If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Total Recall? Forget it   (cnn.com) divider line 164
    More: Obvious, Paul Verhoeven, Philip K. Dick, cutting room floor, Len Wiseman  
•       •       •

12204 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Aug 2012 at 3:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



164 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-08-03 03:26:57 PM
Get your ass to Mars
 
2012-08-03 03:27:08 PM
Does Jessica Biel get naked? If not, I have no desire to see it.
 
2012-08-03 03:27:35 PM
Shiat Sandwich
 
2012-08-03 03:28:18 PM
3 tits or GTFO
 
2012-08-03 03:28:28 PM
Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.
 
2012-08-03 03:29:40 PM
People will flock to see it, the movie will be a success, and Hollywood will take this to mean that more remakes are what the people demand!

/just like happened with every shiatty remake in the last decade.
 
2012-08-03 03:29:56 PM
That's a shame... I was hoping it would be good.

/see you at the party, Richter
 
2012-08-03 03:30:51 PM

miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO


well here you go then...

cdn.ientry.com
 
2012-08-03 03:31:41 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Does Jessica Biel, or Kate Beckinsale get naked? If not, I have no desire to see it.

 
2012-08-03 03:34:00 PM
You mean a Hollywood cash grab at an old so-bad-it's-good movie was terrible? I'm shocked. Though apparently Bryan Cranston is in it, which intrigues me.
 
2012-08-03 03:34:12 PM
farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]


Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.
 
2012-08-03 03:34:54 PM
Is the writer of that article suggesting that Kate Beckinsale has had plastic surgery? How dare he!
 
2012-08-03 03:35:43 PM
I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.
 
2012-08-03 03:35:54 PM
So they gave it 3 tits up?
 
2012-08-03 03:36:02 PM
Not even the two sexiest ladies couldn't save that trite. I already read (on here) that the director is going to ad in more gore and violence when it hits dvd, so this all just watered down shiat. My goddness, if this is the trend for pg-13 movies, I won't be going to the movies a whole lot anymore.
 
2012-08-03 03:37:05 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.


I dunno. I'm not even a huge sci-fi fan, yet I like the original TR quite a bit. Maybe it's just because we've been bombarded and acclimated to a movie diet primarily consisting of non-stop balls-to-the-wall-action and CGI shiat blowing up for almost 2 decades now that a simple existential mystery about a man struggling to find his true self just seems horribly boring and cheesy.

However, I'm 100% with you on the Sharon Stone bit. She looked yummy. If I were Quaid, I totally would have been caught when she was putting on the coquettish act trying to seduce me to stay.
 
2012-08-03 03:38:11 PM
Does Cohagen gib dose peeppul ayuh?
 
2012-08-03 03:42:53 PM
Two weeks
 
2012-08-03 03:44:02 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


I can't stand him either, and I'm not really sure why. Farrell is the reason I am not going to watch this remake. I look at it as a nasty piece of dogshiat riddled filth..
 
2012-08-03 03:45:13 PM
Jessica and Kate get in at least one cat fight so I'll be seeing it.
 
2012-08-03 03:45:39 PM
PG-13 ruins another movie?
 
2012-08-03 03:47:27 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.


He gets credit for In Bruges
 
2012-08-03 03:48:09 PM
Curse of Jessica Beil?
 
2012-08-03 03:48:29 PM
consider this: Jessica and Kate get in at least one cat fight so I'll be seeing it.

Meh, I'll save time and money and just fap to GIS of them in better movies (better = less clothing)
 
2012-08-03 03:48:44 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


I don't even know why the strip is necessary. All three "breasts" you see there are prosthetic. Her real boobs are underneath all of that latex.

/First they added digital nipples
//Now this
///*sigh*
 
2012-08-03 03:49:02 PM

crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?



Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?
 
2012-08-03 03:49:15 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


That picture is from the gal's appearance at Comic-Con a few weeks ago. Supposedly the 3 gals make a full appearance in the movie.

/Yes, some people are getting bent out of shape about this in a PG-13 movie.
 
2012-08-03 03:50:20 PM

bark_atda_moon: I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.


Original Total Recall rules; valid raving. This new movie will almost definitely suck but I will still see it out of pure curiosity. I think the ad campaign for the movie is clever, pretending to actually advertise for Rekall. I saw they rented out a store-front on 3rd Ave in Manhattan and did it up to look like a Rekall brick & mortar. Pretty neat. Still kicking myself to read the PKD story, I've been remiss.

Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?
 
2012-08-03 03:51:57 PM

miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO


I thought that they weren't going to make an appearance in the movie but I'll be damned there they were, all three tits in full view.

This was alright, nowhere near as good as the original of course.

See it for the awesome special effects and the white hot Kate Beckinsale (my goodness), just don't expect much, especially in the second half. The first half was pretty decent.
 
2012-08-03 03:52:38 PM

The_Sponge: crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?


Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?


It would've killed the potential # of people who could see it. That's their justification for pussying out and doing that.

See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)
 
2012-08-03 03:52:40 PM

The Silver Mullet: Get your ass to Mars


Except they don't get their ass to Mars. No Mars at all in this 'un.
 
2012-08-03 03:53:17 PM
There is no mars. Mars was the best part of Total Recall...and the three boobs of course but they we're on Mars!
 
2012-08-03 03:53:18 PM
 
2012-08-03 03:53:52 PM
Had to stop reading that, too many spoilers.

I'm likely to see this. If the story's told well, I'll enjoy it.
If any of you see to tonight, give your own rating w/o spoilers regarding new twists (please).

/slightly disappointed with the Batman movie, #2 was much better.
 
2012-08-03 03:55:07 PM

scottydoesntknow: See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)


Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.
 
2012-08-03 03:55:38 PM

Crewmannumber6: Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

He gets credit for In Bruges


Ondine was sweet and he was good.

He was good in Crazy Heart, although oddly cast
 
2012-08-03 03:56:32 PM

Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman


Yeah that guy is right on. The most unforgivable part of the movie is that there is no ambiguity, especially at the end which sucks.
 
2012-08-03 03:57:15 PM
I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?
 
2012-08-03 03:58:36 PM
I think I'll only get this one wholesale, subby
 
2012-08-03 03:59:00 PM

Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film) and it was OK, not great. The special effects were inferior to the ones done for the Carpenter movie 30 years ago.
 
2012-08-03 03:59:39 PM

Shaggy_C: Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.


3 was on my "I haven't seen it yet but I don't know if I want to because, really, how good could it be?" list.

/Not anymore
//You've saved one Farker from that shiatsandwich
///Take the rest of the day off
 
2012-08-03 04:00:45 PM

nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?


Unless their CGI-filled catfight turns into one of the nastiest lesbian scenes ever to hit film (hint: it won't), I just can't imagine spending money to see two women who literally have thousands of pictures (many of them in more revealing outfits) online.
 
2012-08-03 04:02:10 PM

Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.
 
2012-08-03 04:03:48 PM

bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.


Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?
 
2012-08-03 04:04:45 PM
Yeah, this had fail written on it from day 1
 
2012-08-03 04:05:10 PM
As I've been saying for the last year, what made the original Total Recall work -- as well as Robocop which is also being remade -- was director Paul Verhoven's wit and sense of humor. The film is unique and remains memorable for its mixture of camp, wanton violence, and vision of the future.
 
2012-08-03 04:06:40 PM

bark_atda_moon: The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.



Not to mention the awesomeness of Wilford Brimley.
 
2012-08-03 04:09:01 PM

The_Sponge: bark_atda_moon: The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.


Not to mention the awesomeness of Wilford Brimley.


www.nobodygoeshere.com
 
2012-08-03 04:10:23 PM

WalkingCarpet: Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman

Yeah that guy is right on. The most unforgivable part of the movie is that there is no ambiguity, especially at the end which sucks.


Really? That was the whole point of the movie. You're not supposed to know. Just like you're not supposed to know if Leo's top stops spinning.
 
2012-08-03 04:11:14 PM

PsyLord:
Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?


SPOILERS! BELOW


She ended up in one of those snow CAT machines. I don't think it ever showed her drive it anywhere. I suppose we are to assume she either A) froze to death or B) went to the nearby Russian camp.
 
2012-08-03 04:11:17 PM
Does he say "clever girl", and then punch a woman? If so I'm in. Otherwise, f*ck this movie.
 
2012-08-03 04:14:20 PM

IamSoSmart_S_M_R_T: Shaggy_C: Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.

3 was on my "I haven't seen it yet but I don't know if I want to because, really, how good could it be?" list.

/Not anymore
//You've saved one Farker from that shiatsandwich
///Take the rest of the day off


It's terribad. It's actually worse than the comic book that came out of Robocop 2.
 
2012-08-03 04:14:29 PM
I would be funny if the hologram that Colin Ferrel uses is a hologram of Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 
2012-08-03 04:17:04 PM

PsyLord: I would be funny if the hologram that Colin Ferrel uses is a hologram of Arnold Schwarzenegger.


It'd be even funnier if it was a hologram of the executives that greenlight this crap being face raped by wolves.
 
2012-08-03 04:29:07 PM
I'll skip seeing this in the theatre so I can be home in time for cornflakes
 
2012-08-03 04:32:25 PM
The moment I saw the two lead actresses and the "no mars" storyline, I knew this movie would be shiat.

Nobody puts eye candy of that sort into a movie and includes a good plot to accompany it. Would have been nice to see a proper remake. They killed a good opportunity with this garbage.
 
2012-08-03 04:38:15 PM
TappingTheVein:
It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film)


bark_atda_moon: Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Is there a reason this gets brought up everytime John Carpenter's The Thing is mentioned? Is it like a movie snob thing? Seriously? Are there people who don't realize it's a remake?
 
2012-08-03 04:39:11 PM

blacksharpiemarker: The moment I saw the two lead actresses and the "no mars" storyline, I knew this movie would be shiat.

Nobody puts eye candy of that sort into a movie and includes a good plot to accompany it. Would have been nice to see a proper remake. They killed a good opportunity with this garbage.


It's about money. They can make a ton more money by producing a crapfest, slapping a name on it, and marketing the hell out of it.

Making 'art' is nice, but none of these companies are remotely interested in producing a story or anything memorable. And it's very risky to aim for quality instead of simply producing a pile of horseshiat that is promised to make XX amount.

Pg 13 factors in to this obviously.
 
2012-08-03 04:43:13 PM

MoronLessOff: Really? That was the whole point of the movie. You're not supposed to know. Just like you're not supposed to know if Leo's top stops spinning.


Yup, I couldn't believe it when they cut to credits that they didn't introduce one ounce of an open ending.
 
2012-08-03 04:45:37 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.


Saw it again last night for the first time since it came out. Christ, that movie was awful.

/liked the boobs as much as I did then, though
 
2012-08-03 04:46:07 PM
Oh and I think Wiseman officially takes the title of LENS FLARE KING from J.J. Abrams with this movie, holy shiat man.
 
2012-08-03 04:48:56 PM

kroonermanblack: blacksharpiemarker: The moment I saw the two lead actresses and the "no mars" storyline, I knew this movie would be shiat.

Nobody puts eye candy of that sort into a movie and includes a good plot to accompany it. Would have been nice to see a proper remake. They killed a good opportunity with this garbage.

It's about money. They can make a ton more money by producing a crapfest, slapping a name on it, and marketing the hell out of it.

Making 'art' is nice, but none of these companies are remotely interested in producing a story or anything memorable. And it's very risky to aim for quality instead of simply producing a pile of horseshiat that is promised to make XX amount.

Pg 13 factors in to this obviously.


A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?

/moar explosions!
 
2012-08-03 04:49:55 PM
3-boobed women are always worth the price of admission

f.cl.ly
 
2012-08-03 04:50:20 PM

maelstrom0370: TappingTheVein:
It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film)

bark_atda_moon: Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Is there a reason this gets brought up everytime John Carpenter's The Thing is mentioned? Is it like a movie snob thing? Seriously? Are there people who don't realize it's a remake?


Because very few remakes actually live up to the original. John Carpenter's The Thing is one of the few to surpass the original. It's not a movie snob thing, more a reminder that remakes can be done right, just not usually.
 
2012-08-03 04:52:48 PM

PsyLord: A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?


I am! Thought Norris would fark it all up. Apparently they reached an agreement that the violence will stay, but the language can be cleaned up a little. Wouldn't be surprised if they upped the violence to make up for the lack of cursing.

I enjoyed the first for what it was, a whole bunch of action movie stars doing what they do best, blowing shiat up.
 
2012-08-03 04:53:38 PM

emocomputerjock: IamSoSmart_S_M_R_T: Shaggy_C: Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.

3 was on my "I haven't seen it yet but I don't know if I want to because, really, how good could it be?" list.

/Not anymore
//You've saved one Farker from that shiatsandwich
///Take the rest of the day off

It's terribad. It's actually worse than the comic book that came out of Robocop 2.


It could not have been worse had it been directed by Joel Schumacher.
 
2012-08-03 04:54:56 PM

Dimensio: emocomputerjock: IamSoSmart_S_M_R_T: Shaggy_C: Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.

3 was on my "I haven't seen it yet but I don't know if I want to because, really, how good could it be?" list.

/Not anymore
//You've saved one Farker from that shiatsandwich
///Take the rest of the day off

It's terribad. It's actually worse than the comic book that came out of Robocop 2.

It could not have been worse had it been directed by Joel Schumacher.


I don't know about that.

One (hyphenated) word: Robo-nipples
 
2012-08-03 05:01:45 PM
There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.
 
2012-08-03 05:02:24 PM
Moar liek Total REFUND!

/amirite
 
2012-08-03 05:05:21 PM
I'll read the plot summary on wikepedia, and in six months I won't recall if I actually saw the movie, or just remember what happens.

And when I tnink about the movie, the ambiguity of my memories will remind me of the short story, and I will be happy about that for the rest of the day.
 
2012-08-03 05:08:29 PM

maelstrom0370: Is there a reason this gets brought up everytime John Carpenter's The Thing is mentioned? Is it like a movie snob thing? Seriously? Are there people who don't realize it's a remake?


i660.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-03 05:08:56 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.



img217.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-03 05:09:02 PM

LesserEvil: 3-boobed women are always worth the price of admission

[f.cl.ly image 510x736]



Sweet lord that makes me wish I had two dicks.
 
2012-08-03 05:14:39 PM

thornhill: As I've been saying for the last year, what made the original Total Recall work -- as well as Robocop which is also being remade -- was director Paul Verhoven's wit and sense of humor. The film is unique and remains memorable for its mixture of camp, wanton violence, and vision of the future.


The little bits tossed in: the SDI weapon that's malfunctioned, fired its laser and killed a former president (Reagan) just gives me howls. I'm sure Verhoven used to have a library of stills of studio chiefs caught in moments of indiscretion at his disposal.
 
2012-08-03 05:18:51 PM
Saw it in an advance screening last night. It's nowhere near as bad as people have been saying. It's a bit too long, and has a few typical sci-fi holes and tropes, but otherwise it's about as good as anything else that's come out recently. One of the few times I've been a bit confused by the reviews recently.

Again, you aren't going to see it and be blown away, and there are a few parts you might roll your eyes, but it's a decent movie, and better than the first one. Just don't go in with the "Must be like first movie!" mentality and you'll be fine.

Also closer to Dick's work, IMO, whether that's worth anything or not.

/cut 20-30 minutes and a few lines and it goes to 3 stars
 
2012-08-03 05:26:12 PM
img143.imageshack.us
 
2012-08-03 05:26:51 PM

Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.


If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out.
 
2012-08-03 05:29:18 PM
meh. I feel like going to see a movie, and it's got Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in skintight suits.

I wasn't expecting an Oscar winner.
 
2012-08-03 05:30:20 PM
Lori (Kate Beckinsale), could easily be the sister of Resistance fighter Melina (Jessica Biel) -- they might share the same plastic surgeon - ...The fark did you just say? fark off writer.
 
2012-08-03 05:31:47 PM

imontheinternet: meh. I feel like going to see a movie, and it's got Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in skintight suits.

I wasn't expecting an Oscar winner.


This is also a fair assessment. :D
 
2012-08-03 05:32:10 PM
Whoops, ate my pic:
 
2012-08-03 05:33:45 PM
Last try:

t1.stooorage.com
 
2012-08-03 05:40:50 PM

Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman


Why am I not surprised that Kate Beckinsale's husband is the one who directed this?

/i can has nepotism?
 
2012-08-03 05:43:13 PM
Cut out the first 30 seconds and you have more tension.

But don't cut out tanned Kate Beckinsale rocking skin-tight white panties.

I almost said, "Jay-sus" out loud at the theater.

/And the Lord said, "Dat Ass," and all was good.
 
2012-08-03 05:46:31 PM

TheSelphie: Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman

Why am I not surprised that Kate Beckinsale's husband is the one who directed this?

/i can has nepotism?


I thought the whole point of the story is you weren't sure what just went on when you left the theater?
 
2012-08-03 05:51:47 PM

obeymatt: Sin_City_Superhero: Does Jessica Biel, or Kate Beckinsale get naked? If not, I have no desire to see it.


This.
 
2012-08-03 05:57:22 PM
Well, the first one was a forgettable pile of shiat, so why not the same for the remake?
 
2012-08-03 05:58:28 PM
Holy damn, the second "page" of their review was a single sentence? Unforgivable.
 
2012-08-03 06:04:15 PM

Richard Sauce:


Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


It was a prequel. Not awful but not great.
 
2012-08-03 06:08:20 PM

nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?


I don't waste money deliberately going to bad films just for a some tits and ass. Internet exists.
 
2012-08-03 06:08:49 PM

scottydoesntknow: maelstrom0370: TappingTheVein:
It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film)

bark_atda_moon: Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Is there a reason this gets brought up everytime John Carpenter's The Thing is mentioned? Is it like a movie snob thing? Seriously? Are there people who don't realize it's a remake?

Because very few remakes actually live up to the original. John Carpenter's The Thing is one of the few to surpass the original. It's not a movie snob thing, more a reminder that remakes can be done right, just not usually.


I think the reason for that is the Carpenter version is much more faithful to the story it's supposed to be based on ("Who Goes There") than the original. There was another remake more recently that did the same thing but I'm drawing a blank at the moment.

*edit*

Found it: True Grit.
 
2012-08-03 06:12:28 PM

maelstrom0370: TappingTheVein:
It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film)

bark_atda_moon: Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Is there a reason this gets brought up everytime John Carpenter's The Thing is mentioned? Is it like a movie snob thing? Seriously? Are there people who don't realize it's a remake?


Let's not forget the original is a damn fine flick in its own right.
 
2012-08-03 06:19:22 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.


I saw the original when it was new, and I thought it was meh and a little stupid (miss triple-tits in particular). I saw it again maybe ten years ago and thought it was just plain bad. It looked like an early 70s low-budget sci-fi flick with 80s outfits.
 
2012-08-03 06:23:52 PM

Summoner101: Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.

If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out. almost any movie she's been in.

 
2012-08-03 06:25:20 PM
Kate is an 'orrible actress
 
2012-08-03 06:25:37 PM
 
2012-08-03 06:26:15 PM

Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


I've seen the 50s(?) original. Carpenter's The Thing was a sequel of the first movie, not a remake. I gather the newest Thing movie is a remake of the original 50s film (haven't seen it yet), not of Carpenter's movie.

Also, the original film didn't have norwegians and took place at the north pole.
 
2012-08-03 06:26:21 PM

brandent: TheSelphie: Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman

Why am I not surprised that Kate Beckinsale's husband is the one who directed this?

/i can has nepotism?

I thought the whole point of the story is you weren't sure what just went on when you left the theater?


That's exactly correct. And now he has remade the movie while removing the single most crucial element of dramatic tension. As well as the entire Mars storyline. And created an impossibly stupid alternative future earth.
 
2012-08-03 06:35:01 PM

E_Henry_Thripshaws_Disease: Kate is an 'orrible actress


The only example I can provide to the contrary is Cold Comfort Farm.

She actually attempts to act (and succeeds) instead of just seemingly wholly relying on her (admittedly stunning) physical appearance.

I've never been even slightly impressed by any other of her attempts at plying her chosen trade.

/If I see this version of TR at all it will be on cable when I'm lying half-awake on a couch with a cat or dog sleeping on me and the remote juuuuuuuust out of fingertips' reach.
 
2012-08-03 06:37:35 PM
gunther_bumpass
LesserEvil:
3-boobed women are always worth the price of admission

[f.cl.ly image 510x736]

Sweet lord that makes me wish I had two dicks.


If you want to see more of her/them, I'm pretty sure that picture is from a porn movie.
I vaguely remember a friend of a cousin of a colleague of some guy I know stumbling over the clip on some streaming site; given that there won't be many other videos in the "3-boobed girl" category, it should be pretty easy to find.
 
2012-08-03 06:40:46 PM
Total Recall is definitely in the Arny Top 5, but it lacks the power of The Two Governors, and/or Linda Hamilton's Biceps. It DOESN'T have Alyssa Milano in it, so points there.

/i think i covered them all
//oh right, richard dawson
 
2012-08-03 07:11:02 PM

Uncle Tractor: Carpenter's The Thing was a sequel of the first movie, not a remake.


Nope. A re-imagining of the original story, perhaps, but not a sequel.

I gather the newest Thing movie is a remake of the original 50s film (haven't seen it yet), not of Carpenter's movie.

Also, no. It's a prequel to Carpenter's movie.
 
2012-08-03 07:20:45 PM

Ed Grubermann: Well, the first one was a forgettable pile of shiat, so why not the same for the remake?


Blasphemy! ( It's one of my favorite movies...)
 
2012-08-03 07:20:46 PM

The Voice of Doom: gunther_bumpass
LesserEvil: 3-boobed women are always worth the price of admission

[f.cl.ly image 510x736]

Sweet lord that makes me wish I had two dicks.

If you want to see more of her/them, I'm pretty sure that picture is from a porn movie.
I vaguely remember a friend of a cousin of a colleague of some guy I know stumbling over the clip on some streaming site; given that there won't be many other videos in the "3-boobed girl" category, it should be pretty easy to find.


That still leaves me short a johnson, but thanks.
 
2012-08-03 07:21:57 PM

The_Sponge: crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?


Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?


Oh, cripes! Yeah.
THAT would make it better.
Why not just get Bay to put in a couple more explosions for you also?
 
2012-08-03 07:28:42 PM
xirdalium.net
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."
 
2012-08-03 07:53:15 PM

poot_rootbeer: [xirdalium.net image 580x426]
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."


Whoa, huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!
 
2012-08-03 08:02:21 PM
It's basically Transformers, but without the interesting plot.
 
2012-08-03 08:11:43 PM
Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!
 
2012-08-03 08:32:38 PM

poot_rootbeer: [xirdalium.net image 580x426]
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."



"AHHHHHHH!!!!!! this movie HURTS!"
 
2012-08-03 08:38:49 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.


Bullshiat.

Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse
 
2012-08-03 08:41:17 PM

tzzhc4: Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!




1/10.


though Ubik being directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.
 
2012-08-03 08:43:30 PM

FeedTheCollapse: tzzhc4: Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!

1/10.


though Ubik being directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.


Anything directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.
 
2012-08-03 08:49:34 PM
If it hasn't been said already, Len Wiseman is one of the shiattiest directors ever. His movies are some of the most banal, lifeless, unimaginative movies I've ever seen. Jesus farking Christ, Michael farking Bay brings more to the table; at least there's personality, as grating as that personality is.

How in the living hell is this man married to one of the hottest babes on the planet?
 
2012-08-03 08:51:14 PM

NaziKamikaze: My other favorite seen from the original.


i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-03 08:57:21 PM

nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?


Dude just jack off to some pics. You're really going to watch that shiat just to see that? I mean there's pathetic and then there's Farkers.
 
2012-08-03 08:57:41 PM

scottydoesntknow: PsyLord: A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?

I am! Thought Norris would fark it all up. Apparently they reached an agreement that the violence will stay, but the language can be cleaned up a little. Wouldn't be surprised if they upped the violence to make up for the lack of cursing.

I enjoyed the first for what it was, a whole bunch of action movie stars doing what they do best, blowing shiat up.


You're probably right, and that is very confusing to me. "All right, guys, you can show as many bodies being ripped apart and blown up as you want, but I don't wanna hear any cussin'."

I've seen Scarface and Goodfellas on basic cable at three in the afternoon. The violence is intact, but the swearing crudely bowdlerized. Kids, it's okay to shoot Sam Jackson in the back of the head and spill his brains across the bed, but when Pesci calls him an asshole, well, that's just wrong.

What the hell is wrong with us?
 
2012-08-03 09:01:27 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: scottydoesntknow: PsyLord: A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?

I am! Thought Norris would fark it all up. Apparently they reached an agreement that the violence will stay, but the language can be cleaned up a little. Wouldn't be surprised if they upped the violence to make up for the lack of cursing.

I enjoyed the first for what it was, a whole bunch of action movie stars doing what they do best, blowing shiat up.

You're probably right, and that is very confusing to me. "All right, guys, you can show as many bodies being ripped apart and blown up as you want, but I don't wanna hear any cussin'."

I've seen Scarface and Goodfellas on basic cable at three in the afternoon. The violence is intact, but the swearing crudely bowdlerized. Kids, it's okay to shoot Sam Jackson in the back of the head and spill his brains across the bed, but when Pesci calls him an asshole, well, that's just wrong.

What the hell is wrong with us?


Well, it depends on the movie cut. Most of them cut away from the direct gunfire hits and some of the more gruesome stuff. You might still see the dead body, but you won't see the bullet through the forehead anymore. I found it strange that The Dark Knight cut away showing some of the scenes of Harvey Dent's face, but others they left completely intact. Anyways, they always screw up the score when they make those cuts.
 
2012-08-03 09:03:54 PM

PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?


She froze to death.
 
2012-08-03 09:23:18 PM

The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.


Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.
 
2012-08-03 09:28:37 PM

Trocadero: The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.

Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.


But which one is infected ?
 
2012-08-03 09:49:37 PM
I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.
 
2012-08-03 09:51:51 PM
I saw it today, and thought it was alright.

At least it didn't make me fall asleep like Dark Knight Rises.
 
2012-08-03 09:52:37 PM
Just saw it. I don't think it was terrible, just a good action flick.
 
2012-08-03 09:59:20 PM

bhcompy: Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.

Bullshiat.

Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse


I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.
 
2012-08-03 10:04:29 PM

Shaggy_C: scottydoesntknow: See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)

Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.


There was no Robocop 3 and there is just the one Highlander movie. I like my selective movie memories tvm.
 
2012-08-03 10:04:53 PM
I can't bring myself to go see it.

The original was pretty solid.
 
2012-08-03 10:32:36 PM

One Bad Apple: Trocadero: The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.

Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.

But which one is infected ?


Your mom?
 
2012-08-03 11:09:05 PM

LeafyGreens: nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?

Dude just jack off to some pics. You're really going to watch that shiat just to see that? I mean there's pathetic and then there's Farkers.


It amazes me that people on a site that worships MST3K would rip on a dude for enjoying a mediocre movie once in a while at the theater.
 
2012-08-03 11:17:21 PM
Minority Report is still the best movie based on a PKD story. I really, really love that movie, and consider it the last great movie Spielberg has done. Yes, I am aware that lots of people disagree with me very much.
 
2012-08-03 11:17:38 PM

Gyrfalcon: I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.


Uh, Colin Farrel couldn't act his way out of a plexiglass phonebooth.

Igor Jakovsky: I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.


As long as a movie doesn't claim to be faithful to the text, I really don't care. Frank Darabont strays from the text frequently, even to the point of making major plot changes, and it works, and sometimes King even says it works better. Different mediums are different. I don't expect, never expect, for something like Dick, Gibson, or even Morgan to play well as is in a live action film mostly because of problems condensing the material, making the book material work on screen, transferring the meanings and ideas from the books to film(Verhoeven doesn't even try in Dick's or Heinlein's case, and rightly so because to do so would do more harm to the source material than to say I didn't even read the books because they just don't translate as well to the big screen), etc. The only way to do it even remotely close to right is a series, and generally animated because the production costs of developing a work world like that(Total Recall 2070 may have been the best attempt at replicating Dick in general in live action, even though it was mostly original stories)
 
2012-08-03 11:20:26 PM
Saw it. They could have easily made it ambiguous at the end but chose not to.

*spoiler*
Just have the camera be fuzzy / dark when he's waking up from medical treatment, so it's not clear who is waking it up. Another nightmare, or waking from surgery? The two actresses look similar enough anyway.

*end spoiler*

It was a fun action movie. most of it was unbelievable, but not so badly that it completely strained credulity. at least not any more than any other ridiculous action movie
 
2012-08-03 11:31:16 PM
Smelly McUgly
Minority Report is still the best movie based on a PKD story. I really, really love that movie, and consider it the last great movie Spielberg has done. Yes, I am aware that lots of people disagree with me very much.

FWIW, I'm in complete agreement on both parts. Feel like you could tidy up the ending, though.

Anyone read "A Scanner Darkly"? I'm curious how faithful that movie is to the source, given that of all the PKD movies, it's relatively subdued, not a bombastic sci-fi actioner ala Total Recall/Blade Runner/Minority Report.
 
2012-08-03 11:32:07 PM
I saw Total Recall again recently, and I'm still just as pleased as when I was a boy. I loved it, maybe it's the nostalgia getting to me, but there are so many memorable scenes that were just amazing to me.
(Like the full body scanner, Arnolds one-liners, the eye-popping, the farked up ness of the mutants).

It seems like this version is just really, really frustratingly dumb. And I'm really torn on whether or not I want to see it.

I do feel the importance of the story being uncertain, whether it be the original movie or just the short story, is something that shouldn't have been left out.

But I'm curious if it'll have some good action scenes and some good one liners. I'm not sure that Colin can pull the same appeal, and making it PG-13 is ridiculous.

But I might see it, I might wait until it comes out, I might just hope to god someone made a good cam vid...
 
2012-08-03 11:38:08 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-03 11:45:23 PM

bhcompy: Gyrfalcon: I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.

Uh, Colin Farrel couldn't act his way out of a plexiglass phonebooth.



OK, that's really funny.
 
2012-08-03 11:51:42 PM
I'll probably wait for this on Netflix streaming.

Only saw 2 flicks at the theater this year: "The Avengers" (lots of fun), and "Cabin In The Woods" (terribly under-rated, IMHO).

The thing is, going to see first run movies these days is like a crap shoot. I was excited about the new Total Recall because Bryan Cranston plays the main bad guy. (Still named Cohagen, right?) But like I said, waiting for Netflix.
 
2012-08-03 11:59:17 PM

Darth Invictus: I'll probably wait for this on Netflix streaming.

Only saw 2 flicks at the theater this year: "The Avengers" (lots of fun), and "Cabin In The Woods" (terribly under-rated, IMHO).

The thing is, going to see first run movies these days is like a crap shoot. I was excited about the new Total Recall because Bryan Cranston plays the main bad guy. (Still named Cohagen, right?) But like I said, waiting for Netflix.


If you are considering seeing it for Cranston, don't. He gets a good 5 minutes of screen time, and it's really not anything special, IMO.
 
2012-08-04 12:03:46 AM

Summoner101: Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.

If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out.


If I am going to watch a terrible movie, it needs to include some decent action. Also, call me weird, but what I find 'attractive' is the actress/stunt double inflicting pain and performing various stunts rather than the various states of undress they may be in. If I want to see a woman just standing around in her underwear or less all I have to do is go into the other room and find my wife.

Take TDKR...yes Anne Hathaway is attractive and good at being pouty/sultry, but what made her 'sexy' in the movie to me was her kicking people in the face.

/I am aware I may have a problem
//First step is admitting it, right?
 
2012-08-04 12:25:52 AM

Imperious Rex!: Summoner101: Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.

If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out.

If I am going to watch a terrible movie, it needs to include some decent action. Also, call me weird, but what I find 'attractive' is the actress/stunt double inflicting pain and performing various stunts rather than the various states of undress they may be in. If I want to see a woman just standing around in her underwear or less all I have to do is go into the other room and find my wife.

Take TDKR...yes Anne Hathaway is attractive and good at being pouty/sultry, but what made her 'sexy' in the movie to me was her kicking people in the face.

/I am aware I may have a problem
//First step is admitting it, right?


I have that problem, too, then.
 
2012-08-04 01:58:59 AM

Richard Sauce: bark_atda_moon: I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.

Original Total Recall rules; valid raving. This new movie will almost definitely suck but I will still see it out of pure curiosity. I think the ad campaign for the movie is clever, pretending to actually advertise for Rekall. I saw they rented out a store-front on 3rd Ave in Manhattan and did it up to look like a Rekall brick & mortar. Pretty neat. Still kicking myself to read the PKD story, I've been remiss.

Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


thing prequel-remake was totally good, suspenseful, horrible, nihilistic, well-made, nice to look at, etc.

worth seeing

no-remake purists need to lighten up francis.

movies aren't sacred.

remakes/reboots, done well, it's like a musician covering a great song.
 
2012-08-04 02:21:27 AM
I have always appreciated Total Recall because it was the last big budget sci fi film to rely on miniatures instead of CGI for everything. At first CGI seemed awesome because it looked better and you could do more with it, but after 20 years I have begun to loathe it, as every film descends into a Michael Baysian nightmare of jumbled ADD-riddled 'action' scenes interconnected with high-school-level fan-fictionesque writing.

I remember the first time I was bored of an action scene in a movie. 2003. Matrix 2. Neo fought 50 Agent Smiths at the same time in a long and overly complex CGI scene that seemed to go on forever. Halfway through I realised I was actually bored. It was unprecedented. I was looking at something that on paper seemed like it should not be boring, and yet here I was, wishing the theatre had a fast forward button. Since then it has just gotten worse and worse. I'm bored of entire action movies now. Oh look, 15 things blowing up at once in Transformers. Whatever. Boring as shiat.

The trailers for Total Recall makes me think of the same thing. The movie looks like it's just going to be a jumble of boring pointless CGI strung together by high school writing that eliminates all thought and nuance from the film.

Yawn.
 
2012-08-04 02:36:08 AM

MithrandirBooga: I have always appreciated Total Recall because it was the last big budget sci fi film to rely on miniatures instead of CGI for everything. At first CGI seemed awesome because it looked better and you could do more with it, but after 20 years I have begun to loathe it, as every film descends into a Michael Baysian nightmare of jumbled ADD-riddled 'action' scenes interconnected with high-school-level fan-fictionesque writing.

I remember the first time I was bored of an action scene in a movie. 2003. Matrix 2. Neo fought 50 Agent Smiths at the same time in a long and overly complex CGI scene that seemed to go on forever. Halfway through I realised I was actually bored. It was unprecedented. I was looking at something that on paper seemed like it should not be boring, and yet here I was, wishing the theatre had a fast forward button. Since then it has just gotten worse and worse. I'm bored of entire action movies now. Oh look, 15 things blowing up at once in Transformers. Whatever. Boring as shiat.

The trailers for Total Recall makes me think of the same thing. The movie looks like it's just going to be a jumble of boring pointless CGI strung together by high school writing that eliminates all thought and nuance from the film.

Yawn.


ID4 made significant use of miniatures.
 
2012-08-04 02:55:23 AM
"Blade Runner" was sanitized? WTF?
 
2012-08-04 02:56:01 AM
I don't even remember the first Total Recall very well.. though I have a novelization at home somewhere.
 
2012-08-04 04:37:37 AM

Dr.Zom: Uncle Tractor: Carpenter's The Thing was a sequel of the first movie, not a remake.

Nope. A re-imagining of the original story, perhaps, but not a sequel.


Well, it happened after the events of the original, even though it changed a few things (like which side of the planet it was on, etc), so, IMO that makes it a sequel -- and a reboot, I guess.
 
2012-08-04 04:42:04 AM
So, no Mars and no questioning what's real and what isn't?

Why call it Total Recall? Why not just call it Total? Because they both, in enough quantity, will make you poop.
 
2012-08-04 04:48:14 AM
3 out of 5.

Fairly good sci-fi action movie, though quite forgettable. They ditched the ambiguity aside from one scene. Yes, the 3-boobed hooker whips them out in all their glory. Other nods to the original were nice ("How long will you be staying?" "Two weeks.") Despite the triboob and their alotted one non-sexual "fark", it felt like it was shot R and cut to PG-13. At most, matinee or discount tickets for this one, folks.
 
2012-08-04 06:22:05 AM
Open your wallet to me
encrypted-tbn3.google.com

I can't I got five kids to feed!
encrypted-tbn1.google.com
 
2012-08-04 07:26:07 AM

Shaggy_C: Two weeks


How long it will last in theaters, as well as the length of my stay on Mars
 
2012-08-04 11:38:04 AM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

.



That's funny, I guess he inspires that sort of thing in people, my girlfriend saw his face in a ad for the movie and said something about wanting to punch him.
 
2012-08-04 12:29:00 PM

Igor Jakovsky: I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.


I would absolutely love a faithful adaptation of The Running Man. Unfortunately, given the ending of the book, it will never happen. If they needed to change the ending in order to get it made and keep the rest of the story intact, I could probably still support it.
 
2012-08-04 07:59:52 PM

NeoCortex42: Igor Jakovsky: I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.

I would absolutely love a faithful adaptation of The Running Man. Unfortunately, given the ending of the book, it will never happen. If they needed to change the ending in order to get it made and keep the rest of the story intact, I could probably still support it.


It's possible. The mist remained pretty close to the source material but frank changed the ending which made it darker and king said he liked it better tht way.
 
2012-08-04 08:20:35 PM

poot_rootbeer: [xirdalium.net image 580x426]
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."


Wrong, total recall was not based of off "Overdrawn at the Memory Bank" but off of "We Remember it for you Wholesale"
 
2012-08-04 09:34:31 PM
Colin Farrell's performance made me realize what a cartoon character Ah-nold was in the role back in 1990. Yes it was an important part of pop culture for those of us coming up in the 1990s, but if I want to hear a bunch of one liners delivered by an Austrian, I'll listen to Falco, who is better at it. Colin Farrell's portrayal of Quaid/Hauser has real depth and feeling.

There were a couple of moments of Science Fail. I almost screamed, 'No, Jessical Biel, don't stick your head out of the vehicle traveling at terminal velocity!' at one point in the film. But as this is an action film, she was ok. Thanks to scientifically knowledgeable friends, I am less able to suspend disbelief when I see things like this in movies. I am not holding it against this film, however. It's not Noomi Rapace outrunning a Space Jockey half an hour after giving herself a C section, at least.

/Kate Beckinsale's character is, to borrow a turn of phrase from Fright Night 2011, 'the farking shark from jaws.'
 
2012-08-04 09:49:46 PM
Am I mis-remembering the ending of the original? People keep mentioning the ending being questionable. I remember Quaid being Quaid until he found out he was Hauser then deciding he liked himself better as Quaid and saving Mars. Was there some "Choose Your Own Adventure" ending that I miissed?

/Athletic
//Sleazy
///and Demure
 
2012-08-04 10:57:06 PM

maelstrom0370: Am I mis-remembering the ending of the original? People keep mentioning the ending being questionable. I remember Quaid being Quaid until he found out he was Hauser then deciding he liked himself better as Quaid and saving Mars. Was there some "Choose Your Own Adventure" ending that I miissed?

/Athletic
//Sleazy
///and Demure


Mars with a blue sky at the end... call back to the techs at the beginning chuckling about mars with a blue sky as part of quaid/hauser's fantasy
 
2012-08-05 02:34:29 AM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: maelstrom0370: Am I mis-remembering the ending of the original? People keep mentioning the ending being questionable. I remember Quaid being Quaid until he found out he was Hauser then deciding he liked himself better as Quaid and saving Mars. Was there some "Choose Your Own Adventure" ending that I miissed?

/Athletic
//Sleazy
///and Demure

Mars with a blue sky at the end... call back to the techs at the beginning chuckling about mars with a blue sky as part of quaid/hauser's fantasy


If memory serves he even asks if it's real or not, then fade to credits. Everything that takes place after he first walks into Rekall is questionable because it all fits in with the fantasy he chose to buy.
 
2012-08-05 01:15:26 PM

Medic Zero: Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

.


That's funny, I guess he inspires that sort of thing in people, my girlfriend saw his face in a ad for the movie and said something about wanting to punch him.


Ok, late to the party, I know, but Farrell was funny as hell in Horrible Bosses.
 
2012-08-05 06:17:25 PM
The original has to be real (not an implanted memory) or Arnold would have had to be in every scene. In other words, if it was an implanted memory, how do we know what's going on when Quaid is not around?
 
2012-08-05 10:57:55 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.


I dunno how you didn't have fun watching that movie. It's just an endless stream of creative, over the top and hilarious scenes. Maybe it helps that I saw it in a room full of people who enthusiastically loved it and I couldn't help but enjoy myself. But I think maybe you had the wrong expectations going into it.
 
2012-08-05 11:41:20 PM

bhcompy: Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse


I'm with you on Total Recall and Robocop, but Running Man? That was a steaming pile of excrement, it was. Utterly unwatchable
 
2012-08-06 10:43:42 AM

Ctrl-Alt-Del: bhcompy: Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse

I'm with you on Total Recall and Robocop, but Running Man? That was a steaming pile of excrement, it was. Utterly unwatchable


Who loves you, and who do you love?!

www.movievillains.com
 
2012-08-06 11:49:15 AM

IamSoSmart_S_M_R_T: Ctrl-Alt-Del: bhcompy: Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse

I'm with you on Total Recall and Robocop, but Running Man? That was a steaming pile of excrement, it was. Utterly unwatchable

Who loves you, and who do you love?!

[www.movievillains.com image 240x156]


I'm actually kind of bummed that Dawson did most of his acting in comedies(and even then didn't really act past the early 70s). Dude was a great villain.
 
Displayed 164 of 164 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report