Neither option seems that appealing.
8. Sign your work. I like ending with Trollololol so they know they were used for my entertainment.
2012-08-05 11:46:32 AM  
1 vote:
I once had a kid threaten to track me back to my home by tracing my IP, then fark me up the a$$ with a rusty chainsaw. For his big finale he was going to blow up my house with "C8 high explosive" while I was still inside the aforementioned dwelling.

He was being totally serious, and he used much smaller words.

/Why, yes, it did happen here on FARK.
//I just click ignore and get on with life.
2012-08-05 11:02:56 AM  
1 vote:
You are all on my ignore list.
Yes, you too.
Ha.
2012-08-05 10:58:01 AM  
1 vote:
"The internet began as a pure place, free of malice and bad manners."

I don't know what Internet this guy is talking about but as early as 1982 we had flame wars over the usenets. MUDs could be turned into open battle grounds of ego pushing.. I don't remember an Internet pure and free of malice.
2012-08-05 10:50:45 AM  
1 vote:

Abox: How to defeat your internet enemies

Step 1: Realize you're just sitting in a chair staring at a box
Step 2: Go outside and play


OUTSIDE??!!! But the sun is out there. And more importantly, SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH ME !!?!!??!!11!!
2012-08-05 10:40:54 AM  
1 vote:

bubo_sibiricus: Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"


Don't even give them the joy of letting them know. Just favorited! them and leave them uselessly pissing in the wind when you stop responding to them.
2012-08-05 09:53:28 AM  
1 vote:
miss diminutive: This didn't result in bannination?

All I know is that about 12 posts disappeared, and I haven't seen said FARKer since. The Fark MOD gods are, indeed, powerful and vengeful creatures. I keep them appeased with offerings of beer and 5 dollars monthly.

The net is vast and infinite. He may have gotten lost on 4chan, or something.
2012-08-05 09:43:22 AM  
1 vote:
Oddly absent was the use of image macros.

narwhaler.com
2012-08-05 09:17:06 AM  
1 vote:

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.


Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

/seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?
2012-08-05 09:07:01 AM  
1 vote:
Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.
2012-08-05 09:02:13 AM  
1 vote:
Make them click on Gizmodo links?
2012-08-05 07:20:55 AM  
1 vote:
As for hearing the lamentation of their women, you'll have to settle for making their mother cry.
 
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