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(Chicago Now)   So you are charged with murder? WAT DO? With eggceptional illustration of what a murder scene may look like   (chicagonow.com) divider line 61
    More: Interesting, criminal defense, moral of the story, Illinois  
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9180 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2012 at 11:46 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-02 11:52:12 AM
to make an omelet...
 
2012-08-02 11:53:35 AM
First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.

Look for "Dont talk to the police" on YouTube.
 
2012-08-02 11:54:34 AM
www.chicagonow.com

He's dead!
Let's scramble!

and/or

Let's try it again but this time without all the King's horses. They just seemed to get in the way.
 
2012-08-02 11:54:54 AM

Flint Ironstag: First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.

Look for "Dont talk to the police" on YouTube.


You would think this stuff would be common knowledge but somehow people still trust police.

/I'm not saying they are all dicks, just don't give them a chance to be
 
2012-08-02 11:56:07 AM
Condensed version from TFA: make sure you are rich before committing the murder.
 
2012-08-02 11:57:42 AM
First thing you do is reduce it to voluntary manslaughter by informing police you stabbed subby due to his continued use of a hackneyed and non-humorous meme.

Then you hire a good attorney.
 
2012-08-02 11:59:33 AM

wwwade: Condensed version from TFA: make sure you are rich before committing the murder.


Yup.

Being incorporated is even better.
 
2012-08-02 12:00:41 PM
i1136.photobucket.com
 
2012-08-02 12:00:57 PM

blahpers: wwwade: Condensed version from TFA: make sure you are rich before committing the murder.

Yup.

Being incorporated is even better.


This
 
2012-08-02 12:01:01 PM
Also, like any other instance of "WAT DO?", the correct answer is "fap vigorously".
 
2012-08-02 12:03:17 PM

Flint Ironstag: First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.

Look for "Dont talk to the police" on YouTube.


This. Shut the fark up and get a lawyer. I really don't understand sometimes; do people think the police are joking when they say "anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law"?
 
2012-08-02 12:04:05 PM
Also make sure you dispose of the freezer well away from your jurisdiction, don't think those copper won't resort to searching a landfill

And for the Love of God, use a burner cell phone to text message your lover, it's not that complicated
 
2012-08-02 12:10:57 PM
That's pretty stupid.

/your blog sucks, subby.
 
2012-08-02 12:13:12 PM

Flint Ironstag: First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.



this this and this......


One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

\Not a troll
\\killing a hostile person inside my home is one time that I actually would call the cops.
 
2012-08-02 12:15:06 PM
www.actclassy.com
Wanted for questioning.

/hot enough to fry an egg
 
2012-08-02 12:16:08 PM
Whatever you do, if a hot blonde cop with a Southern accent comes in and asks you to tell "your side" of the story, lawyer up immediately.
 
2012-08-02 12:16:18 PM

JohnCarter: Also make sure you dispose of the freezer well away from your jurisdiction, don't think those copper won't resort to searching a landfill

And for the Love of God, use a burner cell phone to text message your lover, it's not that complicated


lol.

Reminded me of this scene from "Double Indemnity".

growingbranch.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-02 12:17:28 PM
FTFA, "At $50 an hour they would lost their practice."

Writer sounds edumacated.
 
2012-08-02 12:19:14 PM

Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?


Yes! In the course of questioning if your story deviates even slightly and the cop feels especially nasty that day (for whatever reason), then he just caught you in a lie.

\\ GED in law thoough
 
2012-08-02 12:23:02 PM
Nice to see the 'double-space after a full stop' rule still being followed by someone. Kudos to you Michael Helfand, even if you have missed a few words out here and there.
 
GBB
2012-08-02 12:28:18 PM
t3.gstatic.com
Best advice you could ever get from a lawyer.
 
2012-08-02 12:30:18 PM

Flint Ironstag: First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.

Look for "Dont talk to the police" on YouTube.


Absolutely. A good friend of mine is a cop. Now, I've never had to deal with him in a professional manner, but we hang out fairly often. He's a nice guy; polite, jovial, the kind of guy most people would get along with. I showed him that video once, and he told me it was absolutely true. Part of his job is to get confessions out of people, and he's legally allowed to lie in order to get that confession. Despite how nice a cop is, once you go into the interview (they're called "interviews" now, not "interrogations"), he is not your friend. He has a job to do, and he's going to do it - plus, he has a hell of a lot more practice at it than you do.
 
2012-08-02 12:33:00 PM
In my experience, suspects who continuously run their mouths aren't ignoring Miranda warnings or thinking that the cops are joking. The suspects think they will somehow be able to talk their way out of whatever charges are coming their direction. By the time they get to story #6 (after the police prove that the first 5 were lies), they've accidentally confessed to enough to make charges stick permanently. It's amazing how many defendants tank their own cases by refusing to shut their mouths. As one of those over-worked and under-paid public defenders in Illinois, I can say that I do as much as I can for each of my defendants (more than most of the private attorneys), but performing miracles is beyond my abilities!
 
2012-08-02 12:33:06 PM

Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?


Yes. Your attorney should be your next phone call right after 911.
 
2012-08-02 12:33:46 PM

balki1867: Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

Yes! In the course of questioning if your story deviates even slightly and the cop feels especially nasty that day (for whatever reason), then he just caught you in a lie.

\\ GED in law thoough


It might not even be that devious. If the cop simply mis-remembers your story, you could still be "caught in a lie," even though you've been telling the truth from the beginning. Remember: a cop's word is greater than your word in the court.
 
2012-08-02 12:35:28 PM

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Whatever you do, if a hot blonde cop with a Southern accent comes in and asks you to tell "your side" of the story, lawyer up immediately.


Aww, but we were just havin' a lil' ol' chat, weren't we?

/Thank you so much
 
2012-08-02 12:37:09 PM

balki1867: Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

Yes! In the course of questioning if your story deviates even slightly and the cop feels especially nasty that day (for whatever reason), then he just caught you in a lie.

\\ GED in law thoough


it all depends on the following: are you most interested in self preservation? if yes, then have an attorney present for any conversations with the police

however, I've sometimes wondered about moments where you're not interested in self preservation. Say your wife is killed under suspicious circumstances. You know it wasn't you who did it and you're pretty sure you have a good alibi. But, you know where she was, or what she was doing, or who she was with. You have information that may move the investigation along...

now, the smart, self-interested thing to do is wait for your lawyer, have a little pow-wow, and then start providing the info.

the reason this is smart is because the first suspect when a spouse dies is the surviving spouse. it's pretty much just a basic rule of police work. You don't want to accidentally satisfy their incredible suspicion. or else, you have guaranteed yourself time before the court and the real killer gets away.

however, let's say you don't care, you just want to help... that's where I always get hooked. You kind of have a duty to the deceased to be as helpful as possible, but, asking for a lawyer will delay your helpfulness.

/ still get a lawyer. but, i still don't like the thought. the law is harsh, but it is the law.
 
2012-08-02 12:42:47 PM
t3.gstatic.com
"First you gets some pigs...oh wait...you've already been charged. Yeah it's probably too late for that. You're proper farked, mate"
 
2012-08-02 12:44:56 PM
In other words, if a lawyer only asks for $10,000, I can't see them doing the 200 hours or more worth of work needed to succeed. At $50 an hour they would lost their practice.

How can anyone be expected to live off $50 an hour? That's farking poverty level, right there. For 50 bucks an hour, you may as well just stay in bed.
 
2012-08-02 12:47:51 PM

MythDragon: In other words, if a lawyer only asks for $10,000, I can't see them doing the 200 hours or more worth of work needed to succeed. At $50 an hour they would lost their practice.

How can anyone be expected to live off $50 an hour? That's farking poverty level, right there. For 50 bucks an hour, you may as well just stay in bed.


Well, take into account that the $50 per hour also has to pay for your business expenses, including the salaries of anyone you hire, like an assistant.
 
2012-08-02 12:51:14 PM
Some people just can't take a yolk
 
2012-08-02 12:51:52 PM
I never talk to a cop without a lawyer.
In fact, the other day I saw a man running down the sidewalk with a purse and he ducked into an alley way. A cop came running by shortly after and saw I was the only one out on the street. He said "Hey! did you see where that guy went?" I of course told him, "I do not wish to answer any questions at this time until I have spoken with my attorney". I am not gonna give the cops any ammunition to use against me.

Cop seemed a little pissed, but this is America, biatches. We have freedoms here.
 
2012-08-02 12:54:02 PM

pute kisses like a man: balki1867: Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

Yes! In the course of questioning if your story deviates even slightly and the cop feels especially nasty that day (for whatever reason), then he just caught you in a lie.

\\ GED in law thoough

it all depends on the following: are you most interested in self preservation? if yes, then have an attorney present for any conversations with the police

however, I've sometimes wondered about moments where you're not interested in self preservation. Say your wife is killed under suspicious circumstances. You know it wasn't you who did it and you're pretty sure you have a good alibi. But, you know where she was, or what she was doing, or who she was with. You have information that may move the investigation along...

now, the smart, self-interested thing to do is wait for your lawyer, have a little pow-wow, and then start providing the info.

the reason this is smart is because the first suspect when a spouse dies is the surviving spouse. it's pretty much just a basic rule of police work. You don't want to accidentally satisfy their incredible suspicion. or else, you have guaranteed yourself time before the court and the real killer gets away.

however, let's say you don't care, you just want to help... that's where I always get hooked. You kind of have a duty to the deceased to be as helpful as possible, but, asking for a lawyer will delay your helpfulness.

/ still get a lawyer. but, i still don't like the thought. the law is harsh, but it is the law.


If I'm in such a situation in which I don't care about self-preservation, I'm probably beyond rational thought anyway, so thinking about this stuff is probably futile.
 
2012-08-02 12:54:03 PM

mgshamster: MythDragon: In other words, if a lawyer only asks for $10,000, I can't see them doing the 200 hours or more worth of work needed to succeed. At $50 an hour they would lost their practice.

How can anyone be expected to live off $50 an hour? That's farking poverty level, right there. For 50 bucks an hour, you may as well just stay in bed.

Well, take into account that the $50 per hour also has to pay for your business expenses, including the salaries of anyone you hire, like an assistant.


I never thought of it that way. With all those expenses, he might have to take one less trip to Cancun for the tri-anual Hookers 'n' Blow fest. That's no way to live.
 
2012-08-02 12:55:44 PM

blahpers: Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

Yes. Your attorney should be your next phone call right after 911.


Here's what I want to know. Do I select an attorney now? Do I want a generalist attorney that can handle anything, Do I make a list of specialists I might want? Do I pay them all to be 'on retainer' so that they are "my attorney"?
 
2012-08-02 01:00:50 PM

blahpers: pute kisses like a man: balki1867: Fat-D: One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

Yes! In the course of questioning if your story deviates even slightly and the cop feels especially nasty that day (for whatever reason), then he just caught you in a lie.

\\ GED in law thoough

it all depends on the following: are you most interested in self preservation? if yes, then have an attorney present for any conversations with the police

however, I've sometimes wondered about moments where you're not interested in self preservation. Say your wife is killed under suspicious circumstances. You know it wasn't you who did it and you're pretty sure you have a good alibi. But, you know where she was, or what she was doing, or who she was with. You have information that may move the investigation along...

now, the smart, self-interested thing to do is wait for your lawyer, have a little pow-wow, and then start providing the info.

the reason this is smart is because the first suspect when a spouse dies is the surviving spouse. it's pretty much just a basic rule of police work. You don't want to accidentally satisfy their incredible suspicion. or else, you have guaranteed yourself time before the court and the real killer gets away.

however, let's say you don't care, you just want to help... that's where I always get hooked. You kind of have a duty to the deceased to be as helpful as possible, but, asking for a lawyer will delay your helpfulness.

/ still get a lawyer. but, i still don't like the thought. the law is harsh, but it is the law.

If I'm in such a situation in which I don't care about self-preservation, I'm ...


If I've learned anything from TV: Don't say "I just want to help." 90% of the time that means you did it.
 
2012-08-02 01:01:50 PM

Fat-D: Flint Ironstag: First thing, long before it gets his far, never talk to the cops. Do not try to talk your way out of it, even if you are innocent, until you talk to a lawyer.



this this and this......


One question, say you woke up in the middle of the night to find a man standing in front of your child`s door. Without him noticing your approach you bash him on the back of the head with your 6 D cell Maglite, knocking him out and shattering part of his skull(leading to his death within 24 hours). When the cops show up, should one simply say "I must consult myattorney before answering any questions."?

\Not a troll
\\killing a hostile person inside my home is one time that I actually would call the cops.


My general rule is "If you didn't bring a weapon with you, the cops will find one next to your body."
Cop: This baseball bat has your name on it
Me: Yeah, he probably broke into my garage to get something to kill me with.
Cop: Our records show that you called 911 and requested an ambulance for him.
Me: Thats right.
Cop: You put three bullets in his head.
Me: Well I only wanted to stop him from hurting me. I was just trying to do everything I could to save his life.
Cop: His brains are on the cealing, and halfway down the hallway. What did you think the EMTs where gonna do for him?
Me: What do I look like, a doctor? I did my part. I can't be held responsible for the failings of the paramedics.
 
2012-08-02 01:01:56 PM
Good, but depressing article.

There is no innocent until proven guilty in America.

I find it absurd that the media can give a defendant's name and publish photos prior to conviction.... in America, at least.
 
2012-08-02 01:14:53 PM

MythDragon: mgshamster: MythDragon: In other words, if a lawyer only asks for $10,000, I can't see them doing the 200 hours or more worth of work needed to succeed. At $50 an hour they would lost their practice.

How can anyone be expected to live off $50 an hour? That's farking poverty level, right there. For 50 bucks an hour, you may as well just stay in bed.

Well, take into account that the $50 per hour also has to pay for your business expenses, including the salaries of anyone you hire, like an assistant.

I never thought of it that way. With all those expenses, he might have to take one less trip to Cancun for the tri-anual Hookers 'n' Blow fest. That's no way to live.


Someone offering to do a murder case for $10k isn't the kind of lawyer who typically makes anywhere near enough to go to Cancun annually, and they hang out with enough hookers and drug dealers that this would be just like work anyway.

At $50/hour gross, the lawyer is actually probably taking a loss. Aside from typical business expenses like rent, staff salaries, etc, the cost of professional dues, insurance, and the tools necessary to do the job can be staggering. Access to legal databases, for example, costs big bucks. And that six-figure student loan doesn't pay itself. If I were looking for a lawyer and got anything like that kind of quote, I'd run. Fast.
 
2012-08-02 01:17:36 PM
I didn't ask if she was guilty, I asked if you had $5000.
 
2012-08-02 01:19:11 PM
If you're in Atlanta, call my cousin!
 
2012-08-02 01:19:23 PM

angrycrank: At $50/hour gross, the lawyer is actually probably taking a loss. Aside from typical business expenses like rent, staff salaries, etc, the cost of professional dues, insurance, and the tools necessary to do the job can be staggering. Access to legal databases, for example, costs big bucks.


You reasonable analysis is not as fun as hating 'rich' people. So knock it off.
 
2012-08-02 01:20:19 PM

angrycrank: MythDragon: mgshamster: MythDragon: In other words, if a lawyer only asks for $10,000, I can't see them doing the 200 hours or more worth of work needed to succeed. At $50 an hour they would lost their practice.

How can anyone be expected to live off $50 an hour? That's farking poverty level, right there. For 50 bucks an hour, you may as well just stay in bed.

Well, take into account that the $50 per hour also has to pay for your business expenses, including the salaries of anyone you hire, like an assistant.

I never thought of it that way. With all those expenses, he might have to take one less trip to Cancun for the tri-anual Hookers 'n' Blow fest. That's no way to live.

Someone offering to do a murder case for $10k isn't the kind of lawyer who typically makes anywhere near enough to go to Cancun annually, and they hang out with enough hookers and drug dealers that this would be just like work anyway.

At $50/hour gross, the lawyer is actually probably taking a loss. Aside from typical business expenses like rent, staff salaries, etc, the cost of professional dues, insurance, and the tools necessary to do the job can be staggering. Access to legal databases, for example, costs big bucks. And that six-figure student loan doesn't pay itself. If I were looking for a lawyer and got anything like that kind of quote, I'd run. Fast.


He doesn't care. He's only imagining what his own life would be like if he made $50/hr, and believes that everyone else has nearly the same expenses as he does. Think of what this lawyer does with all that extra money! Must be going to Cancun.
 
2012-08-02 01:23:33 PM

mgshamster: He doesn't care. He's only imagining what his own life would be like if he made $50/hr, and believes that everyone else has nearly the same expenses as he does. Think of what this lawyer does with all that extra money! Must be going to Cancun.


I make over $50 an hour... and I've never been to Cancun.

Lots and lots of hookers though.
 
2012-08-02 01:26:05 PM
When I shot and killed an intruder the cops never mirandized me, took about 12 hours but they let me go and called it justifiable homicide. I'm very pro cop hate but.... I mean.... They didn't shoot my dog or anything. I dunno what to think.
 
2012-08-02 01:28:24 PM

filter: Good, but depressing article.

There is no innocent until proven guilty in America.

I find it absurd that the media can give a defendant's name and publish photos prior to conviction.... in America, at least.


Yeah, my crim pro prof (who had worked as a prosecutor as well as a defense lawyer and is now a judge) thought perp walks, police press conferences about arrests, etc, should be illegal. In the past in the UK, arrest announcements even for very serious crimes were single-paragraph articles not even usually on the front page that gave almost no details about the crime or the defendant. That's changed now even there.
 
2012-08-02 01:30:17 PM

Harry Freakstorm: [www.chicagonow.com image 350x293]

He's dead!
Let's scramble!


this is just like twelve angry eggs

...think he'll crack?
 
2012-08-02 01:34:51 PM

earthworm2.0: When I shot and killed an intruder the cops never mirandized me, took about 12 hours but they let me go and called it justifiable homicide. I'm very pro cop hate but.... I mean.... They didn't shoot my dog or anything. I dunno what to think.


What state?

Did the extensive vomiting which I'm sure would follow me having to do that help the cops believe your story?
 
2012-08-02 02:27:41 PM

mgshamster: He doesn't care. He's only imagining what his own life would be like if he made $50/hr,


For one, I could get that new kidney I've always wanted.

believes that everyone else has nearly the same expenses as he does

Well, between my World of Warcraft account, and the rent I pay to my mom for the basement, those expenses take up a good portion of my paycheck. But what else is there to spend money on?
 
2012-08-02 03:01:43 PM

angrycrank: filter: Good, but depressing article.

There is no innocent until proven guilty in America.

I find it absurd that the media can give a defendant's name and publish photos prior to conviction.... in America, at least.

Yeah, my crim pro prof (who had worked as a prosecutor as well as a defense lawyer and is now a judge) thought perp walks, police press conferences about arrests, etc, should be illegal. In the past in the UK, arrest announcements even for very serious crimes were single-paragraph articles not even usually on the front page that gave almost no details about the crime or the defendant. That's changed now even there.


I now live in Norway, where unless you mass murder a bunch of kids, your name will never be known, and only your lawyer will have his face in the press.
 
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