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(Craigslist)   STOLEN: Van, full of sex toys and porn. Need it back so I can donate it to the church   (nashville.craigslist.org) divider line 59
    More: Stupid, porn  
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7463 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2012 at 2:04 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-02 02:05:43 PM  
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-08-02 02:06:05 PM  
Description: Red panel van, "FREE CANDY" hand written in white spray paint on side.
 
2012-08-02 02:06:31 PM  
He should have at least included a pic of said van
www.tensionnot.com
 
2012-08-02 02:06:36 PM  
Dick Van Dyke.
 
2012-08-02 02:07:19 PM  

Mose: Description: Red panel van, "FREE CANDY" hand written in white spray paint on side.


Dammit! Too slow... *shakes tiny fist*
 
2012-08-02 02:07:47 PM  
Hahahaha, my friend posted this article. We had been awestruck at it for about 30 minutes and talking about it on Twitter until he posted it. Sometimes living in Nashville we see crazy stuff like this...
 
2012-08-02 02:09:26 PM  
What? No ball gag or chloroform?? No Lube, candy, comic books or stuffed animals?
 
2012-08-02 02:10:14 PM  
Im sure its someone playing a prank on someone and laughing at them for all the whacko texts they get.
 
2012-08-02 02:10:44 PM  
It's fun to walk around Goodwill and guess which things have been in people's asses.
 
2012-08-02 02:11:04 PM  
I like how it's full of porn, and losing the van ruined his plans for the weekend, but the porn totally isn't his and he would never look at that kind of thing. Guess he would have just left the porn in there as he converted it into a church van?
 
2012-08-02 02:11:08 PM  
I'm tellin' ya baby, that's not mine. Those things aren't my bag baby.
 
2012-08-02 02:11:18 PM  

jfivealive: Im sure its someone playing a prank on someone and laughing at them for all the whacko texts they get.


Eh, not necessarily. We see crazy things like this in the Nashville area about once a week
 
2012-08-02 02:11:26 PM  

jfivealive: Im sure its someone playing a prank on someone and laughing at them for all the whacko texts they get.


Way to ruin it.
 
2012-08-02 02:14:17 PM  
I'd invoke Poe's Law, but this is in the South, so I can't.
 
2012-08-02 02:16:34 PM  
Does it still count as porn and sex toys if they are being used by the nubile youth pastor to purge me of my sins?

/want blacked out van with sacred text and holy relics.
 
2012-08-02 02:16:38 PM  
Bonus points for the location... Antioch
 
2012-08-02 02:16:41 PM  
its the killer van that turns men to stone quick get the holy hand grenade!!!!
got this far and no monty python reference?
 
2012-08-02 02:16:43 PM  
Come on, who among us doesn't have handcuffs that we keep for sentimental reasons. They were probably his mom's.
 
2012-08-02 02:16:54 PM  
"this has really hurt my plans for the weekend"

/i guess so.
 
2012-08-02 02:19:22 PM  

WTP 2: its the killer van that turns men to stone quick get the holy hand grenade!!!!
got this far and no monty python reference?


Do you really have to work a Monty Python reference into *everything*
 
2012-08-02 02:19:55 PM  
Anybody texted yet? I've got a screenshot of the CL ad in case it gets flagged (which it most likely will)
 
2012-08-02 02:23:26 PM  
There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)


So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?
 
2012-08-02 02:24:46 PM  
Totally not interested in taking someone's used sex toys left in a van.
 
2012-08-02 02:27:24 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?



Apparently "God" knows more than just his heart.
 
2012-08-02 02:27:36 PM  

skinink: Totally not interested in taking someone's used sex toys left in a van.


No one said you had to use them ..... you just 're-gift' them. Christmas presents 'ya know.
 
2012-08-02 02:28:30 PM  
Here's the ad (counts as community service):

Please read my ad and let me know if you have any idea of its where abouts.

1986 Chevy Conversion Van lost/stolen from my shed in Antioch on Sunday.

DESCRIPTION: Dark Grey in color. The side and back rear windows were covered in silver duck tape, and sprayed
over with black spray paint.
**I was planning on turning this into a bus for my church, that's why the windows look like that.
( people know me and would back me up on that. So I'm not worried about it. )

VERY PERSONAL and PRIVATE items inside
( 1 ) two sets of police-style handcuffs... very valuable. steel locks. I have the key, so you can't use them anyway, I would really love to have these back for sentimentel reasons.

( 2 ) There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

**There are some home-made like VCR tapes too that aren't mine. Believe me, I go to church all the time, and people who know me will tell you that I would NEVER look at stuff like that,
but it would be real nice if I could just return them to their rightful owner so people don't think I look
at crap like that. God knows that I don't and that's what's important.
Please let me know if you have seen this vehicle!! This has really hurt my plans for the weekend.
Any information would be appreciated! Please text me at 615-689-4458 with any tips to its whereabouts. Thanks, and God Bless. David


Location: Four Corners Marina / Antioch
 
2012-08-02 02:28:34 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?


Didn't you get the memo? You can sin all week as long as you ask for forgiveness. It's the Christian WayTM
 
2012-08-02 02:29:33 PM  
So what was the response you got when you texted that number?
 
2012-08-02 02:29:38 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It's fun to walk around Goodwill and guess which things have been in people's asses.


You owe me a new keyboard....
 
2012-08-02 02:30:16 PM  

Mega Steve: Harry Freakstorm: There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?

Didn't you get the memo? You can sin all week as long as you ask for forgiveness. It's the Christian WayTM



I "sin" all week long in any case.
 
2012-08-02 02:32:03 PM  

verbaltoxin: I'd invoke Poe's Law, but this is in the South, so I can't.


Nah, it looks like a parody to me.
 
2012-08-02 02:33:25 PM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It's fun to walk around Goodwill and guess which things have been in people's asses.


Never saw that movie...

upload.wikimedia.org

And now I guess I won't.
 
2012-08-02 02:36:15 PM  
For some reason it really makes me mad when people don't get these jokes. Its funny stuff but i think some people are just so accustom to laugh tracks that they can't spot a joke without the audible cues.
 
2012-08-02 02:38:11 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?


But then, so does the Davidson County Sheriff's Department.
 
2012-08-02 02:39:12 PM  
Take all that you like but, use all that you take.
 
2012-08-02 02:40:37 PM  
"I was planning on turning this into a bus for my church, that's why the windows look like that."

Which church would that be, Our Lady of Perpetual Rape?
 
2012-08-02 02:43:38 PM  
lochgarry.files.wordpress.com
What does God need with a Lil' Starfish?
 
2012-08-02 02:46:43 PM  

Claude Ballse: WTP 2: its the killer van that turns men to stone quick get the holy hand grenade!!!!
got this far and no monty python reference?

Do you really have to work a Monty Python reference into *everything*


We get it. You have a crappy memory.
 
2012-08-02 02:48:43 PM  

zpb52: jfivealive: Im sure its someone playing a prank on someone and laughing at them for all the whacko texts they get.

Way to ruin it.


There is no Easter bunny.
 
2012-08-02 02:48:57 PM  
"Lost?" How do you misplace a vehicle from your own shed?
 
2012-08-02 02:58:59 PM  

Cheron: Does it still count as porn and sex toys if they are being used by the nubile youth pastor to purge me of my sins?

/want blacked out van with sacred text and holy relics.


toss in a free candy sign, and you have a deal.
 
2012-08-02 03:02:30 PM  
"this has really hurt my plans for the weekend"

/as well as commandment #7
 
2012-08-02 03:17:05 PM  

sbking: For some reason it really makes me mad when people don't get these jokes. Its funny stuff but i think some people are just so accustom to laugh tracks that they can't spot a joke without the audible cues.


No, we get it. We really do. It's just not funny. Fake craigslist postings are rarely funny. Same with ebay. The first one or two you see are funny, but then after that it's just boring.
 
2012-08-02 03:20:14 PM  
He is also selling a Fly Fishers Shadow Box

Link

Shadow Box is in great condition. It cost over $150.00 twelve years ago. The price sticker is still on the glass. I am asking $100.00 OBO

Please call David or Vanessa at home 615-641-5788. Or cell # 615-689-4458 I can't figure out how to post pictures. Please text me and I will send you pics.

Thank you for looking. :)
Price: $100.00

David
from Antioch
View Profile
 
2012-08-02 03:23:23 PM  

Amos Quito: Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: It's fun to walk around Goodwill and guess which things have been in people's asses.

Never saw that movie...

[upload.wikimedia.org image 220x322]

And now I guess I won't.


He might have been referencing Good Will Humping. Easy to get the two confused.
 
2012-08-02 03:25:52 PM  

nickerj1: sbking: For some reason it really makes me mad when people don't get these jokes. Its funny stuff but i think some people are just so accustom to laugh tracks that they can't spot a joke without the audible cues.

No, we get it. We really do. It's just not funny. Fake craigslist postings are rarely funny. Same with ebay. The first one or two you see are funny, but then after that it's just boring.


Not everyone on here gets it you putz. I don't care if someone doesn't think its funny i am just disgusted by those who do not even know that it is not real; pathetic.
 
2012-08-02 03:25:53 PM  

swee2th: "I was planning on turning this into a bus for my church, that's why the windows look like that."

Which church would that be, Our Lady of Perpetual Rape?


St. Mary's School for the Blind
 
2012-08-02 03:34:09 PM  

sbking: Not everyone on here gets it you putz. I don't care if someone doesn't think its funny i am just disgusted by those who do not even know that it is not real; pathetic.


Settle down Francis.....
 
2012-08-02 03:35:16 PM  

Harry Freakstorm: There might also be some old magazines too, but they aren't mine.
My neighbor asked me to store them inside of my van so his wife wouldn't catch him looking at them. They are not mine, but I would like them back so he doesn't get in any kind of trouble for looking at that sort of thing. We all sin, but god knows our heart! (corinthians 5-17)

So you can sin away as long as God knows your heart?


There is probably some missing children's clothing in there as well.

sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2012-08-02 03:41:00 PM  
Wanted for questioning:

2.bp.blogspot.com
 
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