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(The Sun)   Cute 15-year-old girl's fake tan addiction costs £400 per month: "People yell 'Oompa Loompa' at me" (w/pics)   (thesun.co.uk) divider line 242
    More: Dumbass, sunless tanning, fitness instructor, GCSE, jennifer, addictions  
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45601 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Aug 2012 at 6:07 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



242 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-01 10:24:58 PM
Cute? ooooooompa loooooooooompa!!!
 
2012-08-01 10:28:20 PM
Well that quit doing it and maybe people will stop--*looks at picture* Never mind, do whatever you want.
 
2012-08-01 10:28:38 PM
Snookie cosplayer?
 
2012-08-01 10:38:42 PM
I'm sure she and her parents will sue when she myseriously develops cancerous tumors.
 
2012-08-01 10:41:15 PM
Well, in their defense, she does look an awful lot like an oompa loompa.
 
2012-08-01 10:44:56 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-01 11:38:33 PM
Yeah, she looks like she ate an Oompa Loompa.
 
2012-08-01 11:53:29 PM
Could be worse... they could be yelling "Boehner!" at her
 
2012-08-02 12:02:40 AM
"It had taken FOUR hours for the 15-year-old to get ready, including application of fake nails, a wig and a session in her own spray-tan booth."

Are you FKM? Spend ONE out of those four hours per day on a treadmill and you'll be a new women in 6 months. Christ.
 
2012-08-02 12:08:20 AM
I bet she could pay off bariatric surgery for £400 a month
 
2012-08-02 12:09:21 AM
I was going to say "how she gonna have a tanning addiction? she 15, she ain't got no job!' but then I read

FTFA: "Her dad Bryn, 51, a fitness instructor, was footing the bill and had even bought her her own spray-tan machine for her bedroom."

and everything fell into place :( She doesn't really have a tanning addiction. She has a 'trying to please daddy who wishes she were someone she is not so he tries to destroy her life for not being a perfect physical princess through this shiat' issue. She needs do like Lindsey Lohan can't, and get away from her toxic home life. Find her own way. Love herself. Get some therapy to get over Daddy being an asshole, and Mommy being abusive through her absence.
 
2012-08-02 12:12:11 AM

DeltaPunch: "It had taken FOUR hours for the 15-year-old to get ready, including application of fake nails, a wig and a session in her own spray-tan booth."

Are you FKM? Spend ONE out of those four hours per day on a treadmill and you'll be a new women in 6 months. Christ.


What if Daddy is sabotaging her? He bought the damn tanning machine. He's a fitness instructor. He didn't buy her a treadmill, he's not looking after the diet fed in that home, and he's not paying for medical to find out if there's something else going on with her that's a medical condition instead of just eating corn products.
 
2012-08-02 12:14:58 AM
FTA: "Many of the chemicals in fake tan are toxic to reproduction and can harm a foetus."

So this problem is self-limiting. Good!
 
2012-08-02 12:52:16 AM
Sometimes I wish I was an attention-craving tween that made poor lifestyle decisions, because like death and taxes I would know...THE SUN IS THERE.

God I want to be a publicly acknowledged assclown. It beats private anonymous assclownery any day.
 
2012-08-02 12:53:27 AM
She's beyond hope. But her friend in the last picture has poten-

...yeah, I'll have a seat over there.
 
2012-08-02 12:57:01 AM
Those are some old-looking teenagers. o_o
 
2012-08-02 01:02:56 AM
That chick is Snookier than Snooki.
 
2012-08-02 01:21:52 AM

Quasar: That chick is Snookier than Snooki.


I heard that in my head as White Zombie-inspired "More Snooki Than Snooki" to the tune of "More Human Than Human."
 
2012-08-02 01:24:32 AM
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-08-02 01:50:49 AM
At least she has her health
 
2012-08-02 02:29:27 AM

RodneyToady: Quasar: That chick is Snookier than Snooki.

I heard that in my head as White Zombie-inspired "More Snooki Than Snooki" to the tune of "More Human Than Human."


Great, now I've got it.
 
2012-08-02 02:31:06 AM

RodneyToady: Quasar: That chick is Snookier than Snooki.

I heard that in my head as White Zombie-inspired "More Snooki Than Snooki" to the tune of "More Human Than Human."


goddammit.
 
2012-08-02 02:47:16 AM
Oompa Loompa Doobidy Doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa Doobidy Dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me.

What do you do with way too much tan?
You stain all your skin as much as you can.
What is the cure for this baby of tar?
Be confident in who ... you ... are.

And try not to be stupid.

Oompa Loompa Doobidy Doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa Doobidy Dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me.
 
2012-08-02 03:28:17 AM

Sim Tree: Oompa Loompa Doobidy Doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa Doobidy Dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me.

What do you do with way too much tan?
You stain all your skin as much as you can.
What is the cure for this baby of tar?
Be confident in who ... you ... are.

And try not to be stupid.

Oompa Loompa Doobidy Doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa Doobidy Dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me.


25.media.tumblr.com
Bravo!
 
2012-08-02 04:09:50 AM
Dear Snowflake:

"Oompah Loompah" is coded polite for "YOU'RE FAT!!!"

/You're welcome.

Love,

Kevin
 
2012-08-02 04:49:35 AM
We're all familiar with Snooki, Subby. No need to obfuscate who the "cute" girl is.
 
2012-08-02 06:10:51 AM
what do you get when your kid is on crack?
trying so hard to get orange on her back
waiting around to get no news and snooze
trying so hard to pay. her. dues??

i don't like the look of it
oompa loompa doopidy doo
 
2012-08-02 06:15:37 AM
"cute"

You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
 
2012-08-02 06:22:11 AM
It wouldn't cost so much if she didn't have so much real estate to cover. Non-story. A normal-sized woman would only be spending...let me do some quick napkin-math here...£20/month.
 
2012-08-02 06:25:51 AM

Pextor: You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


Oh come on. It's perfectly valid to describe a chubby chick that you would bang in a dry spell after a couple of beers and not feel too bad about later as "cute".
 
2012-08-02 06:29:09 AM
More like food addiction.
 
2012-08-02 06:30:12 AM
Well, on the plus side, she has a future career in experimental chemotherapy testing for melanoma.
 
2012-08-02 06:31:53 AM
The Sun isn't there, subster?

/ifyouknowwhatimean
//andithinkyoudo
 
2012-08-02 06:31:59 AM

incendi: Pextor: You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Oh come on. It's perfectly valid to describe a chubby chick that you would bang in a dry spell after a couple of beers and not feel too bad about later as "cute".


This does not describe the ... uh ... individual in TFA though. For a start the kid's 15 you horrible perv.
 
2012-08-02 06:32:04 AM

abhorrent1: More like food addiction.


a1.ec-images.myspacecdn.com
 
2012-08-02 06:33:36 AM

Sim Tree: Oompa Loompa Doobidy Doo.


Very good, but you might want to look up the real lyrics to the last verse for next time. They'd have worked better than repeating the first. You miss out on that whole world of smug moralizing in the original songs.
 
2012-08-02 06:33:56 AM

Gothnet: incendi: Pextor: You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Oh come on. It's perfectly valid to describe a chubby chick that you would bang in a dry spell after a couple of beers and not feel too bad about later as "cute".

This does not describe the ... uh ... individual in TFA though. For a start the kid's 15 you horrible perv.


You think she's really that heavy? I was thinking maybe 12-13st.
 
2012-08-02 06:34:06 AM
farm1.staticflickr.com

/pass the eye bleach, i do not want to remember that (girl)
 
2012-08-02 06:36:31 AM
Seems as though tanning wasn't her only addiction

static.guim.co.uk

/just saying
//hot like the beefy mutton burgers she threw down her large gullet.
 
2012-08-02 06:36:59 AM
For full effect when using the "cute" or "hot" meme including phrases like "Oompa Loompa" foreshadow your deceit.
 
2012-08-02 06:39:20 AM

8InchFloppy: For full effect when using the "cute" or "hot" meme including phrases like "Oompa Loompa" foreshadow your deceit.


images.wikia.com
gobbilty goo
 
2012-08-02 06:42:16 AM
Well, one thing's for sure

img.thesun.co.uk

I wouldn't yell Ooompa Loompa
 
2012-08-02 06:45:40 AM
Someone needs to shoot the father
 
2012-08-02 06:46:12 AM

ExperianScaresCthulhu: FTFA: "Her dad Bryn, 51, a fitness instructor, was footing the bill and had even bought her her own spray-tan machine for her bedroom."


Why wasn't daddy getting her a treadmill, eliptical machine, membership at the gym, etc...?
 
2012-08-02 06:58:22 AM

Shakespeare's Monkey: Well, one thing's for sure

[img.thesun.co.uk image 620x918]

I wouldn't yell Ooompa Loompa


In that picture it looks like somebody rolled her in flour to find the wet spot.
 
2012-08-02 06:59:28 AM
Why yell Ommpa Loompa when you can yell Orca?
 
2012-08-02 07:00:09 AM

RodneyToady: Quasar: That chick is Snookier than Snooki.

I heard that in my head as White Zombie-inspired "More Snooki Than Snooki" to the tune of "More Human Than Human."


I want more tan f*cker, I ain't done?
 
2012-08-02 07:00:15 AM

Pextor: "cute"

You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.


This. I hope subby and whoever keeps greenlighting this crap gets hit by a bus full of fat kids on their way to fat camp.

YARLY
 
2012-08-02 07:01:52 AM

TravelingFreakshow: Pextor: "cute"

You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

This. I hope subby and whoever keeps greenlighting this crap gets hit by a bus full of fat kids on their way to fat camp.

YARLY


That's the "joke". I use that term lightly because that dead horse has been beaten into a bloody pulp.
 
2012-08-02 07:03:12 AM

untaken_name: Gothnet: incendi: Pextor: You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Oh come on. It's perfectly valid to describe a chubby chick that you would bang in a dry spell after a couple of beers and not feel too bad about later as "cute".

This does not describe the ... uh ... individual in TFA though. For a start the kid's 15 you horrible perv.

You think she's really that heavy? I was thinking maybe 12-13st.


Um, yes? And I'd bet she's closer to 15st.
 
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