It was later discovered that the package only contained candy, and had been left in the cannon by a local church group as, according to the tag on the package, a "random act of kindness" in the hopes a hungry person would find and eat the sweets.

This is why I despise Southern Christians. Instead of having a food closet to help poor people, instead of having some form of community outreach, they leave suspicious packages in places no poor person would ever search. Idiots. We have a bunch of them in California ( notably Baptists ) who, when asked for food, give Chick tracts and lectures. No food for you sinner, unless you find one of our random acts of kindness boxes of candy hidden throughout the city in antique canons. Complete idiots.

Aw c'mon, give me some of that ham Eat ;)-

I'm surprised the cannonball that left the barrel first didn't whip around and smack into the other one - or into the other barrel.

Go ahead, tell me that isn't the first thing you thought of.

I really would've liked to see the initial firing that killed the cow and destroyed the corn field. That would've been funny to see.

an ancestor of mine fought with the union at gettysburg, and was a budding reporter, so he kept a diary of his experience

he wrote that as the confederates where retreating to the south, they stopped every now and then to fire some cannon at the pursuing union. he described cannon shot rolling through the forest looking strange, like spoked wheels without rims. it turns out the confederates had no more cannonballs and had cut up lengths of railroad tracks and were firing them, and they would tumble through the forest. i'm sure that did some damage.

I don't know about you, buddy, but they're pretty popular with me....

Another monument to the great failure of the south. Maybe I'll make the drive to go laugh at them.

Damnit colmboy you beat me to it.

I don't mean to complain ... where are the boobies

An awesome idea anyways... Now to go and build my own.
Lets see... gunpowder... Need some carbon, sulfer and Potassium Nitrate... right? Should never have dropped chemistry...
I'll get back to you on how this goes...

An awesome idea anyways... Now to go and build my own.
Lets see... gunpowder... Need some carbon, sulfer and Potassium Nitrate... right? Should never have dropped chemistry...
I'll get back to you on how this goes...

Wasn't the "Random act of kindness" article on Fark at some point. That story sounds really familiar, but not in the context of twin-cannons...

Goddamn twitchy hand doubleclicked... hey any mods able to fix that?
Gotta cut back on the caffiene

I tremble at the thought of its AWESOME cow killing power!

Fire up the Grill!!!

The package, which bore a tag reading "random act ..." sparked fears that a bomb had been placed in the cannon.

The cows remember. The cows will have their revenge.

But Gilleland was not discouraged by a mere dead cow, a ruined corn crop and a wrecked chimney. He had faith in his cannon.

Now THATS a scientist!

We've been mentioned on FARK.com! Woo hoo!

/lives in Athens GA and loves it

[homer] mmmmmmm, double-barrelled cannons [/homer]

god how i love Maggie!

I wish I had a double-barrelled cannon. I'd fire it at pursuing armies, killing their cows and destroying their chimneys while I beat a hasty retreat. Also, I'd sneak up at night sometimes to see if they left the dead cow out there, so I could get me some tasty beef. Mostly they don't, though, because all those stupid enemy soldiers like meat. But hey, it's worth a look, right?

Also I try to get my cannonballs back.

I wish I had a double-barrelled cannon. I'd fire it at pursuing armies, killing their cows and destroying their chimneys while I beat a hasty retreat. Also, I'd sneak up at night sometimes to see if they left the dead cow out there, so I could get me some tasty beef. Mostly they don't, though, because all those stupid enemy soldiers like meat. But hey, it's worth a look, right?

Also I'd try to get my cannonballs back.

2003-11-18 11:46:23 AM Nelno
Go ahead, tell me that isn't the first thing you thought of.

Actually, the first thing I thought of was this:



which didn't catch on for a very different reason.

Aauugh! My computer foiled me again. This blasted contraption.

Humans rule. Double-barreled cannons can SUCK IT!!!

WRESTLING TEAM!

Ah, Doom II, what memories:

I would assume the torque from firing one cannon, then the other would throw off the aim of the cannon. There's a reason why the cannon on a tank is mounted in the exact centre.

I'd hit it.

(sorry)

...though Athens' Convention and Visitors Bureau helpfully notes in its tourist guide that the cannon is "pointing north, just in case."

Let it go, guys.

okay, a few things here.

first, crazycurt is living up to his handle. c'mon, buddy, we've got very effective food programs down here. they're even multi-denominational, too, so you might not get soiled by contact with a baptist. (geez louise, if i had a dime for every time i have to deal with what a mess radical fundy baptists have caused, we wouldn't have a hunger problem. but i digress.)

second, we don't have bulldawgs on every street corner. it's one of those damned things like the cows in chicago, and while some of the (huge, fiberglass) beasts are nice, most are just hideous. the sooner they're gone, the better. (and if i could grab the jack davis one, i would.)

third, it's on a tiny patch of grass, and not really a lawn.

fourth, we may be weird down here, but i wouldn't think we're quite this farkworthy. good grief.

The way I see it, it would have been really cool to have the first cannon fire and the second misfire, not going anywhere. The one cannonball would leave, but with the right held in place the ball would have nowhere to go but around in a circle, the chain decapitating men as it went.
Of course it wouldnt quite work this way, but I think it would be sweet anyway.

oh, and we're also not worried about a yankee invasion. it's too late, they're all in atlanta.

They should have fired the candy from the twin barrels at unsuspecting kids. Especially if it had rock candy in it.

AhhhHH!!! It stings! But its so delicious!

Great story. Best piece of journalism on fark in a long time.

Hell, I would have bought some!

War back in those days tended to NOT have close combat right off the bat, although it did turn into that shortly. But first, the formations had to close with one another.

Put a rank of these crazy bastards in FRONT of your infantry rank, aim them in the general direction of the advancing enemy rank, and fire away. Talk about a Chaos weapon!

With most cannons, it's pretty simple. Make sure the hole in the front is not pointed at you when smoke and flash come out, and you won't get hit.

With this thing, the fact that the rounds could go anywhere in the front arc would strike terror into the advancing infantry front. Intersperse with normal, aimable cannon for taking out support and siege vehicles...

Actually, this was the first I came to think of:



German ingenuity 0wnz j00...

I'm guessing that cokemonkey is an courtroom illustrator for one of the big papers...am I right?

ball

An awesome idea anyways... Now to go and build my own.
Lets see... gunpowder... Need some carbon, sulfer and Potassium Nitrate... right? Should never have dropped chemistry... Goddamn twitchy hand doubleclicked... hey any mods able to fix that? Gotta cut back on the caffiene

I think it might be best if you hold off on the gunpowder experiments.

...let me add that those worked, too. Brought down more heavy bombers in WWII than any other AA.

(and sorry for the size)

cokemonkey
That's a beautiful drawing you made! Go show it to you mother. She'll probably want to put it up on the fridge.

Seriously, I like it.

Can someone enlighten me on the genesis of "Humans rule. X can suck it. Wrestling team!" thing? Sorry for being late to the party.

AnthraxRipple

An awesome idea anyways... Now to go and build my own.
Lets see... gunpowder... Need some carbon, sulfer and Potassium Nitrate... right? Should never have dropped chemistry... Goddamn twitchy hand doubleclicked... hey any mods able to fix that? Gotta cut back on the caffiene

I think it might be best if you hold off on the gunpowder experiments.

Yeah, especially since all you really need to do to get gun powder is buy a couple of boxes of shotgun shells from your local Wal-Mart and cut 'em open. Of course if you plan on firing that canon a few times that might not be cost effective, but at least you'll still have all your fingers....

--h

Hehe, I like the result of the fundies' attempt at a good time at the end.