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(Sun News Network)   Crisis counsellor to sexually abused victim: "Hey, I just met you. And I'm crazy. So here's my penis. And let's have sex maybe?"   (sunnewsnetwork.ca) divider line 88
    More: Dumbass, childhood sexual abuse, Crown Attorney, penis  
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16569 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jul 2012 at 4:23 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-25 03:47:48 PM  
www.afterhysteria.com
You just read that headline again in Zoidberg's voice
 
2012-07-25 04:03:10 PM  
I suppose a crisis counselor is second only to an abortion clinic to find non-virgins.
 
2012-07-25 04:05:22 PM  
How better to practice your counseling style than by creating a crisis?
 
2012-07-25 04:05:50 PM  
"...and can you describe the offending organ, Ma'am?"

"Yes, Officer. It looked like a dick...only smaller."
 
2012-07-25 04:10:45 PM  
So... he asked her if she was into him because he thought she had shown signs of being in to him?

Oh, the swine.
 
2012-07-25 04:24:16 PM  
A crisis counsellor lost his job for propositioning a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and she's on probation for trying to blackmail him for money by threatening to tell his boss.

There are no victims here. Carry on.
 
2012-07-25 04:25:31 PM  
But was she worth it?
 
2012-07-25 04:25:46 PM  
So, are you... orally fixated?

Or anally fixated?
 
2012-07-25 04:26:35 PM  
 
2012-07-25 04:26:41 PM  
"and she responded to him with extensive text messages including a threat to tell his boss if he didn't give her $300 by a certain date."

That's some cut rate blackmailing going on there.
 
2012-07-25 04:28:31 PM  
So shes single?
 
2012-07-25 04:28:37 PM  
ravven.files.wordpress.com

"Dude"
 
2012-07-25 04:28:46 PM  
She was so devastated she tried to make some money off him.

Classy.
 
2012-07-25 04:28:58 PM  

FrancoFile: Me just met you


Henson had a less known muppet he used at office parties called the nookie monster.
 
2012-07-25 04:29:55 PM  
"and she responded to him with extensive text messages including a threat to tell his boss if he didn't give her $300 by a certain date."

socialprofiles.zenfs.com
 
2012-07-25 04:32:31 PM  

cretinbob: [www.afterhysteria.com image 548x420]
You just read that headline again in Zoidberg's voice


Damn it. I did. I really did.
 
2012-07-25 04:32:53 PM  
Hacksaw to crisis counsellor:
 
2012-07-25 04:33:24 PM  

FrancoFile: Me just met you


Carly Jepsen is only a sometimes meme
 
2012-07-25 04:33:46 PM  

Calmamity: So... he asked her if she was into him because he thought she had shown signs of being in to him?

Oh, the swine.


You'd make an awesome sexual abuse counselor. In fact, an awesome professional in any sense of the word.
 
2012-07-25 04:35:38 PM  

Ed Finnerty: cretinbob: [www.afterhysteria.com image 548x420]
You just read that headline again in Zoidberg's voice

Damn it. I did. I really did.


same :-( just reread it in his voice...

also would like to see a version of him singing that song... if there isn't already...
 
2012-07-25 04:37:49 PM  
Hey, at least he only offered. I was expecting something along the lines of "It really sucks you got raped growing up. Here, have some rape."
 
2012-07-25 04:38:38 PM  
Partner's a counsellor for abuse survivors, getting a kick, etc.
 
2012-07-25 04:39:09 PM  
Nice job CarlyMitter.

Also:

FrancoFile: Me just met you


Well played. Any compassionate God would have struck that teenager down after a grammatically incorrect puppet did her best song better than she could. I can only conclude that Ragnarok is upon us.
 
2012-07-25 04:39:48 PM  

Phil Moskowitz: You'd make an awesome sexual abuse counselor. In fact, an awesome professional in any sense of the word.


I read this in Minnie Mouse's voice.
 
2012-07-25 04:40:20 PM  
Blackmail is illegal? Shait. I wish I'd known this before, it would have saved me a fark-ton of money.
Before I figured out they were all in it, I let 7 different woman take a picture of my penis because I thought they wanted to have sex with me. Turns out they were running a scam where if I didn't pay them 50 bucks each a month they'd let everyone on the internet know how small it is.
At first it wasn't so bad. 50 bucks a month was okay. 100 bucks a month wasn't too bad. 150 bucks a month was do-able. By the 4th time it start getting expensive, and with seven 50 dollar payments, I'm having a hard time paying for food. An 8th girl tried to get me with this, but I wasn't falling for this trick again.

So how do I take legal action against these women? Do I go to the cops and show them the pictures of my penis they all took?
 
2012-07-25 04:41:20 PM  
She just got a free (more or less) lesson in not leaving a trail of evidence with her sheninanigans.
 
2012-07-25 04:42:49 PM  
Two of those lines are off tempo Subby. And no it doesn't cancel each other out, your lyrical incompetence is now known on THE INTERNET.
 
2012-07-25 04:43:01 PM  
What? Sexually abused victims need love, too.
 
2012-07-25 04:44:10 PM  
I think I read that Ted Bundy was a rape crisis counselor at one point. Then he got all rapey-stabby.
 
2012-07-25 04:49:27 PM  
I'm so glad I got out of that farked up town
 
2012-07-25 04:49:33 PM  
How weird. I always send my blackmail demands via text as well. What could possibly go wrong?
 
2012-07-25 04:52:04 PM  
Better headline, delivered better: "Hey, I just met you. And I'm crazy. So here's my penis. So screw me maybe?"

or "blow me maybe."
 
2012-07-25 04:53:18 PM  

EdNortonsTwin: She just got a free (more or less) lesson in not leaving a trail of evidence with her sheninanigans.


Oh, she does still have her legs..hmm, never mind then.
 
2012-07-25 04:53:44 PM  
and a good note.. Carly Rae Jepson has admited nude photos of herself were stolen
 
2012-07-25 04:54:13 PM  
bad use of the "get over this situation is to get right back up on that horse again." line of advise.
 
2012-07-25 04:54:36 PM  

xxysyndrome: I think I read that Ted Bundy was a rape crisis counselor at one point. Then he got all rapey-stabby.


No, suicide hotline counselor. Which is HILARIOUS. Because he was already rapey-stabby at the time.

"I just think about killing myself all the time."
"Are you a young, pretty brunette with long hair?"
"Uh, yes."
"Hang on, I'll be RIGHT OVER."
 
2012-07-25 04:55:18 PM  

Calmamity: So... he asked her if she was into him because he thought she had shown signs of being in to him?

Oh, the swine.


I looked at your profile and I'm still not sure if you're trolling, so 10/10 good jorb.
 
2012-07-25 04:55:59 PM  

LessO2: Better headline, delivered better: "Hey, I just met you. And I'm crazy. So here's my penis. So screw me maybe?"

or "blow me maybe."


I don't think dude was crazy, he was asking if she'd like to have a relationship like a normal human should.
But with all the sexual harrasment classes we have to go to now, asking a girl out = sexual harrasment.
So you are really just left with waiting on a girl to ask you out, and that just doesn't work. I've tried.

It's a good thing we didn't have this rule 40 years ago. My mom was a nurse, and my dad was an orderly. He kept asking her out, and she kept saying no. Finaly by the 30th or so time she said yes, only if he would stop asking. Now you'd just get arrested instead of finding true happiness.
 
2012-07-25 04:56:11 PM  
*golf clap*

Excellent headline.
 
2012-07-25 04:56:15 PM  
you were almost there subby, then it fell apart at the end...
 
2012-07-25 04:57:27 PM  

MythDragon: LessO2: Better headline, delivered better: "Hey, I just met you. And I'm crazy. So here's my penis. So screw me maybe?"

or "blow me maybe."

I don't think dude was crazy, he was asking if she'd like to have a relationship like a normal human should.
But with all the sexual harrasment classes we have to go to now, asking a girl out = sexual harrasment.
So you are really just left with waiting on a girl to ask you out, and that just doesn't work. I've tried.

It's a good thing we didn't have this rule 40 years ago. My mom was a nurse, and my dad was an orderly. He kept asking her out, and she kept saying no. Finaly by the 30th or so time she said yes, only if he would stop asking. Now you'd just get arrested instead of finding true happiness.


You're aware there's a difference between a counselor-victim relationship and a coworker relationship, right? Right?
 
2012-07-25 04:59:09 PM  
So fark me maybe?
 
2012-07-25 05:03:21 PM  

MythDragon: Blackmail is illegal?


I recommend the semi-legal extortion AKA settlement costs.

/ RIAA has this down golden.
 
2012-07-25 05:03:49 PM  
MythDragon
He kept asking her out, and she kept saying no. Finaly by the 30th or so time she said yes, only if he would stop asking.

Because the way to win a girl's heart is to annoy the crap out of her.
 
2012-07-25 05:06:02 PM  
So I guess the price of sex is $300? That's all I took away from this.
 
2012-07-25 05:08:23 PM  
DID THEY HAVE SEX OR NOT?
 
2012-07-25 05:09:30 PM  

MythDragon: Blackmail is illegal? Shait. I wish I'd known this before, it would have saved me a fark-ton of money.
Before I figured out they were all in it, I let 7 different woman take a picture of my penis because I thought they wanted to have sex with me. Turns out they were running a scam where if I didn't pay them 50 bucks each a month they'd let everyone on the internet know how small it is.
At first it wasn't so bad. 50 bucks a month was okay. 100 bucks a month wasn't too bad. 150 bucks a month was do-able. By the 4th time it start getting expensive, and with seven 50 dollar payments, I'm having a hard time paying for food. An 8th girl tried to get me with this, but I wasn't falling for this trick again.

So how do I take legal action against these women? Do I go to the cops and show them the pictures of my penis they all took?


Maybe get the IRS involved? Sounds like they're underreporting tips.

/*da dum tsss*
 
2012-07-25 05:09:55 PM  

Bondith: MythDragon
He kept asking her out, and she kept saying no. Finaly by the 30th or so time she said yes, only if he would stop asking.

Because the way to win a girl's heart is to annoy the crap out of her.


Maybe not the best way, but it was effective.
 
2012-07-25 05:10:01 PM  
Why would DNA collection be mandatory for extortion that only resulted in a year of probation?
 
2012-07-25 05:11:02 PM  
What a crisis counselor might look like:
images.tvrage.com
 
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