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(Starpulse)   Lisa Lampanelli's gastric weight loss surgery leaves her with a hollow empty feeling in her stomach. Now she gets to experience what it's like to attend one of her shows   (starpulse.com) divider line 126
    More: Followup, Lisa Lampanelli, dress size  
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11885 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 27 Jul 2012 at 8:49 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-27 01:41:14 PM

InmanRoshi: I can't believe people are actually saying that we shouldn't trust those swarthy, unreliable medical MDs and scientists, but we should better trust some fake-tanned, capped teeth douche selling workout videos on infomercials.


Well you could always trust no one and start running, maybe not eating deep fried butter would help as well.
 
2012-07-27 01:45:46 PM

bel4sucks: Dwight_Yeast: huge black cock pullin

FinFangFark: licking the black cock

Proof positive that what people write says more about the author than it could ever say about the subject matter.

Especially the one who said "licking" instead of "liking"


Not sure if you know this, but having black boyfriends is a big part of Lisa Lampanelli's stand up act. The posters were just referencing that ..
 
2012-07-27 02:11:46 PM
Now if she just did something about that mug...
 
2012-07-27 02:28:43 PM
Great, now we get the Fark Skinny Geek squad to inform us all of their physical superiority.

fxvperformances.com

This physique doesn't just happen. I have the will power to only eat Cheetos and drink Moutain Dew in moderation during my marathon Portal2 sessions.
 
2012-07-27 02:32:10 PM

InmanRoshi: Great, now we get the Fark Skinny Geek squad to inform us all of their physical superiority.

[fxvperformances.com image 266x424]

This physique doesn't just happen. I have the will power to only eat Cheetos and drink Moutain Dew in moderation during my marathon Portal2 sessions.


You sound fat.
 
2012-07-27 02:34:20 PM

TeddyRooseveltsMustache: Now if she just did something about that mug...


img.photobucket.com

I kinda like it myself...
 
2012-07-27 03:15:39 PM

InmanRoshi: I can't believe people are actually saying that we shouldn't trust those swarthy, unreliable medical MDs and scientists, but we should better trust some fake-tanned, capped teeth douche selling workout videos on infomercials.


Quite the straw man. No one is saying that, and few doctors recommend surgery over diet and exercise.
 
2012-07-27 03:26:12 PM

Snatch Bandergrip: "Homer" type here. Fat Story, Bro follows:

Got to about 300 as a teenager, then had a bad mushroom trip that really slammed the message home: BE GOOD TO YOUR BODY. Since then I've been eating better and exercising more with each passing day, and I've made some substantial progress - the number hasn't gone down that much, but I'm much more muscular and shapelier than I was. Blood sugar, pressure, cholesterol all at healthy to near-healthy levels.

Thing is, I think I've hit a wall. There have been plateaus before, but no diet/exercise modulations have done anything to dislodge the stalling. So now I'm wondering if gastric bypass or bariatric or lap band will be necessary to get me the rest of the way to a healthy weight. I'd really like to avoid it, because as much as I want to be in shape, I want the accomplishment of having done so the natural way. And since I'm eating right and exercising everyday, these habits won't interfere with my body post-surgery (as opposed to the Tubbos who think slicing off the fat will fix the underlying issue). So I'm really unsure, and I'm open to advice from anyone who has undergone similar circumstances, as tudorgirl has.

/Yes, yes, I sound fat


Was a "Homer type" here. Getting better the hard way. For what it's worth, maybe this can help you as much as it has helped my family.

Mark's Daily Apple

No gimmicks, nothing to buy (although I would suggest reading his book).

Best of luck to you.

-70 lbs and counting
 
2012-07-27 03:33:19 PM
If you're looking to get into shape and you're a male, do burpees. You do two sets -- as many as you can do within 1 minute. I supplement this with some sit-ups, push ups, light weight lifting repetitions and yoga. I exercise about 15-20 min every other day and it's been enough to see a noticeable difference in a month.
 
2012-07-27 04:05:56 PM

FinFangFark: Was there any mention of her licking the black cock?


She does mention eating tons of protein.
 
2012-07-27 04:39:15 PM

verbaltoxin: Whatever you do, however you do it, never, ever forget the importance of knowing how to use these:

[turekonmenshealth.com image 316x266]

[skinnybulkup.com image 458x246]


A rolling pin and 3 burger presses?
 
2012-07-27 04:55:32 PM
The only female comedian i can stand to listen to right now is Amy Schumer.
 
2012-07-27 04:58:27 PM
Was forced to watch her Celebrity Apprentice performance. Will somebody punch her in the face, repeatedly....please? She is ugly-as-sin inside and out.
 
2012-07-27 05:27:55 PM
www.heehaw.com
I've got a new miracle weight loss pill, three times a day you take the cap off the bottle, sprinkle them around on the floor then bend over and pick them up.
 
2012-07-27 06:01:41 PM

Dissociater: phedex: Eustacia Vye: "Today, it is also clear that GBP has an early and very profound positive effect on glucose homeostasis. Several studies have examined the effect of GBP on glucose homeostasis 3-4 weeks after GBP; mean BMI was not significantly changed, but fasting plasma glucose and insulin were significantly reduced. Insulin resistance improved after 4 weeks and continued to improve over the 6 months of follow-up (8,9)." Link

This is for those who think various types of gastric by, pass surgeries don't affect body chemistry and metabolism. Of course they do, your gut produces all kinds of hormones and enzymes that regulate appetite, metabolism, glucose levels, etc which make weight loss for some much easier than the "put down the donut, fatty" method that some advocate. If you "bypass" these parts of the gut, or remove them, it's easier to lose weight. It's also easier to become malnourished as well.

For the P90X folks, despite anecdotal short term effects, it's also extremely hard to lose weight with exercise alone.
Link

Actually, my personal experience with p90x was profound strength LOSS. I decided to do it for 3 months to switch up my normal routine a couple years ago. What i found is it left me extremely lethargic every day of the week, and definitely the amounts of calories eating following the diet were certainly not enough. I did lose 20 pounds doing it. But it made a major dent in every lift that I did, and took quite a while to get that strength back.

That's not really too surprising. p90x runs the line very close to overtraining. And it achieves faster weight loss through cutting calories even more. A lot of great routines will cause you to lose weight (or lose body fat, because that's really what we all want) but actually increase your caloric intake.


I did p90x last year and the diet plan had me eating a lot more than what I did previously, I actually gained weight the first few weeks of the program, which was normal according to them. I don't know that I'd say it's too close to overtraining, one day you'd do weights and push-ups and junk then the next you'd do cardio then the next stretching then maybe legs or something. I got a lot stronger and all my aches and pains went away and my energy level went way up. I didn't get all awesome looking like the guys on the commercial but some of them I know didn't do it in 90 days, the one guy who talks about how fat he was did it over a year but they kind of give you the impression it only took him 90 days.

I've never been fat but I did start to get a gut, p90x got rid of it. I wish I would have kept it up, I'm fixin' to jump on insanity.
 
2012-07-27 06:12:06 PM

Eustacia Vye:

For the P90X folks, despite anecdotal short term effects, it's also extremely hard to lose weight with exercise alone.
Link


P90x is half diet, they make it a point to tell you not to expect to get the best results if you don't follow the diet. They actually have you eat more than you normally would for the energy, and eat healthier with a well thought out diet plan. I believe one of the quotes in the literature is "abs are made in the kitchen".
 
2012-07-28 03:24:11 AM
My sister had the gastric bypass. It makes your stomach much smaller and bypasses a good part of your small intestine, so you don't absorb much of what you eat. I don't know how a person has this and isn't chronically malnourished. I've also heard people say that they are starving all the time because you can't eat very much food.

She lost a lot of weight but has gained some of it back. Apparently you can stretch out what's left of your stomach and eat more. Plus you can still eat too many calories, you just have to spread them throughout the day.

But she's the classic example of someone who didn't deal with any of the psychological issues. We both have them (our Mom could have written a book on creating eating disorders) but I've managed to mostly deal with them. And there are certain things that I can feel kicking in; I tell my husband and he helps me over them. But my sister is also somewhat delusional, she once told me that her body didn't gain weight from calories, it gained them from fat grams. This was after I told her that 350 calories of pizza and a salad was a reasonable meal.

As for those of you who have trouble losing weight, get your thyroid checked. I couldn't lose weight until I got on the proper dose of thyroid meds. Now I'm losing weight without changing my eating habits which were pretty good, not great. Lately I've been focusing on improving my eating and really keeping track of calories.

I've been considering PX90, but I have two very bad knees. But it sounds like I can adapt it, am I right? Would I likely be able to do most of it? I'd like to find one of those cardio with weights programs. Any suggestions?
 
2012-07-28 05:29:04 AM

Phins: My sister had the gastric bypass. It makes your stomach much smaller and bypasses a good part of your small intestine, so you don't absorb much of what you eat. I don't know how a person has this and isn't chronically malnourished. I've also heard people say that they are starving all the time because you can't eat very much food.

She lost a lot of weight but has gained some of it back. Apparently you can stretch out what's left of your stomach and eat more. Plus you can still eat too many calories, you just have to spread them throughout the day.

But she's the classic example of someone who didn't deal with any of the psychological issues. We both have them (our Mom could have written a book on creating eating disorders) but I've managed to mostly deal with them. And there are certain things that I can feel kicking in; I tell my husband and he helps me over them. But my sister is also somewhat delusional, she once told me that her body didn't gain weight from calories, it gained them from fat grams. This was after I told her that 350 calories of pizza and a salad was a reasonable meal.

As for those of you who have trouble losing weight, get your thyroid checked. I couldn't lose weight until I got on the proper dose of thyroid meds. Now I'm losing weight without changing my eating habits which were pretty good, not great. Lately I've been focusing on improving my eating and really keeping track of calories.

I've been considering PX90, but I have two very bad knees. But it sounds like I can adapt it, am I right? Would I likely be able to do most of it? I'd like to find one of those cardio with weights programs. Any suggestions?


I've had 2 major knee surgeries myself (one on each knee) and yes you can adapt just just about everything in P90X to a low impact variation.
 
2012-07-28 11:18:55 AM

MayoSlather: tudorgurl: Good for you. I'm glad you were able to do that. Unfortunately, there are those who will do exactly what you did and do not get the same results you did. See, the human body differs from person to person. It happens sometimes, which is why these surgeries exist. They help those who have done everything they're supposed to and still need help.

You're basically saying your body chemistry is so unique that it can defy physics. I somehow doubt that.

I would challenge anyone to start doing P90X on the recommended schedule and diet and if there isn't significant weight loss in 6 weeks then I would concede you're a freak of nature. The overweight people I see at the gym that have been overweight for a long time...I don't see them working hard. I see them making a half ass effort. Maybe they don't feel uncomfortable, maybe they don't understand what it takes to lose the weight. Whatever the case if you use more energy than you take in it is impossible to not lose weight...that is after all the whole concept behind the lapband.


26 minutes.
 
2012-07-28 02:59:43 PM

wallywam1: MayoSlather: tudorgurl: Good for you. I'm glad you were able to do that. Unfortunately, there are those who will do exactly what you did and do not get the same results you did. See, the human body differs from person to person. It happens sometimes, which is why these surgeries exist. They help those who have done everything they're supposed to and still need help.

You're basically saying your body chemistry is so unique that it can defy physics. I somehow doubt that.

I would challenge anyone to start doing P90X on the recommended schedule and diet and if there isn't significant weight loss in 6 weeks then I would concede you're a freak of nature. The overweight people I see at the gym that have been overweight for a long time...I don't see them working hard. I see them making a half ass effort. Maybe they don't feel uncomfortable, maybe they don't understand what it takes to lose the weight. Whatever the case if you use more energy than you take in it is impossible to not lose weight...that is after all the whole concept behind the lapband.

26 minutes.


Yeah I thought that when I was typing it. I stand by it though even if I did express it in a douchey manner.
 
2012-07-28 03:44:17 PM

Already Disturbed: Still funnier than Sarah Silverman and Whitney Cummings.


Talk about setting the bar low...
 
2012-07-28 05:52:23 PM
exercise.
 
2012-07-28 07:10:52 PM

MayoSlather: wallywam1: MayoSlather: tudorgurl: Good for you. I'm glad you were able to do that. Unfortunately, there are those who will do exactly what you did and do not get the same results you did. See, the human body differs from person to person. It happens sometimes, which is why these surgeries exist. They help those who have done everything they're supposed to and still need help.

You're basically saying your body chemistry is so unique that it can defy physics. I somehow doubt that.

I would challenge anyone to start doing P90X on the recommended schedule and diet and if there isn't significant weight loss in 6 weeks then I would concede you're a freak of nature. The overweight people I see at the gym that have been overweight for a long time...I don't see them working hard. I see them making a half ass effort. Maybe they don't feel uncomfortable, maybe they don't understand what it takes to lose the weight. Whatever the case if you use more energy than you take in it is impossible to not lose weight...that is after all the whole concept behind the lapband.

26 minutes.

Yeah I thought that when I was typing it. I stand by it though even if I did express it in a douchey manner.


Respect.
 
2012-07-28 08:56:01 PM
Lisa Lampinelli lost 120 pounds when Flavor Flav fell out of her ass.
 
2012-07-28 09:14:35 PM
Fat was the source of all her power.
 
2012-07-30 04:16:25 AM

Canton: Alphax: MDGeist: Who?

I think I saw her on the Shatner Roast. The version in the picture looks about half the size.

Guess she's a stand-up comic.


It's so cute when Farkers prance into a thread to feign ignorance about pop culture. 'Cause even if they weren't full of shiat, it's not like they could just google her, right?

"Oh, Lisa something? I might have seen her in that Shatner roast, what was that show again? The one I set the DVR to record so I wouldn't miss it? I usually just watch cats washing themselves for six hours on C-SPAN, and of course Book Chat, but I made an exception for Shatner. Has anyone seen my clove cigarettes?"
 
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