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(CNN)   Total Recall? Forget it   (cnn.com) divider line 164
    More: Obvious, Paul Verhoeven, Philip K. Dick, cutting room floor, Len Wiseman  
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12204 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Aug 2012 at 3:24 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-03 03:26:57 PM
Get your ass to Mars
 
2012-08-03 03:27:08 PM
Does Jessica Biel get naked? If not, I have no desire to see it.
 
2012-08-03 03:27:35 PM
Shiat Sandwich
 
2012-08-03 03:28:18 PM
3 tits or GTFO
 
2012-08-03 03:28:28 PM
Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.

The pulchritude of the not-as-young-as-she-looked Sharon Stone was the only asset of the film.
 
2012-08-03 03:29:40 PM
People will flock to see it, the movie will be a success, and Hollywood will take this to mean that more remakes are what the people demand!

/just like happened with every shiatty remake in the last decade.
 
2012-08-03 03:29:56 PM
That's a shame... I was hoping it would be good.

/see you at the party, Richter
 
2012-08-03 03:30:51 PM

miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO


well here you go then...

cdn.ientry.com
 
2012-08-03 03:31:41 PM

Sin_City_Superhero: Does Jessica Biel, or Kate Beckinsale get naked? If not, I have no desire to see it.

 
2012-08-03 03:34:00 PM
You mean a Hollywood cash grab at an old so-bad-it's-good movie was terrible? I'm shocked. Though apparently Bryan Cranston is in it, which intrigues me.
 
2012-08-03 03:34:12 PM
farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]


Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.
 
2012-08-03 03:34:54 PM
Is the writer of that article suggesting that Kate Beckinsale has had plastic surgery? How dare he!
 
2012-08-03 03:35:43 PM
I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.
 
2012-08-03 03:35:54 PM
So they gave it 3 tits up?
 
2012-08-03 03:36:02 PM
Not even the two sexiest ladies couldn't save that trite. I already read (on here) that the director is going to ad in more gore and violence when it hits dvd, so this all just watered down shiat. My goddness, if this is the trend for pg-13 movies, I won't be going to the movies a whole lot anymore.
 
2012-08-03 03:37:05 PM

Wellon Dowd: Despite being a sci-fi fan and in my mid twenties at the time, I never saw the original. Last month I got it from NetFlix and I have to say, it was bad. Really, really horrible. I have been listening to people rave about this movie for over 20 years and this is it? Ugh.


I dunno. I'm not even a huge sci-fi fan, yet I like the original TR quite a bit. Maybe it's just because we've been bombarded and acclimated to a movie diet primarily consisting of non-stop balls-to-the-wall-action and CGI shiat blowing up for almost 2 decades now that a simple existential mystery about a man struggling to find his true self just seems horribly boring and cheesy.

However, I'm 100% with you on the Sharon Stone bit. She looked yummy. If I were Quaid, I totally would have been caught when she was putting on the coquettish act trying to seduce me to stay.
 
2012-08-03 03:38:11 PM
Does Cohagen gib dose peeppul ayuh?
 
2012-08-03 03:42:53 PM
Two weeks
 
2012-08-03 03:44:02 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


I can't stand him either, and I'm not really sure why. Farrell is the reason I am not going to watch this remake. I look at it as a nasty piece of dogshiat riddled filth..
 
2012-08-03 03:45:13 PM
Jessica and Kate get in at least one cat fight so I'll be seeing it.
 
2012-08-03 03:45:39 PM
PG-13 ruins another movie?
 
2012-08-03 03:47:27 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.


He gets credit for In Bruges
 
2012-08-03 03:48:09 PM
Curse of Jessica Beil?
 
2012-08-03 03:48:29 PM
consider this: Jessica and Kate get in at least one cat fight so I'll be seeing it.

Meh, I'll save time and money and just fap to GIS of them in better movies (better = less clothing)
 
2012-08-03 03:48:44 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


I don't even know why the strip is necessary. All three "breasts" you see there are prosthetic. Her real boobs are underneath all of that latex.

/First they added digital nipples
//Now this
///*sigh*
 
2012-08-03 03:49:02 PM

crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?



Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?
 
2012-08-03 03:49:15 PM

Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

Brick-House: miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO

well here you go then...

[cdn.ientry.com image 500x667]

Hey now, whats with the strip of fabric? Oh thats right, we need the ever necessary PG-13 so children can sneak in and get a dosage of the ol' ultra violence before they go not have sex in their parents cars, the good little christians.


That picture is from the gal's appearance at Comic-Con a few weeks ago. Supposedly the 3 gals make a full appearance in the movie.

/Yes, some people are getting bent out of shape about this in a PG-13 movie.
 
2012-08-03 03:50:20 PM

bark_atda_moon: I have been raving about the original movie for over 20 years. Why they made a PG-13 version of one of the best R-rated sci-fi movies is beyond me. At least when they remade The Thing (which they should not have done), they kept the violence and gore.


Original Total Recall rules; valid raving. This new movie will almost definitely suck but I will still see it out of pure curiosity. I think the ad campaign for the movie is clever, pretending to actually advertise for Rekall. I saw they rented out a store-front on 3rd Ave in Manhattan and did it up to look like a Rekall brick & mortar. Pretty neat. Still kicking myself to read the PKD story, I've been remiss.

Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?
 
2012-08-03 03:51:57 PM

miltonbabbitt: 3 tits or GTFO


I thought that they weren't going to make an appearance in the movie but I'll be damned there they were, all three tits in full view.

This was alright, nowhere near as good as the original of course.

See it for the awesome special effects and the white hot Kate Beckinsale (my goodness), just don't expect much, especially in the second half. The first half was pretty decent.
 
2012-08-03 03:52:38 PM

The_Sponge: crab66: PG-13 ruins another movie?


Seriously....WTF?! The original is rated-R.....would it have killed them to crank up the nudity and violence?


It would've killed the potential # of people who could see it. That's their justification for pussying out and doing that.

See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)
 
2012-08-03 03:52:40 PM

The Silver Mullet: Get your ass to Mars


Except they don't get their ass to Mars. No Mars at all in this 'un.
 
2012-08-03 03:53:17 PM
There is no mars. Mars was the best part of Total Recall...and the three boobs of course but they we're on Mars!
 
2012-08-03 03:53:18 PM
 
2012-08-03 03:53:52 PM
Had to stop reading that, too many spoilers.

I'm likely to see this. If the story's told well, I'll enjoy it.
If any of you see to tonight, give your own rating w/o spoilers regarding new twists (please).

/slightly disappointed with the Batman movie, #2 was much better.
 
2012-08-03 03:55:07 PM

scottydoesntknow: See also: Die Hard 4 (every past one was rated R) and Aliens vs Predator (both franchises had nothing but R-ratings)


Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.
 
2012-08-03 03:55:38 PM

Crewmannumber6: Jaws_Victim: farking hate Collin Farrell, I hope his movie bombs and he ends up destitute and penniless sucking cocks for a living.

He gets credit for In Bruges


Ondine was sweet and he was good.

He was good in Crazy Heart, although oddly cast
 
2012-08-03 03:56:32 PM

Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman


Yeah that guy is right on. The most unforgivable part of the movie is that there is no ambiguity, especially at the end which sucks.
 
2012-08-03 03:57:15 PM
I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?
 
2012-08-03 03:58:36 PM
I think I'll only get this one wholesale, subby
 
2012-08-03 03:59:00 PM

Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


It was a prequel, not a remake of the 80's Carpenter movie (which was a remake of a 50's film) and it was OK, not great. The special effects were inferior to the ones done for the Carpenter movie 30 years ago.
 
2012-08-03 03:59:39 PM

Shaggy_C: Let us not forget Robocop 3. He went from badass, bloodthirsty vigilante to being the nice guy version of Terminator, complete with a bratty child actor sidekick.


3 was on my "I haven't seen it yet but I don't know if I want to because, really, how good could it be?" list.

/Not anymore
//You've saved one Farker from that shiatsandwich
///Take the rest of the day off
 
2012-08-03 04:00:45 PM

nmiguy: I don't care if this movie blows. I won't have too many opportunities to see Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel in the same movie. I'm there to enjoy the heck out of the sucktitude. How bad can it suck to not be worth seeing Becks&Biel?


Unless their CGI-filled catfight turns into one of the nastiest lesbian scenes ever to hit film (hint: it won't), I just can't imagine spending money to see two women who literally have thousands of pictures (many of them in more revealing outfits) online.
 
2012-08-03 04:02:10 PM

Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?


The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.
 
2012-08-03 04:03:48 PM

bark_atda_moon: Richard Sauce: Was The Thing remake awful? That's a shame if not overly surprising. I thought it was supposed to be a prequel of sorts? Following the unfortunate Norwegians or whomever that first uncovered it?

The Thing remake wasn't awful, it was just mediocre. The special effects were better than the original and enough of it is different so that it isn't a remake per say. The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.

Of course the Kurt Russell version is a remake as well and much better than the original.


Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?
 
2012-08-03 04:04:45 PM
Yeah, this had fail written on it from day 1
 
2012-08-03 04:05:10 PM
As I've been saying for the last year, what made the original Total Recall work -- as well as Robocop which is also being remade -- was director Paul Verhoven's wit and sense of humor. The film is unique and remains memorable for its mixture of camp, wanton violence, and vision of the future.
 
2012-08-03 04:06:40 PM

bark_atda_moon: The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.



Not to mention the awesomeness of Wilford Brimley.
 
2012-08-03 04:09:01 PM

The_Sponge: bark_atda_moon: The acting, pacing, and grittiness of the Kurt Russell version aren't there.


Not to mention the awesomeness of Wilford Brimley.


www.nobodygoeshere.com
 
2012-08-03 04:10:23 PM

WalkingCarpet: Ctrl-Alt-Del: Screenwriter Kurt Wimmer ("Salt," "Equilibrium") has cut Mars out of the proceedings entirely

This is bad, but this (from a different review):

Perhaps the most egregious flaw in "Total Recall," though, is the way it assumes the worst of its audience's ability to handle uncertainty. Both the original short story and the 1990 film did a masterful job of keeping you uncertain whether the main character's adventure was really happening, or a figment of his imagination. For every piece of evidence that pointed toward it being a reality, there was a strong argument to be made that it was all in the hero's mind. The remake removes that uncertainty entirely, and leaves little doubt as to what's real and what's imagined in Quaid's adventure, and relegates that feeling of uncertainty to just another homage to the source material instead of an actual element of the story.

is UN-farkING-FORGIVABLE

Suck my cock, Len Wiseman

Yeah that guy is right on. The most unforgivable part of the movie is that there is no ambiguity, especially at the end which sucks.


Really? That was the whole point of the movie. You're not supposed to know. Just like you're not supposed to know if Leo's top stops spinning.
 
2012-08-03 04:11:14 PM

PsyLord:
Whatever happened to the chick that survived the "prequel"?


SPOILERS! BELOW


She ended up in one of those snow CAT machines. I don't think it ever showed her drive it anywhere. I suppose we are to assume she either A) froze to death or B) went to the nearby Russian camp.
 
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