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(Uproxx)   Your sarcastic guide to alleged plot holes in 'The Dark Knight Rises'   (uproxx.com) divider line 252
    More: Amusing, pet peeves  
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12057 clicks; posted to Geek » on 30 Jul 2012 at 11:42 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-30 09:38:50 PM
How Does Bruce Wayne Get Back to Gotham With No Resources?

He's the f***ing Batman. Seriously, if any fictional character could pull this one off, it's the f***ing Batman. Stop whining.

Ok, this one made me laugh.
 
2012-07-30 09:49:54 PM
Fusion doesn't explode. Hydrogen bombs only explode because a fission bomb is used first to make the hydrogen detonate in a very big and uncontrolled fusion reaction that ends fairly quickly but is epic in scale.

A fusion reactor would have so little material inside that even if we all farked off and just let that shiat blow up, it probably wouldn't even damage the reactor itself. Especially considering that it's really hard to make things keep fusing. Atoms don't spontaneously do that without stellar amounts of gravity.

So the whole premise of "We've got a nuke." is silly. Even if you could make it thus, it wouldn't work like that. At best, it would be anchored to the reactor at all times.
 
2012-07-30 09:53:22 PM
ROT13 for spoilers:

Fb jung nobhg nyy bs Onar'f tbbaf jub fgvyy xabj jub Ongzna vf? Fher, gurl'er cebonoyl yblny rabhtu abg gb gnyx sbe n juvyr. Ohg gurl unir ab yrnqref jvgu Onar naq Gnyvn bhg bs gur cvpgher.

Naq shegurezber, qvq Tbeqba yrnea abguvat? Ur yvrq nobhg Qrag naq cnvq gur cevpr sbe vg. Abj ur'f pbirevat hc sbe gur tbqqnza Ongzna.
 
2012-07-30 10:09:22 PM

scottydoesntknow: How Does Bruce Wayne Get Back to Gotham With No Resources?

He's the f***ing Batman. Seriously, if any fictional character could pull this one off, it's the f***ing Batman. Stop whining.

Ok, this one made me laugh.


My girlfriend and I discussed this at length (as well as some of the others). The dude lived off the grid for 7 years in his youth. If anything, Bruce Wayne is resourceful. He was broke...but he really wasn't broke. He was also very rich. What do the very rich like to do with their money? Put it in offshore accounts. It's more than likely that he had stashed millions in offshore accounts only known to him (which also explains the ending in more ways than one).

As for boning Miranda Tate...hell yes he would have. I don't know how anyone could say he wouldn't have. He was broke, alone, and isolated....he probably would have boned someone a lot less hot and rich if they were available.

As for the stock exchange business. That would eventually be overturned but by the time order was restored to Gotham, Bruce Wayne was dead.
 
2012-07-30 10:15:10 PM
Batman Totally Heals Too Quickly For a Real World Back Injury

So, wait, you were OK with the constantly stoned body-builder, the decades-away fusion reactor, the insane helicopter, the city totally cut off from the rest of America by a terrorist, and the high-level jewel thief in a unitard on the motorcycle with the spinny wheel firing Howitzer shells, but the guy in the Batsuit getting over a broken back in a few months... that's what bothers you, Captain Scientific Accuracy?


I loled.
 
2012-07-30 10:33:02 PM
Very minor quibble: I enjoyed Bane's rousing anarchist speech while he's arranging to break the prison open. The speech rises to a dramatic crescendo, with all the prisoners shouting and cheering and drumming...and then I realized Bane is actually just standing outside by himself, monologuing in front of a half-dozen terrified, silent journalists.

(Why didn't the prison guards turn off the tvs? I can't imagine that most prisoners, no matter how violent, would be all too happy about being released from jail only to be trapped in the city where, presumably, some of them have their own families and friends.)

Props to the actor playing Bane, though. It can't be easy to convey that much emotion with half your face covered.
 
2012-07-30 11:08:12 PM
FTFA: My problem with the articles I've been seeing is that they try to elevate personal dislike or minor errors into a gross artistic mistake. Just like Jim Emerson's disgraceful video about how The Dark Knight had, like, totally crappy editing, this isn't about the movies. It's about appointing oneself the supreme arbiter of taste above all those disgusting little plebs.

I really couldn't have agreed with that more. There's quite a few Farkers that think that their opinions are the final word on everything. The comment is usually filled with a lot of name calling and cries to the heavens about how they're the only ones stuck with the intellectual burden of telling all of us how we should really feel about a movie.
 
2012-07-30 11:32:05 PM
Damn good article.

However, if someone doesn't like it, it's their opinion. If they tell me their objections, the best I can do is give them another view.
 
2012-07-30 11:33:21 PM
Wow, that's a terribly written article.
 
2012-07-30 11:36:51 PM

slayer199: scottydoesntknow: How Does Bruce Wayne Get Back to Gotham With No Resources?

He's the f***ing Batman. Seriously, if any fictional character could pull this one off, it's the f***ing Batman. Stop whining.

Ok, this one made me laugh.

My girlfriend and I discussed this at length (as well as some of the others). The dude lived off the grid for 7 years in his youth. If anything, Bruce Wayne is resourceful. He was broke...but he really wasn't broke. He was also very rich. What do the very rich like to do with their money? Put it in offshore accounts. It's more than likely that he had stashed millions in offshore accounts only known to him (which also explains the ending in more ways than one).

As for boning Miranda Tate...hell yes he would have. I don't know how anyone could say he wouldn't have. He was broke, alone, and isolated....he probably would have boned someone a lot less hot and rich if they were available.

As for the stock exchange business. That would eventually be overturned but by the time order was restored to Gotham, Bruce Wayne was dead.


Bruce Wayne was broke because he lost his job and had to stay at home with the kids, while his wife pursued her advertising career. He realized he could be Batman when he resisted the temptation to fukzizzle that one really hot neighborhood milf and threw his son's beloved "wooby" in the fire.
 
2012-07-30 11:46:44 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Very minor quibble: I enjoyed Bane's rousing anarchist speech while he's arranging to break the prison open. The speech rises to a dramatic crescendo, with all the prisoners shouting and cheering and drumming...and then I realized Bane is actually just standing outside by himself, monologuing in front of a half-dozen terrified, silent journalists.

(Why didn't the prison guards turn off the tvs? I can't imagine that most prisoners, no matter how violent, would be all too happy about being released from jail only to be trapped in the city where, presumably, some of them have their own families and friends.)

Props to the actor playing Bane, though. It can't be easy to convey that much emotion with half your face covered.


While I was very disappointed with the film I have to agree about Tom Hardy's performance. He was very, very good. The rest of the movie...meh.
 
2012-07-30 11:48:40 PM
They forgot "Why would anyone go see a movie about a man who dresses up in a silly bat costume to fight crime?"
 
2012-07-30 11:48:54 PM
The one continuity error that bothered me was the motorcycle chase. Starts off in the middle of the day and ends in the dead of night despite the program needing only minutes, not hours, to be complete.
 
2012-07-30 11:52:03 PM
It's a comic book movie. None of it was suspension of disbelief breaking.
 
2012-07-30 11:54:26 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Very minor quibble: I enjoyed Bane's rousing anarchist speech while he's arranging to break the prison open. The speech rises to a dramatic crescendo, with all the prisoners shouting and cheering and drumming...and then I realized Bane is actually just standing outside by himself, monologuing in front of a half-dozen terrified, silent journalists.

(Why didn't the prison guards turn off the tvs? I can't imagine that most prisoners, no matter how violent, would be all too happy about being released from jail only to be trapped in the city where, presumably, some of them have their own families and friends.)

Props to the actor playing Bane, though. It can't be easy to convey that much emotion with half your face covered.


Only half his face? Try your whole face:

www.philipcoppens.com
 
2012-07-30 11:56:06 PM
I thought Heath Ledger was the worst villian ever. Should've learned a thing or two from Revenge of the Fallen and done it right...
 
2012-07-30 11:57:03 PM
TFA Batman Totally Heals Too Quickly For a Real World Back Injury

So, wait, you were OK with the constantly stoned body-builder, the decades-away fusion reactor, the insane helicopter, the city totally cut off from the rest of America by a terrorist, and the high-level jewel thief in a unitard on the motorcycle with the spinny wheel firing Howitzer shells, but the guy in the Batsuit getting over a broken back in a few months... that's what bothers you, Captain Scientific Accuracy?

I loled.


So in a trilogy that is supposed to be "realistic" we're supposed to accept this just cuz? I willing to believe more advance tech, but not more advanced healing, especially when it comes at the end of a rope.

/ fwiw I did also find it weird that Selina instinctively knew how to drive the batpod, especially since it does not drive like a "normal" motorcycle at all (watch the featurettes showing the stunt guys learning to drive it). You'd think Bruce would at least have to whisper "by the way, it does this spinny thing that could kill you if you don't do it right".
 
2012-07-30 11:57:54 PM

Solon Isonomia: The one continuity error that bothered me was the motorcycle chase. Starts off in the middle of the day and ends in the dead of night despite the program needing only minutes, not hours, to be complete.


I will agree with you. However, in the fall and early winter, with overcast skies, night comes pretty fast. What is light at 5 p.m. can be night by 5:30. Or any time anywhere when overcast. Also, it's Gotham city. It's like chicago or new york. High rises aren't transparent. So not entirely a horrible shooting decision.
 
2012-07-30 11:58:49 PM
Dane Cook laughs at this article.
 
2012-07-30 11:59:18 PM

Mark Ratner: Bruce Wayne was broke because he lost his job and had to stay at home with the kids, while his wife pursued her advertising career. He realized he could be Batman when he resisted the temptation to fukzizzle that one really hot neighborhood milf and threw his son's beloved "wooby" in the fire.


Hehe, you magnificent bastard.
//Nice pair
 
2012-07-30 11:59:45 PM
My sarcastic comments for a shiatty website with slideshow articles.
 
2012-07-31 12:02:11 AM
I would also like to say the writer of this article answered a number of questions I never heard anyone ask. The biggest gripes I heard were how disappointing the fashion of Bane's death was, how Talia was completely overshadowed by Bane and it was hard to care about her by the time she was revealed as the main bad guy.

Also, every piece of fiction has a level of believability the writer has to be wary of. Even with fancy nuclear reactors and ridiculous over-the-top plot devices, the characters have to do things that make sense. So yes, it actually IS OK to wonder why Bruce could heal from a back injury so quickly. He is a human being, not superman, so it's normal to wonder why he defies all odds and heals from a horrific back injury with just a rope and some calisthenics.

Finally, articles like this are simply awful. Snark and sarcasm is great in spurts, but it has turned into a worrying trend in the blogging world where snark and mean-spiritedness are the goal rather than making a point or getting the reader to think. Everything has to be made fun of, even the people who make fun of those making fun of things. It's gotten beyond ridiculous. The guy needs to tone it down, a lot.
 
2012-07-31 12:02:21 AM
How about how easily the barricades were blown apart? One or two small rockets blows through one or two cars and people can leave the city, and cops are free from the subways? They had THREE months and they couldn't move these tiny amounts of debris? Pathetic.

Bane must have had them kill every engineer and everyone with common sense or any construction skills/knowledge whatsoever.

And how did those cops survive down there for three months without doughnuts? Totally unrealistic. They would have made a suicide pact after 2 days and had the biggest Mexican Standoff this side of the cartels.
 
2012-07-31 12:06:52 AM
For an ingenious scientist, Batman got fooled easily/repeatedly in the new flick.
 
2012-07-31 12:07:18 AM
The problem with TDKRises, and the whole trilogy, is not that it's bad, it's that for some reason it's billed as absolutely farking brilliant when in fact it's just a well-executed summer action flick with some decent effects and writing that's pretty OK, if a bit on the simple and generic side.

It's like the guy bragging about his twelve-inch penis and bodybuilder physique for hours and hours at the bar. If he ends up just being a moderately talented and athletic lover of similarly moderate endowment, chances are his partner is going to end up disappointed even though under normal conditions that'd be a pretty good end to the night.

What I'm saying here is that it's impossible to write a non-sexual analogy about any movie with someone playing Catwoman in it. Except the Catwoman movie, that was just farking terrible.
 
2012-07-31 12:08:09 AM
ummm farking blood transfusion anyone?


Gee we have a corpse, fark the dental records, fark the hair, lets grab a little bit of blood that couldn't possibly have mixed with other blood and use that to DNA test this motherfarker.
 
2012-07-31 12:16:59 AM

Curt Blizzah: For an ingenious scientist, Batman got fooled easily/repeatedly in the new flick.


Batman's never been a scientist in any of the movies. Burton's 1989 film came closest when he figured out the combination of chemicals The Joker poisoned. He was never much of a detective either. That thing with the bullet in TDK made no sense at all. I guess being a ninja is more cinematic than all that thinking stuff.
 
2012-07-31 12:20:11 AM
My biggest complaint was that they got rid of bane's venom. I was looking forward to that explanation.
 
2012-07-31 12:23:20 AM
How did Bane know about the secret warehouse under Wayne Enterprises?

If your greatest fear about a prototype nuclear reactor is that it can be turned into a weapon, why make it removable from the container that prevents that from happening? And why build this fancy display that will perfectly count down to when it blows up?

How did that copter manage to outrun missiles anyway?

And lastly, why did Batman decide to forgo the use of pretty much all gadgets to engage the bad guy in a straight-up fistfight?
 
2012-07-31 12:26:26 AM

scottydoesntknow: How Does Bruce Wayne Get Back to Gotham With No Resources?

He's the f***ing Batman. Seriously, if any fictional character could pull this one off, it's the f***ing Batman. Stop whining.

Ok, this one made me laugh.


As Yahtzee said, Batman is the most competent character in literature since Jesus.
 
2012-07-31 12:26:28 AM
My explanation for why the Wayne Enterprises board didn't question the legitimacy of the stupid trading by Bruce Wayne even though it happened under suspicious circumstances.

There were 4 catagories of people on the board:

1 People on the take from Daggett/Bane

2 People who knew Bruce as the spoiled trust fund baby who fell asleep in meetings with the Chinese mobster that he wanted to get in bed with until the guy was arrested for being involved with every organized crime group in Gotham and then shuttered an alternative energy project he sunk the entire companys assets into when rumors say it was close to working.

3 people who saw which way the wind was blowing

4 Wayne loyalists- and I think Lucius Fox was pretty much it for category 4
 
2012-07-31 12:35:20 AM
None of these were complaints I had about the film. Bane's monologuing and afterthought death aside, he really didn't seem to be a good fit for the Nolan universe. Nolan's Batman universe is very real, and Bane was a bit too larger than life. Hardy did just fine, but the character is almost too operatic for the Nolan universe. And why the hell did Batman keep challenging him to fisticuffs? When they started physically fighting the second time, my first thought was "Did he not kick your ass thoroughly enough last time, Batman? You know all that awesome technology you have just on your Batsuit? Try using some of it."

Selina Kyle was pretty much wasted here too. I like Anne Hathaway, but the character was quite blah. I don't blame her so much for that. She wasn't written very well.

My last quibble was that they brought back the League of Shadows at all. Ra's al Ghul was fun, but there was no need to bring him and his legacy back. The Batman universe has an incredibly rich stock of bad guys to choose from. Why visit old territory? I won't get into my own personal wish list for bad guys I'd have liked to see Nolan take on, but the League of Shadows has always been a bit of a bore to me.

That said, it was a fun movie and the actors did the best they could with what they were given. Like everyone, I knew exactly where they were going with Blake, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt did a good job taking a character that no one was anxious to see and making him far more likable than most people expected.
 
2012-07-31 12:37:46 AM
I really liked the movie, it's my favorite of the three. The first one the fighting was distracting because with the camera in batman's pocket you couldn't tell what was going on, plus the driving on roof tops and turn the lights off for stealth mode. The second was better, the editing was a little off. The third was the best, I never knew Batman's back was supposed to be broken, I believe it was said he had a bulging disc or something. The only other things that bothered me were the thing with Miranda Tate, when they were scromping he felt a scar on her back that seemed to be in a certain shape, I knew at that moment she was no good and I thought he did too, I thought that was the whole reason it was shown. Also the trilogy seemed to wrap up Bruce Wayne's story too quick, he turned into batman, had a little thing with the Joker and two-face hid for a few years then it seems he's retired, he never even really got to use the Batcave much.
 
2012-07-31 12:38:17 AM

Digitalstrange: My explanation for why the Wayne Enterprises board didn't question the legitimacy of the stupid trading by Bruce Wayne even though it happened under suspicious circumstances.

There were 2 catagories of people on the board:

1 People on the take from Daggett/Bane

2 People who knew Bruce as the spoiled trust fund baby who fell asleep in meetings with the Chinese mobster that he wanted to get in bed with until the guy was arrested for being involved with every organized crime group in Gotham and then shuttered an alternative energy project he sunk the entire companys assets into when rumors say it was close to working.

3 people who saw which way the wind was blowing

1) Your normal boardmembers who would do anything to make a profit and get more money for themselves

2) Wayne loyalists- and I think Lucius Fox was pretty much it for category 2


My reading of it (though truly I agree with you)
 
2012-07-31 12:39:15 AM

doglover: Fusion doesn't explode. Hydrogen bombs only explode because a fission bomb is used first to make the hydrogen detonate in a very big and uncontrolled fusion reaction that ends fairly quickly but is epic in scale.

A fusion reactor would have so little material inside that even if we all farked off and just let that shiat blow up, it probably wouldn't even damage the reactor itself. Especially considering that it's really hard to make things keep fusing. Atoms don't spontaneously do that without stellar amounts of gravity.

So the whole premise of "We've got a nuke." is silly. Even if you could make it thus, it wouldn't work like that. At best, it would be anchored to the reactor at all times.


I like you doglover, but you're wrong. A fusion reactor would almost certainly be able to explode just like a fission reactor can. Whether or not it would be such a large explosion is impossible to know.

In a modern day fusion bomb, the fission trigger is used to start the reaction, yes. However, almost all of the released energy comes from the fusion reaction.

Therefore, if there were some way to actually create a fusion reaction, which there must be given that it is a fusion reactor we're talking about, it would probably explode with just as much if not more energy than a conventional fission reactor could.

As for the amount of material, that is impossible to know given that the entire method of fusion is fictional. However, consider this: In the Hiroshima explosion (admittedly much smaller than the fictional one) only about 1 kilogram of uranium (equivalent to a cube approximately 4 centimeters per side) actually underwent fission, and only about one GRAM of matter was converted to energy. Combine that with the fact that theoretically, fusion tends to be a more total reaction due to the extreme temperatures or pressures needed to sustain it.
 
2012-07-31 12:40:02 AM

Owangotang: It's a comic book movie. None of it was suspension of disbelief breaking.


I disagree. It's a comic book movie trying to be a realistic movie. There's nothing that screams "realism" like a rich guy who dresses up as a bat
 
2012-07-31 12:43:42 AM
They didn't really address what happened to Joker. And yes, I know they couldn't very well have a flashback to a scene where batman or someone offs The Joker for the obvious reason.
 
2012-07-31 12:46:07 AM
TFA brings up an interesting point during one of those explanations, in that film blogs have created some sort of condition, for lack of a better term, where people just declare that anything they're too stupid to reason through/put the clues together for or missed the explanation of is a glaring plot hole. Nobody analyzes actions or character, or in terms of Batman they've created an ideal of what they've decided that character is and refuse to budge for anyone else's interpretation. "Batman wouldn't do that!" Maybe not Chuck Dixon's Batman or Frank Miller's Batman, but Chris Nolan's Batman absolutely would. Were there plot holes? Sure, and I'm willing to bet the movies without plot holes could be counted on one hand. But just because you didn't get it or would rather compare it against something else instead of letting it stand or fall on its own merits doesn't make it a plot hole.
 
2012-07-31 12:47:23 AM

susansto-helit: I won't get into my own personal wish list for bad guys I'd have liked to see Nolan take on, but the League of Shadows has always been a bit of a bore to me.


It's Calendar Man. Admit it.
 
2012-07-31 12:47:41 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: They didn't really address what happened to Joker. And yes, I know they couldn't very well have a flashback to a scene where batman or someone offs The Joker for the obvious reason.


He said at the end of the second that the Joker was going to be in a padded cell for the rest of his life.
He went to the nuthouse. I don't think a trial and sentencing scene was necessary.
 
2012-07-31 12:50:27 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: They didn't really address what happened to Joker


There's not much to say, he's sitting in Arkham Asylum. I don' think Bane let those people out.
 
2012-07-31 12:53:59 AM

Britney Spear's Speculum: They didn't really address what happened to Joker. And yes, I know they couldn't very well have a flashback to a scene where batman or someone offs The Joker for the obvious reason.


Doing nothing with the Joker was in the end the safest thing. The people who really complain (by that I mean biatch hardcore about it, not you just bring it up) would have really biatched hard if he showed up. They would rail how he was wasted in it or "well now Gotham isn't safe because he's on the loose", no way they would be pleased. Plus you'd add the whole element of people being uncomfortable with there being a replacement. Joker included would just in the end risk taking too much off the table and not really add anything to the story
 
2012-07-31 12:55:06 AM
My issue: If you were gonna blow up Gotham anyway, why not trigger it as soon as you see the flaming bat emblem? Why wait until Batman is already within arm's-length of farking up your plans? Obviously, it was written this way to build up to the (ooh, ah) Talia reveal (an utter cop-out), but come on.
 
2012-07-31 12:55:08 AM

The All-Powerful Atheismo: susansto-helit: I won't get into my own personal wish list for bad guys I'd have liked to see Nolan take on, but the League of Shadows has always been a bit of a bore to me.

It's Calendar Man. Admit it.


A Long Halloween Calendar Man movie in the right hands would be a great one-off Batman film. In the wrong hands.....
 
2012-07-31 12:55:12 AM

Mugato: Curt Blizzah: For an ingenious scientist, Batman got fooled easily/repeatedly in the new flick.

Batman's never been a scientist in any of the movies. Burton's 1989 film came closest when he figured out the combination of chemicals The Joker poisoned. He was never much of a detective either. That thing with the bullet in TDK made no sense at all. I guess being a ninja is more cinematic than all that thinking stuff.


Perhaps the next version will be smarter. I'm guessing there were more than a few long time fans of the character who cringed at the "Am I supposed to understand that?" quip from Bruce Wayne after Fox explained the Scarecrow's toxin to him.
 
2012-07-31 12:58:44 AM
Author missed a biggie for me. Why'd Bane put his big bomb on a timer for 3 months when he had an instant detonator and his end goal was to blow everyone up? To torture the people for a while? From the looks of the police deputy, people were content just lying low in their homes.
 
2012-07-31 01:00:34 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: My issue: If you were gonna blow up Gotham anyway, why not trigger it as soon as you see the flaming bat emblem? Why wait until Batman is already within arm's-length of farking up your plans? Obviously, it was written this way to build up to the (ooh, ah) Talia reveal (an utter cop-out), but come on.


The main thing would be that it wasn't Bane's decision to make.

That's something a lot of people are having a hard time getting. Bane was never the villain in this. He was Talia's henchman. Granted, a lieutenant, but still a henchman. Everything he did was the means to accomplishing her plan, which was to avenge her father and finish his work.

Plus, since she was masquerading as just another one of the captives, odds are she didn't see the signal, so she wouldn't know to push the button.
 
2012-07-31 01:01:09 AM

cameroncrazy1984: Owangotang: It's a comic book movie. None of it was suspension of disbelief breaking.

I disagree. It's a comic book movie trying to be a realistic movie. There's nothing that screams "realism" like a rich guy who dresses up as a bat


Why can't it be both? A comic book movie set in the DC universe that is shot and presented in a realistic style? It's not like the movie took place in NYC and Barack Obama was the President, it's not our world.
 
2012-07-31 01:02:04 AM

MooseMuffin: Author missed a biggie for me. Why'd Bane put his big bomb on a timer for 3 months when he had an instant detonator and his end goal was to blow everyone up? To torture the people for a while? From the looks of the police deputy, people were content just lying low in their homes.


In the movie he said it was to build up false hope, just like the prison did.
 
2012-07-31 01:02:10 AM

Bonanza Jellybean: My issue: If you were gonna blow up Gotham anyway, why not trigger it as soon as you see the flaming bat emblem? Why wait until Batman is already within arm's-length of farking up your plans? Obviously, it was written this way to build up to the (ooh, ah) Talia reveal (an utter cop-out), but come on.


Same. Also, the terrible dialogue.
 
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