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(CNN)   Some countries extend the olive branch to newly democratized Libya. America extends the Cinnabon franchise, guaranteeing obesity, heart disease, and no future revolutions   (money.cnn.com) divider line 41
    More: Amusing, Cinnabon, Libya, U.S., Focus Brands International, Mike Shattuck  
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1916 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2012 at 10:41 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-08-01 09:56:11 AM
And that's probably what will happen as Libyans haven't built up a mental resistance to the primitive smell response that occurs when you catch that cinnamony air that permeates everything within 800 meters.
 
2012-08-01 10:13:47 AM
I thought Cinnabon was Canadian?
 
2012-08-01 10:35:18 AM
I started working at Cinnabon when I was sixteen years old. I didn't particularly pick that restaurant, but they were the only ones that called me back after I did the job application tour of the Food Court. My boss was this ultra-nervous Jewish guy who adamantly refused to let anyone but himself go into the back area of the store where they did the prep. I had to stay at the front counter under penalty of losing my job. The longer I worked there, the stranger I thought it was, but at that age I was just in to following orders and not screwing up.

Then one summer morning, I get there at 8AM to help open but the Jewish owner is nowhere to be found. For two years he was always there before me, so it was way strange when he still wasn't there ten minutes before opening time. I could see some of the regular fatties starting to waddle our way through the plastic chair pasture of the food court. If I didn't do something quickly, I was going to have a blood sugar riot on my hands with fatties passing out as they exhausted themselves screaming for the doughy candy.

"Let's do this."

I grabbed my apron and headed for the back room where I presumed the cinnamon rolls were waiting to be heated. The door was locked, but I'd just downloaded the Anarchist's Cookbook from a BBS, so I popped the lock with my Blockbuster card and switched on the overhead light.

"My god," I said, bewildered.

A large, naked white male hung from the ceiling, supported by cords that looped under his arms. Above him was a fifty pound sack of refined white sugar. A hose ran from an attachment nozzle on the sugar bag into the man's mouth where it was firmly secured with surgical tape. A red level on the house seemed to release sugar into the man's mouth. I couldn't tell if he were alive or dead because his eyes were swollen shut.

Beneath the man's anus was a metal tray with four cinnamon rolls. Suddenly the man's body began to squirm and convulse. Slowly another cinnamon roll pushed from his anus. This one, though, was smaller than the others. I knew immediately he was running low on fuel. I raced to the red lever, threw it wide open, and watched as the sugar poured into the man's throat. He swallowed it with throat contractions, like a snake eating a strangled rat.

Suddenly, from his penis, began oozing a thick-white and sweet smelling fluid. It was the glaze! I grabbed the tray and carefully allowed the excretion to coat the cinnamon rolls. Knowing it was almost opening time, I took the tray to the warmer, and allowed them to heat up as I turned on the front of house lights and waved to the cattle approaching.

Just then, the Jewish owner came running through the food court, a white bandage marked red with seeping blood attached to his forehead.

"What happened?" I exclaimed.

Seeing what I'd done, his face flushed red with anger.

"Get out! You're fired! You're fired!"

I tried to explain that his secret, the company's secret, was safe with me. That I was okay with it. But he refused to listen as he ripped my apron over my head and kicked me out from behind the counter. I stood there in disbelief.

He ran into the back room, calling sweetly, "my darling son, I'm so sorry. Daddy's sorry he's late. Forgive me. Forgive me."
 
2012-08-01 10:42:56 AM
They also sell Carvel icecream. YAY, COOKIE PUSS!!1!
 
2012-08-01 10:43:37 AM
u4ya.ca

Extra cum on mine, please.
 
2012-08-01 10:44:57 AM

spentmiles: --removed for those who still think you're a troll and not a personality


I enjoyed that story this time. You're getting much better. I remember when you used to do everything all in one paragraph and it was just WAY too difficult to read. You've grown.
 
2012-08-01 10:47:25 AM

HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.


I cannot see, read, or think about Cinnabon without thinking of Louis CK.
 
2012-08-01 10:48:36 AM
i149.photobucket.com
VIVA LE REVOLU- *puff-pant-pant* Ah, to hell with it - I'm tired.
 
2012-08-01 10:49:11 AM
This is how we assimilate.

In previous centuries, Empires were built through military conquest. Flags would fly, statues would go up, the face on the money was your new ruler.

Now, we put up golden arches, we send in Gap and Levi Jeans, Starbucks becomes our outposts, and Cinnabon is part of the whole package deal.

I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.
 
2012-08-01 10:50:35 AM
Seriously, a 7,500-square-foot Cinnabon? Is there really that much demand for pastries in Libya?
 
2012-08-01 10:51:02 AM

Shrugging Atlas: HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.

I cannot see, read, or think about Cinnabon without thinking of Louis CK.


Jim Gaffigan has a good rant about it as well in one of his stand up specials.
 
2012-08-01 10:51:50 AM
I'm guessing a "Hershel Wittgenstein's Pulled-Pork Emporium" will be setting up shop shortly.
 
2012-08-01 10:53:11 AM

Kevin72: I thought Cinnabon was Canadian?


SOCIALIST!!!
gerrycanavan.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-01 10:53:17 AM

HotWingConspiracy: Shrugging Atlas: HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.

I cannot see, read, or think about Cinnabon without thinking of Louis CK.

Jim Gaffigan has a good rant about it as well in one of his stand up specials.


Hoooooooot Cinnaboooooooon
 
2012-08-01 10:53:50 AM

Shrugging Atlas: HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.

I cannot see, read, or think about Cinnabon without thinking of Louis CK.


Same here.

"I'm eating that, that's what happening next. You decide if we're gonna be in the paper tomorrow."
 
2012-08-01 10:54:38 AM

spentmiles: I started working at Cinnabon when I was sixteen years old...

whoa, that's pretty crazy. I may be overstepping some boundaries but you may be a budding David Foster Wallace or DFW himself.

 
2012-08-01 10:55:01 AM

Silverstaff: I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.


McDonalds is clearly part of a secret agenda to cripple nations' nutritional intake.

/naw, Monsanto's got that covered
 
2012-08-01 10:59:57 AM

To The Escape Zeppelin!: Seriously, a 7,500-square-foot Cinnabon? Is there really that much demand for pastries in Libya?


For the spatially impaired - that's twice as big as your average Olive Garden, but with only half as many microwaves.
 
2012-08-01 11:01:27 AM
Move aside and let the man go through, let the man go through
 
2012-08-01 11:03:15 AM

Silverstaff: This is how we assimilate.

In previous centuries, Empires were built through military conquest. Flags would fly, statues would go up, the face on the money was your new ruler.

Now, we put up golden arches, we send in Gap and Levi Jeans, Starbucks becomes our outposts, and Cinnabon is part of the whole package deal.

I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.


Well, yes, other than the US invasion of Panama, NATO bombing of Serbia, India and Pakistan, Israel and Lebanon and Georgia and Russia.

/In other words, Thomas Friedman is clueless.
 
2012-08-01 11:03:50 AM

Silverstaff: I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.


Russia attacked Georgia, formerly Iberia. Both have McDonalds, I do believe.
 
2012-08-01 11:08:07 AM

spentmiles: swollen


You should write the next Human Centipede movie.
 
2012-08-01 11:09:57 AM
Subby, Libya is not a democracy, not by a long shot. We armed child soldiers to overthrow one dictator for a new totalitarian regime that will be more responsive to our new ownership of their wealth and natural resources.
 
2012-08-01 11:10:36 AM

Silverstaff: This is how we assimilate.

In previous centuries, Empires were built through military conquest. Flags would fly, statues would go up, the face on the money was your new ruler.

Now, we put up golden arches, we send in Gap and Levi Jeans, Starbucks becomes our outposts, and Cinnabon is part of the whole package deal.

I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.


Sleeping when the US was blasting the water treatment plants and the like to rubble, were you?
 
2012-08-01 11:10:54 AM

Sir Not Sure The Unscannable: Silverstaff: I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.

McDonalds is clearly part of a secret agenda to cripple nations' nutritional intake.

/naw, Monsanto's got that covered



This and that.
 
2012-08-01 11:11:02 AM

HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.



I came here for the Louis C.K. reference, and I leave satisfied.
 
2012-08-01 11:13:26 AM
spentmiles:

Something like this maybe?
goldtracker.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-08-01 11:18:50 AM
Could be worse:

i512.photobucket.com

/and the chefs wouldn't have far to go for their training in Tuscany
 
2012-08-01 11:23:18 AM

moravaman: We armed child soldiers to overthrow one dictator for a new totalitarian regime that will be more responsive to our new ownership of their wealth and natural resources


I saw the pic of them dragging Qaddafi out of his pipe, those didn't look like children to me.
They have a provisional government, whether they end up totalitarian remains to be seen.
However, right now they have a chairman, prime minister and a legislature.
 
2012-08-01 11:26:27 AM
I have never had a cinnabon, BUT.. i have seen them.. looks disgusting.. If people are willing to put whatever crap in their face without thinking of what its doing to them... screw it let them all die fat and wheezy...
 
2012-08-01 11:48:04 AM
Freedom tastes like cinnamon sugar and cream cheese frosting.

/and is the size of a compact spare tire
 
2012-08-01 11:51:40 AM

retarded: Shrugging Atlas: HotWingConspiracy: [u4ya.ca image 240x312]

Extra cum on mine, please.

I cannot see, read, or think about Cinnabon without thinking of Louis CK.

Same here.

"I'm eating that, that's what happening next. You decide if we're gonna be in the paper tomorrow."


Thanks for that! Awesome!
 
2012-08-01 12:06:31 PM
I used to love Cinnabon. So yummy.
 
2012-08-01 12:09:06 PM
Cinnabon? Might as well kill yourself now.
 
2012-08-01 12:09:16 PM

Icetech3: I have never had a cinnabon, BUT.. i have seen them.. looks disgusting.. If people are willing to put whatever crap in their face without thinking of what its doing to them... screw it let them all die fat and wheezy...


You know, I have to agree with you on that. As a recovering Fattie myself, it makes me ill that people are willing to eat anything without a care of what DAMAGE they are doing to themselves. And I am speaking from experience here and my empty wallet from my co-pay of medical bills speaks for me as well, lol!

*screw Cinnabon! I can make something just as yummy as that yet healthier
 
2012-08-01 12:19:54 PM

Silverstaff: I remember reading that no nation with a McDonalds in it has ever directly attacked another nation with a McDonalds in it.


McDonald's....bringing world peace since...um...whenever it was founded.

/i'm lovin it
 
2012-08-01 12:47:11 PM

mafiageek1980: Icetech3: *screw Cinnabon! I can make something just as yummy as that yet healthier


Pics. I demand pics.

And a taste test.

I'm a fattie on the recovery (lost 45 lbs so far, another 30 to go)and have yet to find anything quite as tasty as cinnabon. I've just learned that 'moderation' actually needs to be once a year, and not once every month or two. And considering the weight I've lost so far, in seven months...? yeah. Currently planning my calorie count for my cinnabon nom fest later this month. Which will require much walking that day, too (and the day prior and after most likely). I will EARN my fix, thank you very much.
 
2012-08-01 01:30:45 PM

spentmiles: ...


Impressed.

Rich Cream: slurm


What I thought of also.
 
2012-08-01 01:45:46 PM
GIVE ME CINNABONS OR GIVE ME DEATH!
 
2012-08-01 03:06:41 PM

PhoenixInFlames: mafiageek1980: Icetech3: *screw Cinnabon! I can make something just as yummy as that yet healthier

Pics. I demand pics.

And a taste test.

I'm a fattie on the recovery (lost 45 lbs so far, another 30 to go)and have yet to find anything quite as tasty as cinnabon. I've just learned that 'moderation' actually needs to be once a year, and not once every month or two. And considering the weight I've lost so far, in seven months...? yeah. Currently planning my calorie count for my cinnabon nom fest later this month. Which will require much walking that day, too (and the day prior and after most likely). I will EARN my fix, thank you very much.


first off, congrats! I've only lost 20, but i'm also working out 6 days a week and just started 2 months ago. I already feel 10x better than ever.

You want proof, I got it. I'm at work, so here's the recipe (no pics):

Vegan Cheese Danish

2 cans of croissant dough (Pillsbury and Cub Foods brand Crescent Rolls are vegan)
1 container of vegan cream cheese
1/3 cup white sugar
3/4 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon vegan sour cream
Icing (optional)
1 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon soy milk
1 tablespoon margarine
Preheat over to 350 degrees. On a cookie sheet, lay out the first can of crescent rolls into one big rectangle. Pinch seams together. In a bowl, mix the cream cheese, white sugar, lemon juice, vanilla, and sour cream until smooth. Spread the filling on the rolls, leaving enough room at the edge to pinch the danish shut. Lay out the second can of dough over the filling, pinching the seams and the edges. Bake for 25 minutes. Let cool.

To prepare the optional icing, mix the powdered sugar, soy milk, and margarine until smooth. Drizzle over the cooled danish.

I got this from www.exploreveg.org

and yes, I am a Vegan...but I HATE PETA with a great passion!
 
2012-08-01 05:48:33 PM
This is her war.

Let her tell them to eat cake

www.armenianweekly.com
 
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