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(Daily Mail)   England calls for a ban on a tattooed preacher who claims that he cures cancer by kicking people in the face. Still no cure for can......wait, WTF?   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 76
    More: Sick, UK tour, china trains, forensic biologist, New Mother, physical injury, England, Church of England, colon cancers  
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10592 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Aug 2012 at 5:33 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



76 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-04 11:45:07 PM  
fc09.deviantart.net
 
2012-08-04 11:53:19 PM  
Burly Mr Bentley, 36, said in one YouTube clip: 'And I'm thinking why is the power of God not moving? And He said, "Because you haven't kicked that woman in the face."

'And there is this older lady worshipping right in front of the platform and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. The gift of faith comes on me. He said, "Kick her in the face with your biker boot." I inched closer and I went bam! And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God.'


How much of a servile farkwit do you have to be to believe this? Unbelievable.
 
2012-08-05 12:03:41 AM  
Ha ha...people in Great Britain are stupid! Who would think that this is a real medical treatment?!?!?

Oh, wait...Homeopathy is sometimes paid for by health insurance.

As is chiropractic treatment.
 
2012-08-05 12:05:57 AM  
Faily Dail.
 
2012-08-05 12:12:31 AM  

gimmegimme: Ha ha...people in Great Britain are stupid! Who would think that this is a real medical treatment?!?!?

Oh, wait...Homeopathy is sometimes paid for by health insurance.

As is chiropractic treatment.


To be fair, homeopathy is probably better than a kick to the face because it does nothing.
 
2012-08-05 12:14:58 AM  
You should see his cat....
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-05 12:21:29 AM  
Hahaha. This guy is awesome. He seems like an ass, but I welcome this can of worms being opened by the MP.

also obligatory
 
2012-08-05 12:30:04 AM  

God-is-a-Taco: Hahaha. This guy is awesome. He seems like an ass, but I welcome this can of worms being opened by the MP.

also obligatory


Is there any way we can get these two into Thunderdome?
 
2012-08-05 01:14:40 AM  
'And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God.'

The same thing happens when I cure people with my baseball bat.
 
2012-08-05 01:15:49 AM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-08-05 01:35:34 AM  
Someone took an old Onion article, and made a religion of it?
 
2012-08-05 01:53:08 AM  
Ed Gruberman approves
 
2012-08-05 01:56:20 AM  
Dane Cook got a new job?
 
2012-08-05 03:30:19 AM  
 
2012-08-05 04:19:28 AM  
i2.listal.com
 
2012-08-05 05:41:25 AM  
He will be appearing here soon: Cwmbran!

cwmbran.com
 
2012-08-05 05:49:27 AM  
FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.
 
2012-08-05 05:50:48 AM  
I guess this makes sense in a weird sort of way, if you have a fetish that requires you to kick people in the face, you will want to find idiots who are already predisposed to believe in fantastical bullshiat, you can probably convince them of just about anything if your smooth enough.

Who knew the planet is infested with enough dipshiats that a world tour was a go.
 
2012-08-05 05:54:58 AM  
He kicked ass for the Lord!
 
2012-08-05 05:55:58 AM  
I like it.

I can make your cancer stop hurting.
*A broken nose, concussion and a few cracked teeth later*
Does your cancer still hurt?
 
2012-08-05 05:56:33 AM  

TappingTheVein: FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.


Now he's moved on to kicking people in the face.

gothelder: I guess this makes sense in a weird sort of way, if you have a fetish that requires you to kick people in the face, you will want to find idiots who are already predisposed to believe in fantastical bullshiat, you can probably convince them of just about anything if your smooth enough.

Who knew the planet is infested with enough dipshiats that a world tour was a go.


It always amazes me when these clowns have followers that give them money and 'religions' are tax exempt. What a f*cking scam. I almost admire the cunning of these preachers.
 
2012-08-05 06:01:01 AM  
1. "The power of Christ compels you!"
2. BAM!
3. FLAWLESS VICTORY?
 
2012-08-05 06:01:24 AM  

TappingTheVein: FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.


That alone should be reason enough to deny him a visa. I'm surprised the Americans let him in.
 
2012-08-05 06:04:29 AM  

Gordon Bennett: TappingTheVein: FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.

That alone should be reason enough to deny him a visa. I'm surprised the Americans let him in.


He's a man of God, don't be disrespectful.
 
2012-08-05 06:07:55 AM  
thumpandwhip.com
 
2012-08-05 06:15:17 AM  
Come to think of it, being kicked in the face is better than being lied to. At least you'll know right away whether it works or not.
 
2012-08-05 06:17:38 AM  
Best job in the world.
 
2012-08-05 06:19:21 AM  
If you start banning one stupid form of religious expression / assault the stupid people are just going to find it somewhere else...

Hate to say it but in the US this is one spot where a litigious society kinda helps. People tend to get all lawsuit-y if you kick them in the face, even if they've signed a waiver etc.
 
2012-08-05 06:28:38 AM  
Actually there is a medical precedent for these types of seemingly unlikely cures for cancer. Take the case of Micheal Jackson and the boy, who had cancer but know is cured, who claimed Mike preformed fellatio on him.
 
2012-08-05 06:35:57 AM  
i168.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-05 06:35:58 AM  
First thing I thought of :

Boot to the head !
 
2012-08-05 06:38:12 AM  

gimmegimme: Ha ha...people in Great Britain are stupid! Who would think that this is a real medical treatment?!?!?

Oh, wait...Homeopathy is sometimes paid for by health insurance.

As is chiropractic treatment.


err, yeah. This Canadian nutcase based in the United States definitely proves something. But I'm afraid it's about you.
 
2012-08-05 06:42:59 AM  
Not any different from the crap other preachers convince themselves of.
 
2012-08-05 06:56:12 AM  

TappingTheVein: FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.


I heard he was asked to give motivational speeches before Penn State football games.

Burchill: gimmegimme: Ha ha...people in Great Britain are stupid! Who would think that this is a real medical treatment?!?!?

Oh, wait...Homeopathy is sometimes paid for by health insurance.

As is chiropractic treatment.

err, yeah. This Canadian nutcase based in the United States definitely proves something. But I'm afraid it's about you.


That I abhor pseudoscience masquerading as medicine? Cool. (I don't care about the accent with which the bullshiat is spoken.)
 
2012-08-05 07:39:58 AM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: 'And there is this older lady worshipping right in front of the platform and the Holy Spirit spoke to me. The gift of faith comes on me. He said, "Kick her in the face with your biker boot." I inched closer and I went bam! And just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God.'


You know, I often have this gift of faith come on me as well. I've had vendors and more than one customer that have caused the gift of faith to come over me. "Tom," they may say, "We feel you're behind on the timeline on this design, and by the way, we want to rip out this entire AMD video section and go with NVidia instead - will that cause much delay?" And at that point, my inner voice speaks to me. Only it's not the Holy Ghost. The old Tom, the bad Tom from my salad days speaks to me. And he says, "You've used a knife on better guys than this, and gotten an attaboy for it. Kick this guy in the face with your biker boot"

Perhaps my error has been not going bam! and having them fall under the power of Doc Marten.
 
2012-08-05 07:55:04 AM  
FTFA: "Mr Bentley launches his tour at the 400-capacity Croydon Conference Centre in South London with three shows from August 30, before visiting Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh in September."

He has chosen his tour locations sensibly. Croydon, Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh are full of gullible inbreds - in Liverpool and Co Armagh they are religious nutters as well.
 
2012-08-05 07:58:39 AM  
My hero!
I need to learn this technique.
 
2012-08-05 08:01:33 AM  

ChuckyV: [i168.photobucket.com image 277x180]




goddammit, came to post this.
 
2012-08-05 08:04:38 AM  

gothelder: I guess this makes sense in a weird sort of way, if you have a fetish that requires you to kick people in the face, you will want to find idiots who are already predisposed to believe in fantastical bullshiat, you can probably convince them of just about anything if your smooth enough.

Who knew the planet is infested with enough dipshiats that a world tour was a go.


say it when you have incurable cancer. People with no hope look for it wherever they can find it.
 
2012-08-05 08:26:32 AM  

nigeman: gothelder: I guess this makes sense in a weird sort of way, if you have a fetish that requires you to kick people in the face, you will want to find idiots who are already predisposed to believe in fantastical bullshiat, you can probably convince them of just about anything if your smooth enough.

Who knew the planet is infested with enough dipshiats that a world tour was a go.

say it when you have incurable cancer. People with no hope look for it wherever they can find it.


Lol, should that ever happen then I do not plan on some fantasy to save me, I plan on removing some people from existence that are a stain on humanity. With me having nothing left to lose, the WestBoro Baptist people will be subjected to an absurd amount of gunfire thereby removing them from existence.

Preferably during one of their protests.


/ So far my cancer is actually curable, but it is really pissing off my insurance people, 4k a week is expensive.
// Already have my 7.62x54r Vepr picked out just in case.
 
2012-08-05 08:27:56 AM  

malle-herbert: First thing I thought of :

Boot to the head !


Came here for this...
 
2012-08-05 08:31:43 AM  

malle-herbert: Boot


Came here for this
 
2012-08-05 08:38:44 AM  
www.fernbyfilms.com
 
2012-08-05 09:09:47 AM  

gimmegimme: Ha ha...people in Great Britain are stupid! Who would think that this is a real medical treatment?!?!?

Oh, wait...Homeopathy is sometimes paid for by health insurance.

As is chiropractic treatment.


Homeopath? No, dude. Psychopath.

The Vyvvian pics are a nice touch tho.
 
2012-08-05 09:10:27 AM  
Ah, the old "wait" headline trick. Get a green every time with this gem.
 
2012-08-05 09:15:00 AM  

gimmegimme:
That I abhor pseudoscience masquerading as medicine? Cool. (I don't care about the accent with which the bullshiat is spoken.)


That's not what this guy is doing. He is using kicks in the face masquerading as religious miracles.
 
2012-08-05 09:20:10 AM  
While I don't consider this to be a cure for cancer... it might be a cure for republicans...
 
2012-08-05 09:22:20 AM  
The Young Ones. Is there anything they can't do?


/whew, that was close!
 
2012-08-05 09:30:17 AM  
The article never says if people have been cured of cancer or not.
 
2012-08-05 09:33:34 AM  
I wish I wouldve thought of this. A perfect way to kick Christians in the face without getting into trouble. Brilliant!! He is an atheist and laughing all the way to the bank
 
2012-08-05 09:41:44 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

SUCK ON IT, YOU FAT COW! GOD COMMANDS YOU TO SUCK ON IT!
 
2012-08-05 09:46:06 AM  

poe_zlaw: I wish I wouldve thought of this. A perfect way to kick Christians in the face without getting into trouble. Brilliant!! He is an atheist and laughing all the way to the bank


Yep.
I wonder how much money he makes with this schtick?
 
2012-08-05 09:50:30 AM  

orbister: FTFA: "Mr Bentley launches his tour at the 400-capacity Croydon Conference Centre in South London with three shows from August 30, before visiting Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh in September."

He has chosen his tour locations sensibly. Croydon, Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh are full of gullible inbreds - in Liverpool and Co Armagh they are religious nutters as well.


....wonders if many of the ancestors of American Southerners came from those places....
 
2012-08-05 09:53:15 AM  
I guess he is a follower of The Shoe?
 
2012-08-05 09:56:52 AM  

orbister: FTFA: "Mr Bentley launches his tour at the 400-capacity Croydon Conference Centre in South London with three shows from August 30, before visiting Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh in September."

He has chosen his tour locations sensibly. Croydon, Liverpool, Cwmbran and Co Armagh are full of gullible inbreds - in Liverpool and Co Armagh they are religious nutters as well.


Liverpool has religious foundations but it is far from a religious city.

/Scouser
 
2012-08-05 10:09:57 AM  

Dansker: gimmegimme:
That I abhor pseudoscience masquerading as medicine? Cool. (I don't care about the accent with which the bullshiat is spoken.)

That's not what this guy is doing. He is using kicks in the face masquerading as religious miracles.


Are you sure? It sounds as though he is preying on the credulity of stupid people, tricking them into thinking that he is curing them when he is not. Instead of using a magnet, he's using a punch to the face.
 
2012-08-05 10:12:45 AM  

TwoLegit2Quit: The article never says if people have been cured of cancer or not.


You seem like the kind of person who watches the 1988 World Series on ESPN Classic and wonders why Kirk Gibson is going up to hit when he can barely walk.
 
2012-08-05 10:23:22 AM  

gimmegimme: Dansker: gimmegimme:
That I abhor pseudoscience masquerading as medicine? Cool. (I don't care about the accent with which the bullshiat is spoken.)

That's not what this guy is doing. He is using kicks in the face masquerading as religious miracles.

Are you sure? It sounds as though he is preying on the credulity of stupid people, tricking them into thinking that he is curing them when he is not. Instead of using a magnet, he's using a punch to the face.


He's not pretending that it's science or medicine. He's pretending it's Jehova performing miracles through him. It's much easier, and requires less made up sciency sounding explanations.
 
2012-08-05 10:25:45 AM  
theprophetjoel.coms3.amazonaws.com


Kimo Leopoldo approves this method.
 
2012-08-05 10:51:25 AM  
I'm sure they'll get their ban. If there's anything Limey's are good at, it's banning shiat.
 
2012-08-05 12:24:18 PM  
So... Nicolas Cage really WAS the good guy in The Wicker Man!
 
2012-08-05 12:47:45 PM  
Meh. Pick a new hero... Chuck Norris only played one on TV. Also, read his online blog sometime. It'd be... enlightening. For one small example, did you know Chuckie and his wife founded some "council" whose only purpose is to force the christian bible to be taught in the public school system?

Yeah. Chuckie is a fundie nut.
 
2012-08-05 01:16:54 PM  

TappingTheVein: FTFA: "Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven"

He'll go far in the priesthood.


To be fair, giving his parishioners the boot to the head is better than buggering the altar boy.
Give the man credit for at least being on the path to righteousness.
 
2012-08-05 01:36:54 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven

/obvious
 
2012-08-05 01:41:14 PM  
"This July... let he who is without sin KICK THE FIRST ASS!"
 
2012-08-05 01:43:08 PM  

Cpl.D: Meh. Pick a new hero... Chuck Norris only played one on TV. Also, read his online blog sometime. It'd be... enlightening. For one small example, did you know Chuckie and his wife founded some "council" whose only purpose is to force the christian bible to be taught in the public school system?

Yeah. Chuckie is a fundie nut.


Did you ever read his first column for WND? It's hilarious, but not on purpose.
 
2012-08-05 02:32:54 PM  
Why does it matter if he's tattooed? Unless they mean to infer that all tattooed people are violent child molesters.
 
2012-08-05 02:48:33 PM  
If you're dumb enough to believe that, you deserve a kick in the face.
 
2012-08-05 04:08:29 PM  
t0.gstatic.com

t3.gstatic.com
 
2012-08-05 04:27:38 PM  
Forbidden Doughnut: ....wonders if many of the ancestors of American Southerners came from those places....

A lot of Scots settled in the American South, I'm ashamed to say. We've got plenty of credulous inbreds north of the border and our religious nutters are definitive religious nutters.
 
2012-08-05 04:28:59 PM  
Blueintheballs: Liverpool has religious foundations but it is far from a religious city.

It's the city where hysterical parents were having funeral masses sad for individual microscope slides of tissue from their children which had been retained at Alder Hey.
 
2012-08-05 04:30:43 PM  
Serial: Why does it matter if he's tattooed? Unless they mean to infer that all tattooed people are violent child molesters.

All tattooed people have poor thinking skills and self control, by definition. Those are not sufficient conditions for child molesting, but they are necessary.
 
2012-08-05 04:32:29 PM  
Insaniteus: Kimo Leopoldo approves this method.

3.bp.blogspot.com

Homoerotic Jesus gonna go a medieval on your ass.
 
2012-08-05 06:00:43 PM  
Headshots for the cure?
 
2012-08-05 06:03:08 PM  

caddisfly: Tattooed preacher Todd Bentley, who as a 15-year-old was convicted of a sex attack on a boy aged seven

/obvious


Ah. The guy's more obviously a ginger in this photo.
 
2012-08-05 07:48:26 PM  

Nightshade50: Headshots for the cure?


Boot! Apply directly to the forehead!
Boot! Apply directly to the forehead!
Boot! Apply directly to the forehead!
 
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