Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Gizmodo)   How to defeat your internet enemies, and crush them into the dust   (gizmodo.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, rudeness, subject lines  
•       •       •

19339 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 10:10 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



137 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2012-08-05 07:20:55 AM  
As for hearing the lamentation of their women, you'll have to settle for making their mother cry.
 
2012-08-05 07:23:08 AM  

St_Francis_P: As for hearing the lamentation of their women, you'll have to settle for making their mother cry.


Or not invite them to your birthday party.
 
2012-08-05 08:56:05 AM  
You're a troll and everyone knows your parents are divorced. That's what Gizmodo told me to say.
 
2012-08-05 09:02:13 AM  
Make them click on Gizmodo links?
 
2012-08-05 09:07:01 AM  
Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.
 
2012-08-05 09:08:56 AM  
I just got my first hate-o-gram, so I was hoping for some better ideas

Ed Finnerty: Make them click on Gizmodo links?


That's just inhuman
 
2012-08-05 09:17:06 AM  

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.


Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

/seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?
 
2012-08-05 09:30:35 AM  
miss diminutive: Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

Well, to be fair, it was a very well groomed mustache. It made you look dignified and royal. Like the queen of England.

miss diminutive: /seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?


A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

Ignoring the fact that was against the FArQ. Or that my bosses read FARK.
 
2012-08-05 09:33:04 AM  

BronyMedic: A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread


Wait...you're not really a Brony Medic?

/Goes away stunned and confused.
 
2012-08-05 09:34:18 AM  

BronyMedic: miss diminutive: Sorry, but I felt like I had no choice. You kept making fun of my moustache even after I repeatedly explained that it was simply a temporary hormonal imbalance.

Well, to be fair, it was a very well groomed mustache. It made you look dignified and royal. Like the queen of England.


Thanks, it did have a certain Colonel Mustard flair to it.

BronyMedic: miss diminutive: /seriously, someone from Fark squealed to your boss?
//is this middle-school?

A certain FARKer, who shall remain nameless, two days ago, called me a fake in a thread, and then claimed he had my place of employment and my address because I gave him the same information in my profile, and was going to "make me regret" it.

Ignoring the fact that was against the FArQ. Or that my bosses read FARK.


This didn't result in bannination?
 
2012-08-05 09:43:22 AM  
Oddly absent was the use of image macros.

narwhaler.com
 
2012-08-05 09:47:59 AM  
weknowmemes.com

Rev.K: Oddly absent was the use of image macros.

[narwhaler.com image 625x458]


indeed.
 
2012-08-05 09:53:28 AM  
miss diminutive: This didn't result in bannination?

All I know is that about 12 posts disappeared, and I haven't seen said FARKer since. The Fark MOD gods are, indeed, powerful and vengeful creatures. I keep them appeased with offerings of beer and 5 dollars monthly.

The net is vast and infinite. He may have gotten lost on 4chan, or something.
 
2012-08-05 10:07:26 AM  

BronyMedic: miss diminutive: This didn't result in bannination?

All I know is that about 12 posts disappeared, and I haven't seen said FARKer since. The Fark MOD gods are, indeed, powerful and vengeful creatures. I keep them appeased with offerings of beer and 5 dollars monthly.

The net is vast and infinite. He may have gotten lost on 4chan, or something.


My secret admirer kept his screed confined to email. He was much more colorful, though

/icepick to the eyes?
//you take this sh*t that seriously?
 
2012-08-05 10:10:26 AM  
I just Farky them red and give them insulting nicknames like "Dildo". TAKE THAT INTERNET ENEMIES!
 
2012-08-05 10:12:09 AM  
personally, I just ignore it. not ONE of those f*ckers has ever made good on their death threats. And I get a lot of 'em. bunch of wimps if you ask me. not one single attempt on my life despite all the big talk.

And I still want a radical middle east nutball to declare a fatwah on my lazy white ass. man up and condemn me in the name of allah already will ya! geez!
 
2012-08-05 10:21:17 AM  
Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"
 
2012-08-05 10:22:02 AM  
Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.
 
2012-08-05 10:25:53 AM  
Mugato: Oh give me a break.

The last thing you want to do is threaten certain groups of people on the internet. Because they will, and actually can do something about it thanks to the recent deluge of cyberstalking laws.
 
2012-08-05 10:26:29 AM  
The Internet: Serious Business
 
2012-08-05 10:28:03 AM  
So how do we defeat Gizmodo? It wasn't really answered in the article.
 
2012-08-05 10:28:49 AM  
Do you guys really fight on the internet? seriously?
 
2012-08-05 10:28:51 AM  
How to defeat your internet enemies

Step 1: Realize you're just sitting in a chair staring at a box
Step 2: Go outside and play
 
2012-08-05 10:31:14 AM  
I've never encountered rude people on the net.
 
2012-08-05 10:31:15 AM  
members.modernvespa.com
 
2012-08-05 10:35:23 AM  

bubo_sibiricus: Block and delete.


I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

Amen. My wife is a TFarkette, and we don't really interact often on here, let alone have much interest in the same tabs/threats, but every so often she'll note that someone had a meltdown/sandy vagina attack over a block from me.

Most of the time though, nobody cares. Ever. I'm so alone.
 
2012-08-05 10:37:23 AM  
 
2012-08-05 10:38:23 AM  

Mugato: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.


Honest to goodness... One internet user told me that there was a warrant out for my arrest because of posts on a forum and I better not step foot in his city.
 
2012-08-05 10:38:27 AM  

pippi longstocking: I've never encountered rude people on the net.


Hi there....
 
2012-08-05 10:39:08 AM  
If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.
 
2012-08-05 10:39:18 AM  

Mugato: Look, if someone threatens you with physical harm via the internet, go to the police. No matter what. No exceptions.

Oh give me a break.


Even if there were people here who could credibly threaten me in real life here, that's what 'ignore' is for.

I see nothing wrong with reporting people for credible threats of bodily harm though.
 
2012-08-05 10:40:54 AM  

bubo_sibiricus: Block and delete. You probably don't want something insulting you on your own wall-what are you, a chump? So delete it and block the infringer. If you really want to piss someone off, hide your wall and photos from the bully without blocking them entirely-a nice middle finger, albeit not the most mature move. Create a filter on Gmail that'll send their email straight to the trash-be sure to let them know first. Block 'em on Twitter. It'll be like they never existed in the first place.

I do this. I do this *all the time*. It works fabulously. The trick to doing it when you tell them you're going to block/filter/trash them is that you follow through and actually do it. The temptation is always there to want to see the reaction to the "I'mma block ya" statement, but don't do it. "You're blocked/filtered/trashed - bye" and then do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate.

It's worked ever since someone invented the usenet killfile.

Then later, someone says "hey whatever happened to your internet stalker?" and you say "who?"


Don't even give them the joy of letting them know. Just favorited! them and leave them uselessly pissing in the wind when you stop responding to them.
 
2012-08-05 10:42:05 AM  
I dont know why but somehow this thread has made me sad...no one has ever cared enough ignore me.
 
2012-08-05 10:43:21 AM  
to ignore....damn it.

\Must learn to proof read.
 
2012-08-05 10:43:41 AM  
Watch a WC Fields' film.
Look up the words.
Use them.
 
2012-08-05 10:46:42 AM  
Anyone of you f+kers try to banninate me and it's your ass biatch! Understand! F+CK YOU!
 
2012-08-05 10:48:10 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Here's a video tutorial to accompany this article.


I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.
 
2012-08-05 10:48:43 AM  
I had some of my FB people remove me, and so helpfully message me after the fact, when I shared out some of the Chick Kiss Friday articles.

Nasty little bigot sacks of crap. So I reported them for spamming and scamming. Whatever the worst one is. I punch that Report button whenever someone gets uppity. Probably doesn't do much, but I like to think there are consequences for being a sack of crap.
 
2012-08-05 10:48:49 AM  

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.


When Yahoo had news message boards, there was this one hateful little troll. He was sort of on the level of Bevets... Christiany, judgmental, nonsensical and generally unwelcome. One day he was gone and the story was that someone on the board somehow had figured out where the dude worked and that he mostly posted while on the clock (he was some kind of health care worker). That person or several people had actually contacted his employer and had gotten him fired. Not long after that, the news message boards were gone.

I think the moral of the story is that Yahoo sucks.

/don't be a dick online
//cool story, bro
 
2012-08-05 10:50:01 AM  

DrMcNinja: I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.


*shrugs as if to concede the point*
 
2012-08-05 10:50:45 AM  

Abox: How to defeat your internet enemies

Step 1: Realize you're just sitting in a chair staring at a box
Step 2: Go outside and play


OUTSIDE??!!! But the sun is out there. And more importantly, SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH ME !!?!!??!!11!!
 
2012-08-05 10:52:02 AM  

ZzeusS: I had some of my FB people remove me, and so helpfully message me after the fact, when I shared out some of the Chick Kiss Friday articles.

Nasty little bigot sacks of crap. So I reported them for spamming and scamming. Whatever the worst one is. I punch that Report button whenever someone gets uppity. Probably doesn't do much, but I like to think there are consequences for being a sack of crap.


FB problems are self induced.
 
2012-08-05 10:52:47 AM  

skinink: If I ever met Drew or any of the people who maintain Fark, I'd buy them as much beer as possible because of Fark's "Ignore" feature. It's so much better to read the threads when you can just not see an idiot's post, especially the ones who want to argue with you. I wonder how many people started an argument with me and just monitored the thread waiting for me to respond.


What a self-important douche.
 
2012-08-05 10:52:57 AM  

BronyMedic: Well, I've learned on FARK that when someone says mean things to you, the logical and realistic thing to do is to track down their employer and address, threaten them in real life, and try to get them in trouble with their boss.

By the way, how'd that work out for you? You know who you are.


Hi BFF sorry for the other day on fark....still friends?


//please say yes, please say yes....
 
2012-08-05 10:56:19 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: DrMcNinja: I knew it was coming, but for some reason I decided to actually watch the entire video. It's actually really, really bad. Wow.

*shrugs as if to concede the point*


But now I'm all thinking about the backstory and such. Do they know they're that bad? Is it some massive live action troll attempt? Somehow someone hired these people to perform. Were the standards that much lower in East Germany, or wherever the hell this took place? I like to think that the other band members are actually pretty good, but their mother made them include their goofy brother in on the fun. They're now playing badly (except for the singer, who is genuinely bad) in order to get fired.
 
2012-08-05 10:58:01 AM  
"The internet began as a pure place, free of malice and bad manners."

I don't know what Internet this guy is talking about but as early as 1982 we had flame wars over the usenets. MUDs could be turned into open battle grounds of ego pushing.. I don't remember an Internet pure and free of malice.
 
2012-08-05 11:02:56 AM  
You are all on my ignore list.
Yes, you too.
Ha.
 
2012-08-05 11:07:42 AM  
I understand that your mom knows how to defeat internet enemies and crush them into dust. I'll ask her how that works later. She's a little busy right now.
 
2012-08-05 11:07:54 AM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Here's a video tutorial to accompany this article.


This is why you're on my enemies list.
 
2012-08-05 11:09:50 AM  

DrMcNinja: But now I'm all thinking about the backstory and such. Do they know they're that bad? Is it some massive live action troll attempt? Somehow someone hired these people to perform. Were the standards that much lower in East Germany, or wherever the hell this took place? I like to think that the other band members are actually pretty good, but their mother made them include their goofy brother in on the fun. They're now playing badly (except for the singer, who is genuinely bad) in order to get fired.


I don't think it's a good idea to explain it or rationalize it.

It just... *is.*


Mentat: This is why you're on my enemies list.


Uh-oh.
 
Displayed 50 of 137 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report