If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Globe and Mail)   "The elite troops start drinking at sunrise, then head off to city parks to brawl". Welcome to Paratrooper Day in Russia   (theglobeandmail.com) divider line 49
    More: Amusing, special forces, vests, diamond, public order, Russian President Vladimir Putin  
•       •       •

5415 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Aug 2012 at 9:48 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread
 
2012-08-03 09:45:59 AM  
so it's a Friday?!
 
2012-08-03 09:51:30 AM  
You know, they're an odd bunch ... but we Americans do the same thing on St. Patties Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving....
 
2012-08-03 09:53:08 AM  
www.shtfplan.com
 
2012-08-03 09:53:38 AM  
FTFA Russian President Vladimir Putin seemed to call for restraint Thursday, but with a barely concealed smile, during public remarks to paratroopers in Ulyanovsk. "I hope that Paratrooper Day will pass without excesses, and that your colleagues will behave themselves adequately, at least without gross violations of public order," he said.

I love that man.
 
2012-08-03 09:54:56 AM  
Sounds like my kind of crew!
 
2012-08-03 09:54:57 AM  
englishrussia.com
A Russian paratrooper parade bares a striking resemblance to a gay pride parade. Good for them.
 
2012-08-03 09:55:04 AM  
FTFA:
"Aug. 2 is Paratrooper Day in Russia and every year more than one million burly active and retired soldiers take to the streets in their signature blue berets and striped undershirts to mark the occasion"

No pants? One million raging drunks, all dressed like Donald Duck.
 
2012-08-03 09:57:49 AM  
So officially there's things like marches and memorials, but in reality there's a bunch of drunk soldiers who beat up immigrants. At that point you might as well drop the facade entirely.
 
2012-08-03 09:59:40 AM  

HellRaisingHoosier: You know, they're an odd bunch ... but we Americans do the same thing on St. Patties Day, 4th of July, Labor Day, Thanksgiving....


Not to mention the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, usually involves fisticuffs over the last Disney 12x12 Finished In A Flash Scrapbooking Kit at Wal Mart.
 
2012-08-03 10:05:25 AM  
Meanwhile, in 'merikuh:
i1151.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-03 10:07:05 AM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: [englishrussia.com image 768x512]
A Russian paratrooper parade bares a striking resemblance to a gay pride parade. Good for them.


There is actually a higher incidence of male homosexuality among Russian troops than most militaries, mostly due to the rape and forced prostitution. And the fashion.
 
2012-08-03 10:07:06 AM  
Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...
 
2012-08-03 10:16:16 AM  
Sounds like a typical drill weekend in my reserve unit.
 
2012-08-03 10:16:47 AM  

Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...


Go live there for a year. You might come away with a different view then what is fed to you by the media.
 
2012-08-03 10:18:49 AM  

Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...


No, they just lack the "Rule of Law" there. Corrupt/inept police force, weak local governance, hierarchical/tribute system endemic to most branches, shiatty judicial system, underfunded public services...etc, etc. Yeah, you can parade, drink, whatever in public. You can also rape someone and get away with it, or control an entire local police force through force and bribery to allow the almost-open trade of hard drugs in and weapons out. You're not doing all this stuff in Russia because it's legal, you're doing it because there's not much apparatus in place to stop you.

I haven't come across a good reference that covers all of this, but if you want a "primer," start with a book called McMafia.
 
2012-08-03 10:25:58 AM  
Got to spend Anzac Day with some Aussies a while back. Breakfast is rum and coffee followed by some intense gambling. Later in the morning: more rum, less coffee and even more gambling. Didn't know you could gamble with two coins, a stick and a poncho.
 
2012-08-03 10:26:16 AM  
In Russia, drunken paratrooper finds YOU!

Wait...that doesn't really work. Give me a minute
 
2012-08-03 10:27:14 AM  

Dabble: FTFA:
"Aug. 2 is Paratrooper Day in Russia and every year more than one million burly active and retired soldiers take to the streets in their signature blue berets and striped undershirts to mark the occasion"

No pants? One million raging drunks, all dressed like Donald Duck.


Ha!!!
 
2012-08-03 10:29:55 AM  
I've worked with Russians for 10 years now and the defining characteristic of the men is, insecurity about their masculinity. They'll never pass on an opportunity to show you how strong or brave they think they are. They're all momma's boys too. The women are the badass ones.
 
2012-08-03 10:30:37 AM  

PonceAlyosha: Louisiana_Sitar_Club: [englishrussia.com image 768x512]
A Russian paratrooper parade bares a striking resemblance to a gay pride parade. Good for them.

There is actually a higher incidence of male homosexuality among Russian troops than most militaries, mostly due to the rape and forced prostitution.


Wait. What? What's the causal relationship you're implying there?
 
2012-08-03 10:33:20 AM  
This story made me laugh. Thanks subby.
 
2012-08-03 10:39:50 AM  

r1niceboy: FTFA Russian President Vladimir Putin seemed to call for restraint Thursday, but with a barely concealed smile, during public remarks to paratroopers in Ulyanovsk. "I hope that Paratrooper Day will pass without excesses, and that your colleagues will behave themselves adequately, at least without gross violations of public order," he said.

I love that man.


"You're gonna have to tolerate some violation of public order, but it won't be a gross violation." He later clarified.
 
2012-08-03 10:44:40 AM  

AirborneBuckeye: [www.shtfplan.com image 850x683]


Somebody wake up Hicks . . .
 
2012-08-03 11:06:18 AM  

Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...


img214.imageshack.us

Indeed.
 
2012-08-03 11:07:07 AM  

URAPNIS: Sounds like a typical drill weekend in my reserve unit.


Yeah, don't see what the big deal is here. Huge numbers of young men + start drinking at sunrise = "joviality and much fun-loving buttwhuppin." Yep, that'll do it.
 
2012-08-03 11:10:30 AM  

AirborneBuckeye: [www.shtfplan.com image 850x683]


God Love You, sir
 
2012-08-03 11:12:19 AM  

Dabble: FTFA:
"Aug. 2 is Paratrooper Day in Russia and every year more than one million burly active and retired soldiers take to the streets in their signature blue berets and striped undershirts to mark the occasion"

No pants? One million raging drunks, all dressed like Donald Duck.


Well; do you particularly enjoy wearing pants? I, for one, can say that the times that I am truly happy do not, in any way, coincide with the times that I'm wearing pants.
 
2012-08-03 11:19:29 AM  
AirborneBuckeye: [www.shtfplan.com image 850x683]

God Love You, sir


Moved and Seconded.

/former Blackhat
 
2012-08-03 11:22:35 AM  
I was in Russia when this was going on in 2003, no warning or explanation. I just though it was how Russians were.
 
2012-08-03 11:23:24 AM  

iheartscotch: Dabble: FTFA:
"Aug. 2 is Paratrooper Day in Russia and every year more than one million burly active and retired soldiers take to the streets in their signature blue berets and striped undershirts to mark the occasion"

No pants? One million raging drunks, all dressed like Donald Duck.

Well; do you particularly enjoy wearing pants? I, for one, can say that the times that I am truly happy do not, in any way, coincide with the times that I'm wearing pants.


I attended my niece's 2nd birthday party recently, and like most 2 year olds, she decided that the birthday girl shouldn't have to wear anything at all. I was so jealous. That's why my birthdays aren't as much fun. I can't run around babbling incomprehensible nonsense at people you only see on occasion, while not wearing clothes.
 
2012-08-03 11:28:56 AM  

r1niceboy: iheartscotch: Dabble: FTFA:
"Aug. 2 is Paratrooper Day in Russia and every year more than one million burly active and retired soldiers take to the streets in their signature blue berets and striped undershirts to mark the occasion"

No pants? One million raging drunks, all dressed like Donald Duck.

Well; do you particularly enjoy wearing pants? I, for one, can say that the times that I am truly happy do not, in any way, coincide with the times that I'm wearing pants.

I attended my niece's 2nd birthday party recently, and like most 2 year olds, she decided that the birthday girl shouldn't have to wear anything at all. I was so jealous. That's why my birthdays aren't as much fun. I can't run around babbling incomprehensible nonsense at people you only see on occasion, while not wearing clothes.


If you live long enough, you can do it again and claim senility.
 
2012-08-03 11:31:27 AM  

Jack Kerouac: Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...

[img214.imageshack.us image 482x600]

Indeed.


US cops need to follow that trigger control model. Here that guys head would be accidentally in bits.
 
2012-08-03 11:35:24 AM  
Moscow city authorities also distributed several tons of watermelons in a downtown park at no charge; paratroopers had been known to steal them in the past.

The Hunt for Ripe Watermelons

Sergi's team mission was simple: High altitude jump, get to the coordinates, grab as many watermelons as possible and make it to extract. He checked his gear once last time. The Russian GPS unit needed winding again. Still, it was better than the old days. He remembered when he used to jump with just a Texaco map.

The Antonov AN-2 Colt dropped out of Mach 3 with a standard lurch. It would still be stealthy but the sound of it's single twelve cylinder engine would now be heard. The jump was coming up fast. The Flight engineer looked at Sergi and yelled "Soon!" Sergi pitched out in to the darkeness, the wind ripping past him at 400 miles per hours. The Flight Engineer yelled in to the slipstream "I said 'Soon!'" All he heard was Sergis' 'Gawddammitohsofarkingmuch' fading in to the night. The Colt then went back to Mach three and climbed to 150,000 feet.

Sergi fell through the darkness. He counted to ten slowly. Then he named the cities on the Volga River. Then he remembered to open his parachute. "My mind always wanders when I jump out of airplanes," he said to himself. It was a good thing that he remembered to open his parachute., The ground quickly came up just as Gravity said would.

Sergi hit the ground, and rolled. According to protocol, he gathered up and then ate his parachute. He check his Russian GPS system. the Space Dog was over there and the Vostok Capsule was down there. He had a ways to walk and a short time. If he didn't make to the Rendezvous, he would have to wait for a Ford Explorer. And the Buick Rendezvous had much better seats.

Being full of parachute, he walked slowly. As he walked, the Space Dog got closer to the Vostok. It was still dark when he got to his target: Old Man Miller's Watermelon Farm. It looked like an easy target, but Sergi knew about the electric fence. All last week, Russian satellites flew over the farm, photographing the watermelons to estimate their time of ripeness. While examining the film, analyst had noted the inclusion of an electric fence. All over the photos, they had marked "Do Not Pee Here" to delineate the fence and perimeter.

Sergi jumped the fence and skirted the electric wire. It was his only skirt so he would have to exit the farm this way. He moved carefully between the rows of watermelons. A rookie would just grab the nearest melons and run but Sergi was a pro. He carefully thumped a candidate. If it was ideal, he'd cut it loose from the vine and roll it in to the middle row. He planned to collect them as soon as he found enough good ones. In his youth, he could carry six but now he was down to just five. Perhaps this would be his last mission.

He had just clipped number four when there was a roar. Sergi knew instantly that it was a Mossberg shotgun - double barreled and loaded with double aught buck shot. It would be lethal on Sergi's behind. He wished now that he had taken additional ass armor on his mission.

Forgetting melon number 5, he gathered up the previous four and made for the fence. Old Man Miller whooped and yelled "Ah got yew now, you damned Russkie!" Sergi, turned and fired a 30 round clip from his AK-47, threw a half a dozen grenades and fired an RPG. Miller just laughed "Yew Russkies weapons are no match fer me!" Sergi knew he was reloading the double barreled shotgun. He would not miss.

He reached the fence and flung himself over the wire. There was a blast and Sergi's arm burst in to flames. He was hit. Holding on to the melons, he rolled away from the fence. Old Man Miller was known as a pursuer. He would chase Sergi all the way to the highway. He had to get away now. He had four melons!

Sergi hid in the weeds and checked his wounds. He heard Old Man Miller muttering and walking back and forth. He was too close for Sergi to attempt a get away. Sergi feared he would miss the Rendezvous. Those leather seats. Suddenly Sergi remembered why he didn't wear his ass armor. Because he wanted to really enjoy those leather seats! He had to go now!

Old Man Miller began to widen his patrol and Sergi slipped away. With his wound, four melons and the parachute working its way through his upper colon, he couldn't move quickly. Only the thought of the leather seats gave him the energy to move forward. He checked his Russian GPS. The Space Dog was now moving away from the Vostok and moving towards the Cute Russian Cosmonaut. He reached the road, put down his load and waited.

Right on time, the Buick Rendezvous pulled up. Sergi threw his melons in to the back seat and climbed in. He had called 'shotgun' back in Russia and took the passenger seat. Oh the warm leather! Almost made him sad that he wore pants.

"Comrade, I know you called 'shotgun' but the rules have been changed. Do not adjust the radio. It is set to the wife's crap and the kid's Radio Disney. If it is reprogrammed, the wife will have a fit."

"Yes Comrade," Sergi grunted. "No NPR tonight."

The assistant driver who had to get in the back seat announced "Vehicle approaching from behind. My view through the back window says that it is gaining quickly."

"As does my view through the rear view mirror" exclaimed the driver. "I fear it is Old Man Miller!"

"Old Man Miller has never been know to pursue with a vehicle" Sergi said. "But let's get going just to be safe."

The Buick jumped from the side of the road and quickly attained a dangerous speed of 45 miles per hour. The vehicle began to shake and trim parts fell from the side. "Is no problem, Comrades. I will blame all this on the wife. I will tell her not to park at the front of the Wal mart!" As the pursuing vehicle closed on the Buick, the assistant driver reported "It looks to be a farmer armed with a shotgun, comrades. What should we do?"

"Stop and fight!" yelled Sergi. "We will die as heroes."

"I like the heroes part," shouted the driver but the dying part doesn't suit me! Here is a little lesson I learned in the Soviet Submarine Navy!"

The driver deftly pulled off to the side of the road and turned off the headlights. The pickup truck with the shotgunned armed man boomed by quickly. The Buick driver did a quick U-turn and headed back the way they came. A turns down a couple of side roads and they were safe.

The mood in the Buick became suddenly festive. "I wonder if Old Man Miller is still out cruising the highways" laughed Sergi. Perhaps we should revisit his farm and gather even more melons!" They all laughed at the prospect. "Old man Miller would be so angry!" the driver roared.

Just then, one of the melons began to move on it's own. It split open and Special Agent Jack Sparrowhawk. He quickly disarmed the Russians and produced his 15 mm Sears Automatic. "Fun times over, fellas. We gotta stop these shenanigans. This is your last haul for a while. You can take these melons back to Russia. When you get there, you'll find a whole bunch of new bosses. They are going to stop sending you on these missions. Old Man Miller has been calling NORAD way too many times on you fellas. He's got the Air Force all ticked about it. They can't go anywhere without coming back to a dozen voice mails from him. The Air Force called the UN and the UN called Vlad. Vlad is telling your bosses to stop, one bullet at a time. Games over. No one wins. Now drop me off at the Circle K."

The men dropped the Special Agent off at the Circle K and drove back to Russia. It was exactly as Sparrowhawk had said: There were new bosses and blood stains everywhere. There would be no more missions. The group ate the remaining three melons in silence and sadness. There were the sweetest, most delicious watermelons they had ever eaten but they ate them as if there were flavorless honeydews.
 
2012-08-03 11:42:10 AM  
Migrant workers from Central Asia have been targets of violence on past Paratrooper Days, and the Federation of Migrants of Russia issued a public warning to avoid parks, train stations and commuter trains, and anywhere else paratroopers might be celebrating on Thursday.

Jeez- everybody's gotta have somebody to hate I guess. *shrug*
was wishin' for better- guess not
 
2012-08-03 11:47:55 AM  

dilate: I've worked with Russians for 10 years now and the defining characteristic of the men is, insecurity about their masculinity. They'll never pass on an opportunity to show you how strong or brave they think they are. They're all momma's boys too. The women are the badass ones.



There's a two-frame picture out there showing a model on the left, and a rugged old peasant woman on the right, with the caption being something to the effect of "the only thing more impressive than a young Russian woman is how quickly she goes from this to this."

Does anyone have this?
 
2012-08-03 11:53:59 AM  

syberpud: If you live long enough, you can do it again and claim senility.



My wife runs an Assisted Living facility, and has no doubt whatsoever that a decent percentage of her residents absolutely lay the 'senile' act on thick, just because they can.
 
2012-08-03 11:56:21 AM  

Sun Tzu: AirborneBuckeye: [www.shtfplan.com image 850x683]

God Love You, sir

Moved and Seconded.

/former Blackhat


When? So was I. Contact me
 
2012-08-03 11:58:26 AM  

Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...


Yes, they're free to start drinking at dawn and roam around in unruley packs beating up minorities without fear of police intervention. But, if they tried to peacefully protest against Tsar Vladimir, the truncheons would be loosed.
 
2012-08-03 11:59:42 AM  
A friend of mine of Russian descent said it best, "I can't thank my grandparents enough for moving the hell out of there".
 
2012-08-03 12:04:08 PM  

Jack Kerouac: Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...

[img214.imageshack.us image 482x600]

Indeed.


He kinda looks like Putin.
 
2012-08-03 12:23:15 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Moscow city authorities also distributed several tons of watermelons in a downtown park at no charge; paratroopers had been known to steal them in the past.

The Hunt for Ripe Watermelons

Sergi's team mission was simple: High altitude jump, get to the coordinates, grab as many watermelons as possible and make it to extract. He checked his gear once last time. The Russian GPS unit needed winding again. Still, it was better than the old days. He remembered when he used to jump with just a Texaco map.

The Antonov AN-2 Colt dropped out of Mach 3 with a standard lurch. It would still be stealthy but the sound of it's single twelve cylinder engine would now be heard. The jump was coming up fast. The Flight engineer looked at Sergi and yelled "Soon!" Sergi pitched out in to the darkeness, the wind ripping past him at 400 miles per hours. The Flight Engineer yelled in to the slipstream "I said 'Soon!'" All he heard was Sergis' 'Gawddammitohsofarkingmuch' fading in to the night. The Colt then went back to Mach three and climbed to 150,000 feet.

Sergi fell through the darkness. He counted to ten slowly. Then he named the cities on the Volga River. Then he remembered to open his parachute. "My mind always wanders when I jump out of airplanes," he said to himself. It was a good thing that he remembered to open his parachute., The ground quickly came up just as Gravity said would.

Sergi hit the ground, and rolled. According to protocol, he gathered up and then ate his parachute. He check his Russian GPS system. the Space Dog was over there and the Vostok Capsule was down there. He had a ways to walk and a short time. If he didn't make to the Rendezvous, he would have to wait for a Ford Explorer. And the Buick Rendezvous had much better seats.

Being full of parachute, he walked slowly. As he walked, the Space Dog got closer to the Vostok. It was still dark when he got to his target: Old Man Miller's Watermelon Farm. It looked like an easy targe ...


img.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-03 12:30:08 PM  
Ah, Summer in Ryazan.
 
2012-08-03 12:34:36 PM  

Jack Kerouac: Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...

[img214.imageshack.us image 482x600]

Indeed.


Wow. The casual, "I wonder where I should go for lunch after this." look on the cop's face is chilling.
 
2012-08-03 01:07:56 PM  
I was wondering if this would be greenlit. Nice driveway.
 
2012-08-03 03:43:21 PM  

r1niceboy: FTFA Russian President Vladimir Putin seemed to call for restraint Thursday, but with a barely concealed smile, during public remarks to paratroopers in Ulyanovsk. "I hope that Paratrooper Day will pass without excesses, and that your colleagues will behave themselves adequately, at least without gross violations of public order," he said.

I love that man.


I take it that they wont be fishing with grenades from a inflatable boat?
 
2012-08-03 04:55:15 PM  

Louisiana_Sitar_Club: Jack Kerouac: Icetech3: Its funny that the more i see of people in russia they seem to enjoy life way more than we do and have more "freedom" if people tried to have this type of day here they would get arrested for no reason other than enjoying life...

[img214.imageshack.us image 482x600]

Indeed.

Wow. The casual, "I wonder where I should go for lunch after this." look on the cop's face is chilling.


That's OMON
 
2012-08-03 06:09:12 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Moscow city authorities also distributed several tons of watermelons in a downtown park at no charge; paratroopers had been known to steal them in the past.

The Hunt for Ripe Watermelons

Sergi's team mission was simple: High altitude jump, get to the coordinates, grab as many watermelons as possible and make it to extract. He checked his gear once last time. The Russian GPS unit needed winding again. Still, it was better than the old days. He remembered when he used to jump with just a Texaco map.

The Antonov AN-2 Colt dropped out of Mach 3 with a standard lurch. It would still be stealthy but the sound of it's single twelve cylinder engine would now be heard. The jump was coming up fast. The Flight engineer looked at Sergi and yelled "Soon!" Sergi pitched out in to the darkeness, the wind ripping past him at 400 miles per hours. The Flight Engineer yelled in to the slipstream "I said 'Soon!'" All he heard was Sergis' 'Gawddammitohsofarkingmuch' fading in to the night. The Colt then went back to Mach three and climbed to 150,000 feet.

Sergi fell through the darkness. He counted to ten slowly. Then he named the cities on the Volga River. Then he remembered to open his parachute. "My mind always wanders when I jump out of airplanes," he said to himself. It was a good thing that he remembered to open his parachute., The ground quickly came up just as Gravity said would.

Sergi hit the ground, and rolled. According to protocol, he gathered up and then ate his parachute. He check his Russian GPS system. the Space Dog was over there and the Vostok Capsule was down there. He had a ways to walk and a short time. If he didn't make to the Rendezvous, he would have to wait for a Ford Explorer. And the Buick Rendezvous had much better seats.

Being full of parachute, he walked slowly. As he walked, the Space Dog got closer to the Vostok. It was still dark when he got to his target: Old Man Miller's Watermelon Farm. It looked like an easy targe ...


[somuchwin.jpg]

That was... brilliant.
 
2012-08-03 08:06:15 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: Got to spend Anzac Day with some Aussies a while back. Breakfast is rum and coffee followed by some intense gambling. Later in the morning: more rum, less coffee and even more gambling. Didn't know you could gamble with two coins, a stick and a poncho.


fark it, I'm all in.
 
2012-08-04 03:21:05 AM  

Fluid: So officially there's things like marches and memorials, but in reality there's a bunch of drunk soldiers who beat up immigrants. At that point you might as well drop the facade entirely.


Ah, I see you've been to Mardis Gras as well!
 
Displayed 49 of 49 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report