St_Francis_P: As for hearing the lamentation of their women, you'll have to settle for making their mother cry.

Or not invite them to your birthday party.

You're a troll and everyone knows your parents are divorced. That's what Gizmodo told me to say.

Make them click on Gizmodo links?

Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.

Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

/seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?

miss diminutive: Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

Well, to be fair, it was a very well groomed mustache. It made you look dignified and royal. Like the queen of England.

miss diminutive: /seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?

A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

Ignoring the fact that was against the FArQ. Or that my bosses read FARK.

BronyMedic: miss diminutive: Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

Well, to be fair, it was a very well groomed mustache. It made you look dignified and royal. Like the queen of England.

Thanks, it did have a certain Colonel Mustard flair to it.

BronyMedic: miss diminutive: /seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?

A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

Ignoring the fact that was against the FArQ. Or that my bosses read FARK.

This didn't result in bannination?

miss diminutive: This didn't result in bannination?

All I know is that about 12 posts disappeared, and I haven't seen said FARKer since. The Fark MOD gods are, indeed, powerful and vengeful creatures. I keep them appeased with offerings of beer and 5 dollars monthly.

The net is vast and infinite. He may have gotten lost on 4chan, or something.

Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"

Mugato: Oh give me a break.

The last thing you want to do is threaten certain groups of people on the internet. Because they will, and actually can do something about it thanks to the recent deluge of cyberstalking laws.

So how do we defeat Gizmodo? It wasn't really answered in the article.

Do you guys really fight on the internet? seriously?

How to defeat your internet enemies

Step 1: Realize you're just sitting in a chair staring at a box
Step 2: Go outside and play

I've never encountered rude people on the net.

Mugato: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.

Honest to goodness... One internet user told me that there was a warrant out for my arrest because of posts on a forum and I better not step foot in his city.

pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

Hi there....

Mugato: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.

Even if there were people here who could credibly threaten me in real life here, that's what 'ignore' is for.

I see nothing wrong with reporting people for credible threats of bodily harm though.

bubo_sibiricus: Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"

Don't even give them the joy of letting them know. Just plonk them and leave them uselessly pissing in the wind when you stop responding to them.

I dont know why but somehow this thread has made me sad...no one has ever cared enough ignore me.

to ignore....damn it.

\Must learn to proof read.

Watch a WC Fields' film.
Look up the words.
Use them.

Anyone of you f+kers try to banninate me and it's your ass biatch! Understand! F+CK YOU!

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Here's a video tutorial to accompany this article.

I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.

I had some of my FB people remove me, and so helpfully message me after the fact, when I shared out some of the Chick Kiss Friday articles.

Nasty little bigot sacks of crap. So I reported them for spamming and scamming. Whatever the worst one is. I punch that Report button whenever someone gets uppity. Probably doesn't do much, but I like to think there are consequences for being a sack of crap.

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.

When Yahoo had news message boards, there was this one hateful little troll. He was sort of on the level of Bevets... Christiany, judgmental, nonsensical and generally unwelcome. One day he was gone and the story was that someone on the board somehow had figured out where the dude worked and that he mostly posted while on the clock (he was some kind of health care worker). That person or several people had actually contacted his employer and had gotten him fired. Not long after that, the news message boards were gone.

I think the moral of the story is that Yahoo sucks.

/don't be a dick online
//cool story, bro

DrMcNinja: I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.

*shrugs as if to concede the point*

ZzeusS: I had some of my FB people remove me, and so helpfully message me after the fact, when I shared out some of the Chick Kiss Friday articles.

Nasty little bigot sacks of crap. So I reported them for spamming and scamming. Whatever the worst one is. I punch that Report button whenever someone gets uppity. Probably doesn't do much, but I like to think there are consequences for being a sack of crap.

FB problems are self induced.

skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

What a self-important douche.

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.

Hi BFF sorry for the other day on fark....still friends?


//please say yes, please say yes....

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: DrMcNinja: I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.

*shrugs as if to concede the point*

But now I'm all thinking about the backstory and such. Do they know they're that bad? Is it some massive live action troll attempt? Somehow someone hired these people to perform. Were the standards that much lower in East Germany, or wherever the hell this took place? I like to think that the other band members are actually pretty good, but their mother made them include their goofy brother in on the fun. They're now playing badly (except for the singer, who is genuinely bad) in order to get fired.

You are all on my ignore list.
Yes, you too.
Ha.

I understand that your mom knows how to defeat internet enemies and crush them into dust. I'll ask her how that works later. She's a little busy right now.

DrMcNinja: But now I'm all thinking about the backstory and such. Do they know they're that bad? Is it some massive live action troll attempt? Somehow someone hired these people to perform. Were the standards that much lower in East Germany, or wherever the hell this took place? I like to think that the other band members are actually pretty good, but their mother made them include their goofy brother in on the fun. They're now playing badly (except for the singer, who is genuinely bad) in order to get fired.

I don't think it's a good idea to explain it or rationalize it.

It just... *is.*


Mentat: This is why you're on my enemies list.

_Uh-oh.

xynix: "The internet began as a pure place, free of malice and bad manners."

I don't know what Internet this guy is talking about but as early as 1982 we had flame wars over the usenets. MUDs could be turned into open battle grounds of ego pushing.. I don't remember an Internet pure and free of malice.

The beauty of this is that some people don't realize how useful their twitter or FB posts are in a lawsuit.
LOL.

More effective way, courtesy of XKCD:

In my experience, I have found that the prodigious use of emoticons solves all internet conflicts. ;-)

"The internet began as a pure place, free of malice and bad manners."

I don't know what Internet this guy is talking about but as early as 1982 we had flame wars over the usenets. MUDs could be turned into open battle grounds of ego pushing.. I don't remember an Internet pure and free of malice.

This. We used to have flamewars over BBS's, fer crying out loud.

To paraphrase Q, If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to log off and crawl under your bed. It's not agreeable in here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross. But it's not for the timid.

/rubs my balls over objectionable posts

I want to hug everyone in this thread!

Except YOU. God, you. You suck. You suck so terribly, I can't even begin to go into words. It just simply defeats comprehension, and comprehnsible writing. Good lord, do YOU ever suck. If it wasn't for YOU, and the people like YOU, the internet would be a wonderful place where we can come together to share ideas and crazy but permissible thoughts, in the ether of nether-will-be. But YOU fark it up all the time, don't you? Goddamn YOU, I hope you wind up in hell. Jesus Christ, why are YOU even still here? Go the fark away, and leave us to our delusions of magical happiness.

starsrift: I want to hug everyone in this thread!

Except YOU. God, you. You suck. You suck so terribly, I can't even begin to go into words. It just simply defeats comprehension, and comprehnsible writing. Good lord, do YOU ever suck. If it wasn't for YOU, and the people like YOU, the internet would be a wonderful place where we can come together to share ideas and crazy but permissible thoughts, in the ether of nether-will-be. But YOU fark it up all the time, don't you? Goddamn YOU, I hope you wind up in hell. Jesus Christ, why are YOU even still here? Go the fark away, and leave us to our delusions of magical happiness.

:-/

skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

This. I have shotglasss farkied as "unabashedly racist", but sadly he is showing up in every thread I have gone to today. Time to up it to full on "fark you I want to see nothing you write every again" status.

Weaver95: personally, I just ignore it. not ONE of those f*ckers has ever made good on their death threats. And I get a lot of 'em. bunch of wimps if you ask me. not one single attempt on my life despite all the big talk.

And I still want a radical middle east nutball to declare a fatwah on my lazy white ass. man up and condemn me in the name of allah already will ya! geez!

You get death threats?? I've been.here six years, most of it in the Politics Tab, and I've never been threatened with anything, much less death.

Now I feel like I've been doing something wrong...

starsrift: I want to hug everyone in this thread!

Except YOU. God, you. You suck. You suck so terribly, I can't even begin to go into words. It just simply defeats comprehension, and comprehnsible writing. Good lord, do YOU ever suck. If it wasn't for YOU, and the people like YOU, the internet would be a wonderful place where we can come together to share ideas and crazy but permissible thoughts, in the ether of nether-will-be. But YOU fark it up all the time, don't you? Goddamn YOU, I hope you wind up in hell. Jesus Christ, why are YOU even still here? Go the fark away, and leave us to our delusions of magical happiness.

My mom thinks I'm cool.

starsrift: Except YOU. God, you. You suck. You suck so terribly, I can't even begin to go into words. It just simply defeats comprehension, and comprehnsible writing. Good lord, do YOU ever suck. If it wasn't for YOU, and the people like YOU, the internet would be a wonderful place where we can come together to share ideas and crazy but permissible thoughts, in the ether of nether-will-be. But YOU fark it up all the time, don't you? Goddamn YOU, I hope you wind up in hell. Jesus Christ, why are YOU even still here? Go the fark away, and leave us to our delusions of magical happiness.

It's okay, you don't have to believe.

phaseolus: You get death threats?? I've been.here six years, most of it in the Politics Tab, and I've never been threatened with anything, much less death.

Now I feel like I've been doing something wrong...

I've had someone track me down and try to start IRL drama in my life four times, thanks to the internet. One of has been on FARK, and that was several years ago under hardinparamedic when I used to post as that name.

The other three have, surprisingly, been FREAKIN EMTs and PARAMEDICS.. You know, supposedly professional people? One man actually tracked down my boss' private cell number, and called to complain that I posted studies in a debate once which disproved his position, and I couldn't do that!

BronyMedic: phaseolus: You get death threats?? I've been.here six years, most of it in the Politics Tab, and I've never been threatened with anything, much less death.

Now I feel like I've been doing something wrong...

I've had someone track me down and try to start IRL drama in my life four times, thanks to the internet. One of has been on FARK, and that was several years ago under hardinparamedic when I used to post as that name.

The other three have, surprisingly, been FREAKIN EMTs and PARAMEDICS.. You know, supposedly professional people? One man actually tracked down my boss' private cell number, and called to complain that I posted studies in a debate once which disproved his position, and I couldn't do that!

O_o
/seriously wtf is wrong with people?

I usually just give them my phone number and tell them to call so we can work out our differences.

/1-985-655-2500

Out-troll the troll Tactic
1. No Profanity. Dont sink to their level.
2. Talk to them like a child. Every jerk wants to appear like theyre the alpha of the net, talking down to them like theyre children is a great way to get under their skin
4. (optional) State that you will not read any of their comments but will be happy to continue to insult they every time you see their name appear on the thread.
5. Piss them off. Do whatever you can to raise their ire. The more pissed a troll becomes, the more petty they become, which makes #2 all the easier and effective. Grammar Nazi is a great way to do this but shouldn't be the only method used. Throw in some memes demonstrating how inferior they're are.
6. Save the hard hits. Space them out. If you throw all you got in one post, they're going to keep coming back and you've run out of ammo.
7. When they are at their highest point of Internet rage, turn the derp up to 11. Declare that not only have you outwitted and outclassed them, but you also won the Internet. The idea is to turn them from anger to WTF mode. At that point they should seriously be considering if they were being played from the very start or have gotten into a spam war with someone sitting in a mental ward. Neither option seems that appealing.
8. Sign your work. I like ending with Trollololol so they know they were used for my entertainment.

Summer Glau's Love Slave: "C8 high explosive

Gee, I wonder what was your first clue that person had no idea what he was talking about?

Natsumi: O_o
/seriously wtf is wrong with people?

People are farking idiots. And nowhere have i found this to be more true than in the Brony or Furry community. People are freakin' drama llamas, man.

A week ago, there was some drama that went down between a major artist, and one of the ask character tumblrs there. The artist actually went so far as to track down the personal information of the ask mod.

The ask mod happens to be a cop. Lulz ensued when he pointed out that it was a misdemeanor in his state that she was harassing him offline. She even went so far as to try to get his chief patrol officer involved.

Mentat: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Here's a video tutorial to accompany this article.

This is why you're on my enemies list.

Right below Stern Lecture Plumbing and Econo Save?

Arkanaut: More effective way, courtesy of XKCD:

[imgs.xkcd.com image 370x454]

Signing pedantry as one's favorite celebrity? That would just be kinda sad and transparent...

suziequzie: My mom thinks I'm cool.

Oh, okay. You're cool, then! *hug*

BronyMedic: A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

I just read your profile. Apparently, you must not be a very good paramedic if you are still alive.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Here's a video tutorial to accompany this article.

Egads, what did we all do to you to merit being subjected to THAT?

/made it only a few seconds into the vocal; had to make the pain stop

Isildur: Egads, what did we all do to you to merit being subjected to THAT?

/made it only a few seconds into the vocal; had to make the pain stop

It's a rite of passage of sorts.

It helps, in an offbeat, incomprehensible sorta way.

JakeStone: bubo_sibiricus: Block and delete.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

Amen. My wife is a TFarkette, and we don't really interact often on here, let alone have much interest in the same tabs/threats, but every so often she'll note that someone had a meltdown/sandy vagina attack over a block from me.

Most of the time though, nobody cares. Ever. I'm so alone.

The correct response to this, of course, is to simply comment to the effect that the claimed blockage is a lie. The person who claimed to block you cannot respond for fear of exposing the lie (a fascinating conflict of form and content).

If you do this consistently, as NAME does, even those who really would block you will know what you will do and think twice.

This is why you should obey the fark guidelines and block people silently.

pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

I take it then that you've never visited FARK's 'Politics' page.

Scorpio Rex: I just read your profile. Apparently, you must not be a very good paramedic if you are still alive.

Wut?

skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

So you don't have the willpower to simply not respond? You need a machine to censor the comments before you even see them? You do realise everybody else can see the comments don't you? To them it looks like:

skinink: Some comment
somebody else: Initial rebuttal


It looks like you lost. Of course, you could post a comemment stating you've put them on ignore, but you cannot then reply to whatever they say *next*. And, if you think logically, there is one optimal response for them to use in that "unreplyable" slot. Can you figure it out?

offmymeds: pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

I take it then that you've never visited FARK's 'Politics' page.

He said rude, not mentally retarded.

If people start calling the police every time someone threatens them on the internet, the police aren't going to have much time for anything else.

BronyMedic: offmymeds: pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

I take it then that you've never visited FARK's 'Politics' page.

He said rude, not mentally retarded.

Touché!

THE GREAT NAME: It looks like you lost.

So what? My sense of worth doesn't come from winning arguments with some troll on the Internet.

Weaver95: personally, I just ignore it. not ONE of those f*ckers has ever made good on their death threats. And I get a lot of 'em. bunch of wimps if you ask me. not one single attempt on my life despite all the big talk.

And I still want a radical middle east nutball to declare a fatwah on my lazy white ass. man up and condemn me in the name of allah already will ya! geez!


Oh, just you wait... any day now, and BAM! STAMPEDING CROWD OF SINGING NAKED HOBOS COVERED IN WHIPPED CREAM AND PEANUTS

/ok, not technically naked
//but it just wouldn't be the same without the whipped cream and peanuts

IrateShadow: If people start calling the police every time someone threatens them on the internet, the police aren't going to have much time for anything else.

That's why you're supposed to call the cyber police when someone has dun goofed.

BronyMedic: offmymeds: pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.

I take it then that you've never visited FARK's 'Politics' page.

He said rude, not mentally retarded.

People can be both.

Ever read one of our global warming threads? One of the best examples is the probable paid shill who'll call you names while claiming that the journal Nature can't be believed because it's a "magazine".

1. Turn off the computer.

2. Get up off the chair.

3. Find a vacuum cleaner and clean up all the Cheeto crumbs.

4. Go outside and get some fresh air.

5. Over the long term, get a life.

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: As a 6'8 Olympic bodybuilder with three MMA championship belts and a collection of rifles, I'm not scared of the internet.

You forgot to mention the size of your penis, huge salary and trophy wife.

The trolls were breaking through. The fight had been a long one; ever since he posted a sensible criticism of one, they had thrown themselves at his position; howling and flinging poo the whole time. It was time to give up; there were legions of them, but only one of him. Then, they came. Wading through the press; dealing death blows; the mods were coming! The remaining trolls chittered with fear and scuttled back to their bridges before they were seen. But, he knew; they'd be back, they always come back.

/ they always come back

What, this far in and noone's posted this xkcd yet? For shame!

Unlimited_Infinite: Out-troll the troll Tactic
1. No Profanity. Dont sink to their level.
2. Talk to them like a child. Every jerk wants to appear like theyre the alpha of the net, talking down to them like theyre children is a great way to get under their skin
4. (optional) State that you will not read any of their comments but will be happy to continue to insult they every time you see their name appear on the thread.
5. Piss them off. Do whatever you can to raise their ire. The more pissed a troll becomes, the more petty they become, which makes #2 all the easier and effective. Grammar Nazi is a great way to do this but shouldn't be the only method used. Throw in some memes demonstrating how inferior they're are.
6. Save the hard hits. Space them out. If you throw all you got in one post, they're going to keep coming back and you've run out of ammo.
7. When they are at their highest point of Internet rage, turn the derp up to 11. Declare that not only have you outwitted and outclassed them, but you also won the Internet. The idea is to turn them from anger to WTF mode. At that point they should seriously be considering if they were being played from the very start or have gotten into a spam war with someone sitting in a mental ward. Neither option seems that appealing.
8. Sign your work. I like ending with Trollololol so they know they were used for my entertainment.

Generally agree, but have some comments (I am an expert troll, btw). Re each point you make:
1. Mostly agree, but beware of restricting yourself. Profanity *is* effective against those who try and control the parameters of the debate. You can "doff your cap" a little so they think they're succeeding and get all triumphal, then start swearing like a fishwife - they cringe with shame as their gullability is outed.
2. Not everybody wants to be alpha: really just adolescent males and ugly females. Talking down infuriates them as can very short replies.
3. Very much agree. Here, you make the best point on this thread, if not the entire internet.
4. Sounds like trying to fix the "last word" opening of the ignore technique. But it seems like it could get you banninated.
5. Hell yeah.
6. Keeping it fresh and sharp can be surprisingly tricky. One option is to simply switch over to somebody else in the discussion who has already been softened up by an ally. Hopefully the ally will reciprocate.
7. Is effective against the opponent, but does not please the crowd. Personally, I think the closing play should be to the bystanders, and full of simple humility. But of course that's a matter of personal preference.
8. Yes, in general its good to have a motif.

"Kick his ass." You have to respect an article that doesn't just give you the pansy assed options.

FTFA: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

You kidding me? I got death threats all the time back in the glory days of Usenet, oblique and direct. I'd be spending more time at the police station than online.

/been a while since the last threat
//boring

skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

This coming from the same person that trolls damn near every tattoo thread with the same bland, boring bullshiat.

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: As a 6'8 Olympic bodybuilder with three MMA championship belts and a collection of rifles, I'm not scared of the internet.

Don't you have to be at the gym soon?

I've been threatened a few times. Once the dude started describing the house I live in so i had to call the police. (kids live here).
It was a yahoo account but they found the guy. Didn't take long. Other than that, mostly just bad drummers and newsgroup lionesses.

fortheloveofgod: THE GREAT NAME: It looks like you lost.

So what? My sense of worth doesn't come from winning arguments with some troll on the Internet.

It looks like it does.

Granny Stab: Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: As a 6'8 Olympic bodybuilder with three MMA championship belts and a collection of rifles, I'm not scared of the internet.

Don't you have to be at the gym soon?


imguessingthatsthejoke.jpg

Also, when faced with a neocon or whatever the kids call them these days, just use the words to Chicago's "Dialog" as a template.

Are you optimistic about the way that things are going?

(prattle prattle prattle)

Don't you ever worry when you see what's going down?

(etc.)

Have my friends in Home Land Security track them down. Ship them off to GITMO.

Carrying through on threats made over the internet is like playing Russian Roulette. People don't always share details about their bear trap collection or soundproof basement in threads. Don't blame me if you bring an icepick to a tranq rifle fight, and please wash your head before arrival... don't worry about the rest of your body. Pigs don't care.

HighlanderRPI: I usually just give them my phone number and tell them to call so we can work out our differences.

/1-985-655-2500

*added to phone contacts* !!!
Thanks!

Haha, I was chaining thoughts and accidentally made my #3 the #4. Of course the tactic applies to 1 v 1 situations, but that's hardly ever the case on the intermanets.

I like your ideas THE GREAT NAME, especially #7. Trolling a troll is all about turning the tide of the forum viewers against your nemesis as much as making them bow down to your skill. If you can get others to hop onto your side, you can just sit back and let the mob do the rest. But never forget #8 when the spam war is coming to a close. You want the troll to remember that their humiliation was all caused by them starting shiat with you

Unlimited_Infinite: Haha, I was chaining thoughts and accidentally made my #3 the #4. Of course the tactic applies to 1 v 1 situations, but that's hardly ever the case on the intermanets.

I make mistakes like this all the time. One time I billed your mama twice for the same servicing.

Oh, you troll you. I hope you were at least pleased with the services. She gets pretty good reviews for catering to clients who like being dominated, humiliated and being burned by cigarettes.

Unlimited_Infinite: If you can get others to hop onto your side, you can just sit back and let the mob do the rest

This is pretty much delusion of grandeur, and an elitist position taken by someone who probably has nothing to feel elite about. If you can get a few people to agree with you, it might just be a couple of assholes with similar thoughts. The fact that your statement comes off as you being the only one that can be right in a given argument kinda backs it up too.

Plus few things say elitism more than you starting shiat, then sitting back and wanting others to pick the fight up for you.

bel4sucks: Unlimited_Infinite: If you can get others to hop onto your side, you can just sit back and let the mob do the rest

This is pretty much delusion of grandeur, and an elitist position taken by someone who probably has nothing to feel elite about. If you can get a few people to agree with you, it might just be a couple of assholes with similar thoughts. The fact that your statement comes off as you being the only one that can be right in a given argument kinda backs it up too.

Plus few things say elitism more than you starting shiat, then sitting back and wanting others to pick the fight up for you.

You sound so 15 years old it actually hurts.

Cute but not interested in spam war right now. This 15 year old has to make a 75 mile road trip up north. Have a nice day good sir

wallywam1: Mugato: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.

That's where I stopped reading. If the author is that farking stupid, I can't imagine that the rest of the article could have anything worth reading.

I saw that as an obligatory disclaimer.

But my only enemies so far are Sideshow Bob and Dr. Demento...

St_Francis_P: As for hearing the lamentation of their women, you'll have to settle for making their mother cry.

Slay them all, by Crom!

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: As a 6'8 Olympic bodybuilder with three MMA championship belts and a collection of rifles, I'm not scared of the internet.

You sound like a worthwhile individual.

bel4sucks: Unlimited_Infinite: If you can get others to hop onto your side, you can just sit back and let the mob do the rest

This is pretty much delusion of grandeur, and an elitist position taken by someone who probably has nothing to feel elite about. If you can get a few people to agree with you, it might just be a couple of assholes with similar thoughts. The fact that your statement comes off as you being the only one that can be right in a given argument kinda backs it up too.

Plus few things say elitism more than you starting shiat, then sitting back and wanting others to pick the fight up for you.

You (both?) probably missed that the instructions were a playbook for successful trolling. Once you get to the point of trolling trolls, if they're not self-aware enough to see it and drop out immediately, the thread is essentially done and over with anyway. Flinging a bit more poo to the cesspool isn't going to bother anyone but the trolls and pedants squatting over it, and it has the knock-on effect of keeping decent threads a little cleaner while they're away.

So please, troll away mightily at the trolls. Don't complain if you end up on the same ignore lists as the original troll.

For some reason I post this and seem to win all the time!?

This reads like something a whiny 15 year old would write up after another kid punked him for talking shiat. "Snitching might not be okay in the mafia or school, but otherwise do it!"

I want my time back. I guess Ill just feel content that I got a funny sounding fart to erupt while I was reading this garbage.

You guys are slipping....

(1) hot water;
(2) good dentistry; and
(3) soft lavatory paper

We need a list for this, now? What ever happened to just taking their email address and signing them up at every gay porn site on the first five pages of google?

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.

Czar got banned.

my lip balm addiction: skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.

This. I have shotglasss farkied as "unabashedly racist", but sadly he is showing up in every thread I have gone to today. Time to up it to full on "fark you I want to see nothing you write every again" status.

Awwww. Someone on the internet called me a name because I don't agree with him. :(

Lando Lincoln: Mentat: I just Farky them red and give them insulting nicknames like "Dildo". TAKE THAT INTERNET ENEMIES!

I farky everybody in red and put the tag "person that deserves my complete disdain and comtempt" in there as well.

I hate all of you.

The internet in general is full of chicken shiat scum. In general, I have nothing but contempt for Your Average Witty Fark User, unless proven otherwise. I pretty much hate everyone too.

/I will get all of you!

Had hoped for a glimpse into something like three 4chan btard revenge Playbook here...

/I am disappoint.

I saw one of the best troll slayer interactions ever several years ago on an online forum. The board topic was already several pages long and the troll slayer timed the start of a new page perfectly like:

-Page 4-
Troll: derp derp derp
Cool Mod: this troll's acting like a monkey. I'm gonna throw some peanuts over on page 5 and see if he follows me.

-Page 5-
Troll: oh yeah? well derp derp derp
Cool Mod: Good Monkey!

Here's one I find useful if you're on Twitter. Twitter DogHouse lets you put someone on ignore for a set time with optional goodbye and welcome back messages.

So when your sister-in-law says, "I'm @ the chinchilla show! OMG so cute! Tweeting pix of all 500 chin-chin here!!" you can quietly send her to the doghouse for a few hours then quietly bring her back without your brother cursing you out unfollowing his wife. Of course you could just as easily have Twitter DogHouse automatically say, "Screw u & ur chinchillas! Unfollow!!" and "Sorry, bad day. Didn't mean 2 snap. I'm following u again." a few hours later while you sit on the couch in your underwear, drinking beer and watch My Little Pony.

TehBoognish: [i2.photobucket.com image 402x352]

/I will get all of you!

Portlandia already did it.

shotglasss (farkied: Has had way too many shotglasses): Awwww. Someone on the internet called me a name because I don't agree with him. :(

"If everyone's against you, the reason can't *possibly* be that you're a fnckhead. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire net a favor by exposing it." -- the Usenet Flaming Rules

We had a bully thread and there was someone threatening to go do something to someone. I opted to jump in and include my address. The mods even left it there. *sighs* Nobody ever came to visit though. So lonely...

Other than that? I have a huge ignore list, full of stupid people, and I suppose I could post that in my profile. Instead I get a secret joy when the script tries to notify me that I have been mentioned and it is a person who's on ignore so I can't see it. That amuses me more than it should probably.

THE GREAT NAME: You sound so 15 years old it actually hurts.

Aww don't be hurt biatch.

TenJed_77: Baloo Uriza: TehBoognish: [i2.photobucket.com image 402x352]

/I will get all of you!

Portlandia already did it.

Please tell me that this is not serious?

Fark even covered it.