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(Foobies)   Sorry ladies, not today. Women banned from superfast water slide after a series of "intimate injuries"   (thelocal.de) divider line 113
    More: Stupid, water slide, human dignity, international calls, German School of Guayaquil, London Olympics, ESL IH Berlin, Goethe, Nurburgring  
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21706 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2012 at 1:14 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-03 09:35:08 AM
OH GOD!!!!
 
2012-08-03 09:42:47 AM
The reputation of that slide is now tainted, I'm afraid.
 
2012-08-03 10:01:57 AM
I'm not sure I understand how the slide could nail a vagina, but wouldn't do the same to some dude's satchel.
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2012-08-03 10:24:55 AM
So it's a gender specific parachute ride?
 
2012-08-03 10:32:55 AM
Just call it the MegaDouche, so they'll be warned in advance.
 
2012-08-03 10:56:41 AM

kingoomieiii: I'm not sure I understand how the slide could nail a vagina, but wouldn't do the same to some dude's satchel.


Because fast women spread their legs the moment they start getting wet.
 
2012-08-03 11:33:50 AM
That's not water on that slide, it's a snail trail!
 
2012-08-03 11:43:56 AM
Still, there appears to be a glimmer of hope for female water slide enthusiasts: The park is working on building a protective suit for women to use on the slide. "Like for ice hockey," said Maier.

BWAHAHAHA

Seriously though, I call fake.
 
2012-08-03 12:11:59 PM
This is my one waterpark story....

Some friends and I went to notorious New Jersey Action Park or "Traction Park" or "Fracture Park" as it is also commonly known once. These are the things that I remember about it.

1) The ticket salesman said my bills were counterfeit and I would not be allowed into the park. I had just taken the money from a Chase ATM, if they were in fact counterfeit, I wasn'g going to let them keep the freaking bills and keep me out of the Park. Having driven in a car with six people in near 100 degree heat for my day of sweet relief, I pitched such a fit that they let me in.

2) The park's nickname was indeed well deserved. I saw many people staggering around in a bloody daze, looking like they just were on the losing end of a prize fight. The bottom of the "Alpine Slide" seemed to be the biggest bloodbath. It was not a water feature but a kind of luge with a wheeled cart that would careen down a curving cement flume. Inevitably someone's arm or leg would drag on the cement immediately relieving the plucky rider of their skin. If helmets, leather jumpsuits, and gloves were issued this may not have been such a problem. However, people where in their swimsuits and practically naked.

3) The completely nutso loop water slide ride was not open apparently due to a of a broken neck the week before. However, one of the more terrifiying slides was still open, it was basically a 80 foot drop straight down. They had signage that encouraged you to cross your legs. When I freaked out and uncrossed my legs halfway down I realized why.

At the bottom of the incline, my colon basically had 50 gallons of water forced up it at once, causing my bowels to open up like a drag racer chute. I can only imagine the coliform content of the pool at the bottom of that thing. It still makes me shudder thinking about it. They should have renamed the ride The Deliverance Squeal Like A Pig Experience.

They needed rape trauma counselors not lifeguards.
 
2012-08-03 12:54:28 PM

brap: I can only imagine the coliform content of the pool at the bottom of that thing. It still makes me shudder thinking about it.


Good lord. That's horrifying.

hostmypicture.com
 
2012-08-03 01:10:02 PM

brap: This is my one waterpark story....

Some friends and I went to notorious New Jersey Action Park


When a water park story start like this, I brace for some horrific injuries to come. The worst part of that place was the paths were black asphalt and as you can imagine, they were flip-flop melting hot when the sun is beating down on the during the summer.
 
2012-08-03 01:15:52 PM
Should have used lube.
 
2012-08-03 01:17:27 PM
Separating men and women like that is very divisive. You might even call it a wedge issue.
 
2012-08-03 01:17:33 PM
www.aboututila.com
 
2012-08-03 01:19:11 PM
That's what they say, loose lips sink ships, and also get intimate injuries on water slides...
 
2012-08-03 01:19:49 PM

Noah_Tall: kingoomieiii: I'm not sure I understand how the slide could nail a vagina, but wouldn't do the same to some dude's satchel.

Because fast women spread their legs the moment they start getting wet.


+1, would ride again.
 
2012-08-03 01:20:41 PM
It is recommended that females widely open ALL orifices to allow proper water hydraulic flow:
i1151.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-03 01:21:08 PM
Kiss it better.
 
2012-08-03 01:21:49 PM

brap: This is my one waterpark story....

Some friends and I went to notorious New Jersey Action Park or "Traction Park" or "Fracture Park" as it is also commonly known once. These are the things that I remember about it.

1) The ticket salesman said my bills were counterfeit and I would not be allowed into the park. I had just taken the money from a Chase ATM, if they were in fact counterfeit, I wasn'g going to let them keep the freaking bills and keep me out of the Park. Having driven in a car with six people in near 100 degree heat for my day of sweet relief, I pitched such a fit that they let me in.

2) The park's nickname was indeed well deserved. I saw many people staggering around in a bloody daze, looking like they just were on the losing end of a prize fight. The bottom of the "Alpine Slide" seemed to be the biggest bloodbath. It was not a water feature but a kind of luge with a wheeled cart that would careen down a curving cement flume. Inevitably someone's arm or leg would drag on the cement immediately relieving the plucky rider of their skin. If helmets, leather jumpsuits, and gloves were issued this may not have been such a problem. However, people where in their swimsuits and practically naked.

3) The completely nutso loop water slide ride was not open apparently due to a of a broken neck the week before. However, one of the more terrifiying slides was still open, it was basically a 80 foot drop straight down. They had signage that encouraged you to cross your legs. When I freaked out and uncrossed my legs halfway down I realized why.

At the bottom of the incline, my colon basically had 50 gallons of water forced up it at once, causing my bowels to open up like a drag racer chute. I can only imagine the coliform content of the pool at the bottom of that thing. It still makes me shudder thinking about it. They should have renamed the ride The Deliverance Squeal Like A Pig Experience.

They needed rape trauma counselors not lifeguards.


dude i remember action park. going there in the late 80's we saw sooo many injuries like you said. we always got burns from the alpine slide. People were always getting hurt.
 
2012-08-03 01:22:40 PM
There's something fishy about this story.
 
2012-08-03 01:22:44 PM
oh and any pics of said injuries?
 
2012-08-03 01:23:12 PM
I was at a water park once. I was attacked by a bee. It happened right after I was informing some friends about how I had never been stung by a bee before. Thinking about it brings back fond memories of panic and fear. Good times.
 
2012-08-03 01:24:01 PM

Blues_X: Just call it the MegaDouche, so they'll be warned in advance.


Are you ready for The Lochte?

/Jeah
 
2012-08-03 01:25:54 PM
Action Park you are great and enema let you finish but this water slide is the greatest of all time.
 
2012-08-03 01:26:04 PM

brap: However, one of the more terrifiying slides was still open, it was basically a 80 foot drop straight down. They had signage that encouraged you to cross your legs. When I freaked out and uncrossed my legs halfway down I realized why.


My local water park has one of those. It's awesome, and they won't let you go until you cross your legs. 9 stories, essentially a straight drop. Completely open on top, so you can see just how stupidly insane you are. If you wimp out, there are two 8 story twisting slides right below that are pretty damn fun as well, and closed. Apart from a tiny holes for ventilation, completely dark inside. The points of light from those holes above you reminds of of the Star Trek warp speed effect.

Actually, crossing legs very well could be a solution for this park's slide, just going off my visualization of the nature of these 'injuries'. They've probably tried it though.
 
2012-08-03 01:26:39 PM
No American Dad reference yet?

/ I'm coming in too hot!
// I came in too hot.
 
2012-08-03 01:26:47 PM
What about short time-travelling French dictators?
 
2012-08-03 01:27:37 PM
Came here for closeup pics of what an "intimate injury" might be...

leaving very very disappointed.
 
2012-08-03 01:29:18 PM

Noah_Tall: kingoomieiii: I'm not sure I understand how the slide could nail a vagina, but wouldn't do the same to some dude's satchel.

Because fast women spread their legs the moment they start getting wet.


assets0.ordienetworks.com
 
2012-08-03 01:29:42 PM
And why is this any different from someone sitting down while water skiing? Douches and enemas all around!
 
2012-08-03 01:29:50 PM
Lol "action park", the googles have some CSBs for that place.
 
2012-08-03 01:30:07 PM

kvinesknows: Came here for closeup pics of what an "intimate injury" might be...

leaving very very disappointed.


Just imagine a fat bulldog's mouth after he's been ears deep in his water dish.

/you're welcome.
 
2012-08-03 01:30:13 PM
whouche!
 
2012-08-03 01:31:57 PM
Is this how they got hurt?

cdn.randomfunnypicture.com

/hot, so sliding into the pool....
 
2012-08-03 01:32:30 PM
Summer's Eve to be their new sponsor.
 
2012-08-03 01:33:19 PM
Put up a sign.

Ladies, do this II not this /\
 
2012-08-03 01:34:51 PM

Maechyll: kvinesknows: Came here for closeup pics of what an "intimate injury" might be...

leaving very very disappointed.

Just imagine a fat bulldog's mouth after he's been ears deep in his water dish.

/you're welcome.


It's getting the tongue to retract that's creeping me out.
 
2012-08-03 01:35:46 PM
The GF and I went out on the lake last month with some friends. She got up on skis for the first time.

After that first time, I asked her how she liked it. "I liked it a lot except for the lake water douche I got when I fell". I told her to fall backwards and/or keep everything clenched.
 
2012-08-03 01:36:35 PM
"Still, there appears to be a glimmer of hope for female water slide enthusiasts: The park is working on building a protective suit for women to use on the slide. "Like for ice hockey," said Maier."

I admit I haven't played ice hockey since I was in college. But, I'm not aware of any hockey specific equipment that can protect a woman's vajayjay. Maybe it's something Sidney Crosby uses?
 
2012-08-03 01:37:00 PM

mytdawg: Maechyll: kvinesknows: Came here for closeup pics of what an "intimate injury" might be...

leaving very very disappointed.

Just imagine a fat bulldog's mouth after he's been ears deep in his water dish.

/you're welcome.

It's getting the tongue to retract that's creeping me out.


Not a prolapse fan, huh?
 
2012-08-03 01:38:36 PM

kvinesknows: Came here for closeup pics of what an "intimate injury" might be...

leaving very very disappointed.


I may be able to help you. Google the primary color of azure coupled with a tasty breakfast food similar to pancakes or crepes, there are belgium versions of said food. I don't want to get banned out of the "blue" here for those of you trying to understand why I would "waffle"
 
2012-08-03 01:39:32 PM

oldfarthenry: It is recommended that females widely open ALL orifices to allow proper water hydraulic flow:
[i1151.photobucket.com image 250x298]


Luv that pic. It is hilarious.
 
2012-08-03 01:40:00 PM
yhep TTIUWOP
 
2012-08-03 01:42:00 PM
www.tvequals.com

Was he coming in too fast?
 
2012-08-03 01:47:23 PM
4.bp.blogspot.com

Fresh off the water slide.
 
2012-08-03 01:53:13 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: 4.bp.blogspot.com

Fresh off the water slide.


Aaaand now I have Pepsi in my nose. Thanks.
 
2012-08-03 01:53:43 PM
I've heard of water-skiing-related injuries to the vulva (NOT the vagina, you idjits) including fatal air embolism, so I suppose this could happen on a really fast water slide as well.
 
2012-08-03 01:55:17 PM
Proposal for the female friendly remodel...
www.aroundinjax.com
 
2012-08-03 01:55:24 PM

brap:
At the bottom of the incline, my colon basically had 50 gallons of water forced up it at once, causing my bowels to open up like a drag racer chute. I can only imagine the coliform content of the pool at the bottom of that thing. It still makes me shudder thinking about it. They should have renamed the ride The Deliverance Squeal Like A Pig Experience.

They needed rape trauma counselors not lifeguards.


You just made my morning, you magnificent bastard
 
2012-08-03 01:55:49 PM

Noticeably F.A.T.: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: 4.bp.blogspot.com

Fresh off the water slide.

Aaaand now I have Pepsi in my nose. Thanks.


Coffee here.
 
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