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4125 clicks; posted to Geek » on 26 Jul 2012 at 6:20 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:    more»

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I once suggested to a friend that he get a lamb to keep his yard trimmed.

Him: where would I keep it in the winter?

Me: Freezer

I'm trying to figure out how many snails it would take to clean my aquarium. Where's my calculator for that? HUH???!

goats..let' see....

Well, that's kind of silly. They're only calculating how many it would take to mow it in a day.

For the record, if my memory is correct, you would need about 4-5 goats per acre to keep your lawn down and the goats fed. Seems like a more useful number to me.

But not everybody lives where it's OK to keep goats and chickens in your yard.

jbuist: Well, that's kind of silly. They're only calculating how many it would take to mow it in a day.

For the record, if my memory is correct, you would need about 4-5 goats per acre to keep your lawn down and the goats fed. Seems like a more useful number to me.

But not everybody lives where it's OK to keep goats and chickens in your yard.

Yea, I'd tried to do the math the other way for my lawn, from four in a day to how many could be sustainable, that math gets ugly for the goats, but works out to about one sheep. or 28 guinea pigs. I'm thinking the sheep would be a fair bit tastier by winter...

Aww man, how am I ever going to afford that many guinea pigs? They'd better be damn tasty at the end of the day.

Ambivalence: I'm trying to figure out how many snails it would take to clean my aquarium. Where's my calculator for that? HUH???!

Aqua Advisor

MacEnvy: Aww man, how am I ever going to afford that many guinea pigs? They'd better be damn tasty at the end of the day.

They were originally bred as food, so I bet they do taste good.

platedlizard: MacEnvy: Aww man, how am I ever going to afford that many guinea pigs? They'd better be damn tasty at the end of the day.

They were originally bred as food, so I bet they do taste good.

Saw a show years ago, basically the South Americans shove a stick up it's ass and throw it in the fire, whole, fur and everything...
I'm sticking with the sheep.

My lawn would probably result in a feta worse than death

/crabgrass

Sweet! The hubby and I are very interested in urban chicken farming. While I knew they'd eat bugs and lay us some tasty eggs, I had no idea they'd help with the lawn, too.

Free range backyard chickens = awesomeness!

I now want to buy my boyfriend 30 guinea pigs to mow his back lawn.

When I bought my house, my neighbor had a horse who was chained to the front yard to 'cut' the grass.

/he used to get away with a lot and wander around in my yard too, after he'd break his daily chain
/chased him ten blocks one time

/think glue factory

Ghastly: I now want to buy my boyfriend 30 guinea pigs to mow his back lawn.

sno man: platedlizard: MacEnvy: Aww man, how am I ever going to afford that many guinea pigs? They'd better be damn tasty at the end of the day.

They were originally bred as food, so I bet they do taste good.

Saw a show years ago, basically the South Americans shove a stick up it's ass and throw it in the fire, whole, fur and everything...
I'm sticking with the sheep.

No way. Seriously? Who wants to eat fur and poop? I call bullshiat.

Mark Ratner: sno man: platedlizard: MacEnvy: Aww man, how am I ever going to afford that many guinea pigs? They'd better be damn tasty at the end of the day.

They were originally bred as food, so I bet they do taste good.

Saw a show years ago, basically the South Americans shove a stick up it's ass and throw it in the fire, whole, fur and everything...
I'm sticking with the sheep.

No way. Seriously? Who wants to eat fur and poop? I call bullshiat.

Do yourself a favor... do NOT GIS 'roasted guinea pig'

/trust me on this one

It says 7 goats, and during the summer, my lawn needs to be mowed once a week. Therefore, I need just one goat.

How well do goats handle trimming shrubs?

MisterTweak: It says 7 goats, and during the summer, my lawn needs to be mowed once a week. Therefore, I need just one goat.

How well do goats handle trimming shrubs?

Pretty well when they run out of grass

/a 6 foot hedge is a challenge after the first 2-3 feet, though
//get 2 goats and they can stand on each others shoulders

I've wanted to do this for a long time. Too bad guinea pigs and chickens are so much work, and goats are illegal.

MaudlinMutantMollusk: MisterTweak: It says 7 goats, and during the summer, my lawn needs to be mowed once a week. Therefore, I need just one goat.

How well do goats handle trimming shrubs?

Pretty well when they run out of grass

/a 6 foot hedge is a challenge after the first 2-3 feet, though
//get 2 goats and they can stand on each others shoulders

Stackable goats. I shall call Ikea in the morning.

When I make my first billion selling them, I'll keep my friends from Fark in mind.

/sponsorships for many!
//the banhammer for a few.

I'd like to have a herd of goats come eat all the young saplings and munch the weeds a couple time a year, but anything more than that and they would starve. A friend of mine had goats and they killed all the mature trees on the place he was renting, he's a bit of a dummy.

Nope,I'd rather my neighbor actually go buy the chickens he wanted to raise. I mean it's not a bad idea it's just that this is an apartment building with a shady,shady ass reputation and someone would probably steal those chickens or the goat.

If I knew the first thing about making goat cheese, I'd get a goat to mow my lawn.

Guinea pigs mowing the law sounds entertaining as hell to watch.

AverageAmericanGuy: If I knew the first thing about making goat cheese, I'd get a goat to mow my lawn.

First, you'll need a live goat. Preferably a female.

Mr. Potatoass: AverageAmericanGuy: If I knew the first thing about making goat cheese, I'd get a goat to mow my lawn.

First, you'll need a live goat. Preferably a female.

Well, that's the first thing! I'm off to get my goat.

Aww. Who am I kidding?

AverageAmericanGuy: Mr. Potatoass: AverageAmericanGuy: If I knew the first thing about making goat cheese, I'd get a goat to mow my lawn.

First, you'll need a live goat. Preferably a female.

Well, that's the first thing! I'm off to get my goat.

Aww. Who am I kidding?

LOL

jbuist:
Well, that's kind of silly. They're only calculating how many it would take to mow it in a day.

For the record, if my memory is correct, you would need about 4-5 goats per acre to keep your lawn down and the goats fed. Seems like a more useful number to me.

But not everybody lives where it's OK to keep goats and chickens in your yard.

Almost no urban dweller does, in fact. Here, chickens have to be 50 feet from the next house, in a town where houses are almost never that far apart. Of course like all bylaws it is complaint-based enforcement, so you can keep chickens for years without incident and then some fark stick who lives on your street can get annoyed at you and demand you get rid of them. Heaven forbid a couple of birds be allowed to live in a contained space in your backyard and provide ultra-local food.

Whats this doing here? cleveland goats, see?

There are companies in AL that rent goats by the herd for clearing lots.

I have chickens that I let run around the yard. At my old house they were in the backyard which was probably about 1000 sq ft and the chickens didn't keep the lawn cut to any reasonable amount, and we had 6 of them. I wouldn't consider chickens to be particularly good at lawn maintenance. If you go with the chicken tractor method, keep in mind the chickens will pretty much reduce your sod down to bare dirt if you don't move the tractor diligently, as they will scratch up the grass to get at the bugs. That being said, having chickens running around the yard is pretty awesome, they're far more fun to watch than tropical fish. Grass fed chicken eggs are far superior to store bought eggs too, there is no denying the difference in the egg quality.

I had a pair of goats (now residing in my freezer), and they are truly excellent at clearing weeds, brush, and bushes from a property. We had a bunch of multiflora rose bushes that the goats had no problem eating down to the ground. They will eat the bushes and leaves before they eat grass though, you pretty much have to stake them up to get them to eat grass. If they get a chance, they'll peel the bark right off of younger trees which of course kills the trees. Definitely, if you need an overgrown area cleared out and you can contain them, goats are the way to go, but if you are looking for a lawnmower, they probably aren't the best choice.

I hear sheep are the way to go if you want grass cut. However, from what I understand, while goats will eat the blades of grass, sheep will grab the grass and rip it out of the ground if they can, so they can ruin a nice lawn in time. I haven't actually watched a sheep in action though, so take this with a grain of salt.

jbuist: But not everybody lives where it's OK to keep goats and chickens in your yard.

I do, and have been trying to convince my wife we need goats for years.

1200 ft2 = 1 goat
111 m2 = 92 goats

Hmmm, something doesn't seem right.

MaudlinMutantMollusk: My lawn would probably result in a feta worse than death

/crabgrass

Greek livestock could probably cope with your lawn.

Spindle: I had a pair of goats (now residing in my freezer), and they are truly excellent at clearing weeds, brush, and bushes from a property. We had a bunch of multiflora rose bushes that the goats had no problem eating down to the ground. They will eat the bushes and leaves before they eat grass though, you pretty much have to stake them up to get them to eat grass.

Yeah, my dad grew up on a farm, and when I told him jokingly that I should get goats to keep my lawn cut, he said "wouldn't work, you need sheep for that. Put the goats on the steep bank behind your house to keep bushes controlled." He'll probably show up at my door next week with a small herd of one or the other.

fightingnewfoundlander: 1200 ft2 = 1 goat
111 m2 = 92 goats

Hmmm, something doesn't seem right.

Metric goats are smaller.

Goats & cattle will reduce your yard to a lunar landscape if given a chance. You know what also grazes and produces eggs, meat & entertainment?

Ducks.

MisterTweak: It says 7 goats, and during the summer, my lawn needs to be mowed once a week. Therefore, I need just one goat.

How well do goats handle trimming shrubs?

It shouldn't be a problem.

bootC13: fightingnewfoundlander: 1200 ft2 = 1 goat
111 m2 = 92 goats

Hmmm, something doesn't seem right.

Metric goats are smaller.

centigoat?

Ambivalence: I'm trying to figure out how many snails it would take to clean my aquarium. Where's my calculator for that? HUH???!

You need 2. Because no matter what, those 2 will turn in to about 60 within a month or so. You WILL get tired of the damn snails real quick.

I have a small yard so would only need one goat or one sheep to mow it. But I'd get the 4 or 5 guinea pigs just to mess with my dog's head.

/Great Dane owner
//Not the brightest breed.

in case you are wondering ~1.28e31 cows for a sq light year.

Mr. Potatoass: AverageAmericanGuy: If I knew the first thing about making goat cheese, I'd get a goat to mow my lawn.

First, you'll need a live goat. Preferably a female.

Oh......Oh God!

Greek: Ambivalence: I'm trying to figure out how many snails it would take to clean my aquarium. Where's my calculator for that? HUH???!

You need 2. Because no matter what, those 2 will turn in to about 60 within a month or so. You WILL get tired of the damn snails real quick.

What if he's a supporter of same sex snail marriage? Do they adopt?

Mercutio74: Greek: Ambivalence: I'm trying to figure out how many snails it would take to clean my aquarium. Where's my calculator for that? HUH???!

You need 2. Because no matter what, those 2 will turn in to about 60 within a month or so. You WILL get tired of the damn snails real quick.

What if he's a supporter of same sex snail marriage? Do they adopt?

Aquatic snails are all alternative sexuality to begin with. Hermaphrodites, to be exact.

This is awesome! Thanks for posting! What about tortoises?

Laughing about this headline. I live in the country and with this drought I've turned my goats on lawn to help them thou it. Big boers.

Spindle: I hear sheep are the way to go if you want grass cut. However, from what I understand, while goats will eat the blades of grass, sheep will grab the grass and rip it out of the ground if they can, so they can ruin a nice lawn in time. I haven't actually watched a sheep in action though, so take this with a grain of salt.

Yup. One of the main reasons cattle ranchers hated sheep herders. The sheep ruined the pasture.

FabulousFreep: There are companies in AL that rent goats by the herd for clearing lots.

Portland OR too. They are great clearing blackberry infestations.

discgolfguru: Spindle: I had a pair of goats (now residing in my freezer), and they are truly excellent at clearing weeds, brush, and bushes from a property. We had a bunch of multiflora rose bushes that the goats had no problem eating down to the ground. They will eat the bushes and leaves before they eat grass though, you pretty much have to stake them up to get them to eat grass.

Yeah, my dad grew up on a farm, and when I told him jokingly that I should get goats to keep my lawn cut, he said "wouldn't work, you need sheep for that. Put the goats on the steep bank behind your house to keep bushes controlled." He'll probably show up at my door next week with a small herd of one or the other.

It works, but the grass doesn't look "mowed" it just doesn't get long.

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