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(Short List)   Businessman who only likes watching the first half of movies aims to create a real-life Jurassic Park right after he funds a full scale replica of the Titanic   (shortlist.com) divider line 104
    More: Dumbass, funds, Titanic  
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5630 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2012 at 1:46 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-08-02 10:16:06 AM  
I hope he doesn't underpay his computer programmer.
 
2012-08-02 11:14:50 AM  
You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.
 
2012-08-02 12:06:20 PM  
Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?
 
2012-08-02 12:18:59 PM  
I think they did a pretty good job at Universal Isles of Adventure, you could just go there. And as terrible as the story and dialog in Titanic the movie was, Cameron did a pretty good job at recreating the ship. Interiors anyway. Go do something worthwhile and recreate the Enterprise or the Death Star.
 
2012-08-02 12:34:38 PM  
As long as he doesn't try Schindler's List.
 
2012-08-02 01:16:30 PM  
Maybe he wants to sit back, watch and laugh as some poor scientists get eaten by the dinosaurs?
 
2012-08-02 01:50:47 PM  

SlothB77: Maybe he wants to sit back, watch and laugh as some poor scientists get eaten by the dinosaurs?


Hell, now that you mention it, that does sound pretty entertaining.
 
2012-08-02 01:51:44 PM  
It's a shame the Titanic has such a terrible reputation. It was a pretty magnificent ship.
 
2012-08-02 01:53:02 PM  

dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.


You have to sleep sooner or later.
...and I bet your home isn't Raptor proof.

/I changed all my door handles to knobs, just to be sure.
 
2012-08-02 01:55:30 PM  

dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.


The only gun I remember being fired in the first movie was Grant shooting at some raptors from the control room. Muldoon had his gun but was blindsided by that raptor before he had a chance to use it.

And as for Lost World, the only reason why Roland Tembo's gun didn't work was because Nick Van Owen stole the bullets. So even more people died thanks to that eco-terrorist asshole.
 
2012-08-02 01:55:33 PM  

Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?


Deinonychus totally got screwed in Jurassic Park. If it weren't extinct, Spielberg and Crichton's estate would owe the whole species a farking apology.
 
2012-08-02 01:55:44 PM  
I know how he feels, movies promise much more than they can deliver.
 
2012-08-02 01:57:32 PM  
Not enough oxygen in the modern world, bacteria would kill them, plants would poison them
I'm still 100% for this regardless
 
2012-08-02 01:58:15 PM  
Let's just pray that Money-2-Burn hasn't watched "Soylent Green".
 
2012-08-02 01:58:31 PM  
www.urbachletter.com
 
2012-08-02 01:59:03 PM  

JerseyTim: I hope he doesn't underpay his computer programmer.


"NEWMAN!"

As an aside, that's what annoyed me abut the first JP. The Fly kept bleating on and on about "chaos theory". Newman left the door open. It wasn't anymore grandiose than that.

Then in the second one Vince Vaughn and the other "good guys" let all the dinosaurs out on purpose.

I don't remember the third one but I'm sure it was just as stupid.
 
2012-08-02 02:00:03 PM  
Holy shiat, I guess life really does uh ah find a way
 
2012-08-02 02:00:50 PM  

gunga galunga: dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.

The only gun I remember being fired in the first movie was Grant shooting at some raptors from the control room. Muldoon had his gun but was blindsided by that raptor before he had a chance to use it.

And as for Lost World, the only reason why Roland Tembo's gun didn't work was because Nick Van Owen stole the bullets. So even more people died thanks to that eco-terrorist asshole.


Also, despite the InGen personnel having the arsenal of a third world country, not a single dinosaur appears to have been harmed by all the bullets they shot.

And in JP3, the big cannon being carried by the mercenaries somehow just doesn't manage to kill anything, and the other guns get broken/lost.

See the pattern?
 
2012-08-02 02:01:33 PM  

JerseyTim: I hope he doesn't underpay his computer programmer.


Hey! Those were his own personal problems and not Mr. Hammond's!
 
2012-08-02 02:03:53 PM  

Mugato: I don't remember the third one but I'm sure it was just as stupid.


The third one actually answers your critiques:

Dr. Grant: Did you read Malcolm's book?
[Erik nods]
Dr. Grant: So?
Erik: I don't know. It was kinda preachy. And too much Chaos. Everything Chaos. It just seemed like the guy was high on himself.
Dr. Grant: That's two things we have in common.
 
2012-08-02 02:04:28 PM  

Nina9: JerseyTim: I hope he doesn't underpay his computer programmer.

Hey! Those were his own personal problems and not Mr. Hammond's!


Gee, thanks Dad.
 
2012-08-02 02:04:31 PM  
Except DNA from dinosaurs decayed away long time ago.
 
2012-08-02 02:07:46 PM  

dittybopper: gunga galunga: dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.

The only gun I remember being fired in the first movie was Grant shooting at some raptors from the control room. Muldoon had his gun but was blindsided by that raptor before he had a chance to use it.

And as for Lost World, the only reason why Roland Tembo's gun didn't work was because Nick Van Owen stole the bullets. So even more people died thanks to that eco-terrorist asshole.

Also, despite the InGen personnel having the arsenal of a third world country, not a single dinosaur appears to have been harmed by all the bullets they shot.

And in JP3, the big cannon being carried by the mercenaries somehow just doesn't manage to kill anything, and the other guns get broken/lost.

See the pattern?


Life finds a way...
 
2012-08-02 02:08:33 PM  

gunga galunga: And as for Lost World, the only reason why Roland Tembo's gun didn't work was because Nick Van Owen stole the bullets. So even more people died thanks to that eco-terrorist asshole.


Until they're back in the states, every person who dies in that movie does so as a result of the actions of the so called protagonists.

I'd like to know how a single juvenile T-rex managed to escape the hold and devour the entire crew of the transport ship. Seriously?
 
2012-08-02 02:09:40 PM  

Wolf892: Holy shiat, I guess life really does uh ah find a way


"I-i-i-i-if I may. I'll tell you the danger in what uh, you're uh, doing here. You have too much money....you know, you have too much money and uh you're bored and so before you even knew what you had, you started building stupid shiat and you're building and you slap a plastic lunch box on it and...well uh, there it uh, is. "
 
2012-08-02 02:09:49 PM  

stuhayes2010: Except DNA from dinosaurs decayed away long time ago.


Not necessarily true. DNA in the marrow of a well-preserved fossil could be extracted and used. It would be degraded, certainly, and would need some guessing at the rest of the genetic composition. However, by taking an evolutionary relative, you could probably make the adjustments without too much issue. It would be a huge undertaking, but it would also demonstrate human mastery of genetic engineering, on the levels we can currently handle it on.

There are, of course, a lot of if's there.
 
2012-08-02 02:10:02 PM  

stuhayes2010: Except DNA from dinosaurs decayed away long time ago.


Meh - we'll just replace the broken bits with harmless frog DNA or something.
 
2012-08-02 02:10:54 PM  

Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?


Give me $500K and I'll buy several turkeys and vultures, slowly pluck them so they are still alive and you'll have your Jurassic lackeys. Heck I'll even glue some teeth to their beaks.
anthropometaphors.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-02 02:11:22 PM  

Mugato: Cameron did a pretty good job at recreating the ship. Interiors anyway.


The thing is, cruise ship standards have risen rather considerably over the last century. A faithful recreation of the Titanic would sure look pretty, but it would be a pretty shiatty ship to cruise on compared to just about anything built in the last decade. Sure, you could rub one out thinking about Kate Winslet's tits while onboard and tell your friends you know what the ship would have felt like, but after the first day you'd be wondering where the hell the buffet was, why the pool sucks, and wishing there was a decent nightclub onboard. Nobody gives a shiat about having the Turkish bath anymore.
 
2012-08-02 02:12:05 PM  
Why go to the trouble and expense of dinosaurs?

Get a bunch of swans, geese and komodo dragons together.
 
2012-08-02 02:12:34 PM  

charttn: Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?

Give me $500K and I'll buy several turkeys and vultures, slowly pluck them so they are still alive and you'll have your Jurassic lackeys. Heck I'll even glue some teeth to their beaks.
[anthropometaphors.files.wordpress.com image 336x252]


I'm gonna pluck ya, see, and I'm gonna pluck you slow...
 
2012-08-02 02:12:43 PM  

charttn: Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?

Give me $500K and I'll buy several turkeys and vultures, slowly pluck them so they are still alive and you'll have your Jurassic lackeys. Heck I'll even glue some teeth to their beaks.
[anthropometaphors.files.wordpress.com image 336x252]


has to be a 6 foot turkey...
 
2012-08-02 02:15:22 PM  

stuhayes2010: Except DNA from dinosaurs decayed away long time ago.


Not really, it you believe current theories the T-rex's entire Genome is still buried inside your average chicken.

Still, I'd like to see them try something a lot easier and less ambitious like a Mammoth first. Seeing Dinos would be cool, but seeing Cave Bears, Dire wolves, Saber tooth Tigers, Moas and Teratorns would be equally so, and a lot easier to do
 
2012-08-02 02:15:32 PM  
I really hope they bust that Kaiser Soize guy. I can't believe he sold out that poor cripple like that.
 
2012-08-02 02:17:53 PM  

Representative of the unwashed masses: charttn: Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?

Give me $500K and I'll buy several turkeys and vultures, slowly pluck them so they are still alive and you'll have your Jurassic lackeys. Heck I'll even glue some teeth to their beaks.
[anthropometaphors.files.wordpress.com image 336x252]

has to be a 6 foot turkey...


That takes longer to pluck...
farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2012-08-02 02:19:25 PM  
I just watched Jurassic Park last night actually. Laura Dern is only 26 in that movie.

In the first movie, they implied that Drs Grant and Sadler were an item. I don't recall the second movie and didn't see the third but why is she married to some other schmuck in the second one? Did they have some throwaway dialogue to retcon this?
 
2012-08-02 02:19:34 PM  

Mugato: I think they did a pretty good job at Universal Isles of Adventure, you could just go there. And as terrible as the story and dialog in Titanic the movie was, Cameron did a pretty good job at recreating the ship. Interiors anyway. Go do something worthwhile and recreate the Enterprise or the Death Star.


It'd be better to build a moon base.Tourism would be the main income, along with mining and exploration. No rotation so the Earth would be in the sky the whole night, however long THAT is.

/A month?
//28 days, specifically
///I want my moon base. AND my flying car
 
2012-08-02 02:20:19 PM  

HalEmmerich: gunga galunga: And as for Lost World, the only reason why Roland Tembo's gun didn't work was because Nick Van Owen stole the bullets. So even more people died thanks to that eco-terrorist asshole.

Until they're back in the states, every person who dies in that movie does so as a result of the actions of the so called protagonists.

I'd like to know how a single juvenile T-rex managed to escape the hold and devour the entire crew of the transport ship. Seriously?


And don't forget locking itself back in the hold.

Spielberg's sequels are always his weakest movies. Although I do give Temple of Doom a pass for the whole Club Obi Wan sequence and the mine car chase.
 
2012-08-02 02:21:21 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: It's a shame the Titanic has such a terrible reputation. It was a pretty magnificent ship.


I didn't think Titanic had a terrible reputation - that honour belongs to the schmucks who ran her into an iceberg and then proceeded to cock up loading and launching the lifeboats.
Her system ship, Olympic, was known as 'Old Reliable', and managed to survive ramming a lightship (accidentally) and a U-boat(deliberately).
 
2012-08-02 02:22:38 PM  

Mugato: JerseyTim: I hope he doesn't underpay his computer programmer.

"NEWMAN!"

As an aside, that's what annoyed me abut the first JP. The Fly kept bleating on and on about "chaos theory". Newman left the door open. It wasn't anymore grandiose than that.


Thats kinda the point of Chaos theory. Large events are caused by smaller unrelated ones. Nedry can't manage money so he argues with Hammond about it alot. Hammond refuses to budge so Nedry justifies stealing from him. Nedry shuts down the fences to some dinos to facilitate his escape.Trying to fix that problem Sam Jackson accidentally lets the rest loose. Most of the disaster was caused by quibbles over a few hundred dollars months before.

the shorthand was what Goldblum started to tell about the butterfly flapping its wings causing rain in China. A butterfly flaps it's wings in Wyoming startling the lead bull in a herd of cattle and they stampede, that kicks up a huge wad of dust. That dust affects weather patterns locally which spread until a month later it rains in China. It's alot more detailed than that but it's the basic theory.
 
2012-08-02 02:24:49 PM  

Tillmaster: AverageAmericanGuy: It's a shame the Titanic has such a terrible reputation. It was a pretty magnificent ship.

I didn't think Titanic had a terrible reputation - that honour belongs to the schmucks who ran her into an iceberg and then proceeded to cock up loading and launching the lifeboats.
Her system ship, Olympic, was known as 'Old Reliable', and managed to survive ramming a lightship (accidentally) and a U-boat(deliberately).


The name is synonymous with disaster of immense proportions. While the ship may not be at fault for the actions of its crew, everyone remembers the name of the ship that sank.

Your other points are, of course, spot on.
 
2012-08-02 02:25:26 PM  

Mikeyworld: ///I want my moon base. AND my flying car


I'll give you the moon base but I cannot allow the flying car, I don't care if we do get the technology. The movies have not thought that thing through. People can't drive in two dimensions, we don't need to watch out for cars falling from the sky 24/7.
 
2012-08-02 02:25:48 PM  
According to subby, all experiments go wrong, all aliens are bad, and the guy always get the girl
 
2012-08-02 02:25:51 PM  

way south: dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.

You have to sleep sooner or later.
...and I bet your home isn't Raptor proof.


Well, considering that Velociraptors were actually about the size of a turkey and about as intelligent as an Ostrich, I'll take that bet. Seriously, my dog would make short work of a real Raptor and he's not particularly mean.
 
2012-08-02 02:28:50 PM  

SlothB77: Maybe he wants to sit back, watch and laugh as some poor scientists get eaten by the dinosaurs?


Payback for poor dinosaurs getting eaten by scientists. I'm sure they love their fried chicken.

/dinos crapped on my car
//evolution: it's a gas
 
2012-08-02 02:29:36 PM  

v2micca: way south: dittybopper: You know what the real difference between Jurassic Park and this would be? Guns actually work in the real world.

You have to sleep sooner or later.
...and I bet your home isn't Raptor proof.

Well, considering that Velociraptors were actually about the size of a turkey and about as intelligent as an Ostrich, I'll take that bet. Seriously, my dog would make short work of a real Raptor and he's not particularly mean.


Perhaps not a Utahraptor
 
2012-08-02 02:30:59 PM  

Digitalstrange: As an aside, that's what annoyed me abut the first JP. The Fly kept bleating on and on about "chaos theory". Newman left the door open. It wasn't anymore grandiose than that.

Thats kinda the point of Chaos theory. Large events are caused by smaller unrelated ones. Nedry can't manage money so he argues with Hammond about it alot. Hammond refuses to budge so Nedry justifies stealing from him. Nedry shuts down the fences to some dinos to facilitate his escape.Trying to fix that problem Sam Jackson accidentally lets the rest loose. Most of the disaster was caused by quibbles over a few hundred dollars months before.


Yeah, I guess you could see it that way but it's not like the park was "destined" to fail because of some chaos formula. It was a somewhat easy thing to avoid by Hammond not leaving total control of the park to an openly disgruntled employee. But I see what you're saying.
 
2012-08-02 02:31:04 PM  

LordJiro: Ghastly: Will the velociraptors have feathers and only stand as high as your knee?

Deinonychus totally got screwed in Jurassic Park. If it weren't extinct, Spielberg and Crichton's estate would owe the whole species a farking apology.


Deinonychus is not much larger. The dromaeosaur closest in size would be a Utahraptor.
 
2012-08-02 02:32:48 PM  

LandOfChocolate: I just watched Jurassic Park last night actually. Laura Dern is only 26 in that movie.

In the first movie, they implied that Drs Grant and Sadler were an item. I don't recall the second movie and didn't see the third but why is she married to some other schmuck in the second one? Did they have some throwaway dialogue to retcon this?

e act

Sam Neil didn't want to do II so they wrote him out of the film by saying he and Dern split up and he would have nothing to do with Hammond after the events of JP. His bank account was leaner a few years later when they approached him about III so they had to get him "tricked" into agreeing to go back to the place.
 
2012-08-02 02:35:33 PM  
FTAApparently, Palmer (who we assume only watched the first half of Jurassic Park) plans to make the cloned dinosaur part of a resort he owns in Coolum, Australia,

It's going to be in Australia?

Cancel the panic, people. Even if the dinosaurs do get out, the natural fauna is going to kill the dinosaurs off.
 
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