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(SacBee)   When the Sea Hag asks for a beer, you better give the Sea Hag a beer   (sacbee.com) divider line 49
    More: Florida, hag, Florida Keys, Carolyn Dukeshire  
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10698 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jul 2012 at 10:34 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-07-30 10:10:37 AM  
The restaurant was called "Brass Monkey?" I guess that monkey wasn't funky that night.
 
2012-07-30 10:20:01 AM  
Brandy, you're a fine girl
And a good wife you would be
But my love, my lover, my lady, is the SEA HAG!

OH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY. SHE SAW US FLIRTING, WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
 
2012-07-30 10:28:24 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-07-30 10:34:32 AM  
cdn103.iofferphoto.com
 
2012-07-30 10:37:27 AM  

Because People in power are Stupid: [upload.wikimedia.org image 200x251]


I know that pic.....Is it from an Advanced Dungeons and Dragons book from the 80's???
 
2012-07-30 10:37:46 AM  
Well, that's what one gets for being un-neighborly.
 
2012-07-30 10:37:49 AM  
"And if the Loch Ness Monster asks for money don't give him anything. He still owes me tree fitty."
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-30 10:38:34 AM  
Original story with pic of said sea hag: http://www.keysnet.com/2012/07/30/467203/conch-key-woman-accused-of-ki lling.html
 
2012-07-30 10:40:58 AM  
Beware the Sea Hag, me hearty. Though she looks of common stock, she weilds an uncanny, murderous power. Should ye encounter the she-beast, tis best to surrender yer grog rations than to succumb to her mighty claw.
 
2012-07-30 10:42:11 AM  
Oh, and I live three blocks from the Brass Monkey, used to go there all the time but not for years..... Colorful place.
 
2012-07-30 10:43:05 AM  
I met this woman while vacationing in Conch Key. She's just a barfly that the locals enjoyed making fun of. Unfortuneately, I got wasted and took her back to my hotel room. From the cuts and bruises, I'm pretty sure we had sex though some of them probably came when I woke up, saw the Sea Hag and involuntarily jumped through a third story window. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings if she has any.
 
2012-07-30 10:43:09 AM  

Keys dude: Original story with pic of said sea hag: http://www.keysnet.com/2012/07/30/467203/conch-key-woman-accused-of-ki lling.html


Gah! Kill it with fire
 
2012-07-30 10:43:42 AM  
Sea hag ipa. Mmmmm
365beers.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-07-30 10:43:57 AM  
Location. Several miles of the coast of Florida, Atlantic
Ocean
Date: 1988
Time: afternoon.
Professional scuba diver Robert Froster was diving alone
looking for mysterious undersea formations, when he noticed
a disturbance in the water. When he turned to look, he saw a
vague, shadowy figure slashing toward him. All around him
the water had begun to churn wildly, and clouds of sediment
were swirling. As the creature rushed toward him, it
appeared to undulate, rather than glide. When the fast
moving form got to within 20 yards of him, he noticed
something odd about it. Appendages like arms, seemed to
be reaching out toward him, and the end of each arm
appeared to be sharply talon hands. He then saw the
creature in full view. He saw an unmistakable pair of breasts,
long flowing hair, smooth skin, and scaled tail from the waist
down. It appeared to be half woman, half fish. Froster said,
"That creature had one thing on its mind-to kill me because I
had seen it. I've never seen such evil hate in the eyes of any
human or animal before." Before the creature could reach
him, Froster shot up toward the surface and was able to
scamper over the side of his craft to safety. He never saw
the creature again.
HC addition # 2861
Source: E Randall Floyd, Great Southern Mysteries.

That's her.
 
2012-07-30 10:44:48 AM  
A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
media2.wptv.com
 
2012-07-30 10:46:03 AM  
This is the problem with guns in America. Morons get to have them too.

/in fact, morons are the ones that want them the most
 
2012-07-30 10:47:33 AM  

strangeguitar: Because People in power are Stupid: [upload.wikimedia.org image 200x251]

I know that pic.....Is it from an Advanced Dungeons and Dragons book from the 80's???


Late 70's - Monster Manual I


/what? Stop looking at me like that
 
2012-07-30 10:48:38 AM  

Prolefeed: A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
[media2.wptv.com image 320x240]


David Lee Roth?

Also, guns make us safer.
 
2012-07-30 10:48:40 AM  

Prolefeed: A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
[media2.wptv.com image 320x240]


Back to the loch wit ye Nessie!
 
2012-07-30 10:50:19 AM  
Did I just read an article or a Mad Libs?
 
2012-07-30 10:56:44 AM  
"When Mazur refused to give her one, she shot him five times in the abdomen, back and wrist."

A 15 shooter??
 
2012-07-30 10:57:11 AM  
I'm no physicisk, but i know what matters.
 
2012-07-30 10:57:17 AM  
*Checks GIS for Sea hag*

WHOA! That is an appropriate nickname.
 
2012-07-30 10:57:25 AM  

spentmiles: I met this woman while vacationing in Conch Key. [...]


Thanks for sharing that lovely story with us, spentmiles!

PS We need some sort of a "Hall of Fame" mechanism around here. This has to be the quintessential "Florida" story, and should automatically show up on a "greatest hits" link banner..
 
das
2012-07-30 10:58:43 AM  

Trance750: [cdn103.iofferphoto.com image 249x250]


Came for this...etc...
 
2012-07-30 11:00:50 AM  

madgonad: This is the problem with guns in America. Morons get to have them too.

/in fact, morons are the ones that want them the most


Guns = protection from morons. I see a vicious cycle here.
 
2012-07-30 11:01:47 AM  

Bin_jammin: Sea hag ipa. Mmmmm
[365beers.files.wordpress.com image 450x483]


yummy.
 
2012-07-30 11:06:05 AM  
That's not the real problem with hags. Take it from me. I'm in my late 50s and single. The problem with hags is when they still want to pretend they are good looking.
 
2012-07-30 11:07:15 AM  

Prolefeed: A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
[media2.wptv.com image 320x240]


2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-07-30 11:09:06 AM  

strangeguitar: Because People in power are Stupid: [upload.wikimedia.org image 200x251]

I know that pic.....Is it from an Advanced Dungeons and Dragons book from the 80's???


70's
 
2012-07-30 11:10:44 AM  

Trance750: [cdn103.iofferphoto.com image 249x250]


That's what I thought of first.
 
2012-07-30 11:12:10 AM  
I guess she relied on beer a little too much.


beearl.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-07-30 11:15:42 AM  

madgonad: This is the problem with guns in America. Morons get to have them too.

/in fact, morons are the ones that want them the most


Shooting people brighter than oneself is one way to outflank Darwin.
 
2012-07-30 11:16:30 AM  

Prolefeed: A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
[media2.wptv.com image 320x240]


Jesus Christ, is Nick Nolte in trouble again?
 
2012-07-30 11:20:18 AM  
media2.wptv.com

blogs.findlaw.com

"You Complete me..."
 
2012-07-30 11:21:29 AM  
Damn. You could throw her in the river and skim ugly for three days.
 
2012-07-30 11:25:16 AM  
Why do you hate the river? Fish fark in it!
 
2012-07-30 11:26:53 AM  
Decades ago a buddy and I went to FL to do our check dives and get SCUBA certified. We're sitting hotel poolside one night with a case of beer and a Pizza Hut pizza and this skelewhore of a woman comes up from the beach and starts begging for both beer and pizza. She wouldn't leave. My buddy says he's going to the room for something and makes for the office to get Mgt to throw her out. While I'm alone with her, she points at the pizza and yells "You got roaches on your pizza!" (black olives I guess) and throws it in the pool.

15 minutes later the cops show up. As soon as she sees the lights at the front of the building she grabs a 12 pack and starts running for the beach. It was already opened and a couple of beers spilled out, her foot lands right on a can as she's running around the pool and the 12 pack goes about twenty feet in the air and she pitches face first right into the stainless rail at the swim out. Out like a farking light.

She was new to the area I guess, the cops didn't know her. We kept referring to her as "the Sea Hag", because she came from the sea. It made it into the report or something because as the medics were later tending to her they kept saying "Ms. Seahag, are you OK? Ms. Seahag, how many fingers, etc." The cops and we were lol'ing at that.

And I have never been back to Panama City.
 
2012-07-30 11:28:47 AM  

spentmiles: I met this woman while vacationing in Conch Key. She's just a barfly that the locals enjoyed making fun of. Unfortuneately, I got wasted and took her back to my hotel room. From the cuts and bruises, I'm pretty sure we had sex though some of them probably came when I woke up, saw the Sea Hag and involuntarily jumped through a third story window. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings if she has any.


Sir,

I am beginning to doubt your veracity.
 
2012-07-30 11:37:33 AM  

Dheiner: spentmiles: I met this woman while vacationing in Conch Key. She's just a barfly that the locals enjoyed making fun of. Unfortuneately, I got wasted and took her back to my hotel room. From the cuts and bruises, I'm pretty sure we had sex though some of them probably came when I woke up, saw the Sea Hag and involuntarily jumped through a third story window. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings if she has any.
Sir,
I am beginning to doubt your veracity.


I'm just glad he found time to go on vacation. With all of his different careers, I thought he never took any time off. Maybe his life will start going smoother if he learns to relax (and not pick up sea hags in bars.)
 
2012-07-30 11:51:35 AM  

spentmiles: I met this woman while vacationing in Conch Key. She's just a barfly that the locals enjoyed making fun of. Unfortuneately, I got wasted and took her back to my hotel room. From the cuts and bruises, I'm pretty sure we had sex though some of them probably came when I woke up, saw the Sea Hag and involuntarily jumped through a third story window. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings if she has any.


images.yuku.com.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2012-07-30 12:04:57 PM  

Captain_Ballbeard: Decades ago a buddy and I went to FL to do our check dives and get SCUBA certified. We're sitting hotel poolside one night with a case of beer and a Pizza Hut pizza and this skelewhore of a woman comes up from the beach and starts begging for both beer and pizza. She wouldn't leave. My buddy says he's going to the room for something and makes for the office to get Mgt to throw her out. While I'm alone with her, she points at the pizza and yells "You got roaches on your pizza!" (black olives I guess) and throws it in the pool.

15 minutes later the cops show up. As soon as she sees the lights at the front of the building she grabs a 12 pack and starts running for the beach. It was already opened and a couple of beers spilled out, her foot lands right on a can as she's running around the pool and the 12 pack goes about twenty feet in the air and she pitches face first right into the stainless rail at the swim out. Out like a farking light.

She was new to the area I guess, the cops didn't know her. We kept referring to her as "the Sea Hag", because she came from the sea. It made it into the report or something because as the medics were later tending to her they kept saying "Ms. Seahag, are you OK? Ms. Seahag, how many fingers, etc." The cops and we were lol'ing at that.

And I have never been back to Panama City.


Well there's your problem.
 
2012-07-30 12:15:48 PM  

Prolefeed: A picture of what a "sea hag" might look like:
[media2.wptv.com image 320x240]


That's a man!
 
2012-07-30 12:26:35 PM  
www.dominiondeck.com

Her?
 
2012-07-30 01:19:59 PM  

LazarusLong42: Her?


Curse cards are way easier to get rid of than 5 bullet holes.
 
2012-07-30 01:27:21 PM  
I hate to be that guy, but maybe you shouldn't be shocked when you call a crazy old alcoholic woman "Sea Hag" for years and she finally acts in a manner inconsistent with the highest standards of human dignity.

Not that it makes it OK, but the group of men were probably mocking her.
 
2012-07-30 02:18:43 PM  
Is it true that the Florida edition of Fark has a "Key West" tag?
 
2012-07-30 03:44:42 PM  
Hnyar, Matey. I seen one o' these creeters way back in '52, a-walkin' along the shore. A man-jack calls behind me, he says, "beware yonder sand witch!", sos I makes fer me launch an' up anchor just in tha nick o' time. Shiverin' times, aye.
 
2012-07-30 10:55:27 PM  

madgonad: This is the problem with guns in America. Morons get to have them too.

/in fact, morons are the ones that want them the most


I agree.
breakthematrix.com
 
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