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(Discover)   Kids, I'm not living this lie anymore. Your mom can't cook for shiat, and I'm banging her sister   (blogs.discovermagazine.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, DMs  
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11408 clicks; posted to Geek » on 01 Aug 2012 at 11:44 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-08-01 11:59:16 AM  
3 votes:

Slaves2Darkness: I wish I had banged my ex-wife's sister when she offered, she was hot. Unfortunately she was also crazy and committed suicide a couple of years ago.


I can loan you my shovel if that is the case.
2012-08-01 02:49:59 PM  
2 votes:
I have a disgusting family meal story:

My son loves fettucini Alfredo. He calls it "noodles with white sauce". My mother-in-law tried to make him happy by making "noodles with white sauce" when we were visiting for the holildays. She made "white sauce" using flour, water, and black pepper, resulting in a lumpy, bland, yet overpoweringly peppery gravy that rapidly cooled and congealed when tossed with the pasta. I watched ex-military family members push their food around in circles before making excuses to leave early (no doubt to pick up Chinese on the way home). My wife and I still speak of that meal in horrified whispers.
2012-08-03 03:23:10 AM  
1 vote:

Jclark666: I have a disgusting family meal story:

My son loves fettucini Alfredo. He calls it "noodles with white sauce". My mother-in-law tried to make him happy by making "noodles with white sauce" when we were visiting for the holildays. She made "white sauce" using flour, water, and black pepper, resulting in a lumpy, bland, yet overpoweringly peppery gravy that rapidly cooled and congealed when tossed with the pasta. I watched ex-military family members push their food around in circles before making excuses to leave early (no doubt to pick up Chinese on the way home). My wife and I still speak of that meal in horrified whispers.


It turned out that your wife's mother wasn't the only one in the family to roux that meal?
2012-08-02 03:27:32 AM  
1 vote:

Surool: My ex could f*ck up box macaroni, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.


I read that as "f*ck a box of macaroni".
2012-08-02 12:14:30 AM  
1 vote:

ladyfortuna: Thrakkerzog: ladyfortuna: Fortunately I can admit when a meal didn't come out right, and he'd have a difficult time doing that - they're both 600 miles away...

Now I know that you're nick is "Lady Fortuna", but I couldn't help but read it as "Lady For Tuna".

It amused me, nothing more. Carry on.

You're not the first one =/ I mean I like tuna but really, it's a joke because I have the worst damn luck that hasn't outright killed or bankrupted me. I'm talking constant injuries, a curse when I get takeout (it's always wrong), fax machines never work right when I'm around even if I never touched them, my car got backed into in Feb then rear ended and totaled in May... it just goes on and on.

I think I'll just sit here and think about tuna sushi for a while. Mmmm.


Maybe my daughter's note for the tooth fairy will cheer you up:

lh5.googleusercontent.com
2012-08-01 11:29:42 PM  
1 vote:

Thrakkerzog: ladyfortuna: Fortunately I can admit when a meal didn't come out right, and he'd have a difficult time doing that - they're both 600 miles away...

Now I know that you're nick is "Lady Fortuna", but I couldn't help but read it as "Lady For Tuna".

It amused me, nothing more. Carry on.


You're not the first one =/ I mean I like tuna but really, it's a joke because I have the worst damn luck that hasn't outright killed or bankrupted me. I'm talking constant injuries, a curse when I get takeout (it's always wrong), fax machines never work right when I'm around even if I never touched them, my car got backed into in Feb then rear ended and totaled in May... it just goes on and on.

I think I'll just sit here and think about tuna sushi for a while. Mmmm.
2012-08-01 09:49:55 PM  
1 vote:

ladyfortuna: Fortunately I can admit when a meal didn't come out right, and he'd have a difficult time doing that - they're both 600 miles away...


Now I know that you're nick is "Lady Fortuna", but I couldn't help but read it as "Lady For Tuna".

It amused me, nothing more. Carry on.
2012-08-01 09:02:07 PM  
1 vote:

Slaves2Darkness: I wish I had banged my ex-wife's sister when she offered, she was hot. Unfortunately she was also crazy and committed suicide a couple of years ago.


So, you're saying she isn't doing anything right now?
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-08-01 06:54:12 PM  
1 vote:
My mom doesn't have a sister. She has a bro--- eww.
2012-08-01 05:10:36 PM  
1 vote:

Crewmannumber6: biyaaatci: Two of my wife's sisters are batshiat crazy and always try to flirt with me when we're in the same country. They all fight like alley cats and try to get me to join their side in arguments. But luckily they're spread out around the world. I could easily see some sort of horrible Jack Tripper-esque misunderstanding happening. And all of their cooking sucks, my wife's included, so I do all of the cooking.

That was........................informative.


Any time, man. Any time.
2012-08-01 03:07:59 PM  
1 vote:
I just cannot relate. My wife is a trained chef and her sister is a gorgon.
2012-08-01 01:40:52 PM  
1 vote:
The first time I tried to bang my (now ex) wife's sister, she started feeling guilty and we stopped. The second time I tried, my wife woke up and caught us. Finally after our divorce her and I finally hooked up and she was an even worse lay than my wife.
2012-08-01 01:00:10 PM  
1 vote:
What I MEANT to say was 'Pass the salt, please'
2012-08-01 12:18:47 PM  
1 vote:
Any pictures of the sister?
2012-08-01 12:14:43 PM  
1 vote:
Living the dream
2012-08-01 12:07:48 PM  
1 vote:
My ex could f*ck up box macaroni, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
2012-08-01 12:06:48 PM  
1 vote:
I read that as "I am banging *your* sister"

I was thinking: Woody, is that you?
2012-08-01 12:06:44 PM  
1 vote:

Saiga410: Slaves2Darkness: I wish I had banged my ex-wife's sister when she offered, she was hot. Unfortunately she was also crazy and committed suicide a couple of years ago.

I can loan you my shovel if that is the case.


Nah, once the embaling fluid goes in the pussy just gets too loose and the asshole splits.
2012-08-01 11:57:11 AM  
1 vote:
I wish I had banged my ex-wife's sister when she offered, she was hot. Unfortunately she was also crazy and committed suicide a couple of years ago.
 
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