I guess he built this ship first right after he gave up flying:

The_Fuzz
So how did Noah feed all of these animals? Did he bring enough veggies for the herbivores, and enough extra animals for the carnivores? That could be a lot of extra animals. Not to mention fresh water, and cleaning all the droppings. That'd be a full time job for at least 1.5 Noah's. Noah must have been very bootstrappy.

How did he get the kangaroos?

Bible fanboys are even weirder than Twihards or Harry Potter fans.

Surool: Bible fanboys are even weirder than Twihards or Harry Potter fans.

Harry Potter makes a lot more sense.

Skywolf Philosopher: /But I wouldn't want to build one even if I had the money. What's the point?

The point? Future Jesus is going to drown you if you don't?

Apparently you are all forgetting that the ark did not have a rudder. There was no need for it.

Back when that story was originally made up, they must've lacked the sci-fi/fantasy filled imaginations we have today....
Seriously, God's supposed to be all powerful...Why needlessly kill all those animals and innocent people?You're God, just think 'Everybody who annoys me, die painfully' and they would....

Actually, I'm thinking too small....If you're all powerful and feeling pissy, just wipe out everybody with a thought, and instantly create a fresh batch of people and animals. Simple.

RussianPooper: Cpl.D: It pains me to think that there's people out there who think the Noah's Ark story is anything but rehashed allegory.

Seriously, people. The hell.

Abso-farking-lutely.

After this conversation, I might too. Bill Cosby

Branniganslaw: RussianPooper: Cpl.D: It pains me to think that there's people out there who think the Noah's Ark story is anything but rehashed allegory.

Seriously, people. The hell.

Abso-farking-lutely.

After this conversation, I might too. Bill Cosby

Linked the wrong one, the full skit. Link

Wow, not one comment about a dutch rudder yet??

Fark, I am disappoint...

Torhathel: The Bunyip: That looks a bit bigger than 300 cubits by 80 cubits by 40 cubits.

Riiiight....... What's a cubit???

To not know cubit is to know death

What kind of bird are YOU!

TFA: Johan Huibers, a wealthy businessman, used the ancient measurement of the cubit -- the length of a man's arm from elbow to fingertips -- to build the vessel to the dimensions specified in the book of Genesis.


King James Bible, Genesis 6-20: Fifteen cubits upward did the waters prevail; and the mountains were covered.

23 feet. Mountains were less than 23 feet back in the day. Truly amazing stuff.

DarkSkyForever: [i2.cdn.turner.com image 640x360]

The gay male lions and cross species monkey on ape action should surely provide a very educational bible lesson.

I have a question.
Why is the lion not eating the other animals? And why are there two males?

The Ark would ahve to be at least the siz eof Rhode Island to hold all the land and air animals, enough food and water to sustain them, and have room for them to move about, especially if you believe that dinosaurs, ancient mammals, and other prehistoric creatures lived alongside man and modern animals. The Ark would have to be sectioned off with some sturdy walls too, to keep the larger and surlier animals like the elephants and hippos and rhinos from running amuck, to say nothing of the sauropods, Tyrannosaurus, sabretooth cats and Megatheriums.

Of course, one would say that God put them in some sort of magical stasis until the waters receded, but then you start to wonder why he would need to go through all of that convoluted "destroy the world" mess in the first place instea dof just waving his hand and make the humans stop annoying him.

From TFA: "A Dutchman has built a replica of Noah's Ark to biblical proportions, following a dream his homeland would be flooded."

Whatever would give him that idea...?

/ would be much easier just to go to Germany
// probably less fun though

Keizer_Ghidorah: Of course, one would say that God put them in some sort of magical stasis until the waters receded, but then you start to wonder why he would need to go through all of that convoluted "destroy the world" mess in the first place instea dof just waving his hand and make the humans stop annoying him.

Nahum 1:2 The LORD is a jealous and vengeful God

"Bird of Prey..."

Gawdzila: Keizer_Ghidorah: Of course, one would say that God put them in some sort of magical stasis until the waters receded, but then you start to wonder why he would need to go through all of that convoluted "destroy the world" mess in the first place instea dof just waving his hand and make the humans stop annoying him.

Nahum 1:2 The LORD is a jealous and vengeful God

Gawdzila 4.? And WOE be unto his/yer derp

AssAsInAssassin: Skywolf Philosopher: Very close. The ark was more like a giant barge- boxier than that, and with only one window. Its design ensured hydrodynamic stability in any sort of tempest, and would have worked on the same principles as modern lifeboats do. With the one window at the top, and sealed well, the ark could have been submerged fully under a wave and bobbed out intact.

/But I wouldn't want to build one even if I had the money. What's the point?

You sound pretty sure for someone with no facts.

/Yeah, 100 million species of animals could fit in there. No problem.
//It's GAWD!!!



We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.

Quantum Apostrophe: Skywolf Philosopher: irregardless

I'm going to kick you in the balls.

You're more polite than i was going to be..

Gawdzila: Keizer_Ghidorah: Of course, one would say that God put them in some sort of magical stasis until the waters receded, but then you start to wonder why he would need to go through all of that convoluted "destroy the world" mess in the first place instea dof just waving his hand and make the humans stop annoying him.

Nahum 1:2 The LORD is a jealous and vengeful lazy God

FTFY

"My ridiculously circuitous plan is one-quarter complete!"

The whole story makes a lot more sense if you assume that God was some poor IT guy (he's got the ego for it) trying to do tech support for idiot clients, and what Noah saw was the last step of an ad-hoc redesign kludged together while the system was already running.

It would be naive to think the Dutch are not building their OWN ark...

Mr. President, we must not allow... an ark gap!

Keizer_Ghidorah:
Of course, one would say that God put them in some sort of magical stasis until the waters receded, but then you start to wonder why he would need to go through all of that convoluted "destroy the world" mess in the first place instea dof just waving his hand and make the humans stop annoying him.


God, the original Rube Goldberg.

itsfullofstars: [cdn1.wn.com image 468x312]

Yes, your big wooden boat filled with plastic animals is far more important than starving children. That's what Gee-zus wanted. It's in the Bye-bul after all.

Christians baffle me, especially the otherwise intelligent ones.



Yes, your computer / phone / "innernets" connection is far more important than starving children.

Lead the way and give up your shyte for the "starving children".

Hypocritical douchebags baffle me.

Ever thought that this was the first recorded instance of a hollocaust against humanity? Then came Sodom and Gamorrah...also, has anyone ever thought about all those animals getting seasick and having to clean up after them? The stench of barf and poop must have been enough to make you hair sand up on end!

Not [Weird] subby, this is religion. God will provide a rudder.

AssAsInAssassin: /Yeah, 100 million species of animals could fit in there. No problem.
//It's GAWD!!!

Lighten up, Francis. According to this source, there are only 17 species named in the OT, so fitting them into a boat that big, along with all the food they'd need for 40 days and 40 nights, would be a snap.

Where did all the other ones come from, you ask? Hey LOOK, a shiny thing! ;^)

TsarTom: e[v]erbody always fergets this part:

Genesis 7:1-3

Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that are not clean by two, the male and his female.
Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.

Yeah, that's the Yahwist (or Priestly) version. The Elohist version says two of every species, one male, one female. The Redactor (believed to be Ezra) merged the two into the convoluted, self-contradictory story now told in Genesis, but originally they were two similar but different stories, each internally consistent (or at least nowhere near as self-contradictory).

You can still separate them out today. Put all of the verses that call God "God" in one, and all that call Him "the LORD [God]" in another. Then read the two stories you get. Each one makes a lot more internally consistent sense (still wildly contradicts known laws of physics and such).

Another contradictory example from the Nosh story that resolves when you realize that it's two different stories about two different Gods: Why did God / the LORD decide never to flood the Earth again? Well, God (El, Elohim, later Ba'al) did it because of the rainbow thing. But the LORD (YHWH) did it because Noah built an altar and sacrificed one each of the "clean" animals and bird kinds, and the "sweet savor" of the smoke soothed His temper.

Of course, the YHWH version runs into the problem that the whole concept of a distinction of "clean" vs. "unclean" animals wasn't even given until millennia later with the Law of Moses ― the next mention isn't until Exodus Chapter 5 (IIRC), and it isn't codified until Leviticus Chapter 11! But the Priests wanted to show that YHWH was all into animal sacrifice even back then, thus their version of the story.

so it's true that people will argue over anything.

StoneColdAtheist: AssAsInAssassin: /Yeah, 100 million species of animals could fit in there. No problem.
//It's GAWD!!!

Lighten up, Francis. According to this source, there are only 17 species named in the OT, so fitting them into a boat that big, along with all the food they'd need for 40 days and 40 nights, would be a snap.

Where did all the other ones come from, you ask? Hey LOOK, a shiny thing! ;^)

"Magpie lives!"

Indubitably: StoneColdAtheist: AssAsInAssassin: /Yeah, 100 million species of animals could fit in there. No problem.
//It's GAWD!!!

Lighten up, Francis. According to this source, there are only 17 species named in the OT, so fitting them into a boat that big, along with all the food they'd need for 40 days and 40 nights, would be a snap.

Where did all the other ones come from, you ask? Hey LOOK, a shiny thing! ;^)

"Magpie lives!"

..."to Bower as a bird does..."

Marcintosh
so it's true that people will argue over anything.

Apart from that one guy at the top of the thread, I don't think anyone here is taking the position that the story of Noah's Ark is in any way feasible. It's one massive dogpile on a ridiculous fairytale.

Hagenhatesyouall: Yes, your computer / phone / "innernets" connection is far more important than starving children.

Lead the way and give up your shyte for the "starving children".

Hypocritical douchebags baffle me.

So, in your worlds, anyone with a computer/phone/etc may not criticize any other person's financial choices, no matter how ostentatious, or completely against the "Christian" values they claim to have? Seems like an Apples/Oranges argument to me. I didn't spend my hard earned money on computer / phone / "innernets" connection to "be more Christian", it's possible to do that without all the fairy tales that go along with it. Jesus did it, why cant Christians do it too? Christians seem to love these stories and love the label "Christians" far more than they love, or even fundamentally understand, Jesus Christ's message. Bill and Ted understand Christ's message far better than 99.9% of self titled Christians.

I do try to help out people who dont have as much as I do as much as I can. Sometimes it's cash, sometimes it's time.

Just lat month I used that computer and "innernets" you seems so concerned with to fix problems in the super basic inventory system at my local food bank. It helps them rotate what they do get out the door where it can do some good so they dont have to toss as much out.

What did you do? Dress up and go to church to sing about what a cool guy Jebus was? Or did you just stay home and accuse others of things on the "innernets"

fusillade762: I'll leave this here, just to add to the absurdity of this idea.

The conventional flood story states that the flood waters came from rain that lasted 40 days and 40 nights.


You are missing an important variable here.

NIV:
11 In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, on the seventeenth day of the second month -on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened.

Not that aren't tons of other arguments to be made -- how about the stress of being cooped in a bouncy, noisy cage for 40 days? not many animals could just live through that.

Subby assumes that noah and his ark actually existed.

I will never buy that.

Ever.

Gergesa: Has anyone ever noticed how God is amazingly inefficient in these stories. If I am all powerful I am not going to waste time flooding the world. I am simply going to vaporize everyone who displeases me. If I absolutely did have some sort of water fetish, I would simply move my selected animals and humans forward in time by about 20 days after the flooding.

You know, the Biblical flood story does point to a more FSM-style deity. One can easily imagine the FSM drinking far too much beer and drunkenly relieving itself on the earth below...

If he wanted to "prove" Noah's Ark, how come he cheated?

Why don't any of these Noah believing nutjobs ever go out, collect the same number of workers as Noah would have had family members to help for starters? Then use the tools of the same quality, type and precision as would have been contemporary with Noah to fell the lumber, split it and draw it into boards. All the while, building the frame and keel hull for the boat that size (it would be something like 3-4 times larger than the largest wooden boats known to history, including boats constructed up to 2000+ yrs later)

I really wonder how a group of 5-7 men (and women) could possibly build a ship of that size, completely of wood using archaic tools performing every skilled task necessary to do so in even the 80 years or so it supposedly took. By the time one section would have been finished, it's almost a certainty the first parts built would have decayed due to simple rot or insect infestation.

This guy completely cheated by welding together a bunch of barges as the platform.

And I demand true gopherwood!