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(CNN)   Total Recall? Forget it   (cnn.com) divider line 164
    More: Obvious, Paul Verhoeven, Philip K. Dick, cutting room floor, Len Wiseman  
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12201 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Aug 2012 at 3:24 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-03 06:40:46 PM
Total Recall is definitely in the Arny Top 5, but it lacks the power of The Two Governors, and/or Linda Hamilton's Biceps. It DOESN'T have Alyssa Milano in it, so points there.

/i think i covered them all
//oh right, richard dawson
 
2012-08-03 07:11:02 PM

Uncle Tractor: Carpenter's The Thing was a sequel of the first movie, not a remake.


Nope. A re-imagining of the original story, perhaps, but not a sequel.

I gather the newest Thing movie is a remake of the original 50s film (haven't seen it yet), not of Carpenter's movie.

Also, no. It's a prequel to Carpenter's movie.
 
2012-08-03 07:20:45 PM

Ed Grubermann: Well, the first one was a forgettable pile of shiat, so why not the same for the remake?


Blasphemy! ( It's one of my favorite movies...)
 
2012-08-03 07:20:46 PM

The Voice of Doom: gunther_bumpass
LesserEvil: 3-boobed women are always worth the price of admission

[f.cl.ly image 510x736]

Sweet lord that makes me wish I had two dicks.

If you want to see more of her/them, I'm pretty sure that picture is from a porn movie.
I vaguely remember a friend of a cousin of a colleague of some guy I know stumbling over the clip on some streaming site; given that there won't be many other videos in the "3-boobed girl" category, it should be pretty easy to find.


That still leaves me short a johnson, but thanks.
 
2012-08-03 07:21:57 PM

The_Sponge: crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?


Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?


Oh, cripes! Yeah.
THAT would make it better.
Why not just get Bay to put in a couple more explosions for you also?
 
2012-08-03 07:28:42 PM
xirdalium.net
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."
 
2012-08-03 07:53:15 PM

poot_rootbeer: [xirdalium.net image 580x426]
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."


Whoa, huge slam on anteaters out of nowhere!
 
2012-08-03 08:02:21 PM
It's basically Transformers, but without the interesting plot.
 
2012-08-03 08:11:43 PM
Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!
 
2012-08-03 08:32:38 PM

poot_rootbeer: [xirdalium.net image 580x426]
"Man, this cinema stinks worse than an anteater's fart! I think I'll scroll up the original instead."



"AHHHHHHH!!!!!! this movie HURTS!"
 
2012-08-03 08:38:49 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.


Bullshiat.

Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse
 
2012-08-03 08:41:17 PM

tzzhc4: Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!




1/10.


though Ubik being directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.
 
2012-08-03 08:43:30 PM

FeedTheCollapse: tzzhc4: Phillip K Dick is the only author whose books are worse than the movies made from them. Anything made more like the book is going to suck!

1/10.


though Ubik being directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.


Anything directed by Michel Gondry sounds awesome.
 
2012-08-03 08:49:34 PM
If it hasn't been said already, Len Wiseman is one of the shiattiest directors ever. His movies are some of the most banal, lifeless, unimaginative movies I've ever seen. Jesus farking Christ, Michael farking Bay brings more to the table; at least there's personality, as grating as that personality is.

How in the living hell is this man married to one of the hottest babes on the planet?
 
2012-08-03 08:51:14 PM

NaziKamikaze: My other favorite seen from the original.


i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-03 08:57:21 PM

nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?


Dude just jack off to some pics. You're really going to watch that shiat just to see that? I mean there's pathetic and then there's Farkers.
 
2012-08-03 08:57:41 PM

scottydoesntknow: PsyLord: A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?

I am! Thought Norris would fark it all up. Apparently they reached an agreement that the violence will stay, but the language can be cleaned up a little. Wouldn't be surprised if they upped the violence to make up for the lack of cursing.

I enjoyed the first for what it was, a whole bunch of action movie stars doing what they do best, blowing shiat up.


You're probably right, and that is very confusing to me. "All right, guys, you can show as many bodies being ripped apart and blown up as you want, but I don't wanna hear any cussin'."

I've seen Scarface and Goodfellas on basic cable at three in the afternoon. The violence is intact, but the swearing crudely bowdlerized. Kids, it's okay to shoot Sam Jackson in the back of the head and spill his brains across the bed, but when Pesci calls him an asshole, well, that's just wrong.

What the hell is wrong with us?
 
2012-08-03 09:01:27 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: scottydoesntknow: PsyLord: A bit off topic, but anyone else happy to see that The Expendables 2 got an "R" rating?

I am! Thought Norris would fark it all up. Apparently they reached an agreement that the violence will stay, but the language can be cleaned up a little. Wouldn't be surprised if they upped the violence to make up for the lack of cursing.

I enjoyed the first for what it was, a whole bunch of action movie stars doing what they do best, blowing shiat up.

You're probably right, and that is very confusing to me. "All right, guys, you can show as many bodies being ripped apart and blown up as you want, but I don't wanna hear any cussin'."

I've seen Scarface and Goodfellas on basic cable at three in the afternoon. The violence is intact, but the swearing crudely bowdlerized. Kids, it's okay to shoot Sam Jackson in the back of the head and spill his brains across the bed, but when Pesci calls him an asshole, well, that's just wrong.

What the hell is wrong with us?


Well, it depends on the movie cut. Most of them cut away from the direct gunfire hits and some of the more gruesome stuff. You might still see the dead body, but you won't see the bullet through the forehead anymore. I found it strange that The Dark Knight cut away showing some of the scenes of Harvey Dent's face, but others they left completely intact. Anyways, they always screw up the score when they make those cuts.
 
2012-08-03 09:03:54 PM

PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?


She froze to death.
 
2012-08-03 09:23:18 PM

The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.


Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.
 
2012-08-03 09:28:37 PM

Trocadero: The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.

Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.


But which one is infected ?
 
2012-08-03 09:49:37 PM
I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.
 
2012-08-03 09:51:51 PM
I saw it today, and thought it was alright.

At least it didn't make me fall asleep like Dark Knight Rises.
 
2012-08-03 09:52:37 PM
Just saw it. I don't think it was terrible, just a good action flick.
 
2012-08-03 09:59:20 PM

bhcompy: Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.

Bullshiat.

Total Recall, Running Man, and Robocop basically took that somewhat funny, similar but strange, and very dangerous dystopian future from cyberpunk literature and made it awesome cinema, where 9 out of 10 attempts end up like Johnny Mnemonic or worse


I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.
 
2012-08-03 10:04:29 PM

Shaggy_C: scottydoesntknow: See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)

Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.


There was no Robocop 3 and there is just the one Highlander movie. I like my selective movie memories tvm.
 
2012-08-03 10:04:53 PM
I can't bring myself to go see it.

The original was pretty solid.
 
2012-08-03 10:32:36 PM

One Bad Apple: Trocadero: The_Time_Master: PsyLord: bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.

Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?

She froze to death.

Spoiler alert:

Kurt Russel and Navy Commercial Narrator Guy also freeze to death.

But which one is infected ?


Your mom?
 
2012-08-03 11:09:05 PM

LeafyGreens: nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?

Dude just jack off to some pics. You're really going to watch that shiat just to see that? I mean there's pathetic and then there's Farkers.


It amazes me that people on a site that worships MST3K would rip on a dude for enjoying a mediocre movie once in a while at the theater.
 
2012-08-03 11:17:21 PM
Minority Report is still the best movie based on a PKD story. I really, really love that movie, and consider it the last great movie Spielberg has done. Yes, I am aware that lots of people disagree with me very much.
 
2012-08-03 11:17:38 PM

Gyrfalcon: I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.


Uh, Colin Farrel couldn't act his way out of a plexiglass phonebooth.

Igor Jakovsky: I hated the running man, probably because I read the novella beforehand. If they had made a movie that was at least somewhat faithful to the original, it probably would have been a good one. In fact if Hollywood wants to do a remake, do that one and keep it faithful with King's story.


As long as a movie doesn't claim to be faithful to the text, I really don't care. Frank Darabont strays from the text frequently, even to the point of making major plot changes, and it works, and sometimes King even says it works better. Different mediums are different. I don't expect, never expect, for something like Dick, Gibson, or even Morgan to play well as is in a live action film mostly because of problems condensing the material, making the book material work on screen, transferring the meanings and ideas from the books to film(Verhoeven doesn't even try in Dick's or Heinlein's case, and rightly so because to do so would do more harm to the source material than to say I didn't even read the books because they just don't translate as well to the big screen), etc. The only way to do it even remotely close to right is a series, and generally animated because the production costs of developing a work world like that(Total Recall 2070 may have been the best attempt at replicating Dick in general in live action, even though it was mostly original stories)
 
2012-08-03 11:20:26 PM
Saw it. They could have easily made it ambiguous at the end but chose not to.

*spoiler*
Just have the camera be fuzzy / dark when he's waking up from medical treatment, so it's not clear who is waking it up. Another nightmare, or waking from surgery? The two actresses look similar enough anyway.

*end spoiler*

It was a fun action movie. most of it was unbelievable, but not so badly that it completely strained credulity. at least not any more than any other ridiculous action movie
 
2012-08-03 11:31:16 PM
Smelly McUgly
Minority Report is still the best movie based on a PKD story. I really, really love that movie, and consider it the last great movie Spielberg has done. Yes, I am aware that lots of people disagree with me very much.

FWIW, I'm in complete agreement on both parts. Feel like you could tidy up the ending, though.

Anyone read "A Scanner Darkly"? I'm curious how faithful that movie is to the source, given that of all the PKD movies, it's relatively subdued, not a bombastic sci-fi actioner ala Total Recall/Blade Runner/Minority Report.
 
2012-08-03 11:32:07 PM
I saw Total Recall again recently, and I'm still just as pleased as when I was a boy. I loved it, maybe it's the nostalgia getting to me, but there are so many memorable scenes that were just amazing to me.
(Like the full body scanner, Arnolds one-liners, the eye-popping, the farked up ness of the mutants).

It seems like this version is just really, really frustratingly dumb. And I'm really torn on whether or not I want to see it.

I do feel the importance of the story being uncertain, whether it be the original movie or just the short story, is something that shouldn't have been left out.

But I'm curious if it'll have some good action scenes and some good one liners. I'm not sure that Colin can pull the same appeal, and making it PG-13 is ridiculous.

But I might see it, I might wait until it comes out, I might just hope to god someone made a good cam vid...
 
2012-08-03 11:38:08 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2012-08-03 11:45:23 PM

bhcompy: Gyrfalcon: I will see it only because it has a real actor in the main role and not some Austrian guy pretending he can "act".

Also it looks 10,000X better than the original, just based on the trailers.

Uh, Colin Farrel couldn't act his way out of a plexiglass phonebooth.



OK, that's really funny.
 
2012-08-03 11:51:42 PM
I'll probably wait for this on Netflix streaming.

Only saw 2 flicks at the theater this year: "The Avengers" (lots of fun), and "Cabin In The Woods" (terribly under-rated, IMHO).

The thing is, going to see first run movies these days is like a crap shoot. I was excited about the new Total Recall because Bryan Cranston plays the main bad guy. (Still named Cohagen, right?) But like I said, waiting for Netflix.
 
2012-08-03 11:59:17 PM

Darth Invictus: I'll probably wait for this on Netflix streaming.

Only saw 2 flicks at the theater this year: "The Avengers" (lots of fun), and "Cabin In The Woods" (terribly under-rated, IMHO).

The thing is, going to see first run movies these days is like a crap shoot. I was excited about the new Total Recall because Bryan Cranston plays the main bad guy. (Still named Cohagen, right?) But like I said, waiting for Netflix.


If you are considering seeing it for Cranston, don't. He gets a good 5 minutes of screen time, and it's really not anything special, IMO.
 
2012-08-04 12:03:46 AM

Summoner101: Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.

If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out.


If I am going to watch a terrible movie, it needs to include some decent action. Also, call me weird, but what I find 'attractive' is the actress/stunt double inflicting pain and performing various stunts rather than the various states of undress they may be in. If I want to see a woman just standing around in her underwear or less all I have to do is go into the other room and find my wife.

Take TDKR...yes Anne Hathaway is attractive and good at being pouty/sultry, but what made her 'sexy' in the movie to me was her kicking people in the face.

/I am aware I may have a problem
//First step is admitting it, right?
 
2012-08-04 12:25:52 AM

Imperious Rex!: Summoner101: Imperious Rex!: There will be kicking and shooting from Kate Beckinsale. I will see this movie.

If you want to see a horrible movie with Kate Beckinsale in it, just see White Out.

If I am going to watch a terrible movie, it needs to include some decent action. Also, call me weird, but what I find 'attractive' is the actress/stunt double inflicting pain and performing various stunts rather than the various states of undress they may be in. If I want to see a woman just standing around in her underwear or less all I have to do is go into the other room and find my wife.

Take TDKR...yes Anne Hathaway is attractive and good at being pouty/sultry, but what made her 'sexy' in the movie to me was her kicking people in the face.

/I am aware I may have a problem
//First step is admitting it, right?


I have that problem, too, then.
 
2012-08-04 01:58:59 AM

Richard Sauce: bark_atda_moon: I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.

Original Total Recall rules; valid raving. This new movie will almost definitely suck but I will still see it out of pure curiosity. I think the ad campaign for the movie is clever, pretending to actually advertise for Rekall. I saw they rented out a store-front on 3rd Ave in Manhattan and did it up to look like a Rekall brick & mortar. Pretty neat. Still kicking myself to read the PKD story, I've been remiss.

Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


thing prequel-remake was totally good, suspenseful, horrible, nihilistic, well-made, nice to look at, etc.

worth seeing

no-remake purists need to lighten up francis.

movies aren't sacred.

remakes/reboots, done well, it's like a musician covering a great song.
 
2012-08-04 02:21:27 AM
I have always appreciated Total Recall because it was the last big budget sci fi film to rely on miniatures instead of CGI for everything. At first CGI seemed awesome because it looked better and you could do more with it, but after 20 years I have begun to loathe it, as every film descends into a Michael Baysian nightmare of jumbled ADD-riddled 'action' scenes interconnected with high-school-level fan-fictionesque writing.

I remember the first time I was bored of an action scene in a movie. 2003. Matrix 2. Neo fought 50 Agent Smiths at the same time in a long and overly complex CGI scene that seemed to go on forever. Halfway through I realised I was actually bored. It was unprecedented. I was looking at something that on paper seemed like it should not be boring, and yet here I was, wishing the theatre had a fast forward button. Since then it has just gotten worse and worse. I'm bored of entire action movies now. Oh look, 15 things blowing up at once in Transformers. Whatever. Boring as shiat.

The trailers for Total Recall makes me think of the same thing. The movie looks like it's just going to be a jumble of boring pointless CGI strung together by high school writing that eliminates all thought and nuance from the film.

Yawn.
 
2012-08-04 02:36:08 AM

MithrandirBooga: I have always appreciated Total Recall because it was the last big budget sci fi film to rely on miniatures instead of CGI for everything. At first CGI seemed awesome because it looked better and you could do more with it, but after 20 years I have begun to loathe it, as every film descends into a Michael Baysian nightmare of jumbled ADD-riddled 'action' scenes interconnected with high-school-level fan-fictionesque writing.

I remember the first time I was bored of an action scene in a movie. 2003. Matrix 2. Neo fought 50 Agent Smiths at the same time in a long and overly complex CGI scene that seemed to go on forever. Halfway through I realised I was actually bored. It was unprecedented. I was looking at something that on paper seemed like it should not be boring, and yet here I was, wishing the theatre had a fast forward button. Since then it has just gotten worse and worse. I'm bored of entire action movies now. Oh look, 15 things blowing up at once in Transformers. Whatever. Boring as shiat.

The trailers for Total Recall makes me think of the same thing. The movie looks like it's just going to be a jumble of boring pointless CGI strung together by high school writing that eliminates all thought and nuance from the film.

Yawn.


ID4 made significant use of miniatures.
 
2012-08-04 02:55:23 AM
"Blade Runner" was sanitized? WTF?
 
2012-08-04 02:56:01 AM
I don't even remember the first Total Recall very well.. though I have a novelization at home somewhere.
 
2012-08-04 04:37:37 AM

Dr.Zom: Uncle Tractor: Carpenter's The Thing was a sequel of the first movie, not a remake.

Nope. A re-imagining of the original story, perhaps, but not a sequel.


Well, it happened after the events of the original, even though it changed a few things (like which side of the planet it was on, etc), so, IMO that makes it a sequel -- and a reboot, I guess.
 
2012-08-04 04:42:04 AM
So, no Mars and no questioning what's real and what isn't?

Why call it Total Recall? Why not just call it Total? Because they both, in enough quantity, will make you poop.
 
2012-08-04 04:48:14 AM
3 out of 5.

Fairly good sci-fi action movie, though quite forgettable. They ditched the ambiguity aside from one scene. Yes, the 3-boobed hooker whips them out in all their glory. Other nods to the original were nice ("How long will you be staying?" "Two weeks.") Despite the triboob and their alotted one non-sexual "fark", it felt like it was shot R and cut to PG-13. At most, matinee or discount tickets for this one, folks.
 
2012-08-04 06:22:05 AM
Open your wallet to me
encrypted-tbn3.google.com

I can't I got five kids to feed!
encrypted-tbn1.google.com
 
2012-08-04 07:26:07 AM

Shaggy_C: Two weeks


How long it will last in theaters, as well as the length of my stay on Mars
 
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